Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be disappointed with my engagment proposal?

288 replies

TinyMackBear4 · 05/03/2017 19:00

I feel so silly writing this. In May last year just after a mc, my other half proposed. But I'm so disappointed in how he done it.
He had been stewing all day to do it (seen the box in his back pocket, pretended not to notice) eventually at 11pm, he woke me up told me he loved me and proposed there. So technically not even down on one knee.
I just feel so underwhelmed by it, I don't even like wearing the ring cause it reminds me of how badly done it was Blush

OP posts:
DoloresTheRunawayTrain · 05/03/2017 20:31

There's no such thing as the fairytale proposal. Those that do the whole down on one knee in a restaurant beneath the Eiffel Tower with a string quartet at the table are usually narcissists doing it for themselves, to show off how great and romantic they are. It's a grand statement about them, not you.
This was done purely out of love, he wanted to find a perfect moment, realised there was more to life than one snapshot of time and it was about the rest of your lives and just did it when the feelings couldn't be contained any longer. I'd rather a heartfelt 3 am proposal than a public display where you are spectator even though you don't realise it.

Think, do you love him, do you want to spend the rest of your life with him. If the answer is yes then give yourself a good talking to, or you'll be back here in a couple of years, after the wedding (where you've been a total bridezilla) wondering if you should divorce because your day wasn't special enough for you. It's a symbol of commitment, not a parade day. There's nothing wrong with making it special to you and mean something to you but guests just want a good feed and drink, they don't care if the table displays match the bridesmaids sashes so don't get caught up in the minutia. It's about the two of you and it shouldn't matter it there's you, him and next doors dog there or 300 people (half of which you met once in your life).

ReginaGeorgeinSheepsClothing · 05/03/2017 20:36

We were out with the dog and I was picking up the worst shot ever- needed another bag so was asking him for that and he fumbled about looking shifty- to which I got frustrated and had a go Blush he then handed me a bag, and the ring.... poor bloke had got all flustered!

Pollaidh · 05/03/2017 20:39

Poor chap was probably psyching himself up for hours.

After some attempts at a more romantic proposal, which failed, mine got drunk and proposed on the sofa. I wasn't even sure he was serious.

I tease him about it, but it was lovely, and we're happily married.

Angelil · 05/03/2017 20:43

loooool I didn't even get a proposal!! We had discussed it for years so there was no surprise element :p

Bahhhhhumbug · 05/03/2017 20:44

Some men and women for that matter just struggle with all this romantic stuff. My DH is one of those 'practical' present buyers but we make a joke about it now and always try and find the romantic aspect in anything. He bought me a satnav for my 40th birthday and I was gutted even though I had been saying I wanted one for ages and just longed to get a lovely bracelet or something beautifully wrapped. He redeemed himself by saying he bought it so that I would always find my way home home safely to him (I can get lost without leaving the driveway seriously Grin ) as he gets really worried about me when I am an hour late after getting lost taking a wrong turn or when I ring him almost in tears when I have ended up on the same street for the sixth time etc. I loves my satnav now and never ever got lost since or gone round the houses to get somewhere except once when I didn't believe the satnav .

oleoleoleole · 05/03/2017 20:44

Break it off and let the poor lad be with someone who loves him just the way he is.

GotToGetMyFingerOut · 05/03/2017 20:47

My dh proposed whilst we were sat on the sofa me in my pjs and really ill with flu. He handed me the box nervously and said this is for you. Didn't actually ask me to marry him then said well what do you think?

He said he'd been so nervous and was planning a big deal but when I was ill he just wanted to cheer me up. Which it did! I don't care about it being a grand gesture. At the end of the day it's not about that one particular day it's about the fact you are now planning to get married as he wants to spend his life with you?

Yabu, sorry.

Bahhhhhumbug · 05/03/2017 20:48

oh sorry and as for his proposal he never actually did he just asked me if I wanted a ring in a jewellers shop one day and went and picked the ring up that I had picked earlier obviously and we were having a meal out with friends that night to celebrate and he walked in with it in the box and said 'there you go honey'. Grin

SecretWitch · 05/03/2017 20:49

Congratulations on your new baby. 🎉🎉 What a lovely time in your life..

Please try not to be too disappointed in your partner. I think it was sweet way for him to let you know how much he loves you.

My husband proposed as we were driving down the motorway. We have been married almost 10 years.

Bahhhhhumbug · 05/03/2017 20:49

jewellers shop window

HolditFinger · 05/03/2017 20:51

You've posted about this before, haven't you? I read it the first time around. I see where you're coming from, but honestly, proposals are rarely fireworks and hearts. DH turned to me and said 'I think we should get married.' I said 'oh...yeah, ok then.' That was it. Still happy 13 years down the line though.

HRHCocoa · 05/03/2017 20:58

I gave us both food poisoning (bad salmon) and we spent a couple of days really sick and occupying the toilets in our house.

I was sitting in front of the telly in my stinky dressing gown, pale, sweaty and very very nauseous when DH came in with a cup of weak tea and said' Will you marry me? '

Grin

14 years now. :)

wonkyegg · 05/03/2017 20:59

My husband and I were shopping and he said "do you want to buy an engagement ring" and I said "err, yeah okay" bought it and went for a pint. I spent the whole day from that point giggling excitedly. Happiest day of my life at the time. It just felt very genuine and honest. That day has only been bested by our wedding day and finding out we are pregnant! Try to see it for what it really is, a man asking to spend the rest of his life with you, I think it's lovely.

AlmaMartyr · 05/03/2017 21:00

My DH isn't very good at the big romance but is excellent at the little things. Cup of coffee every morning, always supportive etc. You really need to get over this, and if you can't then you need to think about why it matters to you so much I think.

garlicandsapphire · 05/03/2017 21:02

Can't believe he didn't come by on a white charger with a string quartet! I hope he asked your Dad first too...

Wolpertinger · 05/03/2017 21:02

Congratulations on your engagement and your new baby.

Honestly, in time to come you will see this as a lovely heartfelt proposal from someone genuinely in love with you rather than a faked up event for Facebook likes DH's even managed to include a comment about whether marriage was worthwhile for tax purposes

In my experience the grander the proposal, the shorter the marriage. The friend who had the romantic proposal at San Gimingiano got dumped before the wedding Shock

ToffeeForEveryone · 05/03/2017 21:13

Congrats on your new baby :)

I was with my now DH for 6 impatient years before we got married. There's plenty about our engagement and wedding I found so so stressful and unromantic. I honestly think the year before my wedding was the worst I ever felt. But I decided it doesn't help to dwell on any of it now, our lives have moved forward and it doesn't stop us having a happy marriage.

If you want a ring with new significance, to move past the feelings from your engagement, having a baby is an excellent reason for diamonds ... Grin

Original poster
TinyMackBear4 · 05/03/2017 21:22

My dad is dead pp. Lovely way to make somebody feel 10 days post partum
Have already accepted I'm being unreasonable. Quite why he would want to even marry me is beyond me.
As for pp mentioning hen do, I'm not even having one.
Have already accepted I'm being u

OP posts:
JunosRevenge · 05/03/2017 21:25

Blimey OP.

Your man wants to spend the rest of his LIFE with you - but his proposal wasn't romantic/ momentous enough??

YABU.

Congrats on the baby FlowersBear

Alaia5 · 05/03/2017 21:26

Don't worry OP. It just sounds as if he was really nervous if he'd been walking round with the ring in his back pocket all day Grin. At least he got a ring.
My DH asked me when we were on holiday in Italy. He'd been acting so weird all day, I'd been getting worried something was very wrong. He took me to some beautiful cliffs and got down on one knee, so it was lovely, but I would have said yes in bed as well!
What is he like the rest of the time, particularly now, since the baby has arrived? That's what counts.
Also, many men get their wife a diamond something following the birth of their baby, so you could get someone to drop a strong hint in his direction about this. Would that help? Sounds like, for whatever reason, you just need to feel special and there's nothing wrong with that.
Congrats on the little one Flowers

littlefrog3 · 05/03/2017 21:30

YABVVVU.

Poor man.

WarmFunKindStrong · 05/03/2017 21:34

Such lovely engagement stories, I would love to have my partner propose in such a unique personal way.

OP you are lucky, he loves you congrats on your baby and your life with your DP. Flowers

allchattedout · 05/03/2017 21:34

My dad is dead pp. Lovely way to make somebody feel 10 days post partum

Oh lay off the guilt tripping. How was the pp to know that? What do you expect when you post something like that?

RiversrunWoodville · 05/03/2017 21:37

So sorry for your loss op, a miscarriage is horrible and congratulations on your new baby but I know it's a rollercoaster of anxiety. 10 days post part Partum after a miscarriage you are allowed to be a bit unreasonable and all over the place. Regarding the proposal just focus on the fact he does want to marry you, and you have lovely DC together. Fwiw my DH simply muttered so when are we getting married then (no ring at that stage as he wanted to see if I would prefer his late mums which had sentimental value or to choose a new one), and we are grand

rainbowdash888 · 05/03/2017 21:38

*Quite why he would want to marry me is beyond me.

Op you sound really down- 10 days post baby is a very tricky time hormonally, I felt utterly shit then with my first baby. Chin up, the baby will get easier and proposal aside he wants to marry you because he loves you! Hang on in there Flowers