Dh spending when we are trying to save!!!!!

[Nkelly1]

I realise I probably won't get many sympathies here because our income is high but this is really a problem.

So dh earns £60,000 I earn anything from £20,000 to £30,000 depending on what projects go through and am part time.

We are trying to save for two holidays this year our two week summer holiday and a Caribbean cruise for the family to celebrate an anniversary.

Both these holidays we cost £5000 grand plus and the first one is paid for but we have only saved a grand for the second.

So me and dh have decided to cut back and reduce spending.

So we have reduced eating out (used to eat out once a week) and we also reduced the amount we spend on groceries buying things from Sainsbury's rather than buying everything from Marks or Waitrose. Also the amount we spend buying clothes we are quite fond of a label as a family particularly dh and dss.

So yesterday dh took the teens into London and spent £600 on them eating out and buying things. We have the money but we are supposed to be saving.

When I hear other people on here talk about there expenses it makes me feel so ashamed. I spend hundreds of pounds of food shopping the amount of food we get through. Dh won't step foot in any supermarket below Sainsbury's. I don't have a figure on food but even if I did I would be ashamed to post it.

Aibu

You can say OP's nails and hair is like a hobby. If we could afford it we would easily spend more than that on our hobbies. So why shouldn't she!

Yes some people earn a lot more money and that is the way life is. We earn less than OP and more than a lot of others. When you pay 1k+ a month on childcare your income suffer.

£600 for one day of spending on bits and bobs is crazy!

No we are not nouveau riche dh family has had money.

Of COURSE you are Nouveau riche - Old money would never dream of being so crass and discussing money anywhere, let alone on an open forum. Being a food snob is absolutely a nasty nouveau trait, as is bragging about salaries. I think you'll find the most well to do down the local butchers or more likely in Aldi - shopping in Sainsburys is absolutely for the try hards.

Honestly, your post is embarrassing. Your husband sounds like some pathetic man child and you're tying to pull off some "keeping up appearances." Give it up.

A highly recommended book that I've heard of for changing the priorities of a spender is "Your Money or Your Life." You can get a used copy on Amazon for less than £5, including postage. (Shouldn't matter that it is an old edition, the fundamental concepts don't change with time.)

Another concept from the other side of the pond is "pay yourself first", which apparently means that you set aside savings first and then do what you have to to live on the rest of your money. (It might take the aforementioned book to make him understand why this is a good idea though.)

I think you can rejig your spending and increase your savings quite easily. Maybe start by finding better deals for things like mobiles, gym etc, making more value for money swaps etc. Lots of people have made some really good suggestions upthread.

www.moneysavingexpert.com

• can teens get a p/t jobs so you can save £400

• cheaper gym

• cheaper hair salon

• more home entertaining

• Transfer a big chunk into a 30day notice account on pay day every month. That's your savings, then make sure there's enough to cover bills in main account. Then transfer a fixed sum to another account for treats, once it's gone that's it until the following month.

• write down every spend for a month. There's a money tracking app which lets you scan your receipts in so you can see where your spending your money & where you can cut down. It was used on last week's How to spend well for less, that would be good for you.

Surely you're only living beyond your means if you're in debt? The OP is not in debt, just looking ahead to juggling funds to manage an extra trip this year. That seems extravagant to many, but then few of us agree with other people's spending habits. My mum thinks I spend too much on make-up brands, I think she spends too much on weekly hairdresser trips.

80- 90k before tax isn't nouveau riche, it isn't rich at all. And especially when she says they have so little in savings etc etc and seem to be living from month to month.

I think the gym costs not out of the ordinary, my hotel gym membership, when I had one, used to be £80 a month (and that was a few years ago), it's everything else that has been exaggerated.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/credit_crunch

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_money_matters

Just been reminded of something that happened last year. Used to live in a small village and the lady of the manor (no, really, proper estate with grounds and lovely slightly fading country house) invited some of the parish council to tea.

We were planning a village tea party in the grounds and discussing sandwiches and catering. She declared 'oh, just bought the best salmon and bubbles from this fab shop, absolutely adore the place, go there weekly...'

was expecting, well, harrods, F&M?

Er, no, Lidl.

Which makes me rather ok about my Aldi and Primark habits.

flown the car parks of my local Lidl and Aldi are wall-to-wall Jags and battered Rangies .

Hair costs £160 cut and highlights and nails cost about £40

That isn't that much for hair and nails as I've known people to pay £250

Your money, spend as much as you like on hair and nails - but dont claim its "not much", that's really quite offensive and shows how out of touch you are. No wonder people are being a bit snippy with you.

Evereve 80-90k gross certainly is rich, especially when you have no mortgage/rent or childcare. I could totally understand why a couple in greater london with 3 young children and a mortgage might not be rolling in cash on that sort of salary. However the OP and her family have plenty. They choose to spend it on clothes, food, nails, expensive gym memberships and hair cuts etc. It's their choice. They are rich. 😂 Don't get me wrong, it sounds great and they deserve to enjoy their money but moaning about her husband being frivolous whilst doing the same herself is very hypocritical.

I don't agree that they are rich. Comparatively it may seem so, but after tax and NI the husband's 60k will be just over 40k. Her 20k will become approx 16k. They would actually qualify for child benefit I suspect.

They don't qualify for CB on a combined income of 90k, don't be ridiculous. They aren't poor, thats for sure.

I don't know why people are indulging them with advice.

They would actually qualify for child benefit I suspect

No they don't.

Your issue is that you're both throwing away money. However much your DH is, so are YOU. Nails are hardly an essential!

Definitely agree with the posters who say you need to start tracking spends. 90k with no housing costs should be leaving you with a much better safety cushion than you have. Our income is well under half yours and we save more than £150 a month. Granted, in a cheaper area, but you should still have more than a couple of grand rainy day fund. I find it much easier to understand finances if I'm actually monitoring.

I'd start with cutting out the daily coffees and the nails and only eating out once a fortnight instead of once a week, then go from there. You might well find you can still have 10k a year holiday bills and £600 days out as well as savings if you cut out the silly crap.

You can qualify for child benefit on a combined income of 90k, and be some way away from losing it even. However OP and DH don't. If one of you is earning more than 50k it starts being means tested away, and if one of you is earning over 60k it stops. If they were both earning 45k they'd be getting full CB.

You are acting in a very nouveau riche way. Your kids will appreciate a house deposit more than short term spends...

You need to start swapping your expensive luxuries for cheaper ones so you don't feel like you are going without. It's a psychological issue here & needs to be dealt with carefully. Your family need to understand that if one of you becomes unable to earn (death or sickness) then you'll become financially stuck very quickly. It's good to enjoy life but also you need to have at least 3-6 months salary saved up in case of an emergency.

dear oh dear... i suspect this will be picked up by the daily mail... The mail loves stuff like this. Sorry you're getting a hard time OP - maybe sitting with your husband and budgeting a little might let you see where you can save etc, i personally find writing it all down is best - you get the whole picture right in front of you.

As for shopping at MnS and Waitrose - perhaps there is a compromise, seeing as how is absolutely MUST have food from there. We have a waitrose right near us and shop there by ease of convenience, however, my husband pops by first thing in the morning enroute to sending my daughter off to nursery and picks up the bargains, which are put out first thing in the morning. He then buys and freezes. We get vegetables fresh from a local market (or we freeze too) Same with MnS - the one near us does the same on terms of putting out all the bargain food first thing in the morning (but we don't go there because its a further 7 minute walk :) )

Good luck.

We might think that the OP and her family are ridiculously bad at managing their money, but surely the point of the AIBU was that they have agreed to cut down and save, however her DH is not sticking to their agreement.

I suspect rather than boasting, the OP simply put down their respective salaries to give some perspective.

That said, you do both need to curb your spending, that much is evident. If you have no mortgage, I'm struggling to get my head around what you spend so much money on.

Between us DH and myself earn more than you, however we also have a relatively high mortgage, we've just finished funding university for our two children and we have a very good standard of living. Aside from the mortgage, we don't have a penny of debt (credit cards paid off monthly before they attract interest). We have two decent holidays a year, but the difference is we can afford it and we save money every single month. We agree an amount to be transferred out of our account every month into a savings account, which we don't touch. I'm not boasting, just trying to put your financial situation into context

Do you have a lot of credit card debt?

WayfaringStranger that is subjective, you consider them rich, I don't. They are comfortably well off and have a disposable income, but other than fairly minor frivolous spending, they can't afford to do anything particularly fun or exciting.

but surely the point of the AIBU was that they have agreed to cut down and save, however her DH is not sticking to their agreement

But by her own admission neither is she. She's still spending £200 a month on hair and nails, still eating out once a week etc.

Do remember that the op is taxed on the above and their combined net income is in the 50 thousands.

I couldn't recall if child benefit was based on net or gross income, Eurydice. What you say sounds correct. We haven't received any for a few years so I couldn't recall.

I wondered about debt because it doesn't make sense just where the money is going. The splurging way it seems to be managed and spent would make me think it's a recent increase of income.

Oh good grief. Just sit down with your husband and a spreadsheet - work out your incomings and outgoings, work out how much you need to save per month. Own your situation. It doesn't matter a jot how much or little you earn. What matters is that you and he agree on how you manage your money, and you stick to it. It's basic adulting.

Sorry Eurus not Eurydice!

Yes, I agree, Frilly.

Although I'm not convinced by the op in any case...