Dh spending when we are trying to save!!!!!

[Nkelly1]

I realise I probably won't get many sympathies here because our income is high but this is really a problem.

So dh earns £60,000 I earn anything from £20,000 to £30,000 depending on what projects go through and am part time.

We are trying to save for two holidays this year our two week summer holiday and a Caribbean cruise for the family to celebrate an anniversary.

Both these holidays we cost £5000 grand plus and the first one is paid for but we have only saved a grand for the second.

So me and dh have decided to cut back and reduce spending.

So we have reduced eating out (used to eat out once a week) and we also reduced the amount we spend on groceries buying things from Sainsbury's rather than buying everything from Marks or Waitrose. Also the amount we spend buying clothes we are quite fond of a label as a family particularly dh and dss.

So yesterday dh took the teens into London and spent £600 on them eating out and buying things. We have the money but we are supposed to be saving.

When I hear other people on here talk about there expenses it makes me feel so ashamed. I spend hundreds of pounds of food shopping the amount of food we get through. Dh won't step foot in any supermarket below Sainsbury's. I don't have a figure on food but even if I did I would be ashamed to post it.

Aibu

The more I read the more I'm convinced this is a troll.

Sadly I don't think it's a troll
This may be because I'm affected by having thought I made a nice friend at a hobby group... but she turned out to be someone who had no idea how non well off people live and sounded just like the op eg her DH went on a mates holiday that she thought was too pricey etc

I didn't mind for a while but eventually her insistence that things like this were "real problems" bothered me. i have enough to meet my needs, it's not so much a jealousy thing as being more freaked out when people don't realise how lucky they are.

It's like "I work hard" thing, yes I do, but I'm sure nurses etc are working much harder and earning less and would be a huge loss if they weren't around whereas me paper pushing doesn't benefit people in that real tangible way.

This is a good example of why a saver and a spender in a relationship together are going to run into problems.

I think everybody would be frustrated at trying to save money only to see their partner spending it like there's no tomorrow.

It would be frustrating as hell to have earned 90k a year throughout your working life and not be sitting on a load of money when you retire.

I'm so glad I married a saver. Now we have rental properties instead of memories of takeaways, and can enjoy holidays without worrying about it.

Nothing you can do except hope he sees how much he'd wasting.

You can't live a six figure lifestyle on a five figure salary. Well you can, but if anything happens you'll be up the proverbial creek without a boat, let alone the paddle.

£160 a month for two people to go the gym?! My gym membership was £37 for the top package

I agree Catherine. There's a whiff of halibut in the air.

Some gyms are very expensive. That David Lloyd one springs to mind. It's probably possible to spend more than £80 per person per month there. Virgin is probably also nearly as much.

I've been to DW Sports Fitness on various short term deals, but never joined, it promotes itself as a 'good value' choice and even that is £46 ish pm last time I looked a couple of years ago in the north of England.

£200 a month each for teenagers - we have just given our teenage DS (16) an increase of his pocket money to £25 a month and he is chuffed to bits - and yes, we only pay for his (cheap) mobile phone and school clothes. He does a paper round to earn a few more £ss.

Why don't you teach your teens the importance of getting a part time job?

This thread can't be for real, no one could be so insensitive to post this sort of thing surely?

£160 a month for two people to go the gym?! My gym membership was £37 for the top package

Our local council run gym was £48 a month on a 12 month contract, £56 a month for a 6 month one. The private ones are eye watering in cost.

Probably depends a lot on where you live, cost of living is silly in some places.

Pension pots aren't going to pay the bills if one of you lose your jobs!

Probably depends a lot on where you live, cost of living is silly in some places

But gyms, especially naice expensive ones, are only ever going to be a luxury. You can exercise for very little by running or watching you tube videos. Basic gyms with weights, classes, machines etc cost as little as £10-15 pm.

Most people have to pick and choose what luxuries they can afford. Very very few families can afford two expensive holidays a year, £200 pm on hair and nails, very generous pocket money for DCs, spendy treaty days out and expensive gym membership.

The gym is a no go on cutbacks as exercise is very important to my dh.

In regards to my hair this is the cheaper side in the area that I live.

With the dc pocket money that is everything from food out with friends and phone.

I find it easier to give them a lump sum each month rather than have them keep asking for money every time they want food out or want a pair of jeans.

They also do know the value of money and have a bit saved up.

Like I said we are lucky about the fact we are mortgage free. Things are expensive where we live.

What exactly are you spending your money on if you can't save £1k min per month towards your holiday when you have no mortgage or childcare costs? The £200 a month on hair and nails is only a drop in the ocean compared to the remainder of your money which is disappearing into thin air ... have you done an actual breakdown of income vs outgoings every month?

You give your teenagers £200 a month pocket money?? Are you out of your mind? A person on a good salary would probably have around £2-300 for themselves to spend a month after they've paid their bills, savings, etc and you are giving that to your teenagers? They do not know the value of money if they are being given that. I'd expect your joint income to be double or triple what it currently is to be giving that level of pocket money.

We never get into debt we just over indulged in luxuries which has been clearly pointed out. I think a lot of money goes on eating out which I have tried to cut back on.

£90k income and you can't sacrifice £2.5k a month to save up for just two months?

Get a grip. Honestly. What planet do you live on. Are you eating gold leaf for breakfast?

Maybe you should take on some more work, OP.

Bananas.

OP, what is your actual issue?

Cos he doesn't want to cut back, and you don't want to cut back....the cruise issue has resolved itself as you're going to Miami instead.....

What exactly are you complaining about? I haven't a clue what your issue is.

It comes across as if you're just intent on telling us how essential your expenses are.

My issue is that dh throws money away.

You haven't answered the question - have you actually done up a list of income vs outgoings and exactly what it is being he spent on? You "think" it goes on eating out ... you need to KNOW if it's going on eating out. Are you eating out every night of the week or something?

cries if we had no mortgage or childcare costs that would free up £2100 a month.

But so do you. You don't need to spend 200 a month on your hair - frankly, nobody does. Even when I was on a big fat bonus salary I would stretch it to 6 weeks and only do half a head and maybe leave the trim for the next appointment.

You certainly can do your nails yourself - you can get home kits on Amazon for 20 something quid with bulbs and everything.

Your kids have 50 quid a week!

You are all of you living beyond your means. It's not just him at all.

We tend to eat out once a week but coffees and stuff all add up as well.

In all honestly I don't know my outgoings I know we don't spend more than we earn but we average out about £150 a month i put in savings

Well then how about you draw up a budget?

e.g. £ for shopping (be it M&S or wherever)
£ for holiday fund
£ for your essential treats (hair, gym, etc)
£ for bills
£ for DC pocket money
£ for your / DH "pocket money" ie you both have £ per month to spend on whatever the hell you want. If that amount is £600, then if DH blows that in one day then he has to wait til next month before he can blow another £600.

It's not fair that your DH seems to just spend whatever he wants without consideration to his wife and family - he's behaving like he's eating multiples of his current income.

We aren't living beyond our means since we have zero debt.

EARNING not eating!!!