Dh spending when we are trying to save!!!!!

[Nkelly1]

I realise I probably won't get many sympathies here because our income is high but this is really a problem.

So dh earns £60,000 I earn anything from £20,000 to £30,000 depending on what projects go through and am part time.

We are trying to save for two holidays this year our two week summer holiday and a Caribbean cruise for the family to celebrate an anniversary.

Both these holidays we cost £5000 grand plus and the first one is paid for but we have only saved a grand for the second.

So me and dh have decided to cut back and reduce spending.

So we have reduced eating out (used to eat out once a week) and we also reduced the amount we spend on groceries buying things from Sainsbury's rather than buying everything from Marks or Waitrose. Also the amount we spend buying clothes we are quite fond of a label as a family particularly dh and dss.

So yesterday dh took the teens into London and spent £600 on them eating out and buying things. We have the money but we are supposed to be saving.

When I hear other people on here talk about there expenses it makes me feel so ashamed. I spend hundreds of pounds of food shopping the amount of food we get through. Dh won't step foot in any supermarket below Sainsbury's. I don't have a figure on food but even if I did I would be ashamed to post it.

Aibu

We earn similar amount and pay £2100 on childcare and mortgage out of this, plus have two children, doing a house up, run two cars and have a few holidays away (although none abroad currently).

You should be rolling in £££. No excuses. We would be able to save at least £1k a month if our mortgage costs etc weren't there, and that's with a £12k holiday budget.

We keep finances separate though. He pays child mantainance to his ex so we decided to keep finances separate and he will transfer for shopping and bills for me to pay. The child mantainance isn't much though cause we have dss most of the time.

And if you don't know your outgoings, that's exactly why you need to set a proper budget and track your spending.

hate to say, but it all sounds a bit nouveau riche to me....

No we are not nouveau riche dh family has had money.

But what would happen if you suffered a loss of one of your incomes, or you got a big unexpected bill? How do you pay for expensive things like cars, or major household work (new roof, windows etc)? £150 a month savings on your income/spending patterns is almost at the pointless pocket change level. From what you have said, I would want to be putting at least £1k pm away as rainy day savings, on top of savings for annual expenses like holidays. It is financial madness to be spending £5k a month on mostly luxuries (even assuming up to around £2k in bills, food, car costs) and having very little in savings.

You have no mortgage costs, and presumably no childcare as the DCs are teens, but spend more or less every penny that you earn, so while you aren't in debt, you're not in great financial shape and would end up in debt very quickly if you lost an income.

What's your pension provision and life insurance arrangements like? Do any of the DCs hope to go to university? You will be expected to contribute hundreds of pounds a month towards that if they do. How are they going to cope when they want to leave home and the bank of Mum and Dad dries up (or will they still expect pocket money and help with house deposits?).

Sorry, but I have little sympathy. My DTDs and I have been on two holidays in 8 years, and those were £69 weekends at a caravan park. I battle to find money to feed my kids. That £7,000 for your cruise could feed my family for a year.

It is an issue our lack of savings and ideally we should have £15,000 in savings. We have just moved a year ago into a new build so thankfully nothing needs doing yet.

In regards to University I think we could support the dc through that and ultimately if we had to we would make sacrifices for them.

Sorry, but I have little sympathy. My DTDs and I have been on two holidays in 8 years, and those were £69 weekends at a caravan park. I battle to find money to feed my kids. That £7,000 for your cruise could feed my family for a year. biscuit

I'm not looking for sympathy but I'm being attacked constantly.

It sounds a little like you've never had anything the way you describe your set up....I don't know, our combined incomes are way higher but we also have far more in the way of savings etc and investments I'm assuming. If you are worried about the amount your Dh spends then speak to him about it.

Your descriptions of living costs and your luxuries make it sound like you are living in a Paupers paradise.

You really need to look beyond the children having enjoyable childhoods, and you also need to think what that entails. Most children don't get a lot out of cruises, for instance. At the end of the day they would probably appreciate you much more for saving that £7K towards their university education or helping to set them up in their first homes.

Also how will you support three DC through Uni with practically zero savings when it sounds like they will all be there at once....

This must be a wind up, surely. Instead of moaning on here, get some practical financial plans in place. Proportion of wages into savings as soon as it goes into the account. Money management classes for dh. Long term budgets which he can refer to and explain why he's wasted money if he hasn't stuck to it. It's not hard.

And you'd 'make sacrifices' if you needed to, to put dc thru uni? What, shop at tesco? You make me laugh .

OP - you're getting into deep water here, but I think you must have known you would when you posted
Everyone has their own ideas about "normal". In our case £90k pa is the school fees and that's after tax. I would still think spending £600 on a teens shopping trip is fairly extravagant though, unless it was for specific or "one off" items. They need to learn the value of money.
What do you want people to say? If you feel you need to budget for a holiday, then both commit to transferring a set amount each month. Maybe he is a bit irresponsible in his spending habits or maybe you just have different priorities? You need to work this out between you. You're not in debt, but even those on multi millions need a financial plan to maximise their options in the longer term, rather than just existing in the here and now and spending what you have. Maybe see a financial advisor?

You say your husband throws away money but I think you do too. You're all as bad as each other in your family.

You have no idea what might happen next week or even tomorrow, one of you might become ill and unable to work or either of you might lose your jobs - employer going bust, etc. It's just commonsense to have savings equivalent to 3 - 6 months of your joint incomes (as you are privileged enough to earn an amount that makes that possible). I'd worry about that before saving for a holiday. Otherwise, if something happens you'll be really kicking yourself.

It's just financial cluelessness.

When I was 22 I had set up a standing order on the day of my pay cheque into a savings account. I had saved the same day as my salary hit the bank, every month. It wasn't much, but I didn't have to worry about it and it added up.

And I was an idiot back then!!

My DH and I between us were earning about twice what you do. Most of that money went in overpayments on the mortgage and maintenance for ex wife and kids and putting them through uni.

He's just been laid off - probably won't find work for a year (v specialist) and we are now on my income only - thank God we've paid the mortgage off - the kids are through uni and the ex is now self supporting.

I'd really look at getting some more savings if I was you - we'd be in such deep sh*t if we hadn't. I've cut right back on spending as well now.

I agree with what some posters are saying - what's the point of earning and having a decent wage if you don't spend it on some nice things. But I'd really get the basics in place first.

But you and your DH need to be in the same place on this. I kept my finances separate - but its still doable to be talking the same financial way. We both wanted to feel more secure financially rather than just spend money.

I also have my own separate savings account for if it all goes tits up with us - that just seems sensible.

How much do you spend on cars and clothes for adults? Any scope for cutting back there?

It would be a rare person who spent £200 pm on hair and nails (and what about make up and any other beauty treatments?) who didn't have an expensive clothes habit on top, I would have thought.

I'm not going to comment or make a judgement on high/low salaries etc.

Just wanted to make a point re OP's husband's 600 pound day out (obviously I accept that that is a massive amount of money to spend on one day)

However there is a special birthday coming up in our family so I thought I would price up a day out in London for our family of four. Four tickets to a West End show wouldn't leave us much change from 300 pounds (and that's not for the "best" seats), a birthday lunch for the four of us somewhere nice (but not ultra posh) would probably be another 100 and then another 100 to get to/from London which comes to 500 pounds so whilst I'm not denying that 600 pounds is a massive amount of money to spend in one day I can see how it can be done.

Don't think our family day out to London is going to materialise somehow

Oh dear!
You have posted about having money.
The inverted snobbery has started!
You're not allowed to have money. It leads to nasty comments.

I struggled for years as a single parent and clawed my way up. I'm now fortunate enough to have enough to sustain me for life but all I get is comments such as "it's alright for you" blah blah... never mind I spent years feeling hungry.

You will get one or 2 helpful replies but the jealous crowd will be out.
Good luck OP

Imagequeen I've read loads of helpful comments on here, but when (an obviously relatively intelligent) OP and family seem accustomed to spending large amounts on frivolous things regularly, one must feel that she isn't really hearing what she wants, or taking it onboard wholly.

Not jealous myself, as we have a decent standard of living, but also savings!

Risky subject for AIBU. It brings out the pitchforks.

I remember musing on here once, how people on low/average incomes could manage where everywhere you turn, there are demands on your wallet (I'd just had an expensive day, paying out left, right and centre for dentist/haircuts/uniforms/school shoes/appliance repair etc..). My point was that if dh and I, on a fairly reasonable whack, were feeling the pinch, then how on earth were others (on low incomes) managing?

I was absolutely crucified!! How dare I? I was over-spending and should learn to cut my own hair. Who needs a dishwasher? We should sell our house and down-size and walk to work.

Few posters actually read my opening post and got my point. I learnt a lesson about MN that day.