Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if my wedding plans are REALLY enough?

509 replies

Isthismummy · 05/03/2017 10:48

Posted about this before, but really stressing about the fact that friends are STILL trying to get me to add more to the day.

Getting married in Central London in Summer. Registery office wedding at 12.45 and afterwards we will be walking ten minutes to our favourite hotel where we have booked the library for a champagne afternoon tea reception. We have the room for our exclusive use until 20.00 and husband to be and I have a room booked at same hotel for wedding night.

We're only having 18 guests. The plan was that we would have Afternoon Tea etc and people could either stay on until later with us if they wished to drink the cocktail menu dry, or go home if they'd had enough. We just want a low pressure, relaxed day.

However my bridesmaids think it is isn't enough. They originally tried to persuade us to organise a night time do somewhere else. We've now vetoed that idea and now that's changed to booking a table at a restaurant later on in the evening after hotel.

AIBU to be pissed off that they don't seem to think my plans are enough? We've got six hours exclusive use of a beautuful room at a four star hotel ffs! I appreciate some guests are travelling from North East and want to make a day of it, but it's making me feel really stressed and like my plans are inadequate in some waySad

OP posts:
Theworldisfullofidiots · 05/03/2017 11:53

It sounds like a perfect wedding. We had a three ringed circus wedding (v large family) and if I had my choice again I wouldn't do it. And no one ate any of the food in the evening....

Headofthehive55 · 05/03/2017 11:56

I would love the afternoon tea - but would feel awkward leaving before you.

HiggeldyPiggeldy · 05/03/2017 11:56

it is your day and you should do what you want

For me and my family I would be thinking that I need to get to the venue by 12.30 latest, depending how far from the venue they are they would need to factor in getting ready and travelling, so they would need to eat before that all that, probably 11ish at the latest, there is not really any other time than the evening to have a meal, and most people do have a meal once a day.

If you dont want to go for an evening meal dont feel pushed into it, your wedding is one of the most important days of your life and if afternoon tea is enough for you and your df then do that, but maybe book a table nearby for those who want to go

ALittleMop · 05/03/2017 11:57

i think it sounds very elegant and low key and lovely
BUT

yes yes to picnic snacks (and fizz) in park - it's happening over lunchtime

the WORST part of any wedding is being hungry whilst people faff over photos.

people will be hungry at 8. if people have travelled far they will need dinner, somewhere. I'd suggest they book latest poss dinner for 8.30/9 somewhere else, go off and enjoy themselves, and you and your DH retire at that point.

Original poster
Isthismummy · 05/03/2017 11:57

As I've said DPs family are highly likely to leave around 6pm anyway.

That will leave my family and close friends. My family won't care what we do anyway. They'd probably happily go back to hotel🙂 it's my friends who will want to continue the party, hence booking restaurant idea.

Most of the people don't know each other that well, plus DPs parents are divorced and HATE each other. All reasons why I wanted to keep it low keySmile

OP posts:
HappyFlappy · 05/03/2017 11:57

Mummy

Your wedding sounds lovely!

And after some of the "Bridezilla" accounts we've had on here, a refreshing change. Don't change anything you don't want to. As others have said, you can inform all of your guests how it is going to go, and perhaps if you want to, offer to book a table if they want further food in the evening. I would imagine that many will be just as happy to have the opportunity to have a meal of there choosing somewhere less swish (and less expensive) having enjoyed a lovely ceremony and tea and cake. (I can't think of anything nicer)

Most people don't want to be spending untold hours with people they don't perhaps know very well - if they want to spend time chatting, they can choose to do so, but 8 hours sounds more than enough.

Have a wonderful day, and I hope that you will have a long and happy marriage.

Flowers
yorkshirepuddingandroastbeef · 05/03/2017 11:59

If people are travelling a distance and are worried they are going to starve then they need to pack some food for the trip. It's not difficult, is it? I'm quite Shock at how people's expectations.

It's the ceremony followed by afternoon tea. If they cannot last a few hours without food there is always McDonalds on the way there and a kebab on the way home.

Sometimes I think I am the only person who can go without eating for a couple of hours.

TurnipCake · 05/03/2017 11:59

OP I remember your last thread

I'd be giving serious consideration to having these skanks in your life at all, there's boundary-tramping behaviour all over the place

I had a 'friend' like this, always lovely as pie when she was pushing her luck and then as soon as I put my foot down with her, the nice act disappeared. Big girl pants on and take charge of your wedding, they are running rings around you

Original poster
Isthismummy · 05/03/2017 11:59

We were definitely planning fizz in park, so will add nibbles to that list🙂 Photos shouldn't take too long anyway. It's my good friend taking them and he's going for mainly reportage style stuff.

I've arranged for fizz to be ready when we get to hotel. Perhaps I will ask for nibbles as well?

OP posts:
JustifiedSinner · 05/03/2017 12:01

Look, the guests are going to be in central London - not abandoned on a twilight track in the Peak District with half a Mars bar. If they are hungry by the time things wind down at the hotel, they have a thousand options on the doorstep for eating/drinking etc.

Original poster
Isthismummy · 05/03/2017 12:01

Thank you HappyFlappyFlowers

Yorkshire pudding. It seems that only you, me and my dp can go more than an hour between mealsGrin

OP posts:
Original poster
Isthismummy · 05/03/2017 12:02

Well quite JustifiedSinnerGrin There are many, many food options right on the doorstep.

OP posts:
Sherlock35 · 05/03/2017 12:03

Your plan sounds absolutely lovely - as long as you and your partner are happy, you should stick with it. I'd love to attend a wedding like that!

Have a fabulous day and congratulations!

Hulababy · 05/03/2017 12:04

If i was having a proper afternoon tea at 2/3pm no way would I want to eat a big meal again in the evening! Not if a proper afternoon tea anyway - they're massive normally, and last a fair while too so not likely to finish eating til 4/5. Couldn't eat again 2 or 3 hours later.

Your wedding sounds lovely. Do what YOU want. You're under no requirement to provide guests with masses of food and drink - you're already feeding them once. People shouldn't go to a wedding celebration purely to get a free day of being wined and dined!

QueenOfTheCatBastards · 05/03/2017 12:07

Your friends need to realise that the day isn't about them. It's about you and your new husband. They are being monumentally rude.

Dumdedumdedum · 05/03/2017 12:07

Your wedding plans sound lovely, don't let your bridesmaids deter you!
There are lots of lovely restaurants (and pubs with food) in Mayfair, to meet all tastes and pockets, (or there used to be when I worked there!) so I agree with the pp's suggestion of giving out a list of suggested restaurants for anyone who might want to go on for dinner after your wedding reception. Maybe do this well in advance of the day, so that it is clear to people that they are invited to the wedding ceremony and the wedding reception, which will be champagne with afternoon tea and that they will have to fend for themselves after 8.00pm? As someone else has said, it really isn't compulsory to have an evening "do" at a wedding, you do what you like, as long as you make it clear to everyone what's going to happen.
We once travelled a long way to go to a wedding in Tuscany, we'd got caught up in traffic jams on the drive there and arrived just in time to change before following a collection of cars from all over Europe to the church where the wedding ceremony was being held, at about 4.00pm. We'd had a Continental Breakfast early that morning, so by the time we got to the reception venue (miles away from the church) at about 6.30pm, we really got stuck in to the bread and cheeses and Moscata di Frutta that were being handed round with drinks as we sat outside admiring the gorgeous views. We thought it was a bit odd that it wasn't a sit down do after so many people had travelled from so many different countries for the wedding, but thought each to their own and stuffed our faces. Only to find that we'd not noticed the restaurant area and there was a full-on dinner at about 8.30pm.. Oh how we laughed! But if all had gone to plan, we'd have had time to have lunch before the ceremony, so wouldn't have been so hungry by the evening! All this to say, just make sure all your guests know what to expect, so they can plan their evenings accordingly.
Congratulations!

XiCi · 05/03/2017 12:08

I like afternoon tea bit there are only so many sandwiches and cakes you can eat in one sitting. It's very stodgy food so I would tend to eat moderately until dinner later on. And yes people do get hungry, especially when drinking champagne and cocktails. You must realise that most people have more than 1 meal a day. I think booking a restaurant would be a nice thing to do for your guests even if you and DP slope off first. Or could you arrange for some hot buffet food to be brought to the library later on?

ArseyTussle · 05/03/2017 12:09

It sounds like a perfect wedding for me. I love cake, I love sandwiches, I love being able to mingle and chat, and it sounds like the surroundings will be really special. And I hate having to stay up til really late particularly if I've got a box set on the go and want to go home. I'd be delighted if I were attending your wedding!

Headofthehive55 · 05/03/2017 12:10

I think the suggestion of a list of restaurants nearby is a good one. Then you give the expectation that you think that's ok. They may be planning to travel home that night? Then they can organise themselves. I don't think you need to worry over nibbles in the park.

Ginpuddles · 05/03/2017 12:11

Your wedding sounds lovely, OP.

We did something very similar, marrying late morning and walking to a restaurant for lunch. We put the word out that we planned to leave about 4pm, but people were very welcome to make plans for the evening at either the same venue or elsewhere.

Worked really well for us, and we had lots of feedback that guests enjoyed the format. Stick to your guns!

Maybe actually 'leave' at a set point - some people feel a bit rude leaving before the bride and groom at a wedding and may be waiting for you to make a move.

Gwenhwyfar · 05/03/2017 12:11

"They are just after a paid for night out!"

That's not fair. Weddings are very expensive for guests. Travel, accommodation, gift and an optional new dress and hair appointment. You can't blame people for wanting it to be worth the effort and expense, but I think OP's plans are fine as I'm sure many people will stay at the hotel for drinks after the afternoon tea.

ADishBestEatenCold · 05/03/2017 12:13

"I suppose I could book a table in restaurant for people who want it? I could check who those people will be. My keenest bridesmaid suggested we go to one of our favourite restaurants, but none of them are near Mayfair and just don't fancy the hassle of taxis etc."

Please don't go adding things in (unless you and your DHTB have a real wish to have extra). You haven't specified a finishing time, simply the service and afternoon tea, so leave it like that ... it's wonderfully 'open' to allow people to drift off early or to stay chatting until 8, whatever suits them.

Wait until the day, to see how it ends. Everyone may drift away by 8pm, or there may be a few left. All those left may or may not decide to have dinner, you and DH may or may not decide to join them ... fine just to let it happen from then on ... but I do think that, as your invitations have been clear, your responsibility to cater ends at that point.

Do like your idea of having a small hamper for the time in the park, maybe lots of bite sized savouries!

SquidMother · 05/03/2017 12:13

Will you not get hungry with only afternoon tea?

BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 05/03/2017 12:14

There is no need to feed your guests twice.
Done well, afternoon tea is pretty filling. I've rarely eaten everything on the diddly tiered cake stand. Include something savoury and protein based do that it's not pure carbs and sugar.

expatinscotland · 05/03/2017 12:16

STOP adding shit - lists of restaurants, hen do's, evening do's, etc.! People will not fucking starve if they have afternoon tea after lunch at home! And they are free to LEAVE early and get another meal if they chose.