To ask if my wedding plans are REALLY enough?

[Isthismummy]

Posted about this before, but really stressing about the fact that friends are STILL trying to get me to add more to the day.

Getting married in Central London in Summer. Registery office wedding at 12.45 and afterwards we will be walking ten minutes to our favourite hotel where we have booked the library for a champagne afternoon tea reception. We have the room for our exclusive use until 20.00 and husband to be and I have a room booked at same hotel for wedding night.

We're only having 18 guests. The plan was that we would have Afternoon Tea etc and people could either stay on until later with us if they wished to drink the cocktail menu dry, or go home if they'd had enough. We just want a low pressure, relaxed day.

However my bridesmaids think it is isn't enough. They originally tried to persuade us to organise a night time do somewhere else. We've now vetoed that idea and now that's changed to booking a table at a restaurant later on in the evening after hotel.

AIBU to be pissed off that they don't seem to think my plans are enough? We've got six hours exclusive use of a beautuful room at a four star hotel ffs! I appreciate some guests are travelling from North East and want to make a day of it, but it's making me feel really stressed and like my plans are inadequate in some way

Your wedding sounds lovely! Is the afternoon tea a properly posh London hotel type one? If so people really won't want a proper evening meal anyway, more like a light snack at 9pm!

I had afternoon tea at the Ritz a few years ago, it was huge. Endless and very delicious sandwiches (you could keep asking for more and they just kept coming),amazing scones and whatnot. We could barely manage the cake(s) and definitely couldn't eat dinner that night. It might be that your guests are thinking it will be 2 tiny sarnies, half a scone and a little cake each and worrying about where they will eat. Tell your bridesmaids to book their own table at the favourite restaurant, incite everyone along who wants to go, and raise a glass to you in your absence! (And they can all pay for their own. Your party ends at 8 and with it your obligation to host anyone.)

No Don't get pressured into booking a restaurant and all the faff that involves! It's clearly not what you want!
Just make it clear that from e.g. 6pm you don't expect people to stay on and they can go with a wave so they can feed themselves.

Would people really be hungry as early as 7pm do you think?

I'm honestly not trying to sound thick. It just genuinely didn't occcur to me that people would start getting hungry so soon after so much food.

Perhaps I could book a restaurant somewhere for about 7pm? Then those who wanted to join us could come and then perhaps back to hotel bar for drinks after?

I think DPs family will leave around 18.00 anyway, so it will only be the hardcore of my closers mates and parents for the restaurant.

Thing is I know neither me, dp, my parents and one of my best friends who eats like a bird will be hungry!!! So much food.

Perhaps I should have it all over by 6pm and have done with it

I think your wedding sounds lovely and very elegant. If people don't like the way you are doing it they don't have to come, it's an invitation, not a summons. That goes for your bridesmaid too, she needs to back off.
My wedding took place at 10 pm and lasted about an hour, various in-laws moaned that there was no meal/disco etc..in the end they didn't come. Which was great! We had a candlelit religious ceremony and then ate beautiful little cakes, I thought it was perfect

I've been a bridesmaid before, and this sounds like everything I would want as a BM. Lovely, low key, with friends. All you need!

When I was BM, there was too much to do, I was exhausted, I left to go home early ish (about 10pm) as I'd been in action since 6am x

Sounds an absolutely gorgeous day to me.

I'm getting married in December - not getting married until 4pm and then going to the golf club where we re having fish and chips for everyone. No sit down meal and everyone is invited to the whole thing.

TBH it's still more than I wanted as originally I was going to get married and take about 20 people out for a meal - I was pushed and changed my plans and now the cost has gone up about four times as much as I wanted. I'm sure it will be lovely but I still wish I had stuck it out.

I'm having no cars, no stupid chair covers, no favours.

Don't let them push you.

Sounds terrific to me! They want a night do, they can pay for it. I've been to weddings like this, they were fine. You read the invitation, it says, 'Afternoon tea' and that's your clue there's no meal, that and the time. I've been to plenty like this in the US as the couple didn't drink for religious reasons, so it's wedding, then cake and non-alcoholic beverages in the church hall afterwards - nibbles like sandwiches and such, too. That's fine, too. You can guess from the invitation and decide whether or not to go.

Yours sounds lovely!

OP a big meal at a restaurant won't be required after the tea but for 18 people it wouldnt cost much for hot buffet food to be brought to the library. Better to have too much food than to have people uncomfortable and hungry.

It's at the Chesterfield Mayfair amiliesfoly. It's proper endless food type afternoon tea, plus wedding cake of course.

They do not scrimp at that hotel. I can't move for two days after afternoon tea there

Can I give you an example to show you can't please everyone.
I had a classic wedding, service, drinks, meal, dance. It ended at 1am and I went back to my hotel, my bridesmaids followed me and asked where we were going next!
"I'm going to bed with my new husband, you lot can piss off" was my response.

Your wedding sounds lovely. Can I come??

It sounds lovely. You do what YOU want - if it's clear on the invitation (which it seems it is) that it's the wedding followed by afternoon tea then surely guests can sort themselves out food wise if they feel the need for food before hand or more food afterwards. Rather than booking a table you could list a few possible venues and explain that you won't be joining them.

When I got married we had wedding at 2pm followed by canapes/snacks etc then tea and the cake. Everyone left at about 6.30pm and there was a party in the local pub in the evening for the "young" from about 8pm onwards. At no point did it occur to us to be providing lunch for people - it surely isn't that difficult to sort out a meal?

What have you actually booked for afternoon tea? I've been to afternoon teas with lots of food, but also one with very little (and that one was a wedding). Two sandwich triangles and a scone isn't a substantial meal. That said, I very much reached enjoyed that wedding because I and everyone else (including bride and groom) got trashed on our near empty stomachs and had a blast...

Hmm, I'll be honest that my brother did something similar for his wedding (although food was an early evening/late afternoon buffet). What time are you planning to serve food?

Bear in mind if guest are travelling any distance and want to stay for the while thing they will only have had breakfast before they left and therefore only eaten "afternoon tea" in about a 12 hour period. If you're serving "tea" late they are likely to get hungry before it, if you serve it early they are likely to want more food later, which is fine if you don't mind them drifting off - but why bother having the room till 8pm if that is the case?

It is absolutely fine.

The only tricky part is that you are staying in the hotel where the afternoon tea is being held. If you weren't you could state on your invites that you will be leaving at 6pm or whatever to catch a flight/train/go to your honeymoon hotel etc. and bugger off and leave them to it.

You could also leave it to the bridesmaids to book a restaurant for those who want to carry on the party.

If you could, I would go to a different hotel for honeymoon frankly and get the hell out of dodge asap. Will be quite difficult to get out of carrying on the party if you are going to be staying in the same hotel.

Just my view. Congratulations, and have a great day.

OMG wowbutter. That is pretty jawdropping behaviour.

I feel your pain

If i was you i would emphasise the fact you want time in you hotel room with new DH. Embarrass them into shutting up!
If you make it clear its just afternoon tea most sensible groups of friends and rellies will organise their own dinner plans. Maybe suggest to the bridesmaids that they organise their own table for the peole they are close too.
Just make sure you arent jealous when they head off for more fun!

That sounds perfect and exactly what I'd like for my wedding (if DP ever asks ). Please don't be pressured into changing your plans, there's nothing stopping your bridesmaids and other guests hitting the town afterwards if they want to.

Would people really be hungry as early as 7pm do you think?

I suppose it depends on how substantial your afternoon tea is and how much people have had to drink.

My experience with my wedding was: ceremony at 2pm (to allow people to have lunch beforehand), drinks reception 3.30pm, 3 course meal 5.30pm, buffet at 9pm hot breakfast rolls and wedding cake. Officially finished at 1am (some people obviously didn't stay that late) although a few of us hardcore people went to another bar in the building until 3/4am. So 11 hour wedding and 2 lots of food provided.

I would have 6pm as the end point, but keep it otherwise the same, then people understand that they can then go and have food themselves. You of course can stay in the room a bit longer with guests who don't get the hint - then slope off to your room!

I see where you're coming from beggin4mercy. I love the hotel though. Perhaps a different one would be a better idea.

I didn't specifically book the library until 20.00. The hotel just offered it to me until that time, so I took them up on the offer.

Your wedding sounds lovely... please don't be steamrollered into continuing on for the sake of those who are after more!
I have been to many many weddings over the years and tbh the shorter ones are the best... no hanging around for hours waiting for the evening 'do'

My DD1 is planning her wedding now... they are getting married on the local beach (as she and her partner are surfers) and then a fish and chips supper at the beach side restaurant... and then we are all camping (static caravan for grandmas but it's a small wedding with mostly young people) .No fuss, just friends and hopefully decent weather!!!

Do what YOU want. It's just one day :)

I think the important thing is that people know the structure -,ie afternoon tea type food at 3pm and then all out by 8pm at very latest with no other food.

As a migraine sufferer the gaps between food would be an issue, but if I knew in advance I would make sure I have suitable supplies in my handbag
Also if some people have travelled a distance in the morning to get to London for 12.30 more food is needed or clear directions about places near to venue where they could eat at a reasonable price beforehand.

Sorry to be negative - your plans sounds great for you but as you have invited people to share your special day you do need to think about their comfort.
I am not saying to change your plans as it is how you want your wedding day to be but perhaps add some hot food at afternoon tea or think about a snack later on (hot sausage roll / quiche ) around 6pm to soak up alcohol and stop people flagging.

Do what you want. If people want to carry on they can go off in groups and or pairs and sort themselves out. It's not like there isn't much of a choice for food in London!
Also some may be happy to leave then and eat on their way home. You can't and shouldn't try to plan for everyone when there is no evening do.

Sounds a perfect wedding arrangement to me :)
If others don't like what you have offered them, they can always stay away.

I think your plans are lovely just as they are. I don't see why anyone who is anxious about being hungry can't have a big brunch/early lunch beforehand (it is entirely possible to eat food without throwing it all over oneself). They then have what sounds like a gargantuan afternoon tea to keep them going until evening, when they can take themselves out for dinner.

You could perhaps offer a list of restaurants in the area and tell your guests that if they want, they can leave whenever they like to go to one of them. You, of course, will be starting your honeymoon so won't join them