Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if my wedding plans are REALLY enough?

509 replies

Isthismummy · 05/03/2017 10:48

Posted about this before, but really stressing about the fact that friends are STILL trying to get me to add more to the day.

Getting married in Central London in Summer. Registery office wedding at 12.45 and afterwards we will be walking ten minutes to our favourite hotel where we have booked the library for a champagne afternoon tea reception. We have the room for our exclusive use until 20.00 and husband to be and I have a room booked at same hotel for wedding night.

We're only having 18 guests. The plan was that we would have Afternoon Tea etc and people could either stay on until later with us if they wished to drink the cocktail menu dry, or go home if they'd had enough. We just want a low pressure, relaxed day.

However my bridesmaids think it is isn't enough. They originally tried to persuade us to organise a night time do somewhere else. We've now vetoed that idea and now that's changed to booking a table at a restaurant later on in the evening after hotel.

AIBU to be pissed off that they don't seem to think my plans are enough? We've got six hours exclusive use of a beautuful room at a four star hotel ffs! I appreciate some guests are travelling from North East and want to make a day of it, but it's making me feel really stressed and like my plans are inadequate in some waySad

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 05/03/2017 12:16

I'm another who thinks your friends are incredibly rude. Basically they are saying they want you to pay for two meals instead of one. There's nothing stopping them from going out afterwards, is there?

BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 05/03/2017 12:17

And tell your bridesmaids that if they want to arrange a wedding to their plan, they need to get married themselves, not high jack yours

Bitchycocktailwaitress · 05/03/2017 12:17

"People don't have to stay until 20.00 They can go when they want."

I think you need some sort of 'send off' so guests know they can leave, and yes some of them WILL be hungry however big the afternoon tea is. There are some really cute ideas for send offs on Pinterest.

DH and I went to a wedding at 1pm and only nibbles were served in the posh hotel after the registry office. The bride and groom didn't leave (presuming they were having too much funGrin) so therefore WE felt unable to leave.

I really really ----really wanted to order a burger at the bar but didn't for fear of looking rude in front of the other guests. I felt as if to do so would be making a public comment about the inadequate provisions! As 7/8pm came and went I wished so much for some of the family to suggest a restaurant but nobody did. We eventually left at 10pm to go to the kebab shop, and my overriding memory of that wedding was being hungry.

If you can't move the ceremony time I would honestly allow your bridesmaids to book a restaurant so guests that are hungry can join them.

I would not book it yourself as guests may assume A : you will be present and B : you are covering the food and wine cost.

I don't think YABU to have the simple afternoon tea wedding that you want, but YABU to not ensure that by 7pm guests can leave for a meal without any obligation to stay, and that obligation will be solely created by you and your grooms presence in the function room.

Dumdedumdedum · 05/03/2017 12:18

expatinScotland - except as I understand it, the guests are coming long distances to London and as the ceremony is at 12.45pm, they'll hardly be able to have lunch at home!

Original poster
Isthismummy · 05/03/2017 12:19

Yes bite sized savouries would be goodSmile It's a beautiful park and should look lovely in June.

SquidMother. No, I wouldn't get hungry. When I have afternoon tea that's me for the day.

Perhaps I should send an email outlining the plans for the day and stressing that people mustn't feel obliged etc? Dp said letting it all happen organically is the best way, otherwise it will just feel really forced.

I appreciate weddings are expensive though and people need a bit of spoiling. We're not even asking for gifts as I'm conscious of not costing people too much money.

OP posts:
RiversrunWoodville · 05/03/2017 12:19

I think it sounds lovely op! I would stick with nibbles and the afterlife tea, then if the bridesmaids etc want to organise a restaurant for themselves or anyone else then tell them (very nicely realising sometimes posts can sound blunt when not meant to) to go ahead but you and your new DH just want to chill in your lovely hotel and enjoy being newly wed

sonjadog · 05/03/2017 12:19

I would ask who would like dinner and book a table for them at 7pm somewhere local. You and your husband don´t have to join them if you don´t want to (just say you are off on "honeymoon" and want to be alone). People always remember weddings where they were left hungry.

Astro55 · 05/03/2017 12:19

I've just looked up afternoon tea in the chosen hotel!!!

WOW! Can I come ... please?

Original poster
Isthismummy · 05/03/2017 12:21

The guests who are coming long distances are all staying overnight in London anyway. There's only potentially three of them who will start clammering for more food anyway.

OP posts:
JaneEyre70 · 05/03/2017 12:21

I think your day sounds lovely, and you just need to be firm. "Those are our plans, but please feel free to arrange evening activities for yourself" will do. If anyone is still hungry, they can order from the hotel and pay for it themselves so don't even think about it. When my mum married my stepdad, they were married in a register office at 12pm, and then they booked champagne afternoon tea at a local hotel and it was amazing - as soon as the serving platters were empty, they were refilled and we were all stuffed. It was lovely to leave at 6pm and not be held hostage by an evening do!! All her guests said what a perfect day it was.

sonjadog · 05/03/2017 12:21

I agree with Bitchy´s comment, having had a very similar wedding guest experience myself.

expatinscotland · 05/03/2017 12:22

'except as I understand it, the guests are coming long distances to London and as the ceremony is at 12.45pm, they'll hardly be able to have lunch at home!'

Then you pack a sandwich in a paper bag, or a sausage roll and crisps. If you know what hte invitation is for - afternoon tea - then you realise you'll need to provide your own lunch and dinner and plan accordingly or don't go.

brasty · 05/03/2017 12:22

Low key weddings are lovely. But I agree with the bridesmaids about an evening meal. Fine not to do this if everyone is local, but if they are travelling from afar, then you feed them.
Also honestly, guests are unlikely to care about about a lovely room in a 4 star hotel. Number one rule of weddings is your guests should not be hungry. Everything else is up to you.

Original poster
Isthismummy · 05/03/2017 12:22

You can all come AstroGrin

Wonka Afternoon Tea for all of Mumsnet.

OP posts:
Sittinginthesun · 05/03/2017 12:26

Well, I think it sounds fantastic.

If I were one of your guests, I would come down early, have brunch, go to your lovely wedding, enjoy your afternoon tea. Then I would wish you well, head to Soho for dinner and a night out.

You've made it perfectly clear, and you don't need to babysit your guests beyond that.

Original poster
Isthismummy · 05/03/2017 12:26

There's only a small number of people who will stay after 7pm, all of whom will be my family and friends. Half of them are unlikely to be hungry again. I know Afternoon Tea will stuff them silly.

I love the idea of staying with them all until later. The dilemma is that going to a restaurant will mean half the guests (including me) won't be hungry and eating food they don't want. That's why I wanted cocktails and chilling in bar.

It's a fuckig minefield. I might elope.

OP posts:
DisneyMillie · 05/03/2017 12:26

I had very similar - nibbles after lunchtime wedding then afternoon tea before we headed off at 8 for a meal on our own. We did put on some extra cheese and biscuit stuff at about 6 but it was mostly wasted. Afternoon tea is plenty of food

brasty · 05/03/2017 12:26

And no they won't have had lunch. If the wedding starts at 12.45pm and I was travelling, I would aim to get there at 12pm. That means stopping off somewhere for something to eat at 11am. Fine with afternoon tea, but no way would that be okay until 10pm.

Dormouse200 · 05/03/2017 12:26

Your wedding sounds lovely, your friend however do not sound like friends.

As a greedy guts I can confirm that nibbles in the park and unlimited afternoon tea would be more than enough for me.... lots of sandwiches, scones and cake is a meal ffs!

As for waiting for the bride and groom to leave, who does that? The bride and groom are hosts, and normally among the last to leave surely?

newlondoner · 05/03/2017 12:28

I do not think the evening is a problem at all. As there is no evening meal/snack, I would simply assume that the party is meant to end just after the champagne reception and would make my own arrangements for dinner (i'd probably be OK, but husband and kids would definitely need dinner).

I would have more of an issue with no food (if I understand correctly) until 1500 - assuming I had brunch at 11ish before coming, there is no way I could stick around (and drink!) until 1500 with no food at all. If you are getting married at lunchtime, it is not unreasonable to expect some form of nibbles before mid-afternoon (if you, say, got married at 1400, expectations would be different). So just make sure it's clear you are not providing food after the ceremony.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 05/03/2017 12:28

it's my friends who will want to continue the party, hence booking restaurant idea

So here's an idea ... why not suggest that they organize a restaurant for anyone who wants to go, but make it clear you won't be there. That way nobody can complain they don't have access to more food, but there can be no expectation you'll be paying for it or extending the (lovely sounding) day beyond what you want

You'll probably find they'll go off the idea sharpish Wink

Fanciedachange17 · 05/03/2017 12:28

I normally hate weddings and all the pretentious fuss and stress but yours sounds absolutely lovely and perfect. Have what YOU and your man want. Your friend/bridesmaidgodzilla sounds a selfish spoilt madame who is forgetting what this day is about and the clue is - it's not about her...

AnnieAnoniMouse · 05/03/2017 12:31

Your wedding sounds perfect to me. Frankly, most weddings are far too long.

Like you, I'd be far too full after Afternoon Tea at 3pm to consider eating a meal. Maybe a bowl of chips with the 98th cocktail at midnight 😬🍸. Cancel the restaurant.

Reiterate to your well meaning, but bloody annoying, bridesmaids that you are having the wedding you want. Be clear, tell them you understand they're trying to make it a Bigger Day, but that you do NOT want that. You have exactly what you want & don't need it 'extending'. Tell them you aren't going anywhere once you get to the hotel & that after afternoon tea you're drinking cocktails until you can't keep your hands off your DH any longer & will then be going to your room! Be clear, once Afternoon Tea is served they're welcome to go & paint the town red if they want or go out for a meal, but you will not be going.

If they keep on after that then really give it to them. Well meaning or not it's bloody rude & annoying to make someone feel that their (incredibly lovely) wedding plans are 'not enough'. Grrrr.

brasty · 05/03/2017 12:31

The fact that your bridesmaids want an evening meal shows that not everyone will be okay with just afternoon tea.
Afternoon tea is sandwiches, cakes and scones. Unless you stuff yourself silly with cakes, how would it fill you up all day?I honestly don't understand this. A sandwich and a cake is not going to keep you going all day after something at 11ish.

WhistlingBetty · 05/03/2017 12:31

.