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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if my wedding plans are REALLY enough?

509 replies

Isthismummy · 05/03/2017 10:48

Posted about this before, but really stressing about the fact that friends are STILL trying to get me to add more to the day.

Getting married in Central London in Summer. Registery office wedding at 12.45 and afterwards we will be walking ten minutes to our favourite hotel where we have booked the library for a champagne afternoon tea reception. We have the room for our exclusive use until 20.00 and husband to be and I have a room booked at same hotel for wedding night.

We're only having 18 guests. The plan was that we would have Afternoon Tea etc and people could either stay on until later with us if they wished to drink the cocktail menu dry, or go home if they'd had enough. We just want a low pressure, relaxed day.

However my bridesmaids think it is isn't enough. They originally tried to persuade us to organise a night time do somewhere else. We've now vetoed that idea and now that's changed to booking a table at a restaurant later on in the evening after hotel.

AIBU to be pissed off that they don't seem to think my plans are enough? We've got six hours exclusive use of a beautuful room at a four star hotel ffs! I appreciate some guests are travelling from North East and want to make a day of it, but it's making me feel really stressed and like my plans are inadequate in some waySad

OP posts:
Somerville · 05/03/2017 11:21

Some people do get that hungry, yes. Not Enough Food is a perennial wedding complaint, along with No Hot Food, for DH and his group of friends.
Fish and chips in the park during photos? Though if everyone's dressing up to the nines then they won't want to risk dropping grease down themselves. Hmm.

Jaxhog · 05/03/2017 11:23

Hey, its YOUR day not theirs. Your plans sound wonderful. If they want to go on the piss afterwards, let them go (and pay for themselves). You'll be cuddled up with your new husband in your lovely posh hotel room.

fatmummy87 · 05/03/2017 11:23

It sounds lovely and this is coming from someone who had the full day big do, £20k, didn't get home til 4am type wedding. All a wedding needs is bride & groom, witnesses, drink and food, the rest is down to personal taste. Tell your bridesmaids if they're keen to go on elsewhere for dinner and drinks then they're welcome to but you'll be going to your lovely hotel room with your new husband.

Bluntness100 · 05/03/2017 11:24

People usually get hungry after about five hours, it's kind of a normal human thing, so yes, it's not unreasonable they will be hungry, however it's also not on uou to feed them. Just tell your bridesmaid to cancel the restaurant, say uou and your husband don't want it, but they are free to go if they want. Unless specified otherwise, people would expect you to pay, yes, basically because you don't normally pay for wedding meals.

Original poster
Isthismummy · 05/03/2017 11:24

I did put my foot down over hen do. It's now been restricted to one event back home so my Mam can attend. I'm looking forward to it now because it's an excuse to go homeSmile

Well they listened to me about not wanting a night do, but it's now turned into booking a table in a restaurant.

I think they just want me to make a proper day of it iyswim? I to do obviously, but I think you have to be mindful of logistics of dragging people around places etc.

OP posts:
TheNewSchmoo · 05/03/2017 11:25

Your wedding sounds absolutely lovely, however, I would be conscious that your eating habits are - to me- quite unusual. I wouldn't want to have lunch in my wedding clothes, so would need a brunch at about 11. Then some light sandwiches at 3pm, would not be enough for me til 8 pm. I know you can "eat as much as you like", but it is still just sandwiches and cake. Sorry to be negative.

Heirhelp · 05/03/2017 11:25

Sounds perfect. As a guest I would love this. For you though my only concern is that if you drink lots of cocktails then you may needs lots of snacks or dinner later.

yorkshirepuddingandroastbeef · 05/03/2017 11:26
Grin

Yes, definitely tell people what they will be eating and when. We went to a wedding a few years back. The ceremony was at 1pm then it was drinks/mingling. We assumed there was a sit down meal but the buffet didn't come out until about 7pm so there was loads of hanging around. I'd only had a bowl of cereal and a banana so I was absolutely starving. I don't even eat that much so goodness knows how some guests were feeling. All very odd.

TSSDNCOP · 05/03/2017 11:27

I can eat for my country, but an afternoon tea totally floors me for the rest of the day. If you're doing cocktails in the bar, does the bar do food? Maybe pushy BM could be mollified with a bucket of cosmopolitans and bowls of frites?

I think your plans sound lovely.

fatmummy87 · 05/03/2017 11:27

You could end the wedding at 7 then people are free to go for dinner at a decent time. A lot of people wouldn't want to leave before the bride & groom (especially with it being a small wedding and noticeable).

haveacupoftea · 05/03/2017 11:27

Yes people do get that hungry - one meal a day! I'm sure i've seen threads about your type on here over Christmas Wink

However, if your guests are staying over they can book dinner themselves for 8pm, if not they can get a takeaway on the way home. Dont get sucked into sending more than you can afford.

haveacupoftea · 05/03/2017 11:28

Spending, that should be.

FreeNiki · 05/03/2017 11:28

Id love to be invited to such a wedding. Sounds great. Dont change it.

trinity0097 · 05/03/2017 11:28

I did something similar, but we 'left' for honeymoon at about 5pm, so no hanging around. People will feel obliged to stay hanging around until you leave otherwise, even if you go back an hour later!

I would be hungry as a guest, as a start of 12.45pm does mean you can't eat lunch out beforehand. we had the ceremony at 2pm, so chance for people to have an early lunch before.

People loved it though, they owned up to hating long drawn out affairs. No seating plans, just mingling.

ComputerUserNumptyTwit · 05/03/2017 11:29

It will be a proper day. The hardcore will head off and continue getting rat arsed and catching up with each other, the others will head back home or to their hotels. If they don't enjoy themselves, nothing you could do would please them - there would always be something "wrong".

joystir59 · 05/03/2017 11:29

YANBU at all OP. Your wedding sounds delightful, so don't be swayed by friends anting more/different. We had a minimal wedding- Ealing register office followed by food and champagne (Prosecco) in a nearby pub. OH and I went off at 7pm on our honeymoon, leaving friends continuing to party- we wanted to be away alone together after a magical afternoon with friends and family so totally get you wanting to be alone with DP sooner rather than later.

Original poster
Isthismummy · 05/03/2017 11:30

Yes the bar does food. Bloody expensive chips though.

Perhaps I should book a restaurant then? I honestly didn't think people would get that hungry so quickly😳

OP posts:
ThisIsStartingToBoreMe · 05/03/2017 11:31

It sounds absolutely lovely !

Makemineacabsauv · 05/03/2017 11:31

I think it sounds lovely!! Afternoon tea would def fill me up and at most I'd just need a wee snack in the evening! I live in Scotland and would be happy to come to a wedding like this in London! I presume guests will be staying in hotels which means they will probably have a big breakfast before the wedding? That plus afternoon tea should be enough but your picnic basket of nibbles sounds fab too - my teenage ds would love that kind of thing as he is constantly eating! Or you could ask hotel to put on rolls and bacon/sausage about 6ish if you wanted - I went to a wedding where they did this and everyone loved it!!
As long as everyone knows what to expect that is fine and your wedding is in central London not out in the sticks with no option to get food elsewhere later if they are hungry. Tell your bridesmaids it's your wedding and you don't want to start off your married life in debt just to provide a slap up meal for everyone else especially when it's a meal you don't want!!
Do it your way, enjoy it and let people sort themselves out later on! You'll be ensconced in your posh hotel room by then anyway!!

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 05/03/2017 11:32

I am old enough to remember when a big do in the evening was not considered a necessary add-on to the daytime ceremony/reception.

Your plans sound perfect to me. Ignore anyone who tells you it's not enough. Or just smile and say, 'It's my wedding - please just let me do it my way.'

SoulAccount · 05/03/2017 11:33

I think it sounds lovely, BUT the out of town travellers may need quite a substantial tea. Hotel teas can be very dinky. And how soon will it be served?

And 6pm is plenty late enough for a tea do. I would be leaving then to go for dinner.

Duckstar · 05/03/2017 11:33

Playing devil's advocate here. I would say this is fine for locals, but anyone travelling from any distance it could be a long day without much food. I presume if people are coming down from NE they are staying in a hotel. So they perhaps get breakfast there (probably have to have by 10). Depending on where they are staying they've got to get ready and travel into Central London, so reality is they aren't going to eat again before the wedding ceremony. (I wouldn't want to eat lunch when I am dressed up).

So they haven't had anything since a late breakfast. They then get afternoon tea at 3 pm. You've said you've got sole use of a room to 8 pm. If my friend had said this, I would presume they wanted me to stay till then. They aren't getting any more food and then at 8pm they've got to head back to their hotel and find dinner on their way. I can see why they've suggested booking a table for dinner at the restaurant. They then don't have to go hunting for a place to eat.

You can imagine the AIBU, "I'm travelling all the way from the NE for a friend's wedding, am I being unreasonable to accept to be fed more then a sandwich and a piece of cake?"

I think you've either got to accept friend's will start disappearing about 5/6 pm to head back to hotels and to go look for some dinner or is there any chance you could think about seeing if the hotel will lay on some simple hot food at 7pm?

Headofthehive55 · 05/03/2017 11:34

Weddings without a night do can have advantages. No overnight stay etc. However I would be leaving early as afternoon tea doesn't sustain my family enough. Last year we had a substantial afternoon tea at 3pm, but by 7pm was tucking into a main meal. That includes retired people and children. I can't make do with one meal, I eat smaller more frequent meals.

If people have got up early to arrive and therefore had lunch early, afternoon tea is great, but it was created for people having a meal in the evening. So I expect people will leave - and they know that but don't want to feel awkward? No one likes to leave the wedding "early" you can hardly say, were leaving as we are hungry...it would sound rude!

Original poster
Isthismummy · 05/03/2017 11:36

I actually wanted a later ceremony, but the only one they had was at 12.45.

Quite a few differing opinions on this thread. I don't know what to do for the best!

OP posts:
MrDacresEUSubsidy · 05/03/2017 11:37

It will be a proper day. Don't get sucked into the current trends for weddings having to last bloody hours and be elaborate and costly, in order to 'count'. If you don't want to book a separate restaurant then don't! If your - entirely too bloody fussy bridesmaids - want to go off and have a special dinner then let them book an Uber and fuck off somewhere else on their own.

That said, I would echo the advice about having plenty of food. If people are drinking then you need to feed them. Three things are remembered about weddings:

  1. Was it comfortable? Not too warm or cold, somewhere to sit down, not packed in like sardines.
  2. Was there plenty to eat or drink? Did you have to wait hours before being fed and was there enough to go round?
  3. Were you made to feel welcome?

I guarantee you that nobody will remember your dress. Or the colour of the room/carpet/flowers/tablecloths. They won't remember your wedding favours, or even the specifics of the menu. What they do remember are the basics above!