To ask if my wedding plans are REALLY enough?

[Isthismummy]

Posted about this before, but really stressing about the fact that friends are STILL trying to get me to add more to the day.

Getting married in Central London in Summer. Registery office wedding at 12.45 and afterwards we will be walking ten minutes to our favourite hotel where we have booked the library for a champagne afternoon tea reception. We have the room for our exclusive use until 20.00 and husband to be and I have a room booked at same hotel for wedding night.

We're only having 18 guests. The plan was that we would have Afternoon Tea etc and people could either stay on until later with us if they wished to drink the cocktail menu dry, or go home if they'd had enough. We just want a low pressure, relaxed day.

However my bridesmaids think it is isn't enough. They originally tried to persuade us to organise a night time do somewhere else. We've now vetoed that idea and now that's changed to booking a table at a restaurant later on in the evening after hotel.

AIBU to be pissed off that they don't seem to think my plans are enough? We've got six hours exclusive use of a beautuful room at a four star hotel ffs! I appreciate some guests are travelling from North East and want to make a day of it, but it's making me feel really stressed and like my plans are inadequate in some way

I wasn't going to have bridesmaids. My best friends sort of talked me into them being bridesmaids!

Well the ceremony doesn't start until 12.45, so there's plenty of time for starving types to grab a sandwich in Mayfair before it starts We are just meeting most people there anyway.

It sounds good if you make it clear there'S no meal - especially for the people travelling down from the North East. I don't really like cakes, so I'd need to know to eat beforehand as some small sandwiches wouldn't be enough for me.

I would love to be a guest at this type of wedding. I would travel to it and be perfectly happy to pay for my own meal if I was still hungry later on

If anything I would make it 'less' and only expect guests until 18:00. Then they can go off home or out for a meal or whatever without feeling guilty they are leaving early. Otherwise they might be in limbo land not knowing quite what to do.
But if you have explained expectations then I'm sure it will all be fine.

(Our wedding 20 years ago was at 12:00 and guests departed 18:00 so no one had to pay for overnight hotels, or be too complicated with babysitters etc).

The invite states wedding at 12.45 followed by afternoon tea reception. No mention of night plans.

I suppose I could book a table in restaurant for people who want it? I could check who those people will be. My keenest bridesmaid suggested we go to one of our favourite restaurants, but none of them are near Mayfair and just don't fancy the hassle of taxis etc.

Maybe have some little savoury tarlets with the afternoon tea to make it more substantial.
Are you having a separate wedding cake or just a wedding scone?

Talk to your bridesmaids separately, rather than en masse, to explain that the opinion of the most vociferous is upsetting you. Definitely a divide to conquer situation, and they should be supporting your plans, not adding on a load of extra expense.

I do think that after an early lunch (in order to get to registry office for 12.45) only having afternoon tea to keep one going for the rest of the day might make people who enjoy their food fear for getting rather hungry. DH hates afternoon tea because he claims there is never enough to fill him up. (He's a particularly greedy hungry specimen though.) And if you think about it, between 12.45 and 8pm adults would usually be eating 2 meals, one of them hot, not 1 light-ish meal.
So if I were you I would either have the ceremony a bit later, so that people arrive full after a proper lunch, or end a bit earlier than 8. But if everything is already booked and you can't manage that (or don't want to) then it's not a huge deal - people might just leave earlier than 8, which it sounds like you're fine with.

Congratulations BTW. We had our reception in a library too - I loved it.

Your plans sound lovely, and I was going to say to tell them what you said in your last post - that you want to retire to your room with your new husband.

If there is still a hard core of party animals left at 20:00 that want to go out, well there is nothing to stop them, is there?

Your wedding sounds lovely, the same can't be said of your bridesmaid though.

I read one of your other threads about wanting to cancel because of this, but would say please don't.

If you feel under too much pressure to talk to her directly, maybe a letter to say how pleased you are that she's so enthusiastic but now all your plans have been settled, perhaps she could save her lovely ideas onto a Pinterest board to share with other brides-to-be who aren't so clear about what they want their wedding day to look like?

More weddings go on far too long.

If I were your guests, I'd do the wedding and afternoon tea then go to a West end theatre show in the evening.
And have fish and chips on the way back to hotel afterwards. (can you get fish and chips in Mayfair?)

Teen and tween. People are honestly free to leave whenever they want. There's no pressure at all.

My close friends who have travelled will probably want to stick around. I suspect DP family will bugger off home as soon as they politely can. Even my parents might struggle once it gets after 20.00

I never go to weddings, so I have nothing to compare mine too. I've just read so many things about weddings we're guests are held prisoner for ten hours and I wanted to avoid that.

Sorry, not your last post. The thread has moved quicker than I can type!

That sounds lovely. Can I come?

Do not be worried about people being hungry. I usually stuff myself when I go for afternoon tea. If you are clear on timings and what they are going to have there is no excuse for people going hungry.

It's lovely and v similar to my wedding

I'd sack the bridesmaids. I had 4 year olds and they sound like they were better behaved .

At my wedding there was a lot of appreciation that guests had a slap up meal without having to hang around for a tedious evening do. Your bridesmaids don't seem to have appreciated the vibe of a day time wedding for 18 people is different to a wedding for 100 with a buffet and disco.

Fish and chips in Mayfair.

Your plans sound fine. Don't book a restaurant table for anyone, they can do that themselves. Maybe you could let people know the wedding reception ends at 6pm so they can make their own plans if they want a meal or to make a night of it.
Have a lovely day

We can't change the times. It's all booked.

People don't have to stay until 20.00 They can go when they want.

Do people really get that hungry? I only eat one main meal a day, same as my dp and my family are all the same. I find Afternoon Tea leaves me absolutely stuffed. I might bring a picnic basket full of nibbles for after ceremony. We're getting pictures taken in park next to registery office. Sounds like people might need some fuel

I think your wedding day sounds wonderful.

Just be straight and say this is the plan.

Much as i enjoyed our full day affair - I would gladly have kept it more low key and personal.

You are welcome to come Yorkshire puddingandroast🙂

I might send an email to guests explaining timings etc, so people don't feel obligated into anything. Something like "Come see us marry, eat cakes, bugger off" might do the trick

Glad people seem to think plans sound good.

I just really hope guests feel the same on the day...

I'd be hungry OP in the late evening, afternoon tea wouldn't fill me for the day.
Would you be expected to pay for the cocktails and the restaurant meal if you decide to have one ?

Cross-posting! Opinions of teen and tween bridesmaids are ignorable - they are really just there to enjoy wearing a fancy dress.

Adults will want to go home without a hangover. For 18 guests you can contact people individually to make it clear that it's a nice meal, not a danec and piss up, you want to be able to chat to people and everyone will be fucking off at 8pm. For my wedding, we made it clear we were leaving for our honeymoon at x time so people stayed to wave good-bye to us but after that, it was their look out as party was over.

If bridesmaids want to do something together after, they can organize it themselves.

Sounds like a perfect day to me. If you are worried about people travelling from a distance needing an evening meal then do a list of relatively inexpensive restaurants nearby, complete with directions on how to get there from your wedding venue and then hand them out to anyone that looks hungry, don't change your wedding!

Even though I love an evening do that goes on into the wee small hours, your plans sound lovely. If we were invited, we'd go on to a Wetherspoons restaurant before heading to our hotel and make a weekend of it, or maybe even get the train home. As long as people know what to expect, they can plan accordingly. Being in London there are so many options - if your venue was in the arse end of nowhere it would be less good I think.

I remember your previous thread. Did you put your foot down about a hen night?

• You didn't want bridesmaids, yet you've been steam-rollered into having them.
• You didn't want a hen night beyond a few drinks in a local location, yet you got bullied into having something elaborate and complicated (which hopefully you have put a stop on)
• You don't want lengthy wedding over multiple locations, yet here you are being strong-armed into doing so.

Whose wedding is this? SAY NO. Are they paying for all of this - of course not! So tell them to STFU, wind their necks in and stop whining. If your wedding doesn't fit their idea of what a 'typical' celebration should look like, then they can always sit it out and not attend.

Strap your big girl pants on. Send a group email telling them that this is making you very unhappy and that whilst you appreciate them trying to help, you'd really prefer it if you stuck to your original plans. If they kick up a fuss then tell them gently but firmly that it's an invite not a summons, and that they don't have to come if it bothers them so greatly.