To ask if my wedding plans are REALLY enough?

[Isthismummy]

Posted about this before, but really stressing about the fact that friends are STILL trying to get me to add more to the day.

Getting married in Central London in Summer. Registery office wedding at 12.45 and afterwards we will be walking ten minutes to our favourite hotel where we have booked the library for a champagne afternoon tea reception. We have the room for our exclusive use until 20.00 and husband to be and I have a room booked at same hotel for wedding night.

We're only having 18 guests. The plan was that we would have Afternoon Tea etc and people could either stay on until later with us if they wished to drink the cocktail menu dry, or go home if they'd had enough. We just want a low pressure, relaxed day.

However my bridesmaids think it is isn't enough. They originally tried to persuade us to organise a night time do somewhere else. We've now vetoed that idea and now that's changed to booking a table at a restaurant later on in the evening after hotel.

AIBU to be pissed off that they don't seem to think my plans are enough? We've got six hours exclusive use of a beautuful room at a four star hotel ffs! I appreciate some guests are travelling from North East and want to make a day of it, but it's making me feel really stressed and like my plans are inadequate in some way

It sounds lovely to me OP. Do whatever makes you and your other half happy and don't stress about it. If the people you have invited care for you and want you to be happy they'll fall in with your plans, irrespective of whether they would have preferred a big "do" with thousands of pounds worth of food.

The last wedding I went to was in a forest glade. We sat on logs, in a shower of rain, drank cider and danced about with daisy chains on our heads. It was not what I would have chosen but the happy couple were radiant with joy and I loved every moment of seeing them like that.

I married the first Mr smallchance in 1990 (I'm quite old!). It cost 16K for the wedding of my mother's dreams. A lot of money in those days. It was stressful, hideous and I hated every moment. I divorced him two years later.

When I married the current Mr smallchance we had 20 guests, bubbly, cocktails and a pot luck supper. We provided some food and the guests all brought food, mostly cake because I love cake. It was the best day ever because it was what we wanted and we were with the people we love and who love us.

I hope your day is the best day ever for you OP.

I would eat again after a short time, because I don't eat very much at once. So it doesn't matter if there is unlimited food, I eat a small amount and stop. I just can't eat anymore, particularly if it's carb heavy like afternoon tea. I love afternoon tea, just can't eat very much at one sitting!

It's your wedding have it how you want and screw everyone else. They have either had or will have their own day they way they want it and they should let you do the same

If people complain they don't deserve to be there . A wedding can be anything you want. Please relax and enjoy your day . They are grown ups and can do what they want in the evening . Surely that makes it more fun for them ,they can see you enjoy your day and then have fun in London.sounds ideal .

Blimey just saw the boring comment. If I was my wedding I would be pleased you found it boring mollie , because you obviously would not attend . What could be better?

The only possible explanation Susie is that Mollie goes to naice Mayfair hotels for gargantuan afternoon teas most days, and doesn't like anyone enough to want to watch them getting married.

That, or she's talking out of her arse.

London 2.5 hours from the north east? I wish, would make my life so much easier :o

Got married in 1982.I think at 12.30
Sherry reception and a line to greet our guests Sit down meal at 2pm (late lunch)We left for our honeymoon about 5pm.I was exhausted by the time we got to our hotel an hour away .
younger guests (friends)came from all over UK Many stayed at our reception hotel and a large group of them (even those who'd not met before) had dinner there and went for a long walk on nearby beach the following day
I'm so glad I got married before these long drawn out affairs became 'the thing'
I would 'leave'if you can OP Its quite fun throwing your bouquet,confetti etc and acts as a marker to your guests that they can disperse if they wish You can sneak back !

Everyone can be defensive about my comments all they want but at the end of the day the posters here aren't the relatives of OP

she has come on here for opinions of strangers yet the people who will attend the wedding have clearly made a point of trying to make the day more exciting or why else would she have started the thread. So continue to tell her what you agree with is fair enough but her guests have stated otherwise really haven't they

Posters aren't being "defensive" about your comments . They just think they're bollocks.

And it's not all her guests, it's the bridesmaids.

Sounds really lovely to me. You go and enjoy every minute!

But Molly, surely it's not for the guests to dictate what happens? It is OP and her DF's day. OK just wanted people to say that her lovely wedding wasn't crap because it's not a massive blow-out.

Weddings are about the people making vows Molly, not the childish idiots masquerading as bridesmaids that are more concerned about their own fun than the comfort and happiness of the bridal couple.

This is YOUR day and YOUR plans.

If your bridesmaids, or anyone else for that matter, don't like your plans, simply take them out of the equation and off the wedding day guest list.

If they really want to be part of YOUR day, they'll accept YOUR plans.

Toughen up. X

Oh gee that sounds like a perfect day. All that matters is that you do what "you" want. Seriously bin your over precious bridesmaid if she can't just be happy for you. I feel so sad that others genuinely think they can have a say on your wedding day

Sounds wonderful; simple and calm and select, so much nicer than big impersonal don't even know everyone there event! I Love afternoon tea, can I come?

Its your wedding OP, do it how you want and invite people. People who turn down the invite will leave more food and drink for the others. It sounds like a brilliant wedding, much better than the "normal" wedding.

Your wedding plans sound lovely and I hope you have a fantastic day. I would be more than happy to be a guest at a wedding like yours. I would just be glad that you had included me in your special day. If I was still hungry after afternoon tea then I would take myself off somewhere, maybe with other like minded guests and fill my face. I wouldn't expect the bride and groom to come along if they didn't want to and I wouldn't expect them to pay. You have informed guests of the wedding itinerary as such. It's not up for negotiation because it's you and your do special day. And everyone knows us lot from the north always have a pie or a pasty in our handbags
;-)

Hmm while the bride and groom set the tone, I do also think weddings are about the guests.

I think it sounds lovely OP. I think your bridesmaids are being totally unreasonable, it's not their wedding so they have no right to pressurise you into organising more! Hope you have a fantastic day

To be fair Molly, it isnt all the guest. It's 2 or 3 young (teen) bridesmaids who are complaining. OP needs to tell them that there time to make the decisions will come when they get married.

I think the simplest solution would probably be to stick with your plans, but ask the restaurant to customise the afternoon tea slightly to maker it a bit more substantial. Personally I love an afternoon tea, but sandwiches and cakes is quite a limited main meal for guests. Rather than you organising a restaurant meal you don't want, I would look into the possibility of the hotel serving a couple of buffet type options alongside the sandwiches - perhaps some salad, two or there hot options - and then serving the cakes.

The only problem I can see from logistical reasons is sometimes with events there is a culture of an after party. Having been in this situation when it's "organic" and flows, sometimes people get left out. We've found it hard when after making our departures from an obvious afternoon early evening event to find it carried on elsewhere with everyone else!

Hulababy. Where did I say my bridesmaids were teens? They are actually all in their thirties-same as me

Thank you for all the helpful comments on this thread As I see it it is a very small, intimate wedding celebration and therefore there simply isn't the scope for an organised night do. There's not enough people to atmospherically fill a room and I'm pretty sure most people wouldn't want to stay for it anyway (dp's family for one)

Actually feeling very stressed about it all and I'm quite pissed off that it's putting a shadow on my feelings about it all. I thought I'd organised a nice, stress free gathering that would hopefully be a bit of a treat where we could swan around a fancy hotel all afternoon. Feel like I can't please anyone right now. Dp tells me to stop stressing, but he's not doing most of the organising!

Inertia. That would make it not an afternoon tea, and the whole point of it is to be an afternoon tea!

If people don't want to eat Afternoon Tea then they are free to not come. Only they all will because everyone thinks the Afternoon Tea sounds lovely.

This thread wasn't started to discuss food. It was about something to do in the evening. A restaurant was suggested not because people are terrified they might starve in central London, but because they want something to do on the night. It's not about the food!

Feeling so negative about this wedding right now