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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have walked out of this restaurant?

212 replies

MellieMGrant · 04/03/2017 19:36

Took DD out for a nice day together, hair and shopping and lunch etc.

We went to a local mid range chain restaurant which prides itself (and usually delivers on) speedy service, as we wanted to get lunch done and dusted.

We were seated almost immediately, on the end of a long table. The table was filthy, and our place settings were used.

A member of staff came and cleared the rest of the bench and didn't acknowledge us at all. Didn't change our place settings.

We sat there, ignored, for almost twenty five minutes. I tried to make eye contact with at least two staff members but got nowhere.

A family were seated behind us and had their orders taken and drinks brought over while we were there.

I'm not particularly assertive and didn't want to make a fuss in front of DD anyway, so we just got up and left. Ended up going to Subway instead as we were really hungry by that point.

Was I being unreasonable? We often go out for lunch on a Saturday and I've never had such a poor experience, no matter how busy they are.

I feel a bit guilty for walking out but I'm not sure what else I should have done. Is a twenty odd minute wait at a dirty table too long or was I just hangry and irritable?

OP posts:
Runny · 04/03/2017 19:46

YANBU. Was it Frankie and Benny's? Had a similar expereince there once.

Patriciathestripper1 · 04/03/2017 19:47

You should have gone to the counter and asked for someone to clear your table and bring some menus over. I'd have done this after 5 minutes and if it wasn't done promptly would have left at maximum 10 mins. They were taking the piss.

Original poster
MellieMGrant · 04/03/2017 19:48

And I know I'm a bit of a doormat but I sat there second guessing myself, wondering if it had actually been that long (DD had clocked the time), not wanting to be a nuisance blah blah blah.

Ugh.

OP posts:
MargoChanning · 04/03/2017 19:48

X post. So you had a menu. But what would you have done if you'd been served a meal and later decided you wanted pudding. Would you have just given them eye contact, or said to a passing waitress, 'excuse me, I'd like to order desert please'? It's quite okay to gesture and ask for assistance. If you feel anxious about doing this, maybe try again. I can sure you it's also normal to sometimes be ignored by waiters. They're busy and sometimes need a 'excuse me, can I...' said to them when they go pass in order to attract their attention.

MrsSchadenfreude · 04/03/2017 19:50

Could you not just have said "Excuse me, could you please clean the table and take our order? We're short on time today" instead of saying to your DD that you were ready to order when the waiter was nearby - or just called "Excuse me!" to him.

MargoChanning · 04/03/2017 19:51

In that case, does sound like poor service. I do think you need to work on developing some assertiveness then, when dealing with poor service (-as opposed to just speaking up to get a waiters attention, which is quite normal) and take your money elsewhere. Sounds like they don't deserve your custom.

littledinaco · 04/03/2017 19:52

Next time, you need to ask a waiter to take your order / get you some drinks. Just say 'excuse me please' as they walk past or get up and go to the counter/bar. Your daughter needs to learn this is what you do in a restaurant, not sit there annoyed for half an hour then walk out. Otherwise your DD is going to end up anxious/nervous when she eats out as she won't know what to do if no staff come over.
It is poor service, but it does happen fairly often when you have to get the waiters attention to take your order/get more drinks/your bill, etc.

CherieBabySpliffUp · 04/03/2017 19:52

You say you are seated so did a waiter/tress sit you at a messy table?
Why did you not ask to be sat at a clean one?

Jengnr · 04/03/2017 19:52

If the table was dirty they probably looked and thought you'd eaten. You should have told them really. But no harm. You wasted 25 mins but the world won't end. It's ok, honestly.

Hope you got meatball subs :)

Birdandsparrow · 04/03/2017 19:53

Another time you need to say, excuse me, can you take our order please to a waiter. Although it was poor service not to attend to you without having to do that.

Original poster
MellieMGrant · 04/03/2017 19:55

I didn't notice the settings were used until we'd sat down, I assume the server didn't realise either when she put us there.

We were in a corner so it was difficult to get someone's attention. I wish I'd just hollered really. Feel like a bit of a twat.

OP posts:
Sara107 · 04/03/2017 19:58

Don't worry, I hate these sort of situations as well. But the staff will not recognise you if you do go back. I think waiting staff have radar for detecting unconfident people, I have stood for ages at bars while people behind me get served, and you get that horrible, hot under the collar feeling and can't work out whether it's more embarrassing to stand your ground or walk off in a huff.

EdenX · 04/03/2017 19:59

You would have set a good example to your dd if you had just said "excuse me" to a staff member as soon as you'd sat down. Asking for the table to be cleared and to order food isn't making a fuss, its a normal and expected interaction.

AwaywiththePixies27 · 04/03/2017 19:59

Nope. I'd have walked out too.

I walked out of a Harvesters after waiting an age when they kept walking past me and blanking me (wasn't even busy). I got up and went to the McDonalds next door.

I also didn't set foot in a hipster type restaurant for ages. I was really poorly. Had had to go into the city centre to get some meds my local ones didnt have and I just wanted to sit down and take my meds and a drink so they could start working. I must have looked dog rough because the waitress looked straight through me and kept serving people in the queue behind me . It was one of those places where you had to wait to be seated and I was first in line so it wasn't that she couldn't see me.

BoomBoomsCousin · 04/03/2017 20:00

OP YANBU to walk out of a restaurant where staff ignore you. But YABU to let you anxiety dictate your day out (and future days put). Get some treatment. Social anxiety is one of the most treatable mental health conditions. With therapy you can expect to have a much more positive social experience - which should be reason enough to do it, because your life is important. But if you have difficulty valuing yourself enough for that right now, remember it will also mean you won't feel forced to narrow your daughter's world because of your fears - wouldn't it be better if the example you set her was one of confident interaction with the world?

JaneEyre70 · 04/03/2017 20:01

I've been shown to a used table and refused to sit there until it had been cleaned, previous experience has proved that you're ignored by staff as they think you've finished!! You perhaps should have asked straightaway for clean settings, however you were quite right to leave. I'd comment on their FB or Twitter to say how annoying it was. As for being busy, all restaurants are busy at the weekend and they should be staffed accordingly. It annoys me when staff ignore you, they are paid to work there and it is damned rude. I now avoid chain restaurants like the plague.

Grumpbum · 04/03/2017 20:02

I did similar recently in Wagamama ended up giving the kids McDs and discovered my youngest who refuses most things will actually eat a plain hamburger :-(

ENormaSnob · 04/03/2017 20:02

Giraffe?

Only place I have ever had piss poor service.

kali110 · 04/03/2017 20:02

The server probably assumed you'd already eaten.
I'd have just asked after 10 minutes, not sat there.

bloodyteenagers · 04/03/2017 20:04

Next time they try sitting you at a dirty table you say "excuse me I would like a clean table" and don't sit until either taken to another table or that one is cleaned.

It's not making a fuss it's showing your dd you don't have to tolerate dirty tables.

As someone walks past you say "hi can we order" or similar.

You can even get your dd to do the hi we are ready as part of her learning life skills.

If you are still ignored you then get up, walk to the bar or theirservibg statin and tell them you have been sitting for 20minutes and ignored.

It's not making a fuss. Making a fuss is complaining when there's nothing to complain about.

Original poster
MellieMGrant · 04/03/2017 20:04

I do work very hard to overcome my crapness in situations. I have therapy twice a week and take meds (whole raft of MH issues).

I make a point of taking DD out for a day once a month or so. It's hard. But I do it. The restaurant was mortifying but we went on to Subway and got her hair done and I acted like a normal adult and kept my neuroses and freak outs to myself.

Other than silently slinking out of the restaurant you wouldn't know I was batshit if you met me maybe.

OP posts:
Gobolinocat · 04/03/2017 20:06

you felt guilty for walking out? I bet noone even noticed?!

if your sat at dirty plates and you didnt ask someone to clear for you - they may think it was your mess.

HemanOrSheRa · 04/03/2017 20:07

Argghh. This is an awful situation OP. I know how you feel. You are torn between asking for service but then thinking do I actually want to eat here now Confused? Do I stomp off in a huff? Will anyone care?

Next time try your best to catch a member of staffs eye when you arrive. Maybe ask 'OK if we sit here?' Even if it is somewhere where you just take a seat.

BoomBoomsCousin · 04/03/2017 20:08

I'm glad you're getting help OP. I know it's crippling, but it's (in an objective sense) so unnecessary. I hope things turn around for you soon.

TrinityForce · 04/03/2017 20:09

you aren't batshit OP