To have walked out of this restaurant?

[MellieMGrant]

Took DD out for a nice day together, hair and shopping and lunch etc.

We went to a local mid range chain restaurant which prides itself (and usually delivers on) speedy service, as we wanted to get lunch done and dusted.

We were seated almost immediately, on the end of a long table. The table was filthy, and our place settings were used.

A member of staff came and cleared the rest of the bench and didn't acknowledge us at all. Didn't change our place settings.

We sat there, ignored, for almost twenty five minutes. I tried to make eye contact with at least two staff members but got nowhere.

A family were seated behind us and had their orders taken and drinks brought over while we were there.

I'm not particularly assertive and didn't want to make a fuss in front of DD anyway, so we just got up and left. Ended up going to Subway instead as we were really hungry by that point.

Was I being unreasonable? We often go out for lunch on a Saturday and I've never had such a poor experience, no matter how busy they are.

I feel a bit guilty for walking out but I'm not sure what else I should have done. Is a twenty odd minute wait at a dirty table too long or was I just hangry and irritable?

[SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius]

@birdsdestiny - yes you are right that we don't have to care why the mistake happened. But it might make the OP feel a bit better to think it might just have been human error, rather than deliberate bad treatment aimed at her.

I know she didn't say that was what she was thinking, but as someone who suffers from anxiety myself, I know how easy it is to take something very personally, to assume that you got bad treatment because the other person despised you - and how that can play on your mind.

So, whilst poor service due to human error is no better than deliberate poor service, thinking of it as human error may make it easier to process. I hope that makes sense - apologies if it doesn't - I know what I am trying to say, but don't appear to be able to say it as coherently as I would like!

[morningconstitutional2017]

You definitely weren't being unreasonable and their staff need more training in the people skills department. Many of us would have walked out earlier.

[SportsDHiver]

I haven't read the whole thread but, if I were you, I would raise a complaint; if it's a chain, they will take it seriously, I am sure.

I had a similar situation recently, where the starters and drinks turned up quickly but something happened to our main course order - I suspect the bit of paper with the order was dropped or lost. I complained at the time and we were not charged for the starters, but we were going to the theatre afterwards and i was picking up the tickets, so I didn't have time to eat all of my main course.

A subsequent complaint (after I was asked for my feedback), led to profuse apologies from the area manager and a generous voucher.

If you like going there, why deprive yourself. It was almost certainly a mistake by the staff, not a deliberate attempt to humiliate and ignore you. When we had our bad experience, at no time did I become angry because I could see just how busy the staff were and doing their best. The problem was with the management, or lack of it.

You owe to yourself to raise a complaint, if you are so upset as to post on here. I bet you will obtain an apology at the very least and you will feel much better about yourself and better able to deal with a similar situation, if it arises. Being assertive is not at all the same thing as being aggressive. Go for it OP!

[Italiangreyhound]

OP Hope all is well, thinking of you.

[Italiangreyhound]

Oh Tinfoil, I would love to try this! Can you pm me!!!

[TinfoilHattie]

Sometimes I'm told what to eat. Most often the rules are that you and your guest have to order something different. If a chain has just revamped their menu you might have to order something marked "new". I've also in the past had to pretend I had an egg allergy to see how the staff handled it. It really all depends but you are told the rules up front so if you don't think it's for you, you don't take the assignment.

[Italiangreyhound]

East "The point is that it's not helpful to say "the waiting staff should have spoken first." They didn't, so it would be useful for the OP to internalise/practise some coping strategies to deal with situations like that. I completely agree with that. Sorry I was just getting rattled with people saying OP should have spoken out. I've never felt so anxious I could not speak but I know it is a recognised thing.

I really hope the OP will get the help to move on.

I do wonder if the review on line was a way to kind of qualify (for the OP) that they did have the right to walk out. Which they certainly did.

[TizzyDongue]

Even if the op had drawn attention to the dirty table and the lack of attention. Then remained and eaten, she would still be totally reasonable to have left a negative review. Because the OP and her daughter experience poor service (regardless of how she handled it).

[CaraAspen]

The waiting staff should have spoken first. End of. They sound rubbish, frankly.

[Itsnotwhatitseems]

the thing is the restaurant shouldn't need pointing out that the table was dirty and needed cleaning. The waitress that led them to the table would have registered this and organised for it to be cleared and their orders taken. Op was well within her rights to submit a bad review to tripadvisor, I for one would want prior information before visiting and if it stops others from having the same experience then that's a good thing

[Rainbunny]

That's an annoying experience OP. I recently had an infuriating service experience at my local chain coffee shop. I ordered two lattes but one was with lactose free milk for my DH and proceeded to wait nearly 15 minutes whilst about 14 people, the majority of whom ordered after me received their drinks while I was stood waiting. I finally went back to the cashier and asked to be refunded as my order appeared to have been overlooked. At that point one of the baristas produced my order with a sigh and an eye roll and said to the cashier (she didn't even bother looking at me) that the order included lactose free milk so she made the other regular milk orders first to be efficient! Yeah well it wasn't very efficient for me to wait 15 minutes and watch everyone get served before me just because the barista didn't want to break her stride... The cashier was nice though, he gave me the refund and the drinks so I guess it worked out.

[EastMidsMummy]

Mental health issues can be just as debilitating as physical disabilities but they are hidden.

I'm quite aware of that. The point is that it's not helpful to say "the waiting staff should have spoken first." They didn't, so it would be useful for the OP to internalise/practise some coping strategies to deal with situations like that.

[Italiangreyhound]

tin sounds interesting. Do the organisers tell you what to eat?

[Tartyflette]

The OP received very shabby service. even if she had psyched herself up to speak to someone after 20 minutes or so, it would still have been very shabby service. She had every right to leave a review pointing this out.

Some people find it incredibly hard to complain in person and in a way I can understand that; it can change the mood of the occasion completely and you can never be sure as to how your complaint is taken.

I've had assistants in shops, waiting staff and so on argue the toss with me about a complaint, or spin me ridiculous lines, viz 'Oh, but that is just how it is supposed to be, Madam, ' when something has clearly gone badly wrong in terms of product or service.

I can well understand that people might prefer to just walk out than risk an argument. (not me, though )

[TinfoilHattie]

Mystery eating is great - I enjoy it very much.

But it's not lucrative. Usually allI get is the cost reimbursed. So if you have to drive into town and park it's costing money. But I get lots of lunches out and some nice hotel stays a few times a year too. Also my friends think it's wonderful that they're often asked to be my plus one.

On the flip side, it's hard to switch off when you go out and it's not a work assignment. I find myself mentally making notes of waiter names, descriptions, looking at my watch all the time and marking food out of 10.

[Italiangreyhound]

East what about those people in wheelchairs not helping themselves into restaurants due to steep steps?

Mental health issues can be just as debilitating as physical disabilities but they are hidden.

[EastMidsMummy]

YOU SHOULD NOT HAVE TO ASK THOSE PEOPLE TO SERVE YOU. THAT IS THEIR JOB.

Yes, but you're not helping yourself or your anxiety issues to not say "Can we order now, please" when you catch someone's eye, rather than waiting in vain for them to speak because THAT IS THEIR JOB.

[EastMidsMummy]

I'm laughing at people making random suggestions at what restaurant this was, as surely it could have been any branch of any chain on a bad day.

[Italiangreyhound]

Ando and Desparado I guess you have not read the OP's updates.

Seriously Melj the OP is not choosing to not do something. My friends child has selective mutisn. This name is wrong because she is not selecting not to talk!

Neither is she being stubborn.

There are timrs she finds it very hard to speak. If someone came to take her order she might speak or might point to the menu (I would imagine) but catching a waiting staff's attention verbally might be beyond her. What do you not get about this!

"Yes the onus is on the restaurant to give good service..." My goodness you have it. The restaurant who wants our custom and money is responsible for the customers experience.

"...not fair to stubbornly refuse to say anything that would draw attention to the mistake and get it rectified."

Are you capable of understanding that this is not something the Op can control at the moment. However your anxiety manifests, that is your experience. Anxiety manifests differently.

Bear in mind the restaurant can't make up the time the OP has sat there. They can"t rectify their mistake, of ignoring the OP. All they could have done was continue the visit in a better way.

The bread example doesn't have the same implications. Yes, if the store has items in stock not on the shelves it is a failure and the OP might feel hard done by. Sje might shop elsewhere. A customer may also not appreciate 'advice' on how they can help the store stock their shelves better and make more money!

Anyway, it is not the same as sitting in full view at a dirty table with menus. If the system for working out who has, and who has not, ordered is not working it is the fault of the restaurant.

Let's agree to differ.

[Italiangreyhound]

tinfoilhattie (great name) that is a fab job, mystery dinner!

[birdsdestiny]

But to be brutal we don't have to care why those mistakes happen. If I make a mistake at work, and I do make mistakes every week, I accept the consequences. If I was rude to someone at work (and they were rude), I would accept the telling off, the complaint or whatever. The consequence of poor service is that people go elsewhere. It is not the customers job to chase restaurant staff.

[SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius]

Yes, serving customers is their job, as @CaraAspen says - but waiting staff are human too, and can make mistakes or forget things.

I have done worse than what happened to the OP, as a student nurse. We used to have to wheel some patients to the loo, if they weren't allowed to walk there on their own - and you'd leave the wheelchair outside the cubicle and nip off to do something else, to give the patient time and privacy - but sometimes you'd get caught up in whatever else was going on - the wards were busy and we were short staffed - and you'd forget to go back for the poor patient in the bathroom. It was absolutely NOT good patient care, and I berated myself, and apologised profusely to the patient, when it happened - but I was only human, and sometimes I made a mistake.

It sounds as if there was a perfect storm of errors in the OP's experience - she was seated somewhere with used place settings, which might have given the impression that she had already ordered and eaten, and the server who placed her there forgot she had done so and forgot to go back for her order - or maybe she was in a different server's section, and the server who placed her there forgot to tell the other server, or that server forgot they'd been told.

It wasn't good service, and it shouldn't have happened - but people are human and mistakes do happen.

I can understand why the OP found it hard to speak up, given her anxiety and other issues, but had she been able to do so, the situation would have been easily resolved - and I am sure none of the waiting staff would have minded her speaking up, or would have been anything but apologetic for the error and the wait it had caused.

[DontTouchTheMoustache]

Op I understand you're anxiety as I have very similar issues but honestly you wouldn't come across badly in this situation as it looks like a breakdown in communication within the staff. Just a very simple and cheery "excuse me, we'd like to order please. Oh and I think we've mistakenly been sat with used table settings" to a passing waiter would be fine. They will forget the whole encounter as soon as you leave as they deal with so many customers.
I know it can be hard to bring yourself to do these things but just remember that you are doing it for your DD so that she grows up feeling valued and important enough to speak up.

[Aeroflotgirl]

That last two lines of my post was for Desperina, and others who I have noticed have said the same about op.

[Aeroflotgirl]

melj because the op has social anxiety issues and finds tgat very difficult. Your attitude is the same as telling someone with depression not to be so silly and pull their socks up and get out there! The servers job is to seat tge customer at a clean table, give their menus and take their order promptly. If your going to criticise op, please give her some cont structure advice on how to be assertive, instead of bashing her down more, telling her what bad example she is setting to her daughter🤔