To have walked out of this restaurant?

[MellieMGrant]

Took DD out for a nice day together, hair and shopping and lunch etc.

We went to a local mid range chain restaurant which prides itself (and usually delivers on) speedy service, as we wanted to get lunch done and dusted.

We were seated almost immediately, on the end of a long table. The table was filthy, and our place settings were used.

A member of staff came and cleared the rest of the bench and didn't acknowledge us at all. Didn't change our place settings.

We sat there, ignored, for almost twenty five minutes. I tried to make eye contact with at least two staff members but got nowhere.

A family were seated behind us and had their orders taken and drinks brought over while we were there.

I'm not particularly assertive and didn't want to make a fuss in front of DD anyway, so we just got up and left. Ended up going to Subway instead as we were really hungry by that point.

Was I being unreasonable? We often go out for lunch on a Saturday and I've never had such a poor experience, no matter how busy they are.

I feel a bit guilty for walking out but I'm not sure what else I should have done. Is a twenty odd minute wait at a dirty table too long or was I just hangry and irritable?

[Trifleorbust]

Come on, she is not a 'victim'

[graciestocksfield]

The staff could have done better but I'm not sure that it's fair to post negative review in the circumstances because the ops distress was caused by her anxiety and not the restaurant.

Yes it is fair. The restaurant staff need to have some fucking common sense and come over and ask. Unfortunately they couldn't be arsed. Unfortunately they'll get a bad review.

[Clandestino]

Come on, she is not a 'victim' hmm

It was meant in a very figurative way. She goes to a restaurant, gets a shitty service and then she is told she only has herself to blame because she didn't speak up? This was a restaurant, ffs! You expect the waiter to clear the table, know what is going on, know that that table needs to be cleaned and new guests have their order taken. It's not the OP's business to teach them that.
They get a well deserved bad review. If they learn from it, good. If not, they'll get more bad reviews.

[neonrainbow]

Figurative or not using a phrase like victim blaming which is normally associated with things like rape devalues the phrase and makes it meaningless when it's associated with mundane everyday situations like this.

[Sunnyjac]

Good opportunity to to practice being assertive! Being assertive means to take account of your needs (in this case to be attended to) and the other person's needs (not shouting or being rude, politely asking for staff to clear up and bring you a menu). No fuss needed and a good opportunity to model assertiveness to your daughter. Good luck next time!

[TizzyDongue]

Once I went in to a restaurant, got seated and served drinks/given menus. Twenty five minutes later we still couldn't, despite trying, get any of the waiting staff to take our order. We finished our drinks and left. That could be seen as unreason. What you did isn't

Just learn from it OP, you might not be able to speak up but promise yourself if it ever happens again (anywhere) then don't stay more than 10mins. You'll be in control of the situation then and won't beat yourself up afterwards like you are now.

[DoNotBlameMeIVotedRemain]

I agree with Sunnnyjac. No need to be a big deal just say 'excuse me!' loudly to waiter (or even go over to him).Then say 'please could you sort out the table we are ready to order now?'. No need for a big song and dance and no way the waiting would do anything to you food. You are not complaining just asking to order. I always tell my kids to use the words. This all OP needed to do.

[Trifleorbust]

Clandestino: Okay, but sometimes victim blaming is serious and consequential, so best to reserve the wording for when it is appropriate?

[Trifleorbust]

Clandestino: Okay, but sometimes victim blaming is serious and consequential, so best to reserve the wording for when it is appropriate?

[MudCity]

Goodness me.

You have a choice in these situations.....either to walk out all disgruntled, unfed and irritated for the rest of the day or to initiate contact with a waiter and ask if you can place an order. Yes, in an ideal world you wouldn't have been overlooked but this sort of thing happens from time to time in a busy restaurant. Chances are they would have apologised and all this would not have been necessary.

YABU to have written a review. YABU not to have spoken directly to a waiter. If nothing else, let this be the turning point and seek some help with assertiveness. Learn stock phrases that will help you in these situations. Don't blame the restaurant or other people.

[AwaywiththePixies27]

I think people are missing the point.

They shouldn't have put themselves in a position of needing to put something right in the first place.

I have never in my life been seated at a dirty table. That alone would trigger my OCD piss me off. Even if they're had been a time, the waitress would have sat them down, "sorry OP, I'll get someone to clean this up asap, we're really busy at the moment". Only that didnt happen. If you'd have gone around your friends house and found that you'd have sat at the dinner table and made excuses not to eat. You expect better service when you're paying for it. After being seated too, I've never waited longer than ten minutes before someone has came up to us and asked what we'd like to order, no matter how busy they were, this was even the case in Leicester Square in London once in a very busy restaurant (queues outside for seats in the height of summer on a Friday night).

They were rude. They clearly walked past and ignored a customer they knew was already waiting having seated OP half an hour before. Not busy.

[birdsdestiny]

I don't think it is the op s job to manage staff in a restaurant. If they don't know the basics of service (knowing who needs service, clearing tables etc) then their business will fail. There are thousands of restaurants where you don't have to organise the staff. I would have walked out earlier and I wouldn't have been chasing staff to clear up or serve me. I don't have to. I just go somewhere else.

[Aeroflotgirl]

Mud tge service was crap so she quite rightly left a bad review, let that be a lesson to them. Not everybody will be able to be assertive, some are very shy, or have special needs! It's is up to the staff to manage effectively their restaurant, and be attentive.

[Aeroflotgirl]

Besides a customer shoukd not have to remind staff. I have eaten in all types of restaurants over the years, and have never been treated like op!

[Aeroflotgirl]

The waiting staff were not only inattentive, but rude. Always when they are clearing the table from the next customer, they tell me, I am sorry, we will be with you in a minute, they put new table settings, give us menus and take our order a little later. If they want business, they better change their attitude.

[HilairHilair]

Even if they're had been a time, the waitress would have sat them down, "sorry OP, I'll get someone to clean this up asap, we're really busy at the moment". Only that didnt happen

OP I feel for you.

YANBU

But I can understand why it's still eating at you. I have walked out of restaurants because of bad/non-existent service a couple of times, but been left fuming.

And then I worked out why - my walking out left no trace. So now, I have trained myself to speak up. So now I DO say something. The first coupe of times was a bit difficult & my voice was wobbly. But it meant that I didn't leave fuming and feeling stupid.

I once refused to pay the standard service charge at a restaurant and asked to see the manager to explain why - it was because I had been - like you - ignored & not been brought what I'd ordered etc etc. I'd noted that others arriving after me were served before me etc etc.

I always find that it tests a restaurant's standards of service being a middle-aged woman eating on my own. It's the standard of invisibility, and I do find it interesting to see how I'm treated. Generally cheap & cheerful noodle bars (not necessarily chains) are better than most, although I've had some similarly bad service at my local Wagamama's - twice now I come to think of it. Shall have to stop going there.

[AwaywiththePixies27]

OP I suffer from anxiety and I can't speak up when going through my particular bad periods. An old friend used to say to me "It's always best to grasp the nettles" and I've tried to remember this all the times I've needed to be assertive.

Start off with the little things, it does get easier.

You did nothing wrong in leaving a bad review. In an age of social media which everyone is well aware of, why else do companies have dedicated social media teams purely to deal with online complaints otherwise? If they blanked you for that long, it's obviously a risk they've been willing to take!

[Italiangreyhound]

Square what about people why are mute or don"t speak English? Do you think they use telepathy to get the staff's attention?

Why the interest in defending and denying bad service?

Rainbow nothing bad happened? No, not on a world wide famine scale, of course not. But to sit silently, anxiously waiting at a dirty table with your child does not sound nice!

Do you really think the restaurant would have an interest in defending themselves with 'well nothing bad happened!'

You do understand the restaurant is in the business of providing a service to customers. I can imagine lots of people being nervous to speak up! Vet you customers put on their own, people with Lear ing difficulties, language difficulties, anxiety.

The attitude here is very arrogant. Like the OP Doran't deserve to be served!

[Italiangreyhound]

Typo.... "Very young" (e.g. young teans out for their first meal alone) not vet you...

[TinfoilHattie]

I'm a mystery shopper/eater for these sorts of chains - not fast food, but the mid-range places you find in most cities which we all take our kids to. Two of the restaurants mentioned upthread.

All of these chains have key performance indicators and a lot of the things I have to report back on are how long it took to be acknowledged, how long for someone to apporoach you at your table, how long for drinks to come, cleanliness standards and attitude of staff. Managers are often awarded a bonus if their team does well, and as they don't know when a mystery shopper is coming in, it keeps them on their toes.

I have visited the same place every few months for years and service varies massively. Staff won't recognise you unless you're in every week which is why we're not allowed to go back frequently on mystery visits. The service you get depends on the time of day, what manager is on duty, whether the manager is hands-on and supervising staff, or playing on his phone. 9 times out of 10 the service is as expected and I have pretty much nothing to criticise. 1 time out of 10 they get it wrong. are slow or just grumpy. They get honest feedback with detailed descriptions of staff involved in the hope that they take it on board and improve for next time.

Difficulty is that on a mystery visit I can't get up and leave until the visit is complete, even if the service is appalling.

[RaspberryOverloadsOnChilli]

I don't think the OP was BU. I think the staff were being rude, it was poor service.

While years ago I wouldn't have spoken up, age means I'm more bolshy now. But really, it should take a customer to have to speak up to get the staff to do their job of clearing up and sorting clean place settings, taking an order, etc.

About 10 years ago, we were in a busy place, had our order taken, starters served and cleared and then.. nothing. Mains weren't brought out, yet there were people who had sat down after us who had reached the dessert stage and we were still waiting for out mains (so about half an hour, at least). The position of our table meant it wasn't easy trying to catch a waiter to ask, so I went up to the bar and asked when the food would be out, as I had young children who were getting grumpy as they were hungry. Seemed that somehow our mains order hadn't been dealt with properly and the kitchen had missed it. I did get the meal free, and the mains were out pretty promptly after I complained.

But for me, even reaching the point of being that assertive has been a struggle as I've always hated speaking up. I do have to run through it in my head before speaking.

[RaspberryOverloadsOnChilli]

I should proofread better - it shouldn't take a customer

[Aeroflotgirl]

I am outspoken, not rude, but what you call assertive. This has come over the years, I never used to be. Op practise role playing a situation at home with yiur partner or friend, or in the mirror. Like when you caught the waitress eye, in addition, say excuse me, nobody has come to clear place settings and taken out orders, can somebody do that please!

[SoulAccount]

I don't see why you would feel guilty . It's up to you!

I am with others. You will enjoy yourself more if you get used to speaking up. No one wants Subway on a nice day out!

It is in no way 'making a fuss' to say 'excuse me , could someone take out order and clear the table, please?'

[TizzyDongue]

Well I totally missed the two middle pages!! So you left a negative comment! If it was that you were overlooked and left at a dirty table so what - you actually were: it's the truth!!