To have walked out of this restaurant?

[MellieMGrant]

Took DD out for a nice day together, hair and shopping and lunch etc.

We went to a local mid range chain restaurant which prides itself (and usually delivers on) speedy service, as we wanted to get lunch done and dusted.

We were seated almost immediately, on the end of a long table. The table was filthy, and our place settings were used.

A member of staff came and cleared the rest of the bench and didn't acknowledge us at all. Didn't change our place settings.

We sat there, ignored, for almost twenty five minutes. I tried to make eye contact with at least two staff members but got nowhere.

A family were seated behind us and had their orders taken and drinks brought over while we were there.

I'm not particularly assertive and didn't want to make a fuss in front of DD anyway, so we just got up and left. Ended up going to Subway instead as we were really hungry by that point.

Was I being unreasonable? We often go out for lunch on a Saturday and I've never had such a poor experience, no matter how busy they are.

I feel a bit guilty for walking out but I'm not sure what else I should have done. Is a twenty odd minute wait at a dirty table too long or was I just hangry and irritable?

[Aeroflotgirl]

Exactly, op has every right to leave a negative comment, her treatment was well below par, left at a dirty table, no acknowlegement, or any staff attending to her. What if op had SN that she could not speak, or she has social anxiety issues, that is really not acceptable. It is the restaurants staff responsibility, to seat customers at a clean table, and take their orders promptly, not just leaving them there at a dirty table.

[Aeroflotgirl]

Has the restaurant replied to your comment yet?

[melj1213]

what about people why are mute or don"t speak English? Do you think they use telepathy to get the staff's attention?

Seriously Italian?! You're comparing the OP choosing not to say anything to being mute or having no grasp of English?

I would assume that someone who is mute would have a strategy for communicating in a restaurant - whether that's writing stuff down, pointing to things they want, having someone with them who can "speak for them" etc - because how are they expecting their waiter to know what they want if they can't somehow show that, even if it's not in spoken words?

As for them not being English ... I lived in Spain for 10 years, when I first moved away I didn't speak any Spanish beyond "hola/adios/gracias/por favor" but I still managed to make myself known and understood in restaurants. Yes my order was sometimes a bit wrong, but in those scenarios the onus is on me to deal with it - I am in a foreign country so unless the restaurant clearly advertises that they speak English, they have no obligation to understand me because I don't speak the language, and I have to make sure that I can be understood or accept that I might not get exactly what I want.

Neither of those things stops me from waving or giving some other explicit but non-verbal clue to the staff that I want their attention.

Rainbow nothing bad happened? No, not on a world wide famine scale, of course not. But to sit silently, anxiously waiting at a dirty table with your child does not sound nice!

It might not be nice, but it was entirely avoidable if the OP had just spoken up at the time!

Yes the onus is on the restaurant to give good service but everyone can make a mistake and it's not fair to stubbornly refuse to say anything that would draw attention to the mistake and get it rectified. Especially when you then go online to post a scathing review about how bad the service was. That is not expecting the OP to manage the staff, or doing anything unreasonable, it is purely asking someone to be pro-active about their needs.

It would be like if I went into a supermarket to buy bread, there was none of the brand I like on the shop floor, nobody was restocking it but there were staff doing other jobs and instead of asking one of them if they could check whether they had some more in stock I stood in front of the empty shelf for ages before going home and writing to corporate about how terrible the service was. In my supermarket if someone did that they'd get a reply apologising for the bad service they recieved but then advising them that in future if they had flagged their issue up to any member of staff while they were in the store then the staff would have been more than happy to do whatever was possible to get them what they want.

Yes the onus is on the supermarket to make sure there are products on the shelf but if they aren't you can stubbornly refuse to bring it to the staff's attention and leave without what you came for on principle ... or you can accept that what you want isn't going to appear out of nowhere and do something that will make it happen - by being pro-active about getting the issue resolved.

[EwanWhosearmy]

My DD is very well trained and will go and find a member of staff if we've been waiting a while.

[birdsdestiny]

But she doesn't need to chase them. Just go to a restaurant where the service is good. I don't go back to supermarkets that have low stock either, because there are plenty of shops that do.

[CaraAspen]

I found what the mystery shopper had to say very interesting and it is good to know that there are repercussions if customer service is poor and frankly below standard.

There are people arguing the toss here just for the sake of it. Those contributions I gloss over and ignore.

The OP was quite right to walk out. THAT is being proactive. Why should anyone waste further time in a situation such as she describes.

[CaraAspen]

YOU SHOULD NOT HAVE TO ASK THOSE PEOPLE TO SERVE YOU. THAT IS THEIR JOB.

[andontothenext]

I think you need to work on your assertiveness a bit

[reuset]

I agree with Cara here. OP was right to leave.

I'd have done the same and I have no problem being assertive

[AllllGooone]

YOU SHOULD NOT HAVE TO ASK THOSE PEOPLE TO SERVE YOU. THAT IS THEIR JOB.

100%

[melj1213]

No you shouldn't have to, but why would you be so stubborn as to refuse to ask someone when it can get you what you want with minimal fuss?

[Desperina]

Yanbu but I would address my assertiveness if I were you. You are setting an example for your DD here and there is no shame in getting a waiter's attention politely.

[Aeroflotgirl]

melj because the op has social anxiety issues and finds tgat very difficult. Your attitude is the same as telling someone with depression not to be so silly and pull their socks up and get out there! The servers job is to seat tge customer at a clean table, give their menus and take their order promptly. If your going to criticise op, please give her some cont structure advice on how to be assertive, instead of bashing her down more, telling her what bad example she is setting to her daughter🤔

[Aeroflotgirl]

That last two lines of my post was for Desperina, and others who I have noticed have said the same about op.

[DontTouchTheMoustache]

Op I understand you're anxiety as I have very similar issues but honestly you wouldn't come across badly in this situation as it looks like a breakdown in communication within the staff. Just a very simple and cheery "excuse me, we'd like to order please. Oh and I think we've mistakenly been sat with used table settings" to a passing waiter would be fine. They will forget the whole encounter as soon as you leave as they deal with so many customers.
I know it can be hard to bring yourself to do these things but just remember that you are doing it for your DD so that she grows up feeling valued and important enough to speak up.

[SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius]

Yes, serving customers is their job, as @CaraAspen says - but waiting staff are human too, and can make mistakes or forget things.

I have done worse than what happened to the OP, as a student nurse. We used to have to wheel some patients to the loo, if they weren't allowed to walk there on their own - and you'd leave the wheelchair outside the cubicle and nip off to do something else, to give the patient time and privacy - but sometimes you'd get caught up in whatever else was going on - the wards were busy and we were short staffed - and you'd forget to go back for the poor patient in the bathroom. It was absolutely NOT good patient care, and I berated myself, and apologised profusely to the patient, when it happened - but I was only human, and sometimes I made a mistake.

It sounds as if there was a perfect storm of errors in the OP's experience - she was seated somewhere with used place settings, which might have given the impression that she had already ordered and eaten, and the server who placed her there forgot she had done so and forgot to go back for her order - or maybe she was in a different server's section, and the server who placed her there forgot to tell the other server, or that server forgot they'd been told.

It wasn't good service, and it shouldn't have happened - but people are human and mistakes do happen.

I can understand why the OP found it hard to speak up, given her anxiety and other issues, but had she been able to do so, the situation would have been easily resolved - and I am sure none of the waiting staff would have minded her speaking up, or would have been anything but apologetic for the error and the wait it had caused.

[birdsdestiny]

But to be brutal we don't have to care why those mistakes happen. If I make a mistake at work, and I do make mistakes every week, I accept the consequences. If I was rude to someone at work (and they were rude), I would accept the telling off, the complaint or whatever. The consequence of poor service is that people go elsewhere. It is not the customers job to chase restaurant staff.

[Italiangreyhound]

tinfoilhattie (great name) that is a fab job, mystery dinner!

[Italiangreyhound]

Ando and Desparado I guess you have not read the OP's updates.

Seriously Melj the OP is not choosing to not do something. My friends child has selective mutisn. This name is wrong because she is not selecting not to talk!

Neither is she being stubborn.

There are timrs she finds it very hard to speak. If someone came to take her order she might speak or might point to the menu (I would imagine) but catching a waiting staff's attention verbally might be beyond her. What do you not get about this!

"Yes the onus is on the restaurant to give good service..." My goodness you have it. The restaurant who wants our custom and money is responsible for the customers experience.

"...not fair to stubbornly refuse to say anything that would draw attention to the mistake and get it rectified."

Are you capable of understanding that this is not something the Op can control at the moment. However your anxiety manifests, that is your experience. Anxiety manifests differently.

Bear in mind the restaurant can't make up the time the OP has sat there. They can"t rectify their mistake, of ignoring the OP. All they could have done was continue the visit in a better way.

The bread example doesn't have the same implications. Yes, if the store has items in stock not on the shelves it is a failure and the OP might feel hard done by. Sje might shop elsewhere. A customer may also not appreciate 'advice' on how they can help the store stock their shelves better and make more money!

Anyway, it is not the same as sitting in full view at a dirty table with menus. If the system for working out who has, and who has not, ordered is not working it is the fault of the restaurant.

Let's agree to differ.

[EastMidsMummy]

I'm laughing at people making random suggestions at what restaurant this was, as surely it could have been any branch of any chain on a bad day.

[EastMidsMummy]

YOU SHOULD NOT HAVE TO ASK THOSE PEOPLE TO SERVE YOU. THAT IS THEIR JOB.

Yes, but you're not helping yourself or your anxiety issues to not say "Can we order now, please" when you catch someone's eye, rather than waiting in vain for them to speak because THAT IS THEIR JOB.

[Italiangreyhound]

East what about those people in wheelchairs not helping themselves into restaurants due to steep steps?

Mental health issues can be just as debilitating as physical disabilities but they are hidden.

[TinfoilHattie]

Mystery eating is great - I enjoy it very much.

But it's not lucrative. Usually allI get is the cost reimbursed. So if you have to drive into town and park it's costing money. But I get lots of lunches out and some nice hotel stays a few times a year too. Also my friends think it's wonderful that they're often asked to be my plus one.

On the flip side, it's hard to switch off when you go out and it's not a work assignment. I find myself mentally making notes of waiter names, descriptions, looking at my watch all the time and marking food out of 10.

[Tartyflette]

The OP received very shabby service. even if she had psyched herself up to speak to someone after 20 minutes or so, it would still have been very shabby service. She had every right to leave a review pointing this out.

Some people find it incredibly hard to complain in person and in a way I can understand that; it can change the mood of the occasion completely and you can never be sure as to how your complaint is taken.

I've had assistants in shops, waiting staff and so on argue the toss with me about a complaint, or spin me ridiculous lines, viz 'Oh, but that is just how it is supposed to be, Madam, ' when something has clearly gone badly wrong in terms of product or service.

I can well understand that people might prefer to just walk out than risk an argument. (not me, though )

[Italiangreyhound]

tin sounds interesting. Do the organisers tell you what to eat?