To think its perfectly normal and there are many of us out there, who really don't think Sex is all that !!!!

[OopsDearyMe]

I was chatting to my neighbour, she and I were chatting about dating and what she said made so much sense. She had also been talking about this in a group of girls when they went for a coffee.

We have both been married and have children, both have had good and bad sex and are now single. The problem is there seems to be an assumption that as an adult we should want sex and it should be something we are meant to be doing. Feature after feature on TV goes on about spicing up the bedroom, sex is better when you are such and such an age.

AIBU to wish just for once there would be a feature on people who really aren't that fussed if they never had sex again!

And to be fed up trying to find a man who is not obsessed with it!

I agree sex is oversold and that it's expected that everyone is doing it with gusto and if you aren't then there is something wrong with you.

I don't agree with it, everyone is different.
Saying that I wouldn't be without it and I've only had one dp that blew my mind and I his, our relationship was great in many other ways but we never got past the honeymoon stage(no one's fault) so I can't say what it would have been like after that.

What I got from that rl was that I wouldn't settle for less than being completely desired in mind and body even if the sex tailed off on either side I'd know I found my match in him,I haven't found anyone who knows how I tick after that rl and I'm not searching as I do perfectly well single for the moment.

It is very overrated for women but on the other hand, it is no surprise women go off it when it is crap.
The right person giving you good sex can be very nice. I'm also ok with long periods of no sex too myself

loco Four years, two kids.

Sex is a massive part of my relationships really, it isn't for everyone, but it is for me. And that's fine, the same as it's fine for you.

I am not a fan.

I do it with DP because it's expected but I am really not bothered. I hope he has no idea.

I do feel closer to him afterwards but I don't think it's necessary.

Sex was a massive part of my relationship at the start. 11 years and five childen later it's changed and I think that's quite normal.

Surely it's a completely personal thing though? If I wasn't having sex in six years time I'd be really worried about my marriage and very unhappy. But that's my marriage, so it's no comment on your marriage, as people are taking it. We've got two under four and still have sex most days because it's important to us, even in those newborn days.

Ryan totally agree. I've been through a sexless relationship and it's killed itself dead. I will never do that again. But that's just me - I realise a minority of people are happy to live without sex and while I don't understand that, it's about whatever works. It's no more inevitable that children and tiredness kill your desire for sex any more than it might kill your desire to eat.

Saucy jack - wonderful! I will now learn to cross-stitch. My only qualm is that TGL invented humans to open cans for cats, not to distract humans from sex. Just saying.

Ms Hoolies Cardigan, what a GORGEOUS kitty. No wonder you prefer snuggles with the gorgeous one to your DH. I am sure that all red-blooded, kitty loving women will agree.

Totally agree with gameandwatch. I'm not asexual, I've had heaps of partners and loads of mind blowing sex. But in a ltr, it fades. I'm really concerned that when people think 'the sex must be awesome or else it's time to move on' then they will have a lifetime of serial monogamy ahead of them and grow old alone.

What if the kind, loving, respectful partner is the one with whom the sparks fade, but Mr unkind, angry, dominant or whatever shags like a demon? I'll bet that's what influences so many women to stay in shit relationships with uncaring men - they mistake sexual urgency for love.

What if the kind, loving, respectful partner is the one with whom the sparks fade, but Mr unkind, angry, dominant or whatever shags like a demon? I'll bet that's what influences so many women to stay in shit relationships with uncaring men - they mistake sexual urgency for love.

I have both. The sex gets hotter as we have gone through tough times as we get closer together. My DP has supported me lovingly through two kids and a loss. He's the right one with or without the sex. I wouldn't leave him if we weren't having sex, but I would be working hard on it and would be unhappy.
I think those are massive assumptions you're jumping to.

I love sex. I have a stupidly high sex drive which has not waned through 4 kids. I'm even hornier when pregnant and always desperate to get back at it after the obligatory 2 week wait post birth.

I always feel as if it's some sort of embarrassing admission to say the above though. As if i'm letting the side down somehow. So strangely i guess i feel the opposite of you OP.

Shagging with DH is bloody fantastic and is one of the few things that i get very excited about which doesn't cost a lot of money or make me fat.

But in a ltr, it fades.

In your experience, Morris. That isn't true of everyone. Why generalise?

I'm not bothered. But I think that's because my brain, emotions and mind need to be engaged before I feel interested. We dtd sometimes,but don't kiss and so for me, my mind isn't engaged and I'm going through the motions, it is mechanical. It's another job on my list to be ticked off.

Sex fog is great while it lasts but I have a job, laundry to do and my telly programmes to catch up on. I can't live a relaxed and productive life if my primary drive is my next shag. Nor can I work worth a jot if I spend all day mentally reliving that amazing thing Nils the Norwegian did to me last night. I don't want to live my life high on sex or its smelly aftermath.

Laiste The two week wait was the worst time of my life. I only made it 11 days with the uncomplicated second

I'm not making assumptions. The vast majority of relationships start off with tons of sex then settle down. You are literally the first person I've spoken to in 45 years on earth who has more sex ten years in than in the first year. If your pattern is as common as mine, I'll eat my hat.

With respect, I'm not sure this thread is for you anyway. Women who feel great without sex aren't really looking to hear about your endless hot shagging. I'm pretty sure that wasn't what op started the thread to ask about.

It is AIBU so yes, I thought the OP would appreciate opinions from all sides. But fuck me for trying to encourage a conversation and give another perspective.

Ah, so a thread asking "is this normal?" is only open to people prepared to agree that it is. Glad we cleared that up.

I'm not sure I could totally give up sex but me and DH probably only have sex about 4 or 5 times a year. I always orgasm and I enjoy it when we do - it's just that life and tiredness get in the way. I'm pretty sure DH and me just have an equally low sex drive. I noticed a thread the other day about a woman's new partner who was a 26 year old virgin - she was worried about his sex drive and lots of people suggested he must have a low sex drive. Curious that when I met my DH he was a 27 year old virgin. I'm happy - we are a good match x

Q: is it normal to dislike Game of Thrones?

A: No, because I love it and have all the box sets.

Yes because TV and sex are clearly equivalent.

I'm confident some would give that answer to be honest because it's an opinion, and a post in AIBU, not a support thread.

I'm in a strange situation where I've never been able to orgasm during sex (don't mean PiV, any kind of sexual contact). So very ambivalent about sex, could happily live without it.

Even DIY-ing, it takes 45 mins - 1 hour to achieve orgasm. And most of the time I just can't be bothered with such a palaver.

For the past few months, I've been having back problems (levator ani, I think). Had horrendous 2 days of it over my last period.

But hey presto! I can now fucking orgasm at the DROP OF A HAT. Within 1 minute of starting would be fast, 5 minutes would be slooooow.

It's a bit of a surreal experience, and although my libido is still very low, and I'm not currently in a relationship, I could imagine myself wanting to have sex and seeing it as less of a chore, if this state of affairs were to continue.

Laiste The two week wait was the worst time of my life. I only made it 11 days with the uncomplicated second......

I thought it was a 6 week wait these days?

Anyway, I was talking to a woman at work who occasionally mentions her and her DH's sex life and she was saying that they couldn't wait for the 6 week rule after the birth of their latest son (who is now two) and by the time three weeks came round they gave in because they both HAD to have it.

I honestly can't imagine being that reliant on sex that you can't even go 14 days without it. Is it something you actually crave and need and you physically can't go two weeks without it? Is it frustration you feel or anger that you can't? Or is it just lust? I'm just struggling to comprehend how after 11 days of giving birth you HAVE to have sex again. I'm genuinely just curious because it fascinates me.

Me and DH didn't have sex for 14 months after the birth of DS and even then I only did it because I felt like I should be doing it.

Sometimes when I listen to colleagues talk about their sex lives it makes me feel incredibly shit about myself. I really do feel like something is fundamentally wrong with me just because I don't have a physical need for sex like other people seem to have.