To think its perfectly normal and there are many of us out there, who really don't think Sex is all that !!!!

[OopsDearyMe]

I was chatting to my neighbour, she and I were chatting about dating and what she said made so much sense. She had also been talking about this in a group of girls when they went for a coffee.

We have both been married and have children, both have had good and bad sex and are now single. The problem is there seems to be an assumption that as an adult we should want sex and it should be something we are meant to be doing. Feature after feature on TV goes on about spicing up the bedroom, sex is better when you are such and such an age.

AIBU to wish just for once there would be a feature on people who really aren't that fussed if they never had sex again!

And to be fed up trying to find a man who is not obsessed with it!

I agree maqueen. Although I've had 3 babies in the last 3 years which has somewhat dampened my ardour as by the end of the day, I do not one want one more person touching my boobs

However, if we manage to sneak off for a bit all seems to be well so hoping that's a good sign

But - that aside - I do think everyone is different (cliche!) and as long as both partners are happy, then that's all that matters

I feel this way too but have learned the hard way not to presume it's ok within a marriage. Thought my DH felt the same way but discovered recently that he's been having an affair for more than 4 years.

I'm hugely physically attracted to my partner. It just doesn't translate to me getting him to shove his penis in me.

It is possible to have a happy and intimate relationship without lots of sex.

Will people stop with telling those of us who don't really fancy it that we are broken some how.

It's like saying 'you don't like cake, damn you are all kinds of wrong. You must be so unhappy with your life. I must label you instantly rather than realising that other people have different opinions on cake.'

I like sex and I am attracted to my partner. However, I wouldn't dream of saying everyone should be like that. Someone has to do stuff while I'm wasting my life having sex.

Everyone's relationship is odd. If you are happy with your kind of odd then brilliant.

Aw thanks to the people replying to me feeling the same! I'm thinking it's either the contraception but I've also been really stressed he last few years plus with being LD right now with DP there's a lot of pressure to have sex when we do see each other ( not from DP but from me feeling guilty), plus I also don't orgasm from penetration so it's not like that can work towards it. I also get in the mood mostly in the afternoon or morning, rarely at night but I need DP to come on to me quite dominatively to get me in the mood ... but when I don't want it and he starts with the groping then I snap at him so I've left him at a bit of a loss as to what to do ... sigh one day I'll figure it out

If I had sex without orgasm I would just not bother, because if you don't orgasm you really can't be getting much out of it, as it's just lots of thrashing around and groping!

ImGonnaSingTheDoom I could have written your post word for word! Although am in the middle of a sex lull whilst BF number 2. I found myself saying to DP the other night exactly what you said in your post re needing affection/physical closeness without expectation to get in the mood.

I'm one of the lucky buggers who has always been able to come really easily and quickly through PIV, so that's not the obstacle for me. I'd be interested to read the Come as You are book too.

I don't like sex. I don't get it. I have never really liked it. When i was young it was more about the fact i had a boy finding me attractive and sexy, that kind of power.

I can orgasm easily enough. The rare occasions i can be bothered i feel more like it's a job done, don't need to bother for a while. It's not fun, enjoyable, just a physical release.

Sex is sold as this amazing thing we should all want. If we don't, it's not the right man or we've never had good sex. The men and the sex have been good enough, i just don't see what the fuss is about.

I used to love sex in my younger days. Haven't had sex since last summer shortly before h and I separated. Haven't missed it for a moment and have no desire to dtd again, it's like somebody turned off my switch when I had dc. My sex life with h was always very dissatisfying as he had issues with premature ejaculation and it put me right off!

Brilliant thread!

quodlibet that's interesting you are the same. I think for me, my desire is hugely linked to my hormones. Bizarrely I was incredibly horny a couple of weeks after a miscarriage last year, I think maybe my body was desperate to replace what it lost.

I also know when I am ovulating as I get much more in the mood and feel much sexier,/ feel confident in more revealing clothing etc.

Funnily enough I find it quite easy to come through PIV too (lucky me!) so long as I have oral to start me off, though not always necessary.

If anything I think this thread goes to show that everybody is very different and whilst some people may not be into sex because they are with the wrong person or have never had really satisfying sex there are obviously a lot of people for whom it just really isn't an important part of their life.

And you really, really can't generalise about it.

I'm another one who wouldn't be bothered if I never had sex again. I've had lots of sex that's been enjoyable but never mind blowing. Sex used to be seen as something that women had to endure and women who enjoyed or actually sought out sex were seen as lacking morals/virtue- look at the way that unmarried mothers were treated. Feminism fought for women's right to enjoy sex and to have 'no strings' sex without being judged which is obviously a good thing. However, I think there is a downside in that some women find it hard to accept that some women simply aren't that interested in sex - they get told that they must be doing it with the wrong person or they don't know what they're missing or given loads of advice about sex toys and how to increase their libido. It becomes another thing to think that you're doing 'wrong'. I enjoy sleeping with my purring furry cat to my snoring, farting DH.

Haven't had sex for 15 years. Don't miss it and don't care. I like my freedom and am having too much of a good time to bother with men (other than as friends) and sex.

I felt like this with my exH - honestly felt like I just wasn't into sex at all. Then I left and experienced the mind-blowing body-and-soul type and now I can't imagine getting into a new relationship where I don't crave sex with my partner. I'd rather stay single to be honest than have a dull sexual relationship. So it was there all along, and I WAS with the wrong person. And I loved him and all, there just wasn't that right connection.

The first experience of the mind-blowing variety was with someone I'd known for a long time but only as a friend. At one point we both sat up and stared at each other like "what the hell is happening here?" because it was like nothing else either of us had ever experienced. A genuinely life-changing moment!

I hated sex with exh. He made my flesh crawl.
However my partner of three years has made me realise I'm not a frigid bitch, as I was so lovingly called for many years.
And at 57, I am dispelling the myth that menopausal women have no sex drive. 😀

I remember being 20 and having sex with one of my boyfriends who I thought I was in so in love with. All I could think 'is this it?'
We were together 5 years and never enjoyed it.
I met my now husband and realised it wasn't the sex, it was the person.

I've been sexually active for 18 years and only one man has ever made me orgasm through PIV.

I'm another one here who thinks it's overrated. I just really can't be bothered with it. I would rather spend three minutes with my vibrator than 30 minutes of thrashing and groping for no real reason apart from the fact that people "should want sex"

I work long hours in a stressful job and have a 2 year old to chase after on my days off so I'm too tired for sex anyway then bedtime comes around - I just want to settle down under the duvet with a good book (and my vibrator of course).

I have been very happily married for 30 years (not first marriage). We stopped having sex 18 years ago after dh had a heart attack and we haven't bothered since. We realised after a few years how long it had been and found to our delight that we both preferred cuddles . It was great sex in the early years though but we don't miss it now.

Crispsheets and happiness- nice anecdotes but again they feed into the "you just need the right man" hypothesis

I love sex. When I was younger I thought it was okay, but didn't see what the fuss was all about! When I met DH in my mid-20s this all changed, I think I was finally having sex with the right person! 8 years later I still love to have sex with him, it's really important too us (If a bit less frequent what with 2 small people hanging around!).

Sex is so massively over rated, both as a pastime and as a general indicator of life happiness. My DP is objectively gorgeous and I love hugging him, but neither of us can be fagged having sex any more.

I've had loads of sexual experiences in my life, from random outrageous encounters to 'married sex', so I do know what I'm 'missing out on'.

I've had years of amazing sex with DP but fuck it, I'm middle aged now and it just doesn't appeal. How odd that so many people think I should somehow try harder to do something enjoyable. It's literally hassling people to eat cake.

My husband is gorgeous, I still get butterflies when I look at him, I love looking at him and I am very attracted to him. We certainly have had fantastic sex and our marriage is happy.

Like another poster said, it just doesn't translate to wanting to shag him often because I'm tired, we have teens who are always up later than us and it can make it awkward at times. Sex gives me thrush, no matter what we have tried and how many times both of us have been treated I still end up with thrush 8 times out of 10.

I love being intimate with him, I love having a good orgasm but I could also live happily without sex as long as we have other forms of intimacy. Speaking to friends and female relatives it seems more common that people feel the same as me.

There is nothing wrong with me or my marriage and dh is not a crap shag.

I remember reading somewhere that out of straight men, straight women, gay men and gay women - it's straight women (as a group) who're having the least satisfying sex!

Is it any wonder then, that many straight women aren't that bothered, either way?

I don't know if scientists have ever studied this but I wonder if other related species (like primates) continue to have sex beyond child bearing age, or indeed if early human females did, and, if not, if that was due to lack of interest by males who were only intereted in the fertile ones, or lack of interest on their own part (i.e. no biological urge to reproduce).

I guess my point is that society is v focused on youth for females so is the continued interst beyond child bearing age biologically normal or a social construct (i.e. part of wanting to be youthful)?

Nobody I know outside MN thinks sex is insignificant in a relationship.

People say this thought of thing all the time on here, but I can honestly say that I have never asked anyone I know in RL how significant they think sex is in a relationship.