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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think its perfectly normal and there are many of us out there, who really don't think Sex is all that !!!!

171 replies

OopsDearyMe · 03/03/2017 22:23

I was chatting to my neighbour, she and I were chatting about dating and what she said made so much sense. She had also been talking about this in a group of girls when they went for a coffee.

We have both been married and have children, both have had good and bad sex and are now single. The problem is there seems to be an assumption that as an adult we should want sex and it should be something we are meant to be doing. Feature after feature on TV goes on about spicing up the bedroom, sex is better when you are such and such an age.

AIBU to wish just for once there would be a feature on people who really aren't that fussed if they never had sex again!

And to be fed up trying to find a man who is not obsessed with it!

OP posts:
purplewaterbottle · 03/03/2017 22:27

Yeah, I'm not bothered by it. Often forget I'm supposed to be having it! My DH and I are just as happy and in love as any other couple.

Klaphat · 03/03/2017 22:44

I have on occasion wondered how differently everyone would feel (regardless of where they feel they stand on it all now) if the idea of sex wasn't so focused on PIV. If it was focused on orgasming in general, for both parties, for example, with no emphasis on PIV being a necessary element. I think loads of women are less than keen on PIV because it does virtually nothing for them (before we go into all the ways messages about PIV and sex in general and women's bodies in society can be so hard to identify with for women).

Original poster
OopsDearyMe · 04/03/2017 23:02

It often feels like if you don't want it, there must be something wrong with you!

OP posts:
SaucyJack · 04/03/2017 23:10

If the Good Lord had wanted us to think that sex was the be-all and end-all, then He wouldn't have invented cats.

(Although He also invented Tom Hardy so maybe that theory is rubbish)

Fanciedachange17 · 04/03/2017 23:13

Not bothered by the lack of it. Used to get totally fed up with the nightly grope and "duty" obligation of DTD. Exh used to launch his meaty paw straight onto the minge and I was supposed to be instantly ready like a push button machine. His extra small appendage (I'm not kidding here sadly) did not help matters as size did matter (well a normal helping would have been nice). So no, I like going to bed and not being pestered, groped, kept awake by snoring, smells and general flinging of arms. No Madame. It's a happy single life for me. (yay! does little cartwheels of joy)

Fanciedachange17 · 04/03/2017 23:16

And not forgetting those slathering idiots who slapped me on the buttocks and assumed I must be gagging for it after ExH departed with shiny new OW. Actually no chaps, I wasn't missing it and if I was it wouldn't be with you dirty cheating married men. Just saying...

Willyoujustbequiet · 04/03/2017 23:17

I love sex.... again. I went off it or at least I thought I went off it with stbxh. Now I realise it wasn't sex I went off, it was the person.

I cant wrap my head around being in love and attracted to someone and not wanting sex. Medical issues aside.

limon · 04/03/2017 23:17

Yanbu. I simply can't be bothered - and have no energy after work guard all day and rinning a home.

HelenaWay · 04/03/2017 23:31

I think you all must be having sex with the wrong person.

Fanciedachange17 · 04/03/2017 23:35

Most likely Helena. Maybe we are just unlucky or maybe sex doesn't live up to expectations.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 04/03/2017 23:36

YANBU at all. I'm totally with you on this. Couldn't care less if I never had sex again, tbh.

user1471517900 · 04/03/2017 23:36

That person must be knackered mind you Helena

Benedikte2 · 04/03/2017 23:38

I understand that with regards to many women the less they have the less they want.

PoorYorick · 04/03/2017 23:43

I could live without penetration, but I could not cope without orgasm, sexual mental connection or sensuous touch of any kind.

PoorYorick · 04/03/2017 23:46

I have to say, once I had mind blowing sex, and I do mean truly mind blowing, it all made sense to me. I have never felt so fulfilled and at peace and loving towards the entire world; that may sound extreme but it's true. It made me and my partner utterly high. Before that I had always thought 'just a moment's pleasure', but it was far, far more than that. It stays with you forever and unlocks parts of you that you didn't know existed.

Asexuality is of course a thing. Having spoken to a lot of asexual people, it does seem to me that a lot of them might not be truly asexual but have just had awful experiences, or not had any good ones. Not for me to dictate their sexuality of course. It's just the impression I got.

justilou · 04/03/2017 23:52

Just read an article about what women really think about all the new medications available to make a man last longer. Quotes included "OMG - I already wish he'd hurry up and get off me!!!"

SparklyBusinessFuckingFairyNo1 · 04/03/2017 23:53

I'm in a sexless marriage and I realise now that I do miss sex, just not with H.

AnnieAnoniMouse · 05/03/2017 00:04

No one wants crap sex.

I find it hard to understand not wanting good sex. Whether that's lusty new sex, finding new ways with longer term partners or just comfy sex. It's invigorating or connecting, exciting or reconfirming. Meaningless or meaningful. It's many different things.

It's easy to get into a habit of not bothering, the less you have sex the less you want it, the less important it feels...until you have good sex again & remember why it's good, and IMO, important.

RubyBluesey · 05/03/2017 00:07

Agree with Willy... I think it depends on the person on the other end of the sex, if he lights your fire you feel up for it!

SanityAssassin · 05/03/2017 00:11

I can get an orgasm within about 2 minutes of penetrative sex (can't be arsed with foreplay)

In earlier years I( pre DH) picked up and had sex with whoever. Been in this relationship for over 20 years I adore him - really too tired to be arsed with sex - would love a cuddle though.

SanityAssassin · 05/03/2017 00:15

When your DH has unconnected and stormed out the room a couple of times because you didn't look like you were enjoying it - that will kill a marriage - well it has killed mine.

GlobalTechIndustries · 05/03/2017 00:16

It's certainly a nice activity but sometimes it's more the build up I find interesting sort of the chase before the deed. Plus it better to keep it exciting.

YetAnotherSpartacus · 05/03/2017 00:19

Saucy are these your original words? If the Good Lord had wanted us to think that sex was the be-all and end-all, then He wouldn't have invented cats? I just want to know who I am so totally stealing them off. I WANT that embroidered onto one of those sampler things and hung over my fireplace. I want it on a mug. I want the t-shirt. I want the carry-bag... etc.

YetAnotherSpartacus · 05/03/2017 00:20

I find it hard to understand not wanting good sex. Whether that's lusty new sex, finding new ways with longer term partners or just comfy sex. It's invigorating or connecting, exciting or reconfirming. Meaningless or meaningful. It's many different things

Clearly you do not have cats.

PickAChew · 05/03/2017 00:23

Heck no. It's great when I'm in the mood but, mostly, I'm not.

I did 5 years without, with ex, before caving. Not with that twat.

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