To think its perfectly normal and there are many of us out there, who really don't think Sex is all that !!!!

[OopsDearyMe]

I was chatting to my neighbour, she and I were chatting about dating and what she said made so much sense. She had also been talking about this in a group of girls when they went for a coffee.

We have both been married and have children, both have had good and bad sex and are now single. The problem is there seems to be an assumption that as an adult we should want sex and it should be something we are meant to be doing. Feature after feature on TV goes on about spicing up the bedroom, sex is better when you are such and such an age.

AIBU to wish just for once there would be a feature on people who really aren't that fussed if they never had sex again!

And to be fed up trying to find a man who is not obsessed with it!

Cat snuggles would have been preferable, in fact. Only he made me get rid of my lovely cat.

Pick .

I hate sex. I find it boring and messy and a chore. I used to equate sex with affection and love, and did it a lot, so I can't remember if I've always felt this way, or if it's grown with age/childbirth. I suspect I've never really enjoyed it and just pretended.
Two children now, so I never really have to do it again

I screenshotted a fb quote which I usually hate but it struck a chord with me- it said

Life is too short for shitty sex and bad relationships

So go find someone who fucks you right and treats you how you deserve to be treated.

Bit long for a new tattoo but I like it

I would dearly love to be a single woman in my own flat, pleasing myself day to day. It's the guilt I hate the most about not wanting to have sex. Why does his desire to have sex trump mine not to?

Sorry this has got a bit deep and meaningful.

Spartacus. I've had cats, I've had sex. I love both. We even moved to the spare room so we didn't disturb the sleeping cats 😂 They were a slight barrier to spontaneous sex as they weren't the 'jump off the bed sort', more the 'what's going on here, can we play' sort. Little buggers. I'm not quite seeing the necessity of 'either/or' here though 😂

Pickachew. I'm glad you still haven't name changed 😊 You've wised up since then though I hope! No man that asks you to choose is worthy of your time & certainly should been shown the cat flat with a helpful kick up the arse!

I think it has a lot to do with body image and self esteem though. If you arent happy with your body you wont feel sexy. I know when I go to slimming world and get a stone or so off I start to want more sex.

I love sex. I have been single for two and a half years and I can't WAIT to have sex again! but it has to be with someone I have a connection with; I can't do one night stands not anymore, anyway. Hopefully there is someone out there that I can connect with!
I am 45 and I worry that if I don't have sex soon then I will hit the menopause and won't want it ever again!

PeaceLoveAndBiscuits. It doesn't. It really doesn't. However, you both deserve to be getting your needs met in life, sexual or otherwise. If you aren't compatible sexually, or otherwise, then maybe you need to go your own ways. It's lonely & soul destroying being in a relationship when your partner doesn't want to be intimate & doesn't make you feel sexy/wanted. He deserves to be with someone who gives him that & you deserve to either be on your own or with someone else who is happy to be in a sex free relationship. Or you might find you actually enjoy it with the right person. But you need to make it clear to your other half that sex is off the cards, totally & completely. Don't just put him off all the time then 'let him have his way' from time to time, that's not fair on either of you 💐

haveacupoftea. I disagree. I'm massively overweight, meds, health issues etc. It's not going to change and a stone would make f'all difference. I'm very self conscious of my weight. I still feel sexy. I still enjoy sex. I think we need to be very careful not to make women feel even worse about their bodies/weight by perpetuating the myth that only slim is sexy.

Annie, been with lovely dh for 14 years now. We'll both happily go without for a few months! Nice when we both want it, though!

Not saying you cant feel sexy if you're overweight Annie - just that you feel sexier when you're happy in your body. I'm really overweight so i'm sure no one even notices when I get a stone off. But it makes me feel good that i'm taking care of my body. When I slip back into old habits, eat junk and put the weight back on then I dont want sex as much. Its not just about weight, its about exercise, and what youre fueling your body with - for me, and the vast majority of people, that will affect their self esteem and therefore their sex drive.

I bloody hate cats and like sex. Are the two mutually exclusive?

Anyway, have 3 aged 4 and under somdiny feel in the mood very often. I think the more you do it, the more you want it

Pick glad to hear it 😊😊

haveacupoftea. Clearly I totally failed to make my point. My point was that I'm deeply unhappy with my body, I feel like the 'real me' is inside the body I have now. Before health issues, meds etc I liked my body, now I don't. I still feel sexy - it comes from inside, not the outside. It doesn't come from eating brocolli or running, it comes from me as a person.

How can you make such sweeping statements about how 'the vast majority' of people feel? You can't possibly know how the vast majority of people feel, only yourself & what a few others choose to tell you.

Anyway, time to catch a few zzzz's. Night.

I can't be bothered with it.

I hate this notion that if you are not all that fussed about sex then you are doing it wrong or with the wrong person.
If someone said they didn't like chocolate or cats then you wouldn't insist that they have just not been eating the right chocolate or petting the wrong cat.

But no, if you can't be bothered with sex then there is something wrong with you and you must go to the doctor or divorce your husband.

I don't think they're mutually exclusive myself!

Having 3 under 4 is exhausting, it's hardly surprising sleep has more appeal. I also think when you have small children it's easy to feel 'all touched out' by the time you get them into bed. Not to mention just waiting for one of them to cry out or call you if they aren't good sleepers - it doesn't exactly kick start your sex drive! Any Grandparents keen to have them for sleepovers 😬

I'm another who hates being pestered. I'd be perfectly content if I never had sex again in my life.

Take away my HWB however, and you die. In agony.

Sigh I'm 22 and can't be bothered with it - haven't been since I was about 16 and honestly it makes me feel awful when people say it's because you're with the wrong person because I live my DP of 3 years but don't want to live a life of him wanting sex and me having to force myself to do it. We've talked about it and I'm thinking maybe contraception is messing with my libido ... I went on it when I first started having sex and before that was always horny ( maybe because I was 16 though lol) ... idk I want to want to rip his clothes off but I don't .

Definitely lost interest since baby 5 months ago. Hopefully it will pick up.

""I am 45 and I worry that if I don't have sex soon then I will hit the menopause and won't want it ever again!""

I've come through the Menopause and lost my desire to have sex with another person.

I haven't lost my sex drive, I still DIY. Still see the odd man and think "he's fit".

I'm happy being single and living with my disabled adult daughter.

I've spent a lot of time and energy on my sex life, I've had ONS and group sex and everything in between.

It's quite liberating to now, my children have grown up, to have all this time for myself.

It hasn't stopped me wanting to look good, or changed how I dress etc. It's just freed up emotional energy and time.

I was asked by a consultant that I was seeing, for something else, if I wanted to explore meds etc , but I honestly don't.

haveacupoftea, self esteem/sex drive is such a complex issues because many Women seek sexual partners/put up with bad sex, because they have body issues and low self esteem.

Riverdale it probably is the contraception.

I have not had sex for many years, nor do I expect to have sex ever again.

I am fine with that, might feel differently if I had ever had any of this mind blowing sex of which some of you speak.

75% of women do not orgasm during PIV. Those who do have an anatomy where their clitoris is closer to their vagina than the average.

Maybe, if we orgasmed more easily, the exhaustion and being touched out and body image and all the rest of it wouldn't matter.

Riverdale I'm the same age as you and feel similar. No contraception (but one toddler keeping us awake so we're both shattered ) but I remember when I was on contraception it killed my sex drive. Definitely worth looking at and seeing if it's worth changing it, if it's bothering you?

To answer the thread, DH and I are just kind of "meh" about sex. Like yeah ok it's great but you can have just as much fun without the sweating and the mess. I love a good cuddle, messing about and the full monty now and then but I don't get this idea that there is something wrong with you/your relationship/your partner if you're just not that into sex?

@Riverdale I'm the same age too, and I just cannot be bothered at night mostly as I am straight asleep once I get into bed. The last 2 nights , DP and I have fallen asleep on the sofa and woken up at random times in the night. I am always trying to initiate during daylight hours but he doesn't seem overly keen either , maybe we are matched. I don't know. I feel bad, surely he should have a high sex drive , he's 32!

I don't even orgasm through penetrative sex anyway so don't know what I'm worrying about missing haha