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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Huge, massive row with Dsis and her arsehole husband...

275 replies

Flypaperforarseholes · 02/03/2017 23:16

Popped round to see my Dsis and niece this evening. We were having a nice evening, myself and dsis shared a bottle of wine while I trimmed my nieces hair. Niece was chatty and happy. I finished the trim just before Dsis' husband arrived home. Niece immediately fell quiet and rushed out to the utility room to get the hoover to clean up the hair. BIL came into the kitchen where we were just as niece came through with the hoover. BIL didn't greet any of us, looked at the hair on the floor and started shouting about "all this fucking mess!" The house is spotless, just a handful of trimmed hair on the floor. I said "sorry, my fault, pass the hoover Niece". BIL said "it's her hair, she'll clean it up." Then shouted at niece "Move it, you messy fat bitch!"Angry

I was, still am, fucking incensed. How dare he speak to her like that?! She's a lovely, kind, funny, beautiful girl.
He stepped towards my niece and as he is a big bloke (6' 3"), I felt it was physically intimidating. I stepped between them and told him to step back and asked him.who the fuck he thought he was to talk to her like that. He told me to fuck off, I'm her father, this is my house, I pay the fucking bills...Dsis told my niece to go to her room, which she did, crying.
All the while BIL is shouting about me sticking my nose in where it's not wanted, calling me a stupid bitch. He then told Dsis to get me out of 'his" house or he would "throw it (me) through the window".
I was raging and told him he could give it a try but he'd get more than he bargained for if he tried. Dsis told me to get out of the house. I know she may not have had a lot of options but it still fucking hurt.
I left, BIL and myself still shouting at each other.
Now I am worried about my Dsis and niece. I have never particularly liked my BIL but have never seen this side of him before (although I don't see him often) and my Dsis and niece have never mentioned anything like this and seem generally happy. I sentered my Dsis a text on my way home asking if she's ok, she didn't reply. I called her and she didn't answer. Called niece but her mobile is going to answering machine. AIBU to go back round there to check they're ok?

OP posts:
Naughty1205 · 02/03/2017 23:44

*Worra how do you know this happened hours ago? OP only posted recently?

Wdigin2this · 02/03/2017 23:44

Where are you Fly are you OK?

pipsqueak25 · 02/03/2017 23:45

so what's happening op ?

Italiangreyhound · 02/03/2017 23:45

Hope you are OK OP.

notapizzaeater · 02/03/2017 23:54

Hope everything is ok,

Originalfoogirl · 02/03/2017 23:54

Naughty

Because she apparently went "this evening"

PurpleDaisies · 02/03/2017 23:57

I hope you got on ok op.

ilovelamp82 · 02/03/2017 23:58

Did you call the police?

babyunicornvomit · 02/03/2017 23:58

I was called similar things as a young teenager and at the time I thought I dealt fine with being called 'fat cow' 'ugly' etc. but it's really hurt my confidence growing older and it stays with you forever. Be careful and try to help, I'd call the police.

nursy1 · 03/03/2017 00:00

How awful.
I think you can only report to the police what he did to you and not sure what they would do. He threatened physical violence but didn't actually do anything. From a legal point of view he is within his rights to ask you to leave.
However, his behaviour is just so wrong. Needs reporting somewhere - child at risk so I would think social services, child protection officer.
It's really difficult because your sis is obviously very controlled by him.
He sounds really unhinged. You could go round just to check your sis OK but take someone as others have suggested.
If she is ok then I would let it all calm down and have a word just to say that she has your support if she wants to leave

Primaryteach87 · 03/03/2017 00:00

Sounds like domestic abuse. Don't be angry with your sister. I would be tempted to call police or at least tell your sister you are concerned for her/DN welfare.

WorraLiberty · 03/03/2017 00:01

Naughty because assuming the OP is in the UK, this evening was hours ago.

ExplodedCloud · 03/03/2017 00:02

Presumably neighbours could have heard the argument? I'd maybe request a welfare check from the police and ask them to not say it was you.

laurzj82 · 03/03/2017 00:02

Have you called the police OP?

Lilac2727 · 03/03/2017 00:02

Hope are OK. Your poor DN.

MrsTerryPratchett · 03/03/2017 00:03

If the niece is a child, call SS. Not a great idea to go round there, particularly when you are squaring off at the H. Understandable but if he is abusive, he will use that.

KillDora · 03/03/2017 00:06

I agree with calling ss in the morning.

If you think there is a threat of physical danger then call the police. I really think you going round there again will just provoke him right now.

Can you get round there when he is gone to work?

Take some information for women's aid etc. for your sister, maybe childline for your niece? But be prepared for your sister to be less than receptive.

p1nkflam1ngos · 03/03/2017 00:13

I hope all is well. And that this awful p**ck falls down the stairs.

Graphista · 03/03/2017 00:14

Hoping all ok, I would've called police asap, that sounds like there is abuse even violence occurring in that home. Don't be angry with dsis frustrating as it is she will be emotionally ground down by him.

Original poster
Flypaperforarseholes · 03/03/2017 00:16

Niece called me while I was on way round,she had snuck out was going to go to boyfrieds house. Dsis and prick arguing. Met niece, walking back to my house, have left voicemails for Dsis and text her to say niece is with me. Have called DB,he is going round to check on Dsis.

OP posts:
jollyjester · 03/03/2017 00:17

Hope all is ok op.

I agree with previous posters. Speak to SS and maybe Women's Aid.

highinthesky · 03/03/2017 00:19

Let us know what happens after DB has intervened.

Sounds to me like this is the norm and nothing will change. I've lived through the same as a child and it's just horrible.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 03/03/2017 00:19

So why not the police?

WorraLiberty · 03/03/2017 00:20

This is all very dramatic but do you not think at 20 minutes past midnight, your sister and her husband might be asleep?

I can't get my head around why you've left it from this evening until this hour, to suddenly act? Confused

Fairyflaps · 03/03/2017 00:23

On the information you give it sounds as if both your sister & niece are victims of domestic abuse, and they are both doing what they think they need to do to keep themselves safe. So be careful with any intervention you are considering that you do not escalate the situation and put them at more risk. This could even include leaving womens' aid or childline leaflets at their house - can you imagine his response if he found them, and who he'd be likely to take it out on.
Some advice here: www.nationaldomesticviolencehelpline.org.uk/support-a-friend-or-family-member-experiencing-domestic-violence.aspx