Huge, massive row with Dsis and her arsehole husband...

[Flypaperforarseholes]

Popped round to see my Dsis and niece this evening. We were having a nice evening, myself and dsis shared a bottle of wine while I trimmed my nieces hair. Niece was chatty and happy. I finished the trim just before Dsis' husband arrived home. Niece immediately fell quiet and rushed out to the utility room to get the hoover to clean up the hair. BIL came into the kitchen where we were just as niece came through with the hoover. BIL didn't greet any of us, looked at the hair on the floor and started shouting about "all this fucking mess!" The house is spotless, just a handful of trimmed hair on the floor. I said "sorry, my fault, pass the hoover Niece". BIL said "it's her hair, she'll clean it up." Then shouted at niece "Move it, you messy fat bitch!"

I was, still am, fucking incensed. How dare he speak to her like that?! She's a lovely, kind, funny, beautiful girl.
He stepped towards my niece and as he is a big bloke (6' 3"), I felt it was physically intimidating. I stepped between them and told him to step back and asked him.who the fuck he thought he was to talk to her like that. He told me to fuck off, I'm her father, this is my house, I pay the fucking bills...Dsis told my niece to go to her room, which she did, crying.
All the while BIL is shouting about me sticking my nose in where it's not wanted, calling me a stupid bitch. He then told Dsis to get me out of 'his" house or he would "throw it (me) through the window".
I was raging and told him he could give it a try but he'd get more than he bargained for if he tried. Dsis told me to get out of the house. I know she may not have had a lot of options but it still fucking hurt.
I left, BIL and myself still shouting at each other.
Now I am worried about my Dsis and niece. I have never particularly liked my BIL but have never seen this side of him before (although I don't see him often) and my Dsis and niece have never mentioned anything like this and seem generally happy. I sentered my Dsis a text on my way home asking if she's ok, she didn't reply. I called her and she didn't answer. Called niece but her mobile is going to answering machine. AIBU to go back round there to check they're ok?

So what, daisychain01? Move on to another thread, if you don't believe it. It's not difficult.

OP - hope you're all OK.

Well done op, last night was probably the best thing to happen, it's out in the open now.

Id say offer advice and sighn post to various agencies. Be involved leave open a safe space encourage them.to leave. Dont expect your sister action any of it, on average it takes 7 attempts to leave an abusive relationship. Maybe even say your neice can stay with you for a while if she wants. Also expect your shit for brains bil to blame this all on you. Won't be his fault at all and youll be the one in the wrong.

I hope you're all ok! That's horrific.

Thank you to everyone who has posted messages of support, it's much appreciated.
Before I update, just want to set a few things straight, particularly for WorraLiberty Originalfoogirl and Daisychain01
I'm not sure what anyone else's interpretation of "evening" is. To me, it is anywhere between 6pm and 11pm.
I went round to my Dsis at 8ish, we chatted, caught up and shared a bottle of wine. 15 year old niece came in at 9ish, joined us and I offered to trim her hair. Prick arrived at 10ish, argument ensued, I was asked to leave and did so at around 10.30pm.
Text my Dsis on my way home, apologised if I'd upset her and asked her to let me know she was ok. Got home around 11, called Dsis and niece, left voicemails. I then posted on MN because I was angry and didn't want to overreact, because I wanted to vent and because I wanted to know of I was BU. In am ideal world, I wouldn't need to second guess myself but having made some monumentally shit decisions in the past based on my emotions, I don't always trust my own judgement!
I didn't call the police because I didn't want to alienate my sister and because based on the information I had at the time, I didn't think they would go rushing round there.
I headed back to Dsis' house at 11.30ish and my niece called me while I was on the way. She said her mum and dad were arguing, she had left the house without them knowing and was going to her boyfriends house. I told her I was round the corner and she came to meet me. I asked her if the prick might hurt my Dsis and she said she didn't think so but wasn't sure.
I wanted to get my niece safe but also wanted to check on my Dsis so I called my DB, he said he would check on Dsis and I took my niece back to my house. We walked because I don't drive and even if I did, I wouldn't have last night because I'd had a couple of glasses of wine.
I hope that makes things clear for you.

For those of you who have been lovely and concerned, thank you again, I'll try to bring you up to speed in another post, think this one has rambled on enough!

Phew - I am so glad that they are safely with you. Your sis is lucky to have family close by who will weigh in on your side. The reaction of your niece, hurrying off to get the hoover says it all really. It sounds like they all have to pussyfoot around your BIL and his anger.

• her side not your side

So good to know your DSis and DN have got family to turn to. Now it's out in the open I imagine a lot more abuse will come out. Bet they have been hiding it. It's the shame victims so often feel. Hurray for good strong families! We can overcome so much when we do it together.

Flypaper you've done exactly the right thing. Your primary concern was for your sister and niece. Calling the police may well have put your sister & niece in more danger and escalated the situation even further. It's a tough call.

The important thing is they are safe for the moment and they know you've got their back.

Sounds like they are both realising what a complete arsehole he is, your niece especially. Be careful and stay safe .

You did the right thing. He sounds unpleasant - do t be surprised when he comes begging and she goes running.

Be supportive - the best you can do is ask her to come up with a safety plan.

Maybe a blank text to you when she's in trouble with him? Agree if you will go round and interrupt or call police for her? Or your DB will go round?

Sadly this has predisposed your DN to be attracted to arseholes like him.

Thankfully they both have you

So, to update everyone.
I took niece back to mine while DB went to my Dsis' house. Niece and I talked and she said she hates her father, he has changed in the last year or so and she is certain he hates her "because I'm fat and stupid." The fucking, fucking cunt.
He isn't home a lot so she manages to avoid him, basically by being a shadow in her own home. I now fucking HATE the piece of shit. She said my Dsis is her normal self when he's not around but tiptoes around him when he is and encourages my niece to go to bed before he gets home. A couple of weeks ago, he slapped her across the face "because I'm a mess" and when my Dsis pushed him away, he threw a glass of juice in her face,shoved her across the room and called her a "stupid whore". How the fuck did I not know any of this?! For those of you who have said I'm a good sister and aunt, I'm not. If I was, I'd have seen this. They'd have been able to tell me.

You're clearly a good sister and aunt, OP. They have told you now.

For those of you who have said I'm a good sister and aunt, I'm not. If I was, I'd have seen this. They'd have been able to tell me.

People are very good at hiding abusive relationships and often don't want to admit what's going on because they're ashamed. You couldn't have known.

People are very good at hiding what goes on behind closed doors. All you can do now is support your dsis and dn and help them to get away from him. You have been a good sister/aunt as soon as you knew there was a problem you are doing all you can to help

I would definitely ring social services

You are a good sister and aunt, you intervened when you knew and you've looked after them and got them away. I'd be encouraging them to speak to the police - you will need support if he decides to come round.

I think you are amazing. Well done for standing up for them.
I hope you can help your dsis stay away and be strong.

You most certainly are a great sister and aunt, as soon as you realised what the situation was, you have done something to help. I hope your sister is able to get rid of the bastard.

Fly, you're amazing ! 💐🍷⭐️
I had a knot in my stomach, and a lump in my throat, reading your post.
It brought back very unpleasant memories.
What a lovely Sister and Auntie you are, they are so lucky to have you.
The BIL is an abusive bully, he will never change. Your DS may well go back to him, that is her choice, but your DN shouldn't have to live in fear, treading on egg shells.

Wow. Well done on being there for them and helping them escape, Fly. Your BiL is an utter piece of shit and i hope he now gets everything he deserves. Praying for you all x

You are definitely a good sister and aunt. People hide abuse like this from everyone. I've recently found out about a family member's physical abuse of her now adult children, and no one had a clue. You are being so supportive now, please don't beat yourself up.

@Flypaperforarseholes
Don't you dare think less of yourself for not knowing this!!! You acted IMMEDIATELY upon finding out!!! This has brought back so many memories for myself that I am incensed on your niece's behalf. You have just provided your niece with the most important resource she is going to need to get through this - She now knows that she has an adult who believes her and loves her and she knows that you want to protect her. I assume she knows that she can call on you any time and you will be there for her and provide a safe place. I wish that my aunts had been as fantastic when I asked for help at the same age. That utter, utter, cuntbadger is being verbally and physically abusive and it sounds like (from what you've described) it is escalating and your niece is not safe when he is in the house. Seek help - help your niece seek help. Call SS and the police. Your niece is going to need a lot of help recovering from the constant attacks on her self-esteem. Arsehole!!!

DB called to say he'd been to the house, Dsis was with him and he was bringing her to mine.
They came to mine, DB said he'd heard the prick shouting at Dsis when he knocked at the door so called through the letter box that if the door wasn't open in 5 seconds, he would call the police.
Dsis opened the door, crying. The prick cowered out the kitchen, seems he isn't quite so aggressive around men. DB is built like a brick shit house, he's not at all violent but the prick probably doesn't know that.
DB told Dsis niece was with me and he wasn't leaving them both there - either she was leaving with him or the prick was leaving. Dsis said she wanted to leave. The prick started crying, Dsis told him he's pathetic.
We were up most if the night talking. Dsis said things have been getting gradually worse for about 2 years, at first she thought things would get better, then she didn't want to leave until niece had done her GCSE's. She says she realises now that the upheaval of leaving isn't worse for niece than living with him. She doesn't want to involve the police at the moment, she is ringing Women's Aid for advice today. They are going to stay with me, DB and his partner are taking them home today to get their stuff, I'm not allowed to go (would like to but I know it's not a good idea). Dsis hasn't told us everything, I'm trying not to push, just glad she doesn't want to go back to him.