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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

A 27 year old woman dating an 18 year old man

237 replies

user1488318718 · 02/03/2017 22:43

What would you make of this situation?

Woman has known man since he was born. Their parents are best friends and so for years we're practically brought up together.

Then aged 9, they went to different schools and had ceased to see each other at all. Aged 27, woman meets the mans sister and they become close. She introduces woman to her brother and after several months there seems to be an attraction from both.

Woman is in a similar profession to the university course man has just started.

Only problem is, while man is very mature, he's only 18. She is 27 and 28 in a few weeks.

Wrong on many different levels and an absolute no go?

Aibu, to say it is.

OP posts:
Looneytune253 · 03/03/2017 08:11

Similar age gap between me and hubby and we got together when I was 19 (hes the older one tho lol) and weve been a together 16 years now and married for 6.

TheNaze73 · 03/03/2017 08:18

YABVU, it's got cock all to do with you

shovetheholly · 03/03/2017 08:30

Is this some kind of gendered test - on the assumption that people will object more to a woman dating a younger man than a man dating a younger woman?

In either case, provided both parties are happy and there's no coercion, it seems find to me.

ScrapThatThen · 03/03/2017 08:32

Well, relationships form between all kinds of people. I was a 16 year old going out with a 26 year old. It was a two year relationship that I look back on fondly. He was dating women his own age, or more like 18/20 before. He was a great first boyfriend. I'm glad he ended it when I went to uni (he went to live in another country, as he had planned to do a year before), as then I got to date other people and find out more about myself. He regretted breaking up, but I had moved on. I think its good that we are more aware of the potential for control and abuse in relationships of the under 18s these days, but slightly sad that this somehow negatively portrays what are - at least in some of these relationships - normal human feelings and relationships that naturally form as young people become adults.

Sallystyle · 03/03/2017 08:32

YANBU

My son is almost 18 and as wonderful as he is I'm not sure what a 27 year old would have in common with him really. Completely different life stages.. 18 is just going into adulthood. Yes, legally they are adults but when I think of all the 18 year old boys I know it's pretty obvious that they are still quite immature, so I don't get someone who is heading towards their 30's finding them a good choice for a partner.

My friend is 28, the idea of her dating someone my sons age is shocking. She has a house, children, life experience and nothing in common with an 18 year old who is only just making their own way in the world.

Bantanddec · 03/03/2017 08:33

You sound like a judgey curtain twitcher who likes to slag people off to make yourself feel better.

confusedat23 · 03/03/2017 08:39

When I was 17 I met a man of 26 and we were together for 4 years and bought a house and everything (In the end I out grew him) but I do not understand what the issue is?

They are both adults and even if they were 17 when they met again it is still legal Confused

But really what this comes down to is probably 2 people that have the same interests (like you said she does a job he has just studied to do) and they can have fun together (he makes her feel younger and she makes him more mature) and thats that.

Ragwort · 03/03/2017 08:47

Agree with U2 - I have a teenage DS (not yet 18) and would find it very difficult if he had a relationship with a much older woman - and couldn't imagine what a woman in her 20s would see in him anyway Grin.

I know there are some 'success' stories out there but I know of many more miserable, failed relationships where the age differences are so wide. The son of a friend of mine started dating a mutual friend - he was 17 she was in her mid 30s - the friend found it very difficult to cope with - the 'couple' went off to live together, lost touch with all their family and friends ............. and split up after a few years.

When I was a teenager I had some 'interest' shown in me by older men, of course I was flattered at the time but looking back I now realise they only wanted me for sex and for the 'image' of being with a younger woman.

Sallystyle · 03/03/2017 08:48

Would people really be happy with their 18 year old dating a 27 year old? Male or female?

I am trying to work out if my opinions on this are tainted by the fact that my own son is quite immature due to previous social delays and perhaps his friends are similar to him and not representative of the average 18 year olds maturity levels.

MiddleClassProblem · 03/03/2017 08:50

Op is just another brother to the sister or just a friend who fancies the woman or another brother to the original or a man sat in a bar eavesdropping or the woman's DS who she had underage and as 13 or a taxi driver.

Whatever the answers he's nosing in on something that isn't even a thing yet

Sallystyle · 03/03/2017 08:51

My dad married a woman a couple of years older than me and younger than the rest of my siblings.

It was most bizarre having a step mum younger than your big brother. Of course it didn't work long term.

Doyouwantabrew · 03/03/2017 08:51

Wouldn't bother me at all.

My dil is 12 years older than ds. My sil is 30 yes 30 years younger than her dh and my other sil is 15 years older than her dh.

All very happy and married for years.

You sound spiteful and jealous op.

ZaZathecat · 03/03/2017 08:52

Many people are saying 'they can't have much in common', but it seems apparent that they do. There are more things to have in common but age, e.g. they had similar childhoods, they both study or studied the same topic and at the same uni, maybe they even like the same music or are both mad about orienteering!
No bias here - dh is exactly the same age as me.

slinkysaluki · 03/03/2017 08:55

I had a boyfriend who was 17 when I was 23. Not much in common apart from a very strong attraction to each other, lasted 3 years.

PlumsGalore · 03/03/2017 08:55

It's legal, and if they are both comfortable, I guess it's ok. DD age 19 currently being pursued by a very good looking, seemingly nice, polite young man with a good job, nice car, lots of friends but age 25.

She is not comfortable, he is at a different stage of his life, he is mature, she is a party animal student. She nipped it in the bud.

StickyMouse · 03/03/2017 08:57

I don't see an issue and hope that they are happy together

Dulcimena · 03/03/2017 09:07

YABU.

HTH.

alibongo5 · 03/03/2017 09:07

I met my husband when I was 19, he was 29. I genuinely have never considered that anyone, least of all my parents, would have "worried" about me. WTF!

RedAndYellowPeppers · 03/03/2017 09:09

It's legal and in that sense bit an issue.
I would wonder a lot about the difference in maturity and ESPECIALLY about the fact said 18yo would become a step father figure for a young child. Is the 18yo ready to step into that sort of position I wonder??
Is it appropriate for the young child too?
How are they going to live their life with one person fully in an adult mode with children and the other in a 'let's be a student with little care in the world' Mode? It would logically means that the younger one of them, the 18yo, would then end up stepping into adult mode with children straight away. I would personally discourage it, the same way i would discourage an 18yo to become pg/a father too.

I suspect the OP is the 18yo Wink

slinkysaluki · 03/03/2017 09:12

Would it be an issue if this was a 27 year old man seeing an 18 year old, don't think so somehow

RB68 · 03/03/2017 09:19

It really depends on the individuals involved and 10 yrs is not a huge difference as they get older it just feels that way as the younger person is under 20. If they are mature etc I wouldn't worry about it - I would also be looking at whether they try to hide the relationship of if there is any coercion or manipulation going on or elements of control - e.g. if 18yr old told what can and can't do, not allowed out with mates etc

KitKat1985 · 03/03/2017 09:22

I think that as he's an adult, I certainly wouldn't think anyone is particularly being taken advantage of. My only concern is whether they would be at the same point in their life in terms of how a relationship would progress (E.G, if she wants kids in a couple of years and he isn't ready yet). But I definitely know couples where it can work. One of my oldest and closest friends is married to a (very mature) man 6 years her junior and are expecting their first child. Another friend of mine is 32 and recently started dating a 22 year old. She's a bit immature for her age (I don't mean that nastily, I just mean she certainly isn't the type to be desperately wanting to get married or anything) and it seems to be going well. So much depends on the dynamics of the couple.

nat73 · 03/03/2017 09:23

If it were the other way around (man 27 and woman 18) would it be a problem?

Batteriesallgone · 03/03/2017 09:28

More of a problem for me Nat, because sadly women are more likely to be controlled/abused by a partner than men are.

Sallystyle · 03/03/2017 09:34

If it were the other way around (man 27 and woman 18) would it be a problem?

I would feel exactly the same way.