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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

A 27 year old woman dating an 18 year old man

237 replies

user1488318718 · 02/03/2017 22:43

What would you make of this situation?

Woman has known man since he was born. Their parents are best friends and so for years we're practically brought up together.

Then aged 9, they went to different schools and had ceased to see each other at all. Aged 27, woman meets the mans sister and they become close. She introduces woman to her brother and after several months there seems to be an attraction from both.

Woman is in a similar profession to the university course man has just started.

Only problem is, while man is very mature, he's only 18. She is 27 and 28 in a few weeks.

Wrong on many different levels and an absolute no go?

Aibu, to say it is.

OP posts:
Chaby · 03/03/2017 06:01

At 18 I started dating a 28 year old man. We have been happily married for 12 years.

jamont0ast · 03/03/2017 06:02

I'm nearly 30, and can't see the attraction with somebody teenage.

But.

18 is an adult, and it is perfectly legal. So I wouldn't judge them or think it's wrong. I just don't know how a proper relationship would work out.

I think a woman in late twenties will be on a completely different chapter to an 18 year old man.

He is only just legal to drink. That often comes with months of going out drinking in bars as its a novelty, getting really drunk and passing out in random places (not everyone does, but often a lot of 18 year olds do).

She will be well over that phase, she may want to go out drinking and have a good time but not the way an 18 year old might. She might be thinking about wanting to settle down. After 30 many women start to think about the biological clock etc, and if she isn't in a relationship going in the marriage, kids etc direction that might be a worry for her.

But I don't know these people, they might not be like that at all, but generally speaking that is what I imagine a lot of people of those ages to be like and that is why I can't imagine it going further than a fling.

RedBullBlood · 03/03/2017 06:04

Damn, I thought I'd figured it all out middle.

Since the op has posted that the couple in question are not even actually dating it makes that complicated preamble even more baffling and pointless. Heigh ho.

uncoolnn · 03/03/2017 06:08

I am 23 and personally couldn't imagine even myself being with an 18 year old as I just think we'd be so far apart in terms of maturity and being at different life stages. However, obviously something is working for these two and no one is doing anything illegal so what's the problem?

stonecircle · 03/03/2017 06:11

And still the generalisations keep coming Hmm

YerAWizardHarry · 03/03/2017 06:12

I was 18 when I got together with my sons dad who was 27. We aren't together anymore but were for almost 4 years and got my lovely DS out of it. I guess it's slightly different and the genders are the opposite way but if they click their ages shouldn't be a problem

Sassenach85 · 03/03/2017 06:24

I thought the OP was sounding an awful lot like an immature teenager.... Then thought actually he sounds like a jealous ex....

Now I just reckon this is a weird stalker.

Confused
EverythingEverywhere1234 · 03/03/2017 06:32

Hm. There's nothing inherently wrong to my mind but I wouldn't expect it to last, on a likelihood basis due to his age and their differing life experiences.
That said, that's really none of your business op. None of it is.

EverythingEverywhere1234 · 03/03/2017 06:35

Fwiw when I was in my early twenties I met someone who said he was 19 (turned out to be very very nearly 18) and we were together for three years, lived together for 2.5. He was truly awful as a boyfriend, violent and abusive but I think that was only in part down to his age. He wasn't mature enough to deal with a proper relationship and was predisposed as a person to lose his temper... a terrible combination.
No two people are the same maturity at the same age tho so if they're both consenting adults, who are we to judge?

Batteriesallgone · 03/03/2017 06:45

No I wouldn't like it if he was my 18 year old son.

And I didn't like it when a friend in our group when in late twenties made a habit of going out with under 20 year olds.

I've known one relationship with a similar age gap from a similar age that went the distance. I think in that case, the older person had spent most of their twenties travelling, hadn't settled or had children or anything previously. So they were closer in life stage and what they wanted for their future than many people with a similar gap.

The half your age plus seven is a good rule of thumb IMO.

MaisyPops · 03/03/2017 06:49

Nothing legally wrong 18 and 27. Some people might find it socially awkward (haof your age plus 7 and all that).

But, if shes a single mum I'd have reservations starting a relationsbip with an 18 year old lad who (depending on the age of children) may not really be mature enough to take on the baggage.

HerBluebiro · 03/03/2017 07:02

Of course there are generalisations stone circle. None of us know the couple who aren't involved with each other (except perhaps thinking the other is hot)

Plus op has added in another layer of mystery

Fwiw in my gut it feels wrong. But that is based on my experience of the average 18 year old. And male or female I haven't found one attractive since I was 20.

But we do not know this (not yet a) couple. They could be perfect for each other

heron98 · 03/03/2017 07:11

I started dating DH when he was 20 and I was 30. Same age gap. We are still together 7 years later.

MillyMoo1113 · 03/03/2017 07:18

I'm 40 and the man I'm seeing atm has just turned 24. We've been together a few weeks. Yes some people have exploded about it ie dsister but then they've got over it. We have stuff in common, we get on, we go out meals/cinema/rugby, yes he's a bit young at times, but it works for us, and tmi but frankly the sex is great!

So YABU as it's not really any of your business

gabsdot · 03/03/2017 07:18

A friend of mine is 14 years older than her husband. She was 34 and he was 20 when they married.
They've been together about 15 years now. Such a big age gap is a bit unusual but if they're both happy what's the problem.

amusedbush · 03/03/2017 07:27

I find it weird, I have to say. What on earth attracts her to a boy of that age? I'm almost 27, my brother and his friends are 19/20 and they're a bunch of immature knobbers. I can't imagine having any interest in someone even younger!

LottieL · 03/03/2017 07:35

I can't see a problem with the age gap but the fact that there is a child would make me wary - saying that any relationship where one or the other has children should be taken slowly and carefully anyway.

thebakerwithboobs · 03/03/2017 07:35

The bottom line, OP, is that it's none of your business. They're adults. People are attracted to people and as long as everyone involved is a consenting adult we should just celebrate the happiness of others.

wishcarry · 03/03/2017 07:44

My oh is 15 years my senior.
I met him when I was 23.

Janet80 · 03/03/2017 07:46

So, to round it up, most say that it's not wrong on so many levels and yabu. 27 year old and 18 year old is a perfectly normal relationship.
Now OP, you have your unbiased opinions. What interest do you actually have in their relationship? Which one of them do you care about?

pipsqueak25 · 03/03/2017 07:47

can't understand why you are so concerned op, it's none of you business even if they were to have a relationship, you come across as judgy and i'll say it, a bit weird / pervy for having such a vested interest in this age gap thing esp. as so many people are sharing their own stories or was that, dare say it , the whole item of starting this thread.
this silly , mysterious, drip feeding and 'i'm not telling you' is pretty stupid too.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 03/03/2017 07:49

My only concern here would actually be for the woman.
And I'm only saying that based on what a friend told me - when he was 19, he was going out with a 32yo for some time, but he enjoyed the excitement of her being an older, more experienced woman who "knew the ropes" etc.
They were together for a couple of years but then he moved on and started seeing women closer to his own age.

Having said that, there is a 9y age gap between me and my DH - but he was almost a decade older than your lad in this scenario when we started going out, and the age gap didn't seem so large then. I'm probably not as mature as I could be for my age, and he didn't look very young, so people don't generally even realise there IS such an age gap between us. You wouldn't guess it to look at us!

But I wouldn't have gone out with an 18yo at 27, no chance (not even if it was DH - he would have been an immature wanker at that age - he's said so!)

x2boys · 03/03/2017 08:00

i think the only issue is a 27 yr old woman might be wanting to settle down and have a family etc and an 18 yr old man not so much but if they are happy why not its legal.

ScarletFever · 03/03/2017 08:03

I can't bear the 'oh don't try and guess who I am' bollocks, it's on a par with 'pm me' and is attention seeking

It's fine if they want to date
Who cares? Only busy bodies
It's got naff all your

pipsqueak25 · 03/03/2017 08:08

have reported this thread because, drum roll, op gives very little info but has drawn many women to speak about their own experiences and dating younger men.
you get my drift, so unless op calls me out on this and i want to be wrong, he might not be back after reading the latest comments, or he'll flame me for getting it wrong, but that's okay because a several people are possibly thinking along the same lines as me anyway. [puts hard hat on]