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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

A 27 year old woman dating an 18 year old man

237 replies

user1488318718 · 02/03/2017 22:43

What would you make of this situation?

Woman has known man since he was born. Their parents are best friends and so for years we're practically brought up together.

Then aged 9, they went to different schools and had ceased to see each other at all. Aged 27, woman meets the mans sister and they become close. She introduces woman to her brother and after several months there seems to be an attraction from both.

Woman is in a similar profession to the university course man has just started.

Only problem is, while man is very mature, he's only 18. She is 27 and 28 in a few weeks.

Wrong on many different levels and an absolute no go?

Aibu, to say it is.

OP posts:
StVincent · 03/03/2017 00:31

The OP is clearly the "man" of the first post, the older brother (or half/step brother) of the 18 year old. Otherwise that man is totally irrelevant to the story! You'd just start with the friendship between the woman and the big sister.

RedSauce · 03/03/2017 00:33

Nah, I think OP is the 27 year old woman's ex.

Original poster
user1488318718 · 03/03/2017 00:33

I'm just concerned. I also find it a bit yucky.

They're not dating yet but I sense a strong chemistry. Could just be friendship chemistry but I'd be surprised.

OP posts:
StVincent · 03/03/2017 00:33

...since the friendship between the ancient 27 year old and "man" ended before the teenage love interest was even born.

And on the actual question - I was the woman in a similarish situation but both a year or so older. I decided I couldn't face the age difference. I would have felt that though we might have felt on the same level, in reality the difference in awareness, experience, and lifestyle would have meant we weren't.

Original poster
user1488318718 · 03/03/2017 00:34

Nope not the woman's ex.

OP posts:
Original poster
user1488318718 · 03/03/2017 00:34

My ex came out as a lesbian after leaving me 😂😳

OP posts:
RedBullBlood · 03/03/2017 00:35

It's not all that confusing littlefrog.

A single mother of 27 knew a man since childhood. She then met her male friend's sister, (who she didn't seem to know before) who introduced her to her brother, who is the half brother of the man she knew as a child. He is 18 and her son really likes them. Op thinks it would be wrong for them date, even though they aren't.

Crystal clear.

LoupGarou · 03/03/2017 00:35

OK OP so you're not the parent, not the 18 year old, not the ex of the older woman not professor plum in the library with the candlestick exactly how close are you to this situation? Why is it bothering you so much?

RedSauce · 03/03/2017 00:35

I don't think you have anything to be concerned about, OP.

Original poster
user1488318718 · 03/03/2017 00:38

I'm very close to the situation. But you'd never guess how so I point trying.

The woman had met the mans sister previously but had not seen her for years.

OP posts:
avamiah · 03/03/2017 00:40

I'm 44, my OH is 33 and our daughter is 7.
We have been together for 9 years.

Tomorrowillbeachicken · 03/03/2017 00:40

I fail to see issue but I met hubby when I was 20 and he was 31.

LoupGarou · 03/03/2017 00:42

I think the only reason people are trying to work out how close you are to the situation is so they can offer more accurate advice. It sounds like you are over invested in the situation, unless you have genuine concerns that someone is being taken advantage of it doesn't sound like anything to worry about.

RedBullBlood · 03/03/2017 00:43

Fr Spodo Komodo?
Fr Cannabramma Lammer?
Fr Todd Unctious?

AbernathysFringe · 03/03/2017 00:45

NRFT so might have already been said but 18 for men and 30 for women are supposed to be their respective sexual peak ages, no?
So, that's one reason...

MiddleClassProblem · 03/03/2017 00:46

He's her priest and it's from the confessional too much Neighbours

Schwifty · 03/03/2017 00:47

RedBullBlood

Fr. Hiroshima Twinkie
Fr. Stig Bubblecard,
Fr. Johnny Hellzapoppin’?

You made me Google the clip and I'm pissing myself now Grin

Original poster
user1488318718 · 03/03/2017 00:49

Don't try and guess.

I just want general opinions on the age gap.

I've not concerns anyone is being taken advantage of. I'm very close to both of them and love them both.

OP posts:
lalalalyra · 03/03/2017 00:50

I don't really know how you can call people who knew each other until 9 and then didn't see each other again until 27 "practically brought up together".

And even if the woman and man were practically brought up with each other the woman wasn't "practically brought up" with man's sister's other brother...

He's 18, not 8. It probably won't last and as long as there are no concerns about coercion or the likes then why make it an issue?

I wondered briefly if you were talking about the couple I know who are causing a storm in our town, but I'm sure you'd have mentioned the "I love my babysitter" t-shirts that were bought for his stag do if they were (now I can understand his mother being extremely dubious about the relationship!).

RedBullBlood · 03/03/2017 00:54

You're getting general opinions on the age gap.

All the peripheral faff around your first post is totally irrelevant.
Your AIBU is "do you think it is wrong for a 27 year old woman to date an 18 year old man"
Even though they're not dating.
Why try and complicate an already hypothetical situation?

LoupGarou · 03/03/2017 00:54

I just want general opinions on the age gap.

You have already been given many opinions, the vast majority of which are along the lines of they're adults and its their business.

Unless this is an affair between a sixth former and a teacher (in which case it goes back to what everyone has said about power differential and people being taken advantage of) or something of that ilk its their business. If you try and interfere you will most likely be resented.

DianaMemorialJam · 03/03/2017 00:54

It would make me feel a bit icky but it's not illegal.

MiddleClassProblem · 03/03/2017 00:58

I'm confused. Is he the man's half brother or is the man's sister a half sister and the males don't actually share any blood? Not that it matters to the question as it's completely irrelevant information

KoalaDownUnder · 03/03/2017 01:06

Oh God, who cares?! Such a complicated OP over nothing. It's not as if the woman is old enough to be his mother or something.

TheOnlyLivingBoyinNewCork · 03/03/2017 01:06

The sister is half sister to both of them, they are unrelated.