A 27 year old woman dating an 18 year old man

[user1488318718]

What would you make of this situation?

Woman has known man since he was born. Their parents are best friends and so for years we're practically brought up together.

Then aged 9, they went to different schools and had ceased to see each other at all. Aged 27, woman meets the mans sister and they become close. She introduces woman to her brother and after several months there seems to be an attraction from both.

Woman is in a similar profession to the university course man has just started.

Only problem is, while man is very mature, he's only 18. She is 27 and 28 in a few weeks.

Wrong on many different levels and an absolute no go?

Aibu, to say it is.

Personally, I would feel more comfortable if they were both (regardless of gender) just a little bit older. Simply because an 18yo is likely to be lacking in life experience, which may, just may lead to an unequal relationship. Experience is power. If the younger party was old enough to have had a year or two of coping with adult life, I'd say that would make for more equality regardless of the age difference.

Not sure I buy the "nothing in common" thing, though. Does that mean nobody should get involved with a foreigner or somebody from a different social class? Is everybody the same as everybody else of the same age? I'm not sure I had a lot in common with most of my peers when I was 18- while a relationship with a 28yo might not have been the solution, I think a relationship with a more normal 18yo would have been just as disastrous.

RedBullBlood - thank you that really made me chuckle. Had strange visions of Edward and Tubbs running Users local.

User - context is very very important. I read up to a certain part last night and found it odd you were being so vague.

I know couples that have been and still exist in some cases. Mostly men with younger girls, which promotes almost a 'high five dude' scenario. I also know of men with older women, they credit them for invaluable experience. It's legal, if the couple are happy, isn't that all that matters?

I'm guessing you're the lad, the lads Dad, or the lads best mate who feels bitter for being left on the sidelines.

What grown man says yucky?

Stranger and stranger...

Is this a sexual fantasy OP, because you can have 'me time' and think of Janet Street Porter should you wish. If you don't tell, no one will know. We don't just here at MN

I reported this thread because, drum roll, op gives very little info but has drawn many women to speak about their own experiences and dating younger men. you get my drift, so unless op calls me out on this and i want to be wrong, he might not be back after reading the latest comments, or he'll flame me for getting it wrong, but that's okay because a several people are possibly thinking along the same lines as me anyway. [puts hard hat on]

This ^ (from pipsqueak) I am struggling to believe any of what the OP says is actually factual.

I am 27. While I wouldn't actively go after an 18 year old, If there was a spark and mutual interests I wouldn't say no. Then again, I don't look 27.

Baring in mind the question wouldn't be there if its a 37 year old man....

I would not want an 18 year old of mine to go out with someone 10 years older, regardless of sex.

Well I don't think I would be interested in a teenager in my late twenties (few years off) or even now really but mostly that's because I'm not sure we would have anything in common.

A 20-something who still lived at home with parents might not feel that way though - their lives might not feel too different.

Equally if the 18 year old lived independently, or even had children, this would change their maturity drastically in my eyes and I would consider them a peer.

I did date older men st that age, it never worked out and I think that's because really we are at different life stages.

It would not be a problem, they are both adults, and the age gap is not that big in the grand scheme of things. There is a 10 year gap between my parents.

When my DS 19 he went out with a woman who was 32, I had no problem with it, but as I privately thought (didn't share those thoughts with him) it petered out because she was at a different phase in her life,she wanted a more serious 'settling down' kind of relationship and he wasn't there yet.
She was a perfectly nice woman though and I'd have supported their relationship if he had continued it.

He then had a relationship for some time with a woman who was 38 (he was 23) it lasted a while, she had teenage children from a previous relationship. One of my worries for that relationship was that she was past the wanting to have children point in her life, and he very much wanted children, so I foresaw problems. But again - none of my business. Relationship didn't last due to other problems - she struggled with alcohol.

He is now 32 and married to a wonderful woman who is six years older than him, and they are very happy and have been together for a long time.

He's always been mature for his age and preferred the company of older people - many of his male friends are older too. His profession at the time meant most of the people he met and worked with were older. I never considered it any of my business who he chose to have relationships with after he reached adulthood, I only cared about his happiness and made sure I was there if things went wrong.

I would say on the whole of all his girlfriends over the years, those who have been older have been much nicer to him than those who were the same age or younger.

I don't subscribe to the Mumsnet "he is 18- he is an adult, butt out" philosophy. An 18 year old is a "baby adult" if you like- still needing support. I would be worried if it was my child. 10 years is a lot at 18z

I think the OP is the woman's ex

I don't subscribe to the Mumsnet "he is 18- he is an adult, butt out" philosophy. An 18 year old is a "baby adult" if you like- still needing support. I would be worried if it was my child. 10 years is a lot at 18z

Thank god I'm not alone in that. I know my almost 18 year old is a young nearly 18 year old but his friends all seem pretty young as well and I was wondering if maybe I was the only one who viewed 18 year olds as very young and needing support still. Baby adult is a good way to describe it.

I don't think I want to get to the stage where I view my 18 year olds as fully grown adults and not worry about them dating someone 10 years older. I don't really believe most people here would not worry if it was their kid.

Sometimes I wonder if posters bend over backwards to try to prove how accepting and open minded they are. Back in my world, I don't know any parent who would not be worried about a 10 year age gap at 18.

A 27/28 year old is quite likely to want to settle down, have children even, they may have a lot of responsibilities and bills to pay and I would much prefer my young adults to date someone their own age at the same life stage.

I say that as someone who married at aged 18 and had a baby.

Going by what ive read - Im getting: Op has had a long standing crush on this childhood friend of his and is jealous that she fancies her step brother (who she has been introduced to by OP's sister) and has decided to bitch about it on mumsnet?

I don't see what it has to do with OP, seems like he wants a bunch of Mumsnetters to say its wrong so he can happily tell his Step/ half/whatever brother and friend in hope that they would split up.

Ok I could be wrong, but that's what im getting

I think its a bit icky but i would keep my beak out and i would feel the same if the sexes were reversed. I have a dd of 18 and a dd who is nearly 27 and the difference between them in terms of maturity is massive.

It's fine and also none of your business!

My normal response would be what business is it of yours? Stop being so fucking mysterious and tell us who you are in relation to either/both parties and then you will get sensible answers.

Sounds like someone to be a candidate to be President of France!

At 18 I was dating a man who was 24. Honestly I was definitely the more mature of the two of us.

My neighbour was 44 when she began dating her 19yo boyfriend- left her husband and two teenage kids for him. That was about 7 years ago and they're still together and seemingly happily married. I can't help but find that odd though and she's fairly peculiar imo but maybe they are well suited.

How is it wrong? You said they knew each other til he was 9, then had no contact at all.
So he was 9, she was 18/19, and there was absolutely no attraction there then, it is in no way like you're trying to sensationalise it to be like "She's known him since he was a kid" because she had no interest in him as a child or young teen, they werent even in contact.

Everyone is different, some 18 year olds are more mature than some 30 year olds, and BOTH are consenting adults. It is also completely possible to have mutual interests and just "click" with someone, regardless of age gap.

At 18 i started dating a 21 year old, he was selfish, abusive and self centered and whilst he was posh speaking with big words, he wasn't mature at all. college drop out, refused to work, wanted money not a job, parents did all his washing, cooking etc. A week after i turned 22 i met a man (something i refuse to ever refer to my ex as)who had turned 17 a month prior, and he was incredibly mature, way beyond his years. Full time college, part time job after work, had already passed CBT to drive motorbike, taking driving lessons, did his own washing, cooking etc, not as intelligent as ex but far, far more grown up and responsible. We had loads in common, not just interests but outlook on life, and he stood by me through the worst year of my life when my illness rippled me. 5 and a half years on im 27 hes 22 and we get on as well today as we did the day we met, still got same outlook, same goals etc.

Ok thats a just shy of 5 year gap not almost 10, but it categorically is NOT an adult and child etc situation, 16 or over (in the uk, and once finished at school) there is nothing illegal or "wrong" about there being an age gap.

Angelina Jolie was 12 years younger than Brad Pitt, was that wrong? As long as both parties are adults with similar wants/goals theres no reason at all it can't work out.

AlmostAJillSandwich you've got it a bit wrong. It's even less wrong than that.
I'll give them names to make it easier.

Bob and Jane were the same age, childhood friends. They lose touch at 9. As an adult Jane reconnects with Sarah, Bob's half sister. Let's say they have the same mum. Sarah introduces her to Jim who is her half brother from her father's side, no relation to Bob, may know Bob really well, may have never met him we don't know.

I meant to put my second wrong in quotation marks

fair play TheOnlyLivingBoyinNewCork, 10/10 reading comprehension for understanding that from what the OP wrote!

I don't think the age gap of 9/10 years is an issue, but it's the ages they're at that I would be skeptical about - 18 and 28 are just such different lifestages. 22 and 32 I wouldn't bat an eyelid at. But as long as they're happy I wouldn't be bothered at all.

My dh is 12 years younger than me. He was just about 18 when we got together and I was 30.

onceandneveragain it's like one of those IQ questions. Maybe OP swiped it off an online quiz.