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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

A 27 year old woman dating an 18 year old man

237 replies

user1488318718 · 02/03/2017 22:43

What would you make of this situation?

Woman has known man since he was born. Their parents are best friends and so for years we're practically brought up together.

Then aged 9, they went to different schools and had ceased to see each other at all. Aged 27, woman meets the mans sister and they become close. She introduces woman to her brother and after several months there seems to be an attraction from both.

Woman is in a similar profession to the university course man has just started.

Only problem is, while man is very mature, he's only 18. She is 27 and 28 in a few weeks.

Wrong on many different levels and an absolute no go?

Aibu, to say it is.

OP posts:
KoalaDownUnder · 03/03/2017 01:07

(that was to the OP, not to MiddleClass!)

MiddleClassProblem · 03/03/2017 01:13
Grin
MiddleClassProblem · 03/03/2017 01:16

Thanks TheOnlyLivingBoyinNewCork

This makes even less sense now as to what the point of the back story was...

Schwifty · 03/03/2017 01:23

MiddleClassProblem
I think we need a diagram...

reuset · 03/03/2017 01:27

You're being very mysterious, OP

Rubies12345 · 03/03/2017 01:29

But she's not almost 30, she's 27 Confused.

I don't see a problem, both are over 18 they can date who they want.

kali110 · 03/03/2017 01:29

I someone that age when i was younger, so shouldn't be any different with the roles reversed.

sibys1 · 03/03/2017 01:32

It falls foul of the 'half your age plus 7' rule, so I'm going to frown on it.

RedBullBlood · 03/03/2017 01:40

For your edification, Schwifty -
Girl (not op) knows boy (not op) from birth, since their parents (none of them op) are friends.
Girl loses contact with boy.
Girl, now Woman meets another Woman (who shall now be known as Woman 2, and is not op).
Woman is introduced to Woman 2's teenage brother (not op)
Teenage brother is half brother to Woman's childhood friend.
Woman is now 27 and a single mother. (child probably not op)
Woman and Teenager appear to fancy each other, but aren't dating.
Op wonders if it would be wrong if they did, in fact, begin a relationship.

FFTransform · 03/03/2017 02:47

As a woman who's male dp is 7 years younger and got together in my 30s,I think there is much more judgement of older women-younger man situations

For years my oh so right on feminist mum couldn't have a conversation with me without mentioning that my dp was the the same age as a family friend and how weird that was - when there is the exact same age difference between her and my dad but my dad is older ffs!

If something does happen it probably won't be for ever (but lots of people aren't with the person they were with at 17!) but just by being the age they are on't cause harm

Vermillioncomfyshoes · 03/03/2017 02:51

I just want general opinions on the age gap

I would have no concerns about the actual age gap.
I would be happy for them if they were happy with each other.

My daughter is 8 years older than her partner and she is 34.
They have been together for 4 years. He pursued her, and she liked him very much, but worried what people would think, so fought her feelings for a year or so. It eventually became clear to her that they were well suited and had strong feelings for each other. He was persistent in assuring her that his intentions were serious and long term. She couldn't dismiss him and move on, because she really didn't want anyone else but him. She was so torn between her feelings for him and the 'age-gap' between them that she ended up on the phone to me, in tears - more than once.

What could I tell her? She loves him and he loves her. Who else cares?
She actually looks younger than him, but that's down to good genes
inherited from me.
His mother was somewhat mollified by the fact that at least my daughter is still young enough to be 'her' daughter.
It's a shame there had to be such fuss and bother about it though.

KoalaDownUnder · 03/03/2017 03:10

As a woman who's male dp is 7 years younger and got together in my 30s,I think there is much more judgement of older women-younger man situations

I agree.

If the woman is any more than about 4 years older, it seems, eyebrows start being raised.

Deeply sexist and pathetic.

Trifleorbust · 03/03/2017 03:32

How odd. Why not just say how you are involved?

hungryhippo90 · 03/03/2017 04:16

Looking at how quickly women mature, and how slowly even mature males get to the same kind of maturity I would honestly say I would wonder what she found interesting about him.

Not that 18 year olds can't be interesting, but being a woman of a similar age, in no way could I see myself with an 18 year old, no way hose!

That being said, if I actually knew the couple, and they were happy, it's legal, it's their business and I would leave them to it.

hungryhippo90 · 03/03/2017 04:27

Pressed send too soon!

But my priorities would be different. I assume the lady in the relationship with an 18 year old doesn't have a child/children and is looking for mature,dependable kind of man to help bring up the kids.

maybe she's looking for someone to grow with, who knows, they may have a hoot and settle down and have kids in 8,10 years time. At that time age won't matter half as much.

Sugarlumps333 · 03/03/2017 04:33

Haven't read whole thread but in general, really would not care - at all. Both adults. Unless it is an open relationship and you want to join in why are you so concerned with something that has nothing to do with you? Posts like this continue to amaze me on mumsnet 'aibu about him and her' - maybe yes, maybe no, but eitherway totally relevant because NOT YOUR relationship - someone else's!

Sugarlumps333 · 03/03/2017 04:34

Huge spelling error. Meant totally irrelevant.

shesnotme · 03/03/2017 05:06

I don't see the issue

lillianhom · 03/03/2017 05:11

I am 30 and my partner is 23. What's the issue here OP. You jealous? Wink

Sugarlumps333 · 03/03/2017 05:16

^^lillianhom a lot of people i know are in relationships with age difference of 5-10 years, they are all happy and it isn't a crime. I really don't get why anyone would think it is an issue.

goldopals · 03/03/2017 05:32

I see no problem with a large age gap. There are fifteen years between mum and dad.

BackInBlack78 · 03/03/2017 05:38

When I was 28, I dated a 20 year old lad. When 33, I was engaged to a 23 year old.

Does it really matter?

malificent7 · 03/03/2017 05:50

Yabvu. 18 os a grown man.

MiddleClassProblem · 03/03/2017 05:53

RedBullBlood you got a bit wrong

The 18 year old is not the original friend's half brother. Original friend is not related to him at all. Sister is a half sibling to both (say she only shares dad with origin and only shares mum with 18).

DH has the same setup. He only met his db's siblings (he was raised with FB) when db got married. It's a bit like your cousin's cousin. We don't know if Ds in this situation has had them both around at the same time a lot or if they barely know each other.

Either way it's even less of a point to the story than half siblings and op is just a sticky beak.

stonecircle · 03/03/2017 05:58

Such sweeping generalisation about the age at which men and women mature! I said earlier that when I was about 26/27 I went out with someone aged around 19/20. He was a very mature person and we could talk for hours about anything and everything - all grown up topics too!

Why would anyone use 'icky', 'yucky' or other puerile terms to describe a relationship like that?

I don't get the long-winded preamble in the op about who knew each other when they were kids. How is that relevant?

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