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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

A 27 year old woman dating an 18 year old man

237 replies

user1488318718 · 02/03/2017 22:43

What would you make of this situation?

Woman has known man since he was born. Their parents are best friends and so for years we're practically brought up together.

Then aged 9, they went to different schools and had ceased to see each other at all. Aged 27, woman meets the mans sister and they become close. She introduces woman to her brother and after several months there seems to be an attraction from both.

Woman is in a similar profession to the university course man has just started.

Only problem is, while man is very mature, he's only 18. She is 27 and 28 in a few weeks.

Wrong on many different levels and an absolute no go?

Aibu, to say it is.

OP posts:

brasty · 02/03/2017 23:51

I know it is not illegal, so in that sense nothing to do with me. But I would judge. There is far too big an age divide. If he was a bit older would be better.

pipsqueak25 · 02/03/2017 23:52

thank you for explaining that theonly don't know about anyone else but my brain was beginning to hurt !

Original poster

user1488318718 · 02/03/2017 23:52

Jeenie has he actually shown any interest in you? You might be wasting your time with all this.

OP posts:

RedSauce · 02/03/2017 23:54

It's not common because as people have pointed out, most 27 year olds don't have much in common with most 18 year olds.

HOWEVER, while that may be the case IN GENERAL, everyone is an individual and uncommon cases are therefore bound to happen every now and then. There's nothing particularly wrong with it in my opinion.

It seems completely illogical to say "I am not comfortable with you two adults liking each other simply because most 27 year olds do not like most 18 year olds". If two adults like each other, then what does it matter how old they are? - leave them to it.

twattymctwatterson · 02/03/2017 23:58

Plenty of 27 year old men go out with 18 year old women and no one bats an eye. Who cares?

BuggersMuddle · 03/03/2017 00:01

TBH I'd be a bit worried if I was friends / family with either. 18 year old potentially too much too young. 27 year old (hardly old) potentially falling for someone who's just really trying out adult relationships.

That said it's legal, it could go swimmingly and as long as everyone has their eyes open, I can't see the issue. I'd say that the other way round too btw. Now if you drip fed that she's a divorcee with a kid or he's a total party-boy then I might think that's a bit full on, but that's life stage, not age and not everyone hits the same life stage at the same age (and of course some don't hit them at all - e.g. I don't have kids and I am very much an adult).

RedBullBlood · 03/03/2017 00:02

So the younger man is the first man's sisters half brother?!

I thought Taboo was complicated.

Owlzes · 03/03/2017 00:03

They are both adults. No one is being hurt or exploited. The odds are very high it won't last, but as long as they are both single, and consenting, so what? I dated a guy seven years younger than me when I was in my mid twenties. We had a lot of fun, it didn't work out, but whatever. That wasn't really the point.

And if they do last, it was clearly meant to be. And as Joan Collins says "if he dies, he dies,"

WannaBe · 03/03/2017 00:03

If this was the other way around people would be quick to state that given the ages there is a clear power imbalance.

People on here have e.g. An issue with a sixteen year old and a twenty year old, yet this is a much bigger age gap and there isn't that much difference in maturity between sixteen/eighteen and yet 27 is of an age where degrees will have been finished, careers begun, and the woman has most likely already had at least one serious relationship. Whereas eighteen is adult but by no means mature.

jeennie · 03/03/2017 00:04

Op- yeah he has..but like ive said im holding back from getting involved. I think if i didnt have children i wouldn't think as much about it. We're both adults. But with kids i cant help but think how his mother would feel, i feel she'd question my intentions and look at it like I'm burdening his life. and i dont want that. I dont want him to think he has to set up and play dad.. He absolutely loves my kids but they aren't his responsibility.

pipsqueak25 · 03/03/2017 00:04

i STILL want to know why op has objections and thinks its 'wrong' but then i'm nosy

Original poster

user1488318718 · 03/03/2017 00:05

She is a single mum. But her son knows the 18yo and really likes him.

Sorry my post seems to have so many confusing aspects.

They're not dating. I'm just asking if it would be wrong if they were.

OP posts:

RedBullBlood · 03/03/2017 00:10

Oh, ffs.

ArmySal · 03/03/2017 00:12

My head has just blown off with all the brother/sister confusing shit and then the fact thrown in they're not even dating.

pipsqueak25 · 03/03/2017 00:14

thank you user for sharing that, so this is really much ado about something that hasn't happened and to be brutally honest is not for you or anyone else to judge as they are legally adults and can please themselves anyway.

noeffingidea · 03/03/2017 00:15

No there wouldn't be anything wrong, just based on the ages. There may be other issues, but that is true of any relationship.

MsJudgemental · 03/03/2017 00:15

My dad, aged 8, asked his future mother-in-law when her baby was due (my mother). It was a small village, though!

pipsqueak25 · 03/03/2017 00:16

move along folks nothing to see here....after all !

littlefrog3 · 03/03/2017 00:18

It's patently obvious that the OP is the 18 y.o. in question.

What's that about the couple in question being related?

RedBullBlood · 03/03/2017 00:22

The op has an ex wife and a toddler, so he is unlikely to be the 18 year old.

And op thinks it would be wrong if 18yo and older woman were dating. But they're not. A bit of a non issue then?

RedSauce · 03/03/2017 00:24

It may not be the best basis for a relationship, but there's certainly nothing inherently wrong about it.

People are always getting into relationships with people that probably aren't right for them. Later, they break up. That's life.

maggiecate · 03/03/2017 00:25

Right, so you're the man; you were childhood friends with the woman; she became friendly with your sister; she introduced your sister to her brother; and now your sister of 27 is dating her brother who is 18. Either that or you're one of the parents.

What do you plan to do about it? Are you in a position to be able to stop the relationship? 9 years isn't a huge gap in Rolling Stones terms, but at 18 it's certainly enough to give pause for thought. Do you think the lady is predatory? Has she gone for younger guys before and then ditched them once they hit their 20s? Or is this two people who've spent time together, enjoyed each other's company, given it some serious consideration and decided to give it a try.

If it's the former then by all means you can at least advise that you think this isn't the best idea. If its the latter, well, there are considerably worse things an 18 year old could be doing!

Will it work out? Probably not. But for the sake of your long term relationship with whichever party you have a connection with it shouldn't be because of your 'ick' factor. If the relationship is respectful and relatively balanced (as much as it can be given their different life experience) then it might be better to let them get on with it and stay neutral if you can't be supportive.

Original poster

user1488318718 · 03/03/2017 00:25

I'm not the other man either.

OP posts:

MiddleClassProblem · 03/03/2017 00:26

I was a mature 18 year old with a bf 29. Lasted 5 years when I wasn't ready to settle when he was. That wasn't my age but my mentality of not wanting to marry/kids etc until around 30.

She didn't know him before, just his brother/sister. She probably has a lot in common with him as a result as well as lots of new things to explore.

Sam and Aaron Taylor-Johnson seem to have a good marriage with a big age gap (she's 23 years older).

Who gives a fuck if they're happy?

Are you jealous or just judging?

littlefrog3 · 03/03/2017 00:30

Well I am well confused now PMSL.

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