to think that a known bully shouldn't be rewarded

[Konmariconvert]

I do name change periodically and this is my first post under my latest name change.

My ds YR4 (and two other boys) have separately been the victim of bullying in school by the same boy. Unbeknown to me at the time the other boys parents have been into school at different times over the last 6 months. The bullying was nasty and bully boy got his groupies to get in the act too.

This boy has been dealt with by the head, who incidentally believed every word I was saying about this boy. I don't know if sanctions were issued but frankly I just wanted the bullying to stop. This boy has calmed down and ds keeps a wide birth. He's back to his normal self and would tell me if not.

Here's the thing... school have just picked their football team, only 10 boys were picked from 40, bully boy has been given a spot. Part of me thinks this is wrong and sends the wrong message to bully boys victims and their parents given that this was only dealt with very recently.

so you are saying if your nine year old child hit there sibling once you would keep punishing again and agian and again for that one hit?

yes keep punish each indcent but not for the same crime...

How GOOD it might make me feel??? You have no fucking idea what people go through do you??

Its not a case of punishment for the same offence,
What asilly thing to,say.
Its telling a child thatnthey have to prove they understand and have changed their behaviour first.
An adult should not then decide that a week later its all good.
It is up to the adults arround the bully to teach them right and wrong.
All they have done is teach the bully, that lay low for a week and you will get your own way.

Persistent Bullying is a little different to a sibling slapping a sibling!

And thank you Anna, I hope your LO is going to be ok too

Userone1 - I struggle to see how your child was severely bullied and yet you are right there backing up the bully. It does not make any sense. Which is why I am assuming you wrote in reverse and your child was the bully.

my cat

I seriously want to retreat from society because of what has happened and subsequent responses to it, including this thread

It's hideous, and barely believable, the attitudes of ADULTS, to child bullies. I can only imagine these adults were those bullies, or are the parents of bullies

Calling for a bully not to be allowed to play football is childish

Yes, of course it is forgive me, it has absolutely nothing to do with the fact that this boy bullied my ds so badly that he wished he was dead... at 9 fucking years old, his whole life in front of him... wished he was dead.

I can't say it any clearer... this boy bullied AGAIN, after being disciplined, he was disciplined again, less than one week later he is being given a lovely treat without having proved that he won't do it again!

No zzz, I am asking for EFFECTIVE MEASURES and at the very least NOT REWARDING

Why are you trying to paint me as the bully? Why do you think I am 'telling myself a story'?

It beggars belief
You disgust me

severe behavioural problems ??
sorry ZZZ we are normally on the same page, but you lost me there

Mycat 'your comment was pretty insensitive to those of us who's kids lives have been made miserable by bullies' etc, etc

You too seem to have missed my post about my ds being severely bullied.

My ds has had emergency mental health assessments in A&E, subject to a CAMHS safety plan, he self harms, been hospitalised for self harm, ive sat on suicide watch night after night. Years and years of therapy.

Does this make more my point anymore valid

At no point have I told my ds to break another child's nose or asked for a ban on football.

I have tried to work with school to take bullying seriously and removed my son from schools who fail to follow their duty of care and guarantee his safety and don't take bullying seriously.

So yes, calling for a ban on football or a punch in the face is childish in my view.

Oh catch yourself on zzz

I'm going to have to step away
kon I wish you and your son the very cry best of luck. Sorry for dominating your thread. Feel free to PM me if you want to talk

to everyone else who is suffering/has suffered. Sending strength

so how long a period should someone not be "awarded"? 1 year 1 term months? rest of school?

If the school has punished once for the incderent aka at secondry would be given detentions etc

But if they then achive a acedmeic achivement they would be praised for it / rewarded for it but for some people here any future good behvaiour / achivment should be invialed because they were a bully and NOW that is also wrong.

Good evening, we are receiving a fair number of reports about this thread and have made some deletions. We do understand that many people use this site to vent, and we have enormous sympathy/empathy for the parents whose children are being bullied but we cannot really tolerate posters advocating violence against children, however horrible. Peace and love.

Annahibiscuits I know how you feel. That people can't see how a child bullying another child shouldn't be rewarded less than a week after they've done it upsets me. The effects of being bullied last longer than a week as we know.

worridmum it was a week after.
I doubt anyone thinks that a bully who changes should be punished forever.but a week
the victims will not be over it, they will still be scared, yet the bully just moves on.

Because I don't agree with how you think a child with severe behavioural problems should be supported to stop his poor behaviour

I'm really confused zzzzz how do you know that the children who have bullied our children have severe behavioural problems?

My other ds has ASD so I know quite a few children with severe behavioural problems from clubs we attend, I've not seen any of these children bully despite their behavioural problems.

Please don't give bullies a get out of jail card.

OP - I am in no way minimising what your son has gone through which has clearly been traumatic but 9 year olds find emotions difficult and articulating those emotions even more difficult.

It's not uncommon for children of that age (and older) to say they wish they were dead or never born when what they mean is- this is horrible, I feel horrible and I don't know how to process it or understand it so what the level of understanding is at that age is- can't deal with it, don't understand it, wish I wasn' t here and the only way not to be is dead. Because dead seems like an end to most things.

I used to wish I was dead/not been born till about 13 (I think wishing I hadn't been born and spitting that at my mother carried on for another couple of years).

zzzzz one example of being flippant was the sentence 'Get some perspective' from someone.

Maybe if people got the perspective of kids who have bullied they might think differently.

User1 I didn't ask for a ban on football. I suggested not letting a bully be picked for the football team only a week after he's been spoken to about being a bully is an option. That's not childish. I think it's bloody restrained, actually.

Like Anna I don't know if I can look at this thread again it's too upsetting. Maybe tomorrow. For now, I'm off.

So advocating self defense for girls, against violent bullies and sexual assault, not allowed on MN

Good to know

Bigears "I struggle to see how your child was severely bullied and yet you are right there backing up the bully. It does not make any sense. Which is why I am assuming you wrote in reverse and your child was the bully"

Where have I defended the bully? My advice has been to look at the bigger picture ie if your school has a bullying issue and doesn't take it seriously, then parents need to address the issue with school, not the bully.

I'm actually appalled at some of the flippant attitudes towards the parents who are talking very candidly about their child's experience of being bullied.

Fight you don't know me or my son so please don't presume my son wishing he was dead was just something children say. FFS, this is why so many children take their own lives, because adults around them are not listening and minimizing the effects of bullying.

I'm off too... can't sit and read anymore of the "of course we have every sympathy for your dc... BUT blah blah blah brigade. And I have not once condone violence towards another child.