to think that a known bully shouldn't be rewarded

[Konmariconvert]

I do name change periodically and this is my first post under my latest name change.

My ds YR4 (and two other boys) have separately been the victim of bullying in school by the same boy. Unbeknown to me at the time the other boys parents have been into school at different times over the last 6 months. The bullying was nasty and bully boy got his groupies to get in the act too.

This boy has been dealt with by the head, who incidentally believed every word I was saying about this boy. I don't know if sanctions were issued but frankly I just wanted the bullying to stop. This boy has calmed down and ds keeps a wide birth. He's back to his normal self and would tell me if not.

Here's the thing... school have just picked their football team, only 10 boys were picked from 40, bully boy has been given a spot. Part of me thinks this is wrong and sends the wrong message to bully boys victims and their parents given that this was only dealt with very recently.

How can something be 'wrong' and 'fair enough'?

Being picked for the football team is a completely separate issue. The bullying incident would not have even been considered, especially if, as you seem to be saying, the boy's behaviour has calmed down now.

Worra I guess I'm going to be labelled unreasonable then since I can't be swayed by anything anyone has written and the majority (so far ) tell me I am, so will take it on the chin and move on.

Rest assured I will be keeping him on my radar.

I have worked in several schools where difficult pupils have to sign a behaviour contract to play for the school.

Other schools use a sanction policy that generates numbers, when an set average is reached they don't play for the tea, until the number comes down to below the set.

Schools that do this do so because the teams that they send out represent the school. It is used a carrot for good behaviour.

I don't think the two things are linked. Schools tend to punish and have a "clean slate" going forward - every day is a new day so to speak so once a sanction has been applied, that's it, you don't keep punishing.

And if he's a good football player it makes sense to have him on the team. That said, I think football brings out the worst in a lot of people, but maybe school football is not so bad.

When I read your post I thought you were referring to a workplace bully - now they do seem to get away with it and flourish. No idea why HR depts won't deal with them.

School behaviour policies are about rewarding positive behaviour

And what about the abhorrent behaviour that stopped just over a week ago? How has that been punished? Or is punished too strong a word these days?

Yanbu op, it was only a week ago, and it must look like the bully has got away with it
I would be asking school what they are going to do to make sure it doesnt restart, surely the bully was punished. Seems odd he is now in a position of representing the school.

konmar I totally agree with you. Schools are shit at dealing with bullies. And just do the least possible to appeased the parents of the kids being bullied

Of course he shouldn't be representing the school. What the he'll kind of message does that said to him and your son? Of course the school is only interested in putting the best players forward so they can win tournaments

Yanbu, in my dds school there was one boy in her class that was a massive bully, physical violence, swearing, disrupting the class constantly. He would often get rewarded, even for just sitting quiet in class. Massively unfair on the rest of the class. So yes it does go on.

In a workplace a bully would be disciplined as per workplace policy. They would not be left out of the Christmas party or dropped from a sub-team. The bullying and the person doing their job would treated separately unless putting the bully in a particular role or position was part of the problem.

As a student at the school, the bully has the right to be treated the same as other students unless policy says different.

Good point Trifle

Of course the school is only interested in putting the best players forward so they can win tournaments

Absolutely! I shouldn't be surprised though as it's the same in top level football, footballers seem to get away with all sorts yet are still treated like gods to be worshipped. Young boys see them as role models!

YANBU.

On a personal note, if my child was responsible for making 3 children's lives a misery (one who talked about wishing he was dead), despite being spoken to about it when it happened the first time, then I certainly would not be allowing him to represent the school regardless of what school wanted.

I am guessing that most of you believe that to be an unfair punishment.

i hear you konmar, currently on weeks 5 with 6 yo dd out of school due to persistent bullying. She had developed 'sensory issues' and was vomiting in excess of 50 times a day, as a result. Is under the care of 2 peadiatricians. 6 years old!

But, yeah sure, make sure golden bollocks doesn't miss out on football opportunities, eh?

Raw subject right now

Yep.

By labelling and judging this young boy and judging footballers as being able to get away with anything in sure you are aware that you're in the verge of bullying yourself. Do you not think that despite heir talent and character traits or faults they are not allowed access to the same education as all others?

This boy - do you know his home life, his background? I am 100 percent certain that you don't as school are not allowed to tell you.

It's terrible that school have allowed one 8 year old boy make the lives of so many children such a misery- no mean feat, he must be a really horrible human being or maybe it's the adults not intervening- but to withdraw him from the curriculum and something that he could shine in. Really?

It's sad when the protective instinct of a parent overrides the success and well being of a school community. Chances are that this bulky will either turn out to grow into a lovely young man. Possibly he could be failed along the way by those who label him.

Get some perspective.

You don't punish a child for the fact that adults have failed to deal with the situation properly.

muggle with respect I think you are the one that needs to get some perspective.

Your statement sounds like victim blaming to me!

Oh yes poor bully, lets worry about them.
Not all bullies have bad lives.
The school should be concerned with the victims and making sure they are ok.
It always seems the mn way, making the bully the victim.
Yes the bully needs help, but not at the expense of the well being of their victims.
When your child is the victim it is awful, to then see the school making light of it in this way must be awful.
And how does it help the bully,a week later they are representing the school.

Yanbu, in my dds school there was one boy in her class that was a massive bully, physical violence, swearing, disrupting the class constantly. He would often get rewarded, even for just sitting quiet in class. Massively unfair on the rest of the class. So yes it does go on

Yes, it's very often the disruptive pupil that gets all the extra little 'jobs' to do in the classroom. It's very unfair.
From the teacher's point of view they are purely keeping the child occupied and they are supposedly 'rewarding good behaviour', but to the rest of the class it must seem as if bad behavior is rewarded and being good isn't.
What kind of message is this teaching our children?

I think a lot of posters who think this unreasonable haven't had their child bullied for 3 years and seen the bully time and time again get away with it. Their child hasn't come home with bruises after being kicked in the head or bite marks or cuts from having been rammed into a flint wall.

Yes they might have a bad upbringing or shit home life but that does not excuse it and certainly isn't the fault of their victims. Rewarding Them is telling them it doesn't matter that you bully. It does matter. It matters to the children who are demoralised every damn day because the school won't deal with it effectively. They pussyfoot around them. Probably so they don't go into one . I'm sick of it. If a child bullies another there should be harsh punishment and if that means them not playing in a team sport or missing out on school trips then so be it. Perhaps they'll get the message then as a bit if a talking to does not work.

By labelling and judging this young boy and judging footballers as being able to get away with anything in sure you are aware that you're in the verge of bullying yourself. Do you not think that despite heir talent and character traits or faults they are not allowed access to the same education as all others?

This boy - do you know his home life, his background? I am 100 percent certain that you don't as school are not allowed to tell you.

It's terrible that school have allowed one 8 year old boy make the lives of so many children such a misery- no mean feat, he must be a really horrible human being or maybe it's the adults not intervening- but to withdraw him from the curriculum and something that he could shine in. Really?

It's sad when the protective instinct of a parent overrides the success and well being of a school community. Chances are that this bulky will either turn out to grow into a lovely young man. Possibly he could be failed along the way by those who label him.

Get some perspective.

^muggle, it's nice that you're sticking up for this boy. You are right in that he deserves a second chance, but your post seems to be weighted more in sympathy towards the 'bully' than the 'victim'.
Can you not see how it's that attitude that angers and upsets a lot of parents of children who are bullied?
The main concern is nearly always with the bully and everybody tip toes around him and very often the victim is even told to change their behavior.
I'd be spitting mad as well if I were the parent of a child who is being bullied.

I think a lot of posters who think this unreasonable haven't had their child bullied for 3 years and seen the bully time and time again get away with it. Their child hasn't come home with bruises after being kicked in the head or bite marks or cuts from having been rammed into a flint wall.

And neither has the OP. Your experience is awful but it has no bearing on this experience.

Give it 2 years soupgragon. Because it will continue. The fact the school put him in the sports team has confirmed that .