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AIBU?

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Original poster

The cafe guy called me FAT

300 replies

PonyPals · 01/03/2017 07:05

I was having a lovely day to my self shopping and decided to grab a coffee. I ordered a skinny latte and the guy said 'you know there is so much sugar in skinny milk, you shouldn't drink it and that is why you are Fat. I was so shocked 😳 and embarrassed and mumbled something like... I like being Fat and walked off.
I wish I had the guts to say something! What would you do?

OP posts:
MuseumOfCurry · 01/03/2017 09:32

I have observed that Mediterranean cultures are less sensitive about weight - one of my good friends growing up was Greek and her mother's version of a compliment was 'you look great! have you put on weight?'.

That said, this is ridiculously rude.

mrsBeverleygoldberg · 01/03/2017 09:32

Opal is right to some extent. Therapy does teach that no one can make you feel anything, you are responsible for your own feelings.

BUT, the man was bloody rude. Op you need to complain. What gives him the right to judge your weight? He knows nothing about you. You need to let his manager know. I wish I'd been with you as I'd have complained for you! I hope he didn't spoil your coffee.

ArcheryAnnie · 01/03/2017 09:33

He was an absolute wanker, OP.

And any of you saying "he was giving you useful advice" - oh, please. It wasn't solicited, it wasn't wanted, and it was massively counter-productive. Has there ever been a fat person who, on being told they are fat, said "wow - I had no idea! I must do something about it immediately!" Nope. All it does is make you feel a bit crap.

Go to your mothers' group, OP, but tell the other women there (while you are in the cafe, if need be). They will be as wtf? as you, I'd bet.

ArcheryAnnie · 01/03/2017 09:34

I have observed that Mediterranean cultures are less sensitive about weight - one of my good friends growing up was Greek and her mother's version of a compliment was 'you look great! have you put on weight?'.

I've had that from a Nigerian friend, too, Museum, but this guy was being finger-wagging and insulting, not dishing out a compliment.

ArcheryAnnie · 01/03/2017 09:35

Therapy does teach that no one can make you feel anything, you are responsible for your own feelings.

What utter tosh.

MrsDustyBusty · 01/03/2017 09:40

maybe he was genuinely trying to be helpful?

Yeah, there's a slim chance he's never met a human being before.

Astoria7974 · 01/03/2017 09:44

Museum - My husband's Greek. Trust me it's not a compliment when someone calls a woman fat or asks if she's gained weight. Definitely meant as an insult.

PlinkyTheFairyWitch · 01/03/2017 09:44

Therapy does teach that no one can make you feel anything, you are responsible for your own feelings.

What utter tosh.

Well, yes and no. In a therapeutic environment, with a trained professional on hand, and in cases of certain mental health issues this can be an incredibly useful tool.

In real life, day to day, possibly less so. There are some lines and conventions you should not cross. Nobody sane would tell someone being called the n-word that they should just modify their own feelings, for example.

People being called fat by idiot coffee makers for ordering skinny lattes should just modify their own feelings? Nah. Idiot coffee makers need to learn some manners/basic human decency.

bittorrent123 · 01/03/2017 09:44

Opalfruit sounds like a fundamentally mean individual.

SanityAssassin · 01/03/2017 09:45

He called you fat and you're upset but you ordered a SKINNY latte and that's ok to refer to a low fat milk drink as skinny (knowing why it is called that) underweight people can be just as offended as fat ones.

MrsDustyBusty · 01/03/2017 09:48

Opalfruit sounds like a fundamentally mean individual.

What an exciting opportunity for personal growth that observation gives!

JeffreySadsacIsUnwell · 01/03/2017 09:52

Sooooo... The next time you're there with your mothers' group, you order a glass of tap water - first, before anyone else orders, then announce very loudly that the waiter warned you off his coffee last time you were in and said it makes mums fat (turn to him, smile and add "didn't you?" without waiting for an answer).

That'll put the cat among the pigeons, if you play it right he may have a whole group of women nursing a glass of tap water each for 2 hours Grin

honeyroar · 01/03/2017 09:54

Id have replied that, if they're so bad for you, does he only sell them so he can insult customers? Or given him that Mumsnet line "do you mean to be so rude?"

meggle · 01/03/2017 09:54

He obviously did't go to charm school before working there.
I would explain it to your group and find a new location.
Then I would send him a note that he might find his profits has dropped because he couldn't shut his opinionated mouth. It isn't any of his business.

On the contrary, there is a marginally higher fat content in skimmed milk and skinny milk but none is added. By removing the fat content in milk the overall lactose amount rises a little bit.
I have been on to my partner for years that eating fat doesn't make one fat and it was only after he changed his food to more protein and not to skimp on natural fat he started to resist other treats.

I have 4 kinds of milk in my fridge, buttermilk and gold top for cakes and bread baking, whole milk for cereal and skimmed for tea and coffee.
With the first two, the extra fat is a huge flavour carrier. Whole milk provides more nutrients to kids breakfast and skimmed milk for tea because it is otherwise to rich for me and I hate the eyes swimming on top of my hot drinks.
Everyone has their preferences I just hate the food industry for telling us rubbish about what is best for us instead of going with our instincts and opinonated people.

Astoria7974 · 01/03/2017 09:55

SanityAssassin- I've never heard skinny be used as anything other than a compliment. Fat is an insult. Being fat is considered so undesirable it's socially acceptable to discriminate against people who are. So no you can't compare the two. To even try makes you sound like a weirdo

ShootFruit · 01/03/2017 09:57

I would go back and chuck a bottle of skinny milk at him. If he doesn't run fast enough then tell him that's why your fat!

itsbetterthanabox · 01/03/2017 09:57

I'd complain.
He's also wrong. Skimmed milk doesn't have more sugar. It has less fat. The difference removing that fat makes is less than 0.1%.
It's also none of his business. What a loser.

SMWylder · 01/03/2017 10:01

PonyPals I'm sorry you were upset at the coffee shop. Fat-shaming is a serious issue because a negative body image is damaging to your mental and physical health. This is science, not opinion. And nurturing a positive body image for your health is important for everyone, regardless of your size or gender.

If you are interested, I've written more about it here:
www.leavingdietworld.com/?page_id=24

BeMorePanda · 01/03/2017 10:04

Wow I've been to Italy many times, have Italian friends, and ahve been in 100's of Italian run cafes and no one has ever been rude or called me fat.

OP it's because he's an arsehole with very ignorant views and under the disillusion that what he thinks about other peoples bodies and food matters - bit like Opal is.

Freddorika · 01/03/2017 10:04

I'd go back in there tomorrow, order another coffee and sit happily drinking it. Smile and meet his eye. A slightly high-handed manner would be perfect!

The best revenge is a happy life!

SanityAssassin · 01/03/2017 10:05

I've never heard skinny be used as anything other than a compliment. Fat is an insult. Being fat is considered so undesirable it's socially acceptable to discriminate against people who are. So no you can't compare the two. To even try makes you sound like a weirdo

Skinny isn't a compliment to people who struggle to put on weight.

OpalFruitsMarathonsandSpira · 01/03/2017 10:14

I leave you all to it, to discuss the bad bad man, think you feel better and take no real action. Well done, what a conclusion! You all showed him didn't you!?

Why can't everyone just be this evolved?

Well, quite.

EnormousTiger · 01/03/2017 10:17

He was definiltely rude(by the way today's papers show new research that 25,000 cancer cases a year in the Uk would be avoided if everyone were a healthy weight. Obesity is linked to 11 types of cancer!)

SanityAssassin · 01/03/2017 10:18

Opal

The OP is fat I'm assuming so he was just stating the obvious but it was rude yes.

as for

I'd go back in there tomorrow, order another coffee and sit happily drinking it. Smile and meet his eye. A slightly high-handed manner would be perfect!

Like he would even notice you

SuchHysteria · 01/03/2017 10:19

That's terrible.

Hopefully the guy is now writing in to a forum saying you can't believe what I just said. It came out all wrong. Blah blah blah ......maybe 💁🏼

OP, I really, really think you should go back to the cafe if you want to. You know you have nothing to be embarrassed about. Me if he is rude again you will be prepared and will be able to answer him back.

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