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Original poster

The cafe guy called me FAT

300 replies

PonyPals · 01/03/2017 07:05

I was having a lovely day to my self shopping and decided to grab a coffee. I ordered a skinny latte and the guy said 'you know there is so much sugar in skinny milk, you shouldn't drink it and that is why you are Fat. I was so shocked 😳 and embarrassed and mumbled something like... I like being Fat and walked off.
I wish I had the guts to say something! What would you do?

OP posts:
allchattedout · 01/03/2017 07:36

He's right about the milk though

No, he is not. Skimmed milk is whole milk with the fat taken out. It has a tiny bit (0.6 g carb per 100 mls) higher carb value than whole milk, but this is negligible.

No milk has added sugar (unless you were ordering a Yazoo milkshake). Lactose is a naturally occurring sugar.

Drinking skimmed milk will not make you fat.

He is a wanker of the highest order and PLEASE complain, whether you go back there or not. If I were the owner, I would really want to know. If he makes those unsolicited comments to you, he will make them to others. Do them a favour and let them know.

BeyondThePage · 01/03/2017 07:36

I would have just assumed he had some sort of social interaction disorder because people don't normally say that sort of thing, so there's usually a reason.

Fighterofthenightman · 01/03/2017 07:36

Where do you live that DP thinks it might be cultural? There are some cultures where it wouldn't be particularly offensive because fat isn't the strangely loaded term it has become in the UK.

LouKout · 01/03/2017 07:37

I was so worried about you after your rudeness last time I was here. I think you may have Tourette. Here's a number for a helpline.

Tourettes isnt "being rude"

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 01/03/2017 07:37

Some non U.K. Cultures are very very blunt ! He was a twat but there is a small chance he was not malicious

My Italian in laws are very blunt

And it's wasn't even my fault I had a massive fibroid

SharonBotts · 01/03/2017 07:42

When I was in Sri Lanka visiting friends, I was told often by their own friends and relatives that I was fat. It was stated as a fact; like mentioning my eye colour. Bluntness about weight really was a cultural thing there as far as I could see.

frumpet · 01/03/2017 07:45

Going off at a complete tangent , anyone else love the coffee advert that is on at the moment ? I can't remember whose coffee it is advertising though , so possibly not the best advert !

LagunaBubbles · 01/03/2017 07:45

I get why you might not have said something at the time but this is unnaceptable and so rude. You can't talk to people the customers like that!

BadKnee · 01/03/2017 07:45

I am going to say that I would just laugh. Understand where he is coming from and leave it at that. (And I am fat and do have weight issues).

I suspect he meant "that's what makes you fat" as in "that's what makes/us/one/people fat" - the impersonal "you" causes trouble in English.

However if you felt upset that's fair enough. Ignoring might be the way to go -unless you feel you can't.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 01/03/2017 07:47

Kick up a right stink. Report to the manager. I'm.sure he/she would want to know.
I know I would, wouldn't you. Name and shame the place on Facebook assuming you're on there. Hes made a cunt of you. Its only right that you return the favour.
People need to know not to go there as theres a wanker behind the till who body shames paying customers.

allchattedout · 01/03/2017 07:47

Where do you live that DP thinks it might be cultural? There are some cultures where it wouldn't be particularly offensive because fat isn't the strangely loaded term it has become in the UK

No, 'fat' has always been a rude term and even 50 years ago, it would have been very rude to say that to someone. It hasn't become a 'strangely loaded term'- it is just out and out bad manners.

Even in cultures where it is supposedly acceptable to say things like that, it is actually still rude and hurtful for the recipients of that 'honesty'. Countries like Italy, Spain, China, Japan etc still value and promote female thinness, so any 'honesty' is certainly not coming from a kind place.
I would blast them on trip advisor. If you check it out, they may well already have had poor reviews about his service. I received appalling service in a cafe and when I checked trip advisor, there were several other reviews mentioning the same staff member and the horrible service he had provided.

feesh · 01/03/2017 07:48

I've had my weight gain pointed out to me by two Filipinos here in the Middle East (one was my regular coffee guy in a cafe I used to frequent. Hadn't been in a while and he just said 'Wow you're so fat now' which was true, I was! The other was my regular waxing lady who always liked to point out my weight gains and losses 😂). It genuinely can be a cultural thing, it's a bit hard to take at first but you get used to it. However if you're working in the uk you really should familiarise yourself with social norms and try to fit in with them to avoid offending your customers!

Thefitfatty · 01/03/2017 07:49

I am honestly not sure what I would have done OP. I would have been too shocked! I probably would have walked away and made a comment to the owner/manager later.

If it was cultural and he didn't mean it the way it sounded than having a word with the manager may be a good idea, because some day someone is going to call him on saying stuff like that and it could be with a punch in the nose.

BadKnee · 01/03/2017 07:50

"It's the mayonnaise in a salad sandwich that makes you fat!"
"These fancy coffees are lovely - you don't realise how much sugar is in them though!"
"The manufacturers are trying to con you and make you think these are good for you but actually they make you fat!"

And if English not his first language..

Not excusing and don't want to spoil a good bit of outrage but interesting language point - especially with no context/ tone/accompanying facial expression.

VivienneWestwoodsKnickers · 01/03/2017 07:50

In Sri Lanka it's not rude to tell someone they are fat. No idea about anywhere else.

I'm sorry OP, is awful when someone is so unexpectedly and randomly rude. What do they think entitles them to say shit like that? solidarity for being not thin

EnormousTiger · 01/03/2017 07:53

If you want to lose weight then you have good fats - not sskimmed etc. The old views were totally wrong but he should not haev been rude! I am not a dairy fan at all actually and don't have any.

Stick to water.

BadKnee · 01/03/2017 07:55

someonestolemynick - insensitive comment about Tourette's. Shows lack of understanding about a condition that distresses those who have it for precisely that reason.

Thefitfatty · 01/03/2017 07:55

I don't think she was asking for nutritional advice EnormousTiger Hmm

allchattedout · 01/03/2017 07:57

In Sri Lanka it's not rude to tell someone they are fat

That is true- my Sri Lankan friend will sometimes openly tell others that they have gained weight. However, she also sees fat as a bad thing and talks about dieting and how she would love to be 'thin and beautiful'. So essentially, by saying to someone that they are fat, she is saying that they are not beautiful, not good enough. Even if the cultural norms permit it, it's still a little bit fecked up.

Wdigin2this · 01/03/2017 08:02

Perhaps something along the lines of...'Oh really, and when did you qualify as a nutritionist, oh no of course you're not....you're just a cafe waiter, on minimum wage!"
OK, OK....I know that's not pc, and there's nothing wrong with working in a cafe. But under those circumstances, I think it would be admissible!!!

OpalFruitsMarathonsandSpira · 01/03/2017 08:02

Your DH may be right about the cultural thing.

Honestly, you made yourself feel crap in that situation. You didn't own your response and now you blame him. If you had been confident you could have owned the situation.

"What's wrong with being fat?"
Wait for an answer.
"I'd suggest you remember my latte habit keeps you in that apron, young man!"
"I'm paying for a latte, either that or you are the cheapest dietitian I've ever met."
"Tut tut. Have you been reading the product labels instead of clearing the coffee mugs?"
Flick a glance around the tables.

He can say what he wants but you can also respond how you choose.

Trifleorbust · 01/03/2017 08:05

Wdigin2this: No, that is bringing yourself down to below their level.

morningconstitutional2017 · 01/03/2017 08:07

It's unacceptable to insult a customer - end of. Let's not use culture as an excuse. If it's not the done thing to be so confrontational in the geographical place where the cafe is situated then it's certainly not the way to talk to customers.

If the staff are this rude as a matter of course it will hit them where it hurts and they'll lose business. Customers don't continue to visit places where they are insulted and will take their custom elsewhere.

lemonylemons · 01/03/2017 08:08

Honestly, you made yourself feel crap in that situation. You didn't own your response and now you blame him. If you had been confident you could have owned the situation.

Nice bit of victim blaming! Oh, and all the people doling out completely unscientific nutrition advice on here (which the OP never asked for!) need to FOTTFSOF.

user1471467016 · 01/03/2017 08:10

However we aren't in Sri Lanka, and here that is rude. She was a customer and that just isn't acceptable. Trying to see it from his point of view (was his statement scientifically accurate about the milk etc), or explain his response as he has some 'condition' both erode a basic tenant - you should be able to order a coffee without staff being rude to you. He was simply in the wrong and if she can, she should say this. Though I appreciate that in itself may be difficult.

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