The cafe guy called me FAT

[PonyPals]

I was having a lovely day to my self shopping and decided to grab a coffee. I ordered a skinny latte and the guy said 'you know there is so much sugar in skinny milk, you shouldn't drink it and that is why you are Fat. I was so shocked 😳 and embarrassed and mumbled something like... I like being Fat and walked off.
I wish I had the guts to say something! What would you do?

Archimandrite sorry I missed your comment because I was frustrated at being accused of victim blaming.

I am a firm believer are that nobody makes me feel anything. I believe that people act in a certain way and I choose (albeit subconsciously at times) how to feel about those actions.

When I strip away my blaming of others I often find really useful insights that allow me to grow as a person and become more resilient to the outside world.

I'm quite disappointed in myself that I've got so frustrated with the victim blaming bulshit because the theory is so enriching.

How rude, next time, if he says that again, tell him, I will ask for your opinion if I want it, thank you.

Wdigin2this: Says more about you that you would choose to comment on his wage. I get that you wouldn't usually say it but the fact that it would occur is bad enough.

Being Italian doesn't give him the excuse to call anyone fat imo

no, but in that culture its fairly common to be open on this stuff, and blunt about it, I don't like it bit its a very WASPy to never ever comment on it!

most cultures outside of N Europe, US, Canada are pretty blunt about it

I would say "That's very rude, kindly keep your insults to yourself."

Honestly, thinking about it, if English is his second language and he's relatively new to the cultural I would probably make a point of going back and kindly saying "Hey, just to let you know, it's really not done here to call someone fat. In Australia it's considered really rude. I'm ok, but just make sure you don't do it again or you may end up with a skinny latte in the face!" hahaha.

However, if his English is fine and they've been in Oz for ages, I wouldn't be going back ever again.

Op didn't ask for dietary advice sge asked fir a coffee so he had no right to say what he did. Don't give a stuff if she is thinking of losing weight or not its not for some dick serving coffees business to comment on her weight. Its not advice it's insulting. It's fat shaming and horrible. I wonder if the people defending him would like it if he bed said to them "I have the number of a plastic surgeon if you want to lose that huge nose you have" or "there is a hair dresser next door you really should try it for your awful Hair "

He has no idea of ops life and drinking skimmed milk isn't going to make you far anyway the sugar content is negligible. There is nothing like some unqualified Pratt giving you wrong advice to make you feel bad and make themselves feel important.
Being insulted when buying a coffee isnt likely to make you suddenly overhaul your lifestyle it just makes you feel crap.

Op tell your group and ask if you can meet elsewhere.

Can only assume he thought he was being helpful - i.e. that you were ordering the skinny latte because you want to keep calories down and he's letting you know that it's a false assumption.

Pretty blunt way of going abut it tho'

OMG - would have been so tempting to say "But skim milk burns just as hot as full-cream!" and thrown it in his face.
*of course I would known better than to actually do that, but I'd be thinking about it...

Much harder (but much much more effective) to take responsibility.

And, given you clearly see it as your job to push people to take responsibility, I assume you've done plenty of reading around the studies about the most (and least) effective ways to do this?

OpalFruits you are being ridiculous and obviously trying to start some kind of a fight.
It is silly of you to think that just because some douche cafe loser guy says that I'm fat that I'm supposed to all of a sudden say... oh yeah wow... I didn't know... thank you so much!
You don't know what I have or haven't tried or how much I have or have not lost.
Would it have been rude for me to point out how hairy he is? It looks gross to me so maybe he should do something about it?

I hope everyone reading just ignored Opal as that is what A bully deserves.

I'd speak to the owner of the business ( assuming that wasn't him ) and ask them to explain to the guy that it's considered a rude thing to say, and he will be losing them business if he makes a habit of it.

OP, I'm just admiring Opal's enrichedness.

This is why the exchange caused you a problem. Because you are unhappy within yourself. Because you want to change but you haven't.

Opal I'm quite happy with my size and lifestyle the vast majority of the time. But it doesn't mean I wouldn't be shocked and upset if someone was rude to my face.

Even if it's not considered rude in some cultures to say someone is fat, why would you do it?
What do they hope to achieve? Surely it's like saying 'your eyes are blue', a totally pointless statement.
Unless someone is from a culture where to be fat is much admired, then how is pointing out someone's negative physical characteristics not an insult? It's certainly not a compliment.
I'm sorry you had that experience, op.

I come from a culture where people don't have a filter either - but that doesn't mean it isn't meant offensively. I'm Indian and yes a lot Indians will call people fat, make a joke about them, and then when the bullied person confronts them they hide behind 'oh but we're Indian, we're direct' but not so 'direct' that THEY don't get offended when you call them short assed gimps.

When I strip away my blaming of others I often find really useful insights that allow me to grow as a person and become more resilient to the outside world.

Why can't everyone just be this evolved?

You are wonderful, Opal.

Opal you are getting very annoyed at people confronting you.

Maybe you should strip away your blaming of others and learn from the experience.

She was a victim of words for god sake

When someone looks at me and tells me to fuck off home I will remember that instead of feeling like an unwanted piece of shit. Good to know.

It was an awful thing to say, but maybe he was genuinely trying to be helpful? A lot of people have the misconception lower fat is healthier, it really isn't. Not only do we need fats, it's sugar thats the bigger culprit for weight gain. All low fat versions have more sugar than the high/full fat versions as the taste lost from removing fat is made up for by adding sugar.
As such a regular latte is probably better for you than a skinny latte, but people THINK it's better for them so may be hindering their efforts to lose weight/maintain a healthy weight without even knowing it.

'Unless I'm sitting on your face, my weight is none of your concern'

Its a bit odd that he decided to slag off his own product, tbh

I think dietary issues are besides the point totally here. Sometimes people need to think carefully about the 'advice' they offer and whether it has been solicited or could be seen to be interfering and/or rude.