Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

The cafe guy called me FAT

300 replies

PonyPals · 01/03/2017 07:05

I was having a lovely day to my self shopping and decided to grab a coffee. I ordered a skinny latte and the guy said 'you know there is so much sugar in skinny milk, you shouldn't drink it and that is why you are Fat. I was so shocked 😳 and embarrassed and mumbled something like... I like being Fat and walked off.
I wish I had the guts to say something! What would you do?

OP posts:
Catlady1976 · 01/03/2017 13:56

Self control after fat shaming can lead to anaroxia you know.
Op the cafe guy was horrid. He should have kept quiet. I should leave these threads alone as I have seen the effect these type of comments can have.
It definitely contributed to my sisters anaroxia.
I had a surprise pregnancy with a high BMI. Before booking I was eating healthily and losing weight. Upon booking the midwife went on about my weight and tbh made me feel crap. She even told me I shouldn't gain any weight during the pregnancy.
I felt so bad I probably tucked into a Mars bar when she left.
I did weigh less when I gave birth but think I may have lost even more if my weight wasn't pointed out on every occasion.
Frankly dome people on here are as mean as the cafe owner blaming obese for problems with the NHS etc.

LouKout · 01/03/2017 14:00

There are some very weird goady posts on this thread

LouKout · 01/03/2017 14:01

"Hefty like a hippo" Hmm

Joey7t8 · 01/03/2017 14:02

What do you mean "the tolerance of obesity"? Do you think fat people should be ostracised from society or shamed at any given opportunity?
My guess is that it's to do with the fact that for the last few years it has almost been politically incorrect to criticise obesity, to the extent that morbidly obese models like Tess Holliday are being glorified, and ad campaigns are selling their product by making overweight women feel better about themselves by calling them 'real' women (does that make slim women fake?).
Vanity sizing doesn't help either.

Meanwhile the country is suffering an obesity crisis causing billions of cost to the NHS.

To be fair, attitudes are changing, but it's a bit late.

PlinkyTheFairyWitch · 01/03/2017 14:05

Self control after fat shaming can lead to anaroxia you know.

Oh come now, all you have to do is accept responsibility and control yourself, dontcha know. No way the whole issue is far more complicated than that Hmm

I empathise with the high-BMI pregnancy btw, one of the most anxiety-inducing experiences of my life what with all the well-meaning lectures and so on.

littlefrog3 · 01/03/2017 14:06

What coffee shop was it? And where?

PlinkyTheFairyWitch · 01/03/2017 14:12

to the extent that morbidly obese models like Tess Holliday are being glorified, and ad campaigns are selling their product by making overweight women feel better

Ah, fat women being able to see other fat women in the media and also being able to wear clothes that fit is what's causing obesity. I see now. The Daily Mail sidebar of shame is obviously a public service.

Heaven forfend a tiny subsection of the media would try to stop fat-shaming, since fat-shaming doesn't bloody work.

RubyWinterstorm · 01/03/2017 14:14

I don't get why it's such a massive deal

I get called fat/big/"a big woman" regularly, it is only upsetting if the intention is malicious.

But it does not sound like the guy was trying to hurt your feelings.

Goodness, why does everyone get upset?!

If this happened to me, it would just make me laugh

RubyWinterstorm · 01/03/2017 14:16

...just musing, why is it upsetting for a big/fat person to be called big/fat?

Joey7t8 · 01/03/2017 14:21

Ah, fat women being able to see other fat women in the media and also being able to wear clothes that fit is what's causing obesity.

Yes, fat people seeing fat models being glorified in the media is wrong when it's so unhealthy. It's like saying smoking and drinking make you look cool.

As for vanity sizing, it's not the fact that plus sizes are available, but that today's size 12 is more like a size 16 so women just don't realise that they've put on weight in the last 10 years. It's the same with men's waistbands, which tend to be sized 2-3 inches less than their true size.

splendide · 01/03/2017 14:21

Do people call you fat with no malicious intent Ruby? Are you sure?

Karmaisabitch · 01/03/2017 14:25

What's their "culture"??

PlinkyTheFairyWitch · 01/03/2017 14:34

Yes, fat people seeing fat models being glorified in the media is wrong when it's so unhealthy. It's like saying smoking and drinking make you look cool.

Name 10 off the top of your head. I can't and I'm fat. I haven't picked up a fashion magazine for a decade and I'm still fat.

How do you think that mechanism works, anyway? When fat people see other fat people in the media?

HappyFlappy · 01/03/2017 14:46

Are you the bastard child of Mr Spock, Opal?

Topseyt · 01/03/2017 14:49

Ruby, surely you don't need to ask that. Hmm

I don't know any fat people who set out to get that way, myself included.

HappyFlappy · 01/03/2017 14:58

'S'okay plendide - I don't mind being gently corrected when I've made an error. It was a sweeping comment that I made.

As others have commented, it's the deliberate intention to hurt or embarrass people which is so awful (or the thoughtlessness that results in hurt or embarrassment).

HappyFlappy · 01/03/2017 14:58

Splendide - don't know where the S went Hmm

OpalFruitsMarathonsandSpira · 01/03/2017 15:28

Self control after fat shaming can lead to anaroxia you know.

Oh right. Can you link the study please?

ArcheryAnnie · 01/03/2017 15:50

HappyFlappy when Data and Mr Spock meet, and love each other very much .....

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 01/03/2017 15:58

shame, I wanted this to be are "aren't foreigners rude and blunt" thread Grin

can people stop being meant to fat people about the drain they put on the NHS? as let me tell you the fucking skiers, and their broken legs! and the injured sportsmen's, are just as bad!

seriously its off the scale mean and spiteful to put that on someone

anyway people with cancer die younger, natch - so its all circuitous

SaorAlbaGuBrath · 01/03/2017 16:06

anyway people with cancer die younger, natch - so its all circuitous

Tactful.

RubyWinterstorm · 01/03/2017 16:41

Splendide, yes, for example a friend who said to me :" you'll love shopping in the States, so much more choice for big women like you" she did not mean that in a mean way. (The tactlessness of it made me laugh though)

OpalFruitsMarathonsandSpira · 01/03/2017 18:11

No link to that study yet. I wonder why that is.

HelenaDove · 01/03/2017 18:38

OP Half my family is Italian and they dont carry on like this . I was a size 28 and am now a 14 after a ten stone weight loss.

Most of the abuse i got in the street was from British men.

However there is one Italian bloke in our town (no relation) who was shocked by the fact that im childfree by choice and cant understand why i dont want a child.

HelenaDove · 01/03/2017 18:44

"She was a victim of words for god sake"

So was Karen Carpenter when a music journalist called her chubby.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.

Swipe left for the next trending thread