Interesting letter from a volunteer to non volunteers

[Narnia72]

Volunteering

I hope the link works. We often have discussions about "worthy" volunteers with regard to school activities, but this was a thought provoking read. It was timely for me as my son's football team is having to close the younger age group classes as there's no-one to coach (made up of volunteer coaches). It made me think about all the volunteers who give their time to run low cost groups for my kids; brownies, cubs, football, messy church, netball, youth drama are all run by volunteers. When you talk to them it's clear there is a circuit- they often start on the pre school committee, then progress onto PFA, governors, then to the clubs that their children are interested in. It's very much the same people, over and over again. Why is that?

It also reminded me of a conversation I had recently with a brown owl, who had been spoken to very rudely by a parent, complaining about the activities on offer, and why they didn't do more. When asked if she would help, this parent recoiled in horror and said "but I PAY you to do this for my kids". There's clearly a massive lack of understanding about what these roles are.

So, open to debate. Do your children benefit from activities run by volunteers? Do you value them? Do you volunteer yourself? If not, do you look to help in any way, either by donations to the group, or supporting fundraising events? Do you ever think to say thank you to the volunteers? This is not meant to be a goady post, I volunteer in a minor capacity at school, but although I do value what the external clubs do for my kids, I am guilty of taking the volunteers who run them very much for granted. I am going to say thanks to them all this week!

I'm trying to help the football team attract coaches (football sadly not something either me or DH are in any way skilled at), and have met with so much apathy and indifference, but also entitlement, as though the tiny sub they pay guarantees a 5 star service.

I know the letter writer is a bit sanctimonious, but thought there were some good points in and amongst. Thoughts?

I don't think anyone should volunteer unless they want to, for whatever reason.
I do think people should try to appreciate those that do a bit more though. Volunteers do an insane amount throughout society, often un-noticed, definitely underappreciated. We all benefit hugely from the work of volunteers.

I don't think anyone should volunteer unless they want to either.

But does this mean that "not wanting to" is a good reason not to give a hand with the tidying up, or helping as a one off in an emergency? Or for not saying thank you?

Cork, this thread is implying that volunteering is 'right' and everyone should do it and if you don't (without having a valid excuse) you are 'wrong' - that volunteers are community minded and somehow 'better' and everyone else should be too. I'm just saying that if a person decides to run a club because their child wants to play a specific sport, they are doing it for their child, who needs a squad to play with. My child would benefit by extension, I'm not saying otherwise, but the motivation is to further their own child's interests, rather than purely to benefit the community. Which is no more selfless than not volunteering at all. I think volunteers should be honest about some of their motivations - that it is a hobby or social activity or something they do for their own dc and no one is better or worse for doing it or not doing it.

I can only assume you have a candidate heavy, unskilled market from which to hire. Although your attitude sucks, if you are a desirable candidate in demand no one gives a shit about such friviolities

Unfortunately, I think I posted it in chat so it will be gone now, but I was told last year that my development path to Partner in my company (high profile multinational) requires me to take on non-exec and board positions at not-for-profits/charities

I see no reason why the same is not true of others who have made partner or are on their way to it in mine and similar organisations.

So I can assure you that people do indeed give a shit about it.
And you know what they say about assuming...

"I think volunteers should be honest about some of their motivations - that it is a hobby or social activity or something they do for their own dc and no one is better or worse for doing it or not doing it."

Well, in dp's case, the 20 kids who get to play football are better off. Which is why he didn't give up 2 years ago when he had had enough and agreed that he would carry on til the kids reached the upper age limit for the club......

Yes those bastard volunteers in it for the glamour and adulation

Cork, this thread is implying that volunteering is 'right' and everyone should do it and if you don't (without having a valid excuse) you are 'wrong' - that volunteers are community minded and somehow 'better' and everyone else should be too

Actually this thread, like all threads, meanders through many different points, and I was referring specifically to yours, and not the OP, which I had already disagreed with.

Volunteering is not just about self interest. The work I do has no benefit to me or my family at all, though since it is difficult and time consuming if anything it detracts from my family. It is a cause I feel strongly for though and someone needs to do it, so I reckon why not me?

No, people who volunteer are no better or worse than anyone else, but they give their time, for free, in vast areas of society and we would all be significantly worse of if they didn't, so how about we just be a tiny bit nicer about it all? Would that be so difficult?

My best friends DH ran a football club similar to what you have described Bertrand. He did it for years with little or no thanks, abuse from the sidelines, no help.

After years of doing it, he decided to give it up and the absolute outrage was from parents was incredible. How dare he stop. What about their son. Who was going to do it now. One dad even said "you were rubbish anyway"

So your DH Bertrand has my sympathies

Some volunteering is a thankless task

I think it's a terrible letter, really rude... "If you volunteer you will know your child better and basically saying if you are on the PTA your child will get better results? How?

I was a young leader in Guides as a teen, and later an assistant leader with a Venture Scout troupe while in Uni, but basically gave up volunteering for quite a few years once I got into work, building career, travelling lots, newly married and getting house sorted etc.

I took on voluntary roles at work though once I settled in - things like Floor Marshall for emergencies/fire evacuations, and re-did my first aid to be an occupational first aider. I mentor as well, and have offered my skills to coach many people before interviews etc.

As DD grew older, I have gotten back into a few things outside work as well. While I never became class rep for school or joined the PTA or Management Committee etc, I have always (up until the last 2 fairs) done a "shift" on our class's stall at the summer and winter fairs (lots don't), and helped on our class's turn arranging the monthly coffee morning through the PTA. I've baked numerous buns and cakes for fairs and also for the annual tea hosted by 3rd class catholic instruction parents for the 2nd class DCs and their families after first holy communion (multidenominational school so that is a separate thing). I was part of the team when DD was in 3rd class for that tea, and again last year as they were a bit short in 3rd, I'll probably do it again as a washer-upper this year too as I live very close to school.

Last year, I joined the Catholic Instruction Committee, which organizes all the catholic instruction classes (in school building but after school finishes, using separate teachers which the Committee employs, and doing all the admin), and the 2 sacrament years (First Holy Communion and Confirmation). This year, and probably next as well, I am secretary of the Committee so that is quite an amount of paperwork to look after as we have roughly 100 DCs enrolled in CI.

The other thing I have done in school is, while I work too far away to assist with most outings, I have gone in and given a talk about the Government and Civil Service to the Student Council (both 4th Classes) before their visit to our Parliament when DD was in 4th. The Parliament visit is an annual thing for Student Council and I was able to be an extra helper on the day as I work close by - just not for the bus. School are always looking for parents to do things like this - talk about their work or hobbies or things that would interest the DCs, especially if they can relate to the curriculum in some way (and most can!).

I had also volunteered to be a Cub Scout leader when DD was eligible to join the local troupe. I have experience messing about in boats that was useful to them (sea scouts), and my previous scouting experience too. After just over a year as assistant leader, my civil service background apparently shone through as an organized and paperwork person, and the current Section Leader asked if I would take over so he could step back to assistant leader (after 10 years!) - so that is another big commitment.

While I have not formally signed up as coach etc with other clubs that DD is involved in over the years, (some need lots of parental involvement, others want none), both DH and I have done lots of being a "parent on the ditch" keeping an eye for ones who need a break and not wander off, running for balls, finding water bottles or first aid kits etc, we take our turn when sailing needs parents "on deck" with radios while the kids are on the water with coaches, we generally have been among the group who put up and pull down goals, move trollies with boats in and out of water, scoop up all the hockey balls at the end of a session etc - rather than just drop or scoop and run with our DC. Some have involved getting Garda vetting (similar to CDB(sp?) checking in the UK).

I enjoy almost everything I do in this vein. Sometimes I do it to support others - like school - but other times I do it as much for my own enjoyment. I am loving messing about in boats again, and Cubs age are lovely as they still respect you generally, and I have gotten back into camping purely because I had to with Cubs, but have now bought my own tent and gear to go off with DD on girlie adventures (DH has given up on camping as he thinks he's too old!). And I am learning from everything I do - how to work in groups, diplomacy skills, different ways groups can work but all still effectively, management skills, accounting skills, communication skills, how to deal with difficult people, lots of skills which are readily transferable to other aspects of life and particularly to work! And I am also getting an opportunity to get trained myself in some fun skills like powerboating, sailing and adventure sports without having to pay for this.

"I think volunteers should be honest about some of their motivations - that it is a hobby or social activity or something they do for their own dc and no one is better or worse for doing it or not doing it."

This is bullshit though, isn't it

It might apply to those running an activity for the very narrow period their kids are partaking but it doesn't apply to the vast majority of volunteers working for charities, local organisations, park runs, boards of governors, old people's organisations, animal charities

There are groups and charities the length and breadth of the country crying out for volunteers.
Everything from full-time commitment to someone who can do a few hours a month keeping a website or social media page updated.

If you care so little about your community and wider world that you want to make excuses not to get involved, that's fine
But don't try and make out that everyone else is only doing it out of self interest

Some people actually give a small shit about communities and society

I once went to a guide group in the local hall and one of the volunteers was ill. They needed one parent to stay. Everyone scarpered, but I 'muggins' was the new lady, so I was roped in to help.
Never went again as it happened too often.

I have to say aswell, I really don't think my children have benefited from our PTA at all. We have a lot of collection s but don't get to know what they spend the money on. Our school is split on two sites, infants and juniors, and a couple of years ago they got playground equipment for the infants, and nothing for the juniors.

I don't think anyone who volunteers should have to be honest about their reasons for doing it. Why? I've done stuff when my DCs have been involved because without me and others doing it, the activity wouldn't happen. That time is gone now thouh.

I've done stuff because it's close to home with a family member and I want to give something back to an organisation that helped them.

I've done it because I think I could help in some small way and I had some free time.

There are a myriad of reasons as to 'why'. But I honestly don't think it matters

Sparechange, I don't think it is bs though. I think people volunteer for numerous reasons. One of those might be pure altruism, but other reasons are because they get personal fulfilment from it in one way or another. Not everybody does.

Mumzy Perhaps they are putting the next lot of money towards the juniors? It's quite demoralising for those on the PTA to hear that sort of comment when what they are doing is for the good of the school as a whole.

There are a myriad of reasons as to 'why'. But I honestly don't think it matters

Not if you're benefiting from it, it shouldn't. This "well you're doing it anyway for your own reasons so I don't need to be grateful just because I happen to be benefiting from it too" stance is just weird. I think what you mean to say is "thank you".

No, it doesn't matter Roussette, so long as volunteers don't imply that everyone else should be doing it too, which is what the letter in the OP is doing.

Sorry but I do think better of people that volunteer. Don't internally judge non volunteers but do favourably judge those that step up for no money no matter what their motivation

When we have home matches, it takes about an hour to set up the pitch and another hour to put things away afterwards. Dp has stopped asking if anyone will help, because he says that if he does and he gets no response again, he will find himself feeling too resentful to carry on. So he does it himself. And he usually runs the line as well, because nobody will help with that either. He loves the coaching and the boys-but it is soul destroying to be taking down goals and trundling a wheel barrow 400 yards to the lock up and back while parents stand round the burger van and chat. The boys sometimes volunteer to help, but there is only some stuff he can let them do.
That is disgusting Bertrand. Could he not ask the boys/girls on the team to help as part of the routine. That may encourage parents.

There was this fleeting moment on the PTA when I get a sense of fulfilment. It lasted about a month, out of years of doing it! In the end it is just a bit of a slog but someone has to do it

I have volunteered and I am also very grateful for volunteers. Volunteering and getting involved with activities in your community is definitely good for you. Although mental health is an under evidenced field, there is currently a general consensus that volunteering, alongside things like exercise and a healthy diet can help personal resilience and general mental wellbeing. Obviously it isn't a cure for serious mental illness, but is part of a package of behaviours that can help support and maintain resilience and wellbeing in all aspects of our lives.

Don't run KERALA .
I have done a fair bit of volunteering. I'm just being honest when I say I did it for my own reasons, not for the benefit of anyone else's dc, so honestly didn't expect anyone to be grateful for it.

When we have home matches, it takes about an hour to set up the pitch and another hour to put things away afterwards. Dp has stopped asking if anyone will help

We arrived half an hour before matches and in that time got the boys warmed up and the goals set up. It took about 10 minutes to put the goals away afterwards.

Which is how it should be fair.
The coach should be leaving with the players and parents after everyone has mucked in getting the goals, flags, balls etc where they need to be.