Interesting letter from a volunteer to non volunteers

[Narnia72]

Volunteering

I hope the link works. We often have discussions about "worthy" volunteers with regard to school activities, but this was a thought provoking read. It was timely for me as my son's football team is having to close the younger age group classes as there's no-one to coach (made up of volunteer coaches). It made me think about all the volunteers who give their time to run low cost groups for my kids; brownies, cubs, football, messy church, netball, youth drama are all run by volunteers. When you talk to them it's clear there is a circuit- they often start on the pre school committee, then progress onto PFA, governors, then to the clubs that their children are interested in. It's very much the same people, over and over again. Why is that?

It also reminded me of a conversation I had recently with a brown owl, who had been spoken to very rudely by a parent, complaining about the activities on offer, and why they didn't do more. When asked if she would help, this parent recoiled in horror and said "but I PAY you to do this for my kids". There's clearly a massive lack of understanding about what these roles are.

So, open to debate. Do your children benefit from activities run by volunteers? Do you value them? Do you volunteer yourself? If not, do you look to help in any way, either by donations to the group, or supporting fundraising events? Do you ever think to say thank you to the volunteers? This is not meant to be a goady post, I volunteer in a minor capacity at school, but although I do value what the external clubs do for my kids, I am guilty of taking the volunteers who run them very much for granted. I am going to say thanks to them all this week!

I'm trying to help the football team attract coaches (football sadly not something either me or DH are in any way skilled at), and have met with so much apathy and indifference, but also entitlement, as though the tiny sub they pay guarantees a 5 star service.

I know the letter writer is a bit sanctimonious, but thought there were some good points in and amongst. Thoughts?

Glory? What glory exactly? People enjoying your hard work is about as good as it gets and that's if you're lucky (pretty sure no one enjoys using food banks or soup kitchens no matter how grateful).

The last couple of years I've done a week at a big Scout camp (thousands of young people) as volunteer staff. I do a little over a week, plenty of others do 3 weeks (build week, camp week, take down week). I love the attitude of everyone's volunteering for the benefit of the young people, from the people cleaning the toilets to the organisers in charge of hundreds of thousands of pounds budget. You could maybe say the organisers get glory because they get mentioned and go on stage at the opening and closing ceremony, so five/ten minutes glory for several years of hard work. I'm reasonably certain they don't do it for those few minutes! I did shout to a man emptying the waste water tanks for the toilets that I loved him (your world shrinks at camp... toilets were the most important issue in my life that day), is that glory for him? For a split second, while literally dealing with shit all week.

"Mumzy" most people don't sneer at anyone. The more you post, the worse you sound, so by all means keep digging.

Again, how does one get their "name up in lights and all attention on them" for volunteering? Not one volunteer on this thread seems to know what that means or how they get a bit. Do tell?

Most people don't sneer at anyone! Of course they do, in all walks of life, everyday of the week. There is always something people don't like.

You haven't come across very nice either.

I volunteer for a large sporting association. Masses of hours are spent every week on this, at home and away from home. Then some people come along, do a very minor part, and make a big deal of how much they have done, as if they have run the show, when actually they haven't. This happens in all walks of life, so I'm not talking about something unusual.

Talk to me about this "glory". Who gives it? Where does it come from? How do you know people are seeking it?

Glory of volunteering? I look glorious in a meeting at 7pm, precariously scrunched onto a chair meant for an infant schooler, head between my knees. We take it in turns to form a guard of honour for each other when we enter and leave.

But do you sneer Paxilin ?

I volunteer- I run a Beaver Colony and help to officiate at DS's sporting events. Beavers takes at least 1 night per week, officiating can take all weekend at times. I work full time, as does DH, and DS has some SN.

I think I got one thank you tonight at the end of Beavers. We had 16 children at the meeting. I did get blasted as another helper had spelled a child's name with two l's (usual spelling) instead of 1 (new, fashionable spelling). Not so much volunteer glory going on in our scout hut, then.

I do get a bottle of wine after a weekend of officialling though!

The cleaner and the school secretary take it in turns to sneer as they usher us out .

I would love to volunteer, I just barely have enough time to meet all the work/family commitments as it is :(

I used to run a rainbow unit, then a guide company, have helped out at brownie pack holiday many times, been on numerous guide camps, etc.

I have been helping out at Rainbows again for a year or so while dd2 has been there. She's now moving up to Brownie's so I'll probably help out there when they need someone, but I'd rather not as it's better for DD to be there without me.

I can't manage a regular commitment though as I just have too much work to do during term time, and lots of the stuff I can volunteer for (brownies, guides and similar) close for school holidays. I do run a school trip every year, which strictly speaking is as a volunteer, although I am a teacher. It's an awful lot of work, and I give up a week of my holiday, but not many people realise that school trips in the holidays are only possible because teachers volunteer, and it's really difficult to get enough staff to volunteer so trips can go ahead.

I don't volunteer. Because I work full time and just don't have the time.

Before people say "I work full time and volunteer" - some people's full time is my part time.

I am out of the house from 7:30am to 6:30pm, Mon-Fri. I am out in the evenings with my children (non volunteer run / paid for hobby) 6:30pm - 8pm. Once the children are in bed, I am working from home 8pm-10ish and then I go to bed. One day a week I work 24h (often in at 7:30, home around midnight and then back in periodically throughout the night, in for a full 10h day the next day); one weekend a month I work 24h Friday/Sunday or 24h Saturday.

At the weekends when I am not at work, I am with my children 9am - lunchtime (same hobby). The afternoons are spent together as a family - chores, gardening, cooking, walking, being together.

I would resent having to give up even a small amount of the already too little time I have with my boys as they grow up. I will happily give up time to attend the fetes and fairs and spend money, I will happily give up evenings to bake vast quantities of cakes and slices to be sold at bake sales and cake stalls, I will happily give towards any fundraising event the school holds.

But I am so time poor already I cannot afford to give any more of it away.

I get involved with parent child days at school but after the way the pta and school handled themselves I would not want to be associated with them. When you try and help you dont get much back either like a general thank you. Of course on the other side they cant wait to get enough money out of you after spending their funds on bloody coporate programmes. There are reasons people don't get involved. Many reasons.

I haven't read the full thread, but in response to the first post, I do a bit but am not "on the circuit" so to speak. Mostly because I struggle with my MH and tiredness and juggling work, commuting, just getting through the day with small children.... But I do a bit, when I can - helping at Sunday school about once a month, reading with children in school (or offering to be a parent helper on some school trips, reading at my son's nursery). I also offer time at PTFA events (summe fayre etc, helping with set up or raffle or similar) but am not on the committee itself. I think parents are also supposed to help at Beavers once a term or similar.

I am enormously grateful to people who do volunteer and do thank them. My daughter gets a lot out of Rainbows and Beavers and I'm really grateful to the people who run them. I am not in a position to do that at the moment but I've learned through experience that I need to balance work, family life, my own mental well-being and be careful not to overcommit as I end up running myself ragged and/or ultimately letting people down.

Most people don't sneer at anyone! Of course they do, in all walks of life, everyday of the week. There is always something people don't like

Not liking is not the same as sneering. I don't sneer at anyone volunteering for a cause, I can assure you. That's your thing, don't kid yourself we're all at it.

We're still waiting to hear about the glory. You seem adamant that is why many people volunteer, for this mythical glory, but you can;t tell us how that works or what it consists of. Funny that.

I didn't think the letter was thought provoking. I thought it was a bit simplistic, and slightly aggressive and bitter. It basically just said, "hey you! Do some volunteering! It's good for your kids you know! Why is it always us working for free for your kids?"

I have done some volunteering here and there. It is not a wholly selfless act. I did it because the area interested me, and it was rewarding. If it had been boring and a drain on my psyche, I wouln't have done it.

No need to get all superior about it. I don't do much volunteering these days because I'm quite busy doing other things.

This thread's moved on a bit since the morning!

The motivation is to further their own child's interests, rather than purely to benefit the community. Which is no more selfless than not volunteering at all. I think volunteers should be honest about some of their motivations - that it is a hobby or social activity or something they do for their own dc and no one is better or worse for doing it or not doing it

That's a big assumption.

I do about 5 hours volunteer work a week. I'm self-employed and could use that time to earn more, but choose to volunteer instead, because I believe it's the right thing to do. I have no children, and if something is to directly help my loved ones, I don't count it as volunteering.

I don't judge any individuals who don't volunteer. I don't know what else they might do, or what might make them unable to help.

However, I do think there are a lot of people who are just selfish in an ordinary, getting through life looking after no. 1 & possibly no. 1's family kind of way. Who won't volunteer to help, knowing that they can have a bit more leisure time whilst someone else does the task.

Except with people I know very well indeed, I have no idea which non-volunteers are selfless people who can't help, and which are more self-seeking people who can, so I'd never try to put pressure on an individual, or hold not volunteering against them.

But nevertheless, overall, it is morally better to volunteer.

I volunteer for a large sporting association. Masses of hours are spent every week on this, at home and away from home. Then some people come along, do a very minor part, and make a big deal of how much they have done, as if they have run the show, when actually they haven't

Now that would annoy me Mumzy and that sort of explains your view on this thread. you have personal expderience of those you talk about who are just in it for the glory.

Luckily what I volunteer for has a lot of very lovely people and acting like that would not go down well!

BeBeatrix, volunteering is only morally better if a person is doing it out of pure altruism. I'm sure that is the case for some people but plenty of others are doing it because they want to for their own reasons.

I don't get the argument that if your volunteering isn't completely selfless and unrelated to anything you like, it's self serving and worthless. It'samazing how resentful people are when someone does a favour.

Agree Dusty. I think there are certain people who don't volunteer who explain it away by saying

"Aaaah, but they're only doing that football coaching so they can pick their son on the team", or
"Well, I'm not surprised she does that with the group, it's because her DD is so involved isnit it" etc etc

I hate this sort of sniping. Bloody do it yourself then! Your DS/DD benefits from us running this so bog off!

When I didn't volunteer for anything (too much pressure at home) I was just so grateful to those putting themselves out running stuff, and sod the reasons, I didn't care.

I do not snipe at people who run clubs - I figure that it is their business and I would never criticise how they do it or complain about it. I also never said it it worthless, only that it doesn't make you morally superior.

But you're the person taking about moral superiority in an adult version of "they think they're so great, well wait till I give them a wedgie".

www.happify.com/hd/volunteering-infographic/

It's good for you!

I understand that people have their reasons for not volunteering, but it doesn't have to be hours on the PTA or running a football club.

Thanks in many ways to mumsnet I now appreciate the huge contribution that DS's scout, cub and beaver leaders and helpers make so always volunteer if they are looking for parent helpers. Shocking out of about 60 scouts how few names come forward to support with a 2 hr session.

DS's cub leader was looking for parents to run sessions - I emailed back and said that I couldn't think of what I'd run a session on (and I'd hate it and DS would hate watching me)

A few months later he came back to say that they needed a secretary for the group scout exec meetings. 4 times per year but absolutely vital for the meetings to take place and to be kept and recorded for Scout membership. So I'm happy to do that. Or indeed the other option is parent member - then you just need to turn up for the 4 meetings a year.

I moan a little about having to go to the meetings and then typing up the minutes and a few other duties have crept in, but you know it really doesn't take up that much of my time.

I think there are genuinely some people who don't recognise the need to do anything for others. I remember when I foolishly ran the playgroup for a short period of time - voluntary of course. Mrs Entitled Mum arrives - "Wee Johnny likes lots of toys to be out" - whilst other mums were putting them out - I told her she could put out as many as she wished, but she still sat on her bum and did sweet FA. As did many of the other DMs who I now realise left suspiciously early to pick up their DCs from school thus missing out on any of the tidying up activities, but didn't seem to feel that they should make up for this by doing a bit more earlier in in the session.