Interesting letter from a volunteer to non volunteers

[Narnia72]

Volunteering

I hope the link works. We often have discussions about "worthy" volunteers with regard to school activities, but this was a thought provoking read. It was timely for me as my son's football team is having to close the younger age group classes as there's no-one to coach (made up of volunteer coaches). It made me think about all the volunteers who give their time to run low cost groups for my kids; brownies, cubs, football, messy church, netball, youth drama are all run by volunteers. When you talk to them it's clear there is a circuit- they often start on the pre school committee, then progress onto PFA, governors, then to the clubs that their children are interested in. It's very much the same people, over and over again. Why is that?

It also reminded me of a conversation I had recently with a brown owl, who had been spoken to very rudely by a parent, complaining about the activities on offer, and why they didn't do more. When asked if she would help, this parent recoiled in horror and said "but I PAY you to do this for my kids". There's clearly a massive lack of understanding about what these roles are.

So, open to debate. Do your children benefit from activities run by volunteers? Do you value them? Do you volunteer yourself? If not, do you look to help in any way, either by donations to the group, or supporting fundraising events? Do you ever think to say thank you to the volunteers? This is not meant to be a goady post, I volunteer in a minor capacity at school, but although I do value what the external clubs do for my kids, I am guilty of taking the volunteers who run them very much for granted. I am going to say thanks to them all this week!

I'm trying to help the football team attract coaches (football sadly not something either me or DH are in any way skilled at), and have met with so much apathy and indifference, but also entitlement, as though the tiny sub they pay guarantees a 5 star service.

I know the letter writer is a bit sanctimonious, but thought there were some good points in and amongst. Thoughts?

Aderyn you have a very narrow view of what volunteering is. It't not just sports teams or PTA's. Some volunteering is incredibly difficult, time consuming, and not very rewarding. Often you wonder what the hell you are doing this stuff for when no-one made you, and you think you must be mad.
But a lot of stuff just needs to be done. someone needs to do it. Someone needs to be on the other end of the phone if you ring the Samaritans, someone needs to raise money and awareness for charities, someone needs to man the foodbank and do court accompaniments and free counselling and advise at the CAB and a million other things that are taken for granted that someone will do, even though there is no glamour and little respect.
Dismissing it all as people doing it just because they want to is ridiculous.

My parents brought me up in a culture of volunteering, my mum was Akela and Beaver Leader and my Dad did PTA & various other things.

So I have always done lots of voluntary work & then when I was 23 with no kids I started helping at a Rainbow unit and opened my own Guide unit when I was 25.

It is more often than not the most rewarding part of my week & it brings me so much joy. I truly don't do it for the praise, I am happy to do it & I love providing kids with opportunities they wouldn't otherwise have. I don't expect everyone to volunteer, but a thank you really does go a long way.

This Xmas just gone, out of probably 40-50 Rainbows, Brownies & Guides I got I think 3 Christmas cards? Normally we get an armful of token small gifts & cards, which are so appreciated. I was quite taken aback to not even get a card from most of my Guides.

Like I said, I volunteer because I love it but I do sacrifice a lot to do it. Up until recently I missed out on shifts at work to do it (now I just exhaust myself and do both!), I miss out on time with my family, I take annual leave to go on camps, I sometimes use my only time off in the week going on a trip or doing accounting, going to meetings, etc, etc.

Volunteering is v rarely that hour a week with the kids, it's a huge commitment & although it brings you a lot of joy at least showing appreciation is very important!

I have no idea where people are getting the 'better person' bollocks from. Volunteers aren't better people, and no one is claiming that they are. What people are saying is that volunteers provide vital services to communities and it can be damn dispiriting as a volunteer to see the time and effort that's put into things being taken for granted.

All those who say they just don't want to volunteer - I presume you never use any services run by volunteers in that case??

When I volunteered I understood that some people genuinely couldn't manage to give any time. What massively fucked me off were the people who clearly did have time (as they turned up to events) but couldn't be bothered to contribute and then had the absolute cheek to complain when the service was on the brink of closure due to lack of volunteers. Utter shitheads.

In our school, there is a big focus on the whole school community, but there is also a recognition that most families have a very hectic life and cannot participate in lots of stuff. They do try their best though as they ask for 3 hours per family per school year, if possible, to support the school - be that helping the car park duty rota once a month (about 20-30 minutes in the morning), running the class stall in the winter/summer fair for 30-60 minutes, helping at the PTA coffee mornings (1hr/month, rota so each class does it once a year), coming in to help with reading groups, giving a talk on work/hobby etc, being an extra helper on outings (from 1hr to go to Church for FHC/Confirmation practice, to all day for school tours), once a year there's a Spring Saturday devoted to digging the school garden and preparing it for the new season so 30 minutes to 3 hours could be done here, during the summer there's a week of watering that garden (you may not need to do anything depending on weather, but maybe 3 visits of about 30 minutes each generally - they try to get enough local families to cover one week each of the hols), some years there are building projects like new flower beds or painting fences, there may be a need for planning/accounting/legal/PR/design etc skills for new building projects, new websites, agreeing new rules or developing new guidelines etc, every second year there is a big school show so set design, costume design, music, posters, ticket sales, chaperones, ushers and all sorts of other jobs either leading up to or on the night of the shows - so there are LOADS of different ways to get involved.

I've certainly never felt in our school that the PTA look down on anyone - they want people to get involved but they recognize that not everyone can, and some years are better than others for some families. And sometimes, a family may be very time poor but have funds available and send a large donation instead of volunteering - should that be looked down on too?!

In Cubs, we ask for some parental involvement. We have 5 leaders for 25 Cubs, and on the water that is not a lot. So we are trying to have parents help us bring the boats up and down at the start and end of sessions (generally there are a few that do help), and try to have 1 parent "on the bank" to watch the Den and take charge of any Cubs that get too cold and need to get changed early, or call on any rescue services if we have a problem (never needed but it's part of risk assessment and being prepared) - that allows the Leaders to all be out on the water supervising and teaching. We also sometimes need a parent or 2 if a couple of leaders will be absent, especially for outdoor activities. We have a couple of parents who take charge of shopping and cooking for overnights (hostel and camping trips), so that is a BIG headache we don't have. And another who has a large van and transports a lot of gear for our annual camp. A few parents have great skills, like musician, artist, yoga teacher, able to run a design-session (on environmental awareness and electronics stuff), woodworking, etc, which we are very grateful to take advantage of to expose the Cubs to these skills which we leaders don't necessarily have. And we ask parents to volunteer for car pooling to make travel easier - we try to have spaces for each Cub and not depend on the same parents always driving, but always letting any parent who will travel regardless to go and also letting parents make their own arrangements too if they prefer. But we never demand any parent to help - we'd like each family to help with 1 thing in the year, but there are always a few who have loads of time, skills or useful equipment and the capacity to do loads, and always a few who are really appreciative of their child coming but not in a position to help (that year or at all) - and we treat each and every Cub the exact same, no matter how much or how little involvement their parents have with the Troupe.

Yesterday at work a colleague who is also a parent as my child's school complained to me about a recent event. I said I agreed it hadn't been as good as recent years & then added 'we were so low on volunteers weren't we?' She looked embarrassed and admitted she didn't help with the event, but rocked up to enjoy it - which I have no problem with.

I guess I am a serial volunteerer.

School council, NUS, resident assoc, trade union, NCT, PTA, charity shop.

I work full time shifts too & my DH is kind of the opposite. He can't see there is enjoyment in the tasks.

Some people are reserved and are not 'joiners'. Any time I have had to help out at school events for example I have felt awkward and out of place. It's just not for me. My kids did briefly attend cubs but i totally understood that their place was dependent on volunteers and completely understood when they couldn't do certain things cos there were not enough volunteers. I would have been worse than useless at volunteering at cubs and resented feeling pressured into volunteering. The boys also aren't really the 'joining' type and chose to stop attending quite soon. Basically what I'm trying to say is that it's nice that some people enjoy and feel able to volunteer. I don't and am completely happy to accept that this might mean that some services therefore might not be able to be provided. I just don't want to feel pressured into volunteering or judged for not doing so. It's just not me.
Similarly, I feel that my children have a right to a free education. I pay my share of taxes towards it. It's nice if people can give of their time to fundraise or arrange extra events but I really don't think it should be expected. Some of us just want to live our lives how we choose without pressure or judgement to do things we don't feel comfortable doing.
As an aside, I don't think it's fair that much more is usually expected from the mums than if the dads.

It's completely fine not the be a volunteer for whatever reason at all.

Last year I went from being a serial volunteer to an allotmenteer. This thread has reminded me why.
I do help the elderly lady on the next allotment, and she lets me use her toilet as she lives next door to the plot.

It's completely fine not the be a volunteer for whatever reason at all
Yes, but you completely forfeit the right to moan about any volunteer-run activity, Club or event, or lack thereof

The Office for National Statistics estimated that (for the year 2012/13) formal volunteers donated 2.29 billion hours of time to the UK economy.

That is £23.9 billion worth of donated time.

If we include informal volunteering as well, it brings the total value of volunteering to nearly £40 billion for 2012/13.

That is an amazing figure - that people freely gave £40 billion worth of their time to help their communities.

It's also a meaningless figure because the financial value assigned is made up! did ONS provide info on the number of volunteers / proportion of the UK working age population volunteering? That would be more meaningful IMO.

I agree with TheOnly's comments in that there is little point just focusing on PTAs and childrens' activities - but think of the wider picture, the organisations that rely on volunteers that are often mentioned on Mumsnet - Women's Aid, Home start, Food Banks, CAB, Meals on Wheels, hospital transport etc - none of these could operate without an army of volunteers. No one 'sneers' at the volunteers who give their time to the Samaritans or the local women's refuge do they?

Unfortunately they do, Ragwort, in my experience . Less though, maybe?

TheOnlyLivingBoyinNewCork
I totally agree with you about the pp's on this thread focussing on the childrens' activities and the PTA. Of course it's disappointing if the schools don't get extra funds raised for the children or if there is no football training or cadets or guides.
But what about if there was no RNLI or no guide dog puppy walkers or no one manning the Samaritans, Childline or Rape Crisis helplines.
No CAB to help with debt counselling or no Home Start to visit overwhelmed parents. No child or elderly befriending volunteers.
No patient transport volunteers or no WRVS cafe's / trolleys in hospitals.
No volunteer patients to help doctors practise skills.
No clinical trial volunteers, helping to develop new drugs.
The list of things that we all rely on directly or indirectly, that can only run with the help of volunteers, is truly massive and way too long to list here.

oops cross posted with Ragwort

This thread is definitely not a great advertisement for volunteering is it?

I was thinking that as well, but more from the perspective that it seems like it's a ton of unappreciated, and often actively disparaged work. Doesn't make me want to jump up and do things so I can be criticised about them!

Actually, that reminds me of a major volunteering role I used to do, which was one of those things that the "users" paid for and often really didn't even think on how the whole thing was volunteer run. And how all the people complaining about how things went down could have joined in to help them happen differently (although with the egos involved, that could have just been join in to add their voices to one side of the argument; but at least then they could have see the complexities of things). The payment was used solely to cover costs and run the whole thing -- all the time and effort, and in fact, some serious cash contributions from volunteers, were unpaid.

Two things have come to mind:

In this modern internet age, do people consider things like being admin for a Facebook group volunteering?

And how does one find out about finding volunteer opportunities in the UK? I would actually be happy to do something if it truly was only 2 hrs a month or so, but it feels like the effort to get to know a group and be connected to people is higher than my capability -- if I can engage with others max once a month (and less if I want to do some fun things with DD), I don't know how to get connected up with groups. I'm hoping when DD starts school there will be things like 'we need people to do X for so-many hours at event Y' coming out.

do-it.org/

You can find lots of things in your area to look at.

I did a lot of volunteering in my youth. I was a Sunday School teacher for 5 years and did collecting for the National Children's Society; then I moved on to Animal Welfare and did a lot for that.

More recently I've been a school governor for 2 x 3 year terms in 2 different schools, and gone in to help with school trips. I'm a first aider at work. I've transcribed some historical records for familysearch, something I will probably do more of in the future.

That is the extent of my volunteering. As another poster said, I really don't have many talents for volunteering. I don't just know how to do stuff, that other people have no issue with. If somebody asks me can I do x at y time on z date I can do it, but organising an event or similar is completely beyond me.

Similarly if I were one of the 40 parents standing round while the football coach cleared up (or similar) I wouldn't instantly rush to help because it wouldn't occur to me. If he said to me "Ewan can you put that goalpost in my van" I would willingly. If the other parents were all helping him I would join in with them but I lack whatever that initiative thing is that others have instinctively (highly frustrating at work). People who have this naturally don't get it.

murmuration Don't give up on doing little bits. Just chat to the people organising local things. Most of them are friendly, many are armed with wine.
Can you make a cake, soup, tea? Can you man a stall for an hour? Can you help put up a gazebo? Can you collect up the sideline flags after a match? All these things help so much. The people running things will be grateful. They may also try conning you into doing more, it is ok to say no

Because they have all the time to attend and watch it not to get involved! Like bertrand said... 40 people who suddenly stare at their feet when asked to help clear up or set up

So what if some do? I'd far rather people volunteered because they wanted to do it and not because they felt somehow guilt tripped into it.
As someone said, it's a mindset. You either enjoy and are good at volunteering your time, or you're not and don't want to.
It doesn't make you any morally superior because you get stuck in at the cake stall or making costumes for the school play or whatever.
Everybody's different, and what would suit one person doesn't suit another!
Oh, and not everyone who never volunteers is a "moaner" as someone so charmingly implied upthread. I could volunteer, but don't. I'd never dream of complaining at anyone who is good enough to give up their free time for stuff like Brownies and Cubs, I appreciate them hugely.

Its hard not to feel a little when you are clearing up after a school event, lugging tables and rubbish to the recycling etc and other parents sit around and watch you whilst drinking in the sun.

In my next life I hope not be cursed with the volunteer compulsion/guilt to do this stuff.

I think the reason most of the discussion has been about PTA and children's groups is because we're predominantly a board filled with mums and kids.

Agree though that volunteering goes far wider - there would be no charity shops without volunteers as most have just one paid member of staff. We wouldn't have pulled off the Olympics and the Commonwealth Games in hte way we did. People would die at sea or on the mountains because there would be no lifeboats or mountain rescue. You'd struggle to get a cuppa in hospital. There wouldn't be phone helplines like the Samaritans or Childline. You can argue until the cows come home about whether those sorts of things should be publically funded, but volunteers make such a huge contribution to society as a whole.

Its hard not to feel a little hmm when you are clearing up after a school event, lugging tables and rubbish to the recycling etc and other parents sit around and watch you whilst drinking in the sun.

You chose to volunteer though. Nobody forced you to do it. (Even though I appreciate all the hard work put in.)
Presumably at school fairs you WANT people to buy the cake and a drink and sit and enjoy it though?
Or are they supposed to buy the cake and cup of tea then leave it and not eat it because instead of "drinking in the sun" they should be pitching in with the washing up instead?
School fairs surely needs parents to wander round buying stuff, sitting eating cake, otherwise it'd all be a bit pointless if there was nobody there to buy and enjoy the goods!
Both are contributing to the school, surely? Some people volunteer their time for the work, some people volunteer their wallets instead at Hook A Duck or How Many Sweeties in This Jar with their kids.

"Similarly if I were one of the 40 parents standing round while the football coach cleared up (or similar) I wouldn't instantly rush to help because it wouldn't occur to me."

Presumably it would occur to me if you had had a text a couple of days earlier saying "Is there anyone who can help set up/put away the equipment on the occasional Saturday?"

Presumably it would occur to me if you had had a text a couple of days earlier saying "Is there anyone who can help set up/put away the equipment on the occasional Saturday?"

It's a request, not a summons.