To be scared to leave DS with FIL + MIL

[PassTheCake82]

Some background....

Since DS was born 8 weeks ago, my FIL has been quite vocal with his opinions parenting. For example, I had a lot of issues with breastfeeding - I had an emergency c section and issues with supply as well as LO suffering from (undiagnosed at the time) silent reflux and tongue tie. Throughout this v difficult time, he was constantly advising myself and DP to bottle feed. Eventually, we had no other option.but to as the LO was losing weight and BF eventually petered out. I was absolutely gutted and decided that in order to still foster a close bond, I would limit feeding to myself and DP for the first 12 weeks. FIL did not know this and proceeded to pick up a bottle and feed him one day. I thought this was way out of line and DP has since told him that we would prefer to limit feeding to us. Needless to say he has been very vocal about this as well, commenting for example that, 'anyone.should be able to feed DS'. I realise this is quite an old school, cultural thing but I really don't agree with it. Since then, I've also had comments criticising the medical treatment DS receives for his reflux etc ro the point that it's really causing tension and making me feel like I just don't want to be around them.

It all.came to a head the other day when they were round and he kept trying to give DS a dummy. DS was crying but rather than offer a dummy to soothe him, FIL held it in his mouth, leaving him no choice but to take it. It was awful. This made me feel sick, I just wanted to grab DS from him. MIL said nothing and obviously saw no issue with it so I decided to leave the room briefly to think what to do. When.I returned, DS was still crying - although stifled by the dummy - and so I just said, "he's obviously not liking that" and said I'd take him to feed him. I didn't make it obvious that I wasn't happy although I wish I had. I did tell DP however who agreed that this was wrong. Aaaaanyway...I now feel reluctant to leave DS in their company for any more than 10 mins! AIBU? They live nearby and are always offering to help/look after DS and MIL has always been someone I've looked up to as a mum but leaving DS with FIL makes me feel v uneasy. It's also causing tension between myself andand DP as I do not have this issue with my own mum.

I still think posts like these boil down to control.
Possibly for the first time ever, mum has something she can be the undisputed 'expert' in and she wants everyone to know it.
She is not really scared of leaving baby with FIL or having anyone else feed him, but she is scared of losing control over her PIL she is so enjoying.

I thought the advice the OP was following was from the NHS...

Or is the NHS sometimes good and sometimes an instrument of an interfering nanny state, depending on your point in view at that particular point in time?

I'd prefer a food allergy to being dead any day.

In terms of loss of earnings, due to my being bad at pregnancy (various illnesses rendering me incapable of working) each baby would cost me in the region of £20-40k just to gestate (based on figures prior to my becoming a SAHP).

If I had just bought a £30k car, damn fucking right I'd expect PIL to A) be careful with it and B) ASK before doing things to it. Even if trying to be 'helpful'. And no I don't bloody care how good a driver they think they are.

Babies are more precious than cars but for some bizarre reason women being careful with their babies are precious and controlling, rather than being sensibly cautious with something that represents a huge personal investment of time and resources.

Hello Everyone
Thanks again for commenting on this post As a first time mum I often wonder if I'm just being overly anxious about a lot of things and it's really great to have forums like this - especially 'AIBU' - where I can get invaluable insight for example, with regards to how my PIL might be feeling. Thank you.
Thanks also to those for their understanding about how I feel, despite whether you think I'm being ott/completely nuts - you get why I am concerned; I love my son so much and continually question everything I do to be the best mum I can be, hence this thread!
However, I won't be commenting further as I feel many of the name-calling posts and accusations regarding my underlying motives for my decisions are a bit much. Criticising my behaviour is one thing, attacking who I am is quite another and I find it really bizarre in a community designed to support and help mums like me.
Thanks again to everyone for taking the time out to respond and please don't be offended if you don't receive a response from me on this particular thread.

For what it's worth (and I don't expect a reply don't worry) I was very anxious for months when I first had my son. I too had a c section and breastfeeding issues which I found tough to cope with initially. I felt like I was doing it all wrong and had failed somehow. Coupled with the exhaustion of a newborn it was really tough at times. But I got there and so will you. Even if you have to gag your FIL sometimes! Nobody really knows what they're doing, some are just better at hiding it. My only advice is to try and enjoy every day he's so tiny, because one minute they're 8 weeks, then the next it's their second birthday! Wishing you the very best for your new family x