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Original poster

To be cross with DD about her hair?

255 replies

PixieGrace · 27/02/2017 19:13

DD (12) is currently going through an awful, rude, snappy phase.

I am getting very cross with her at the moment as she has very long hair and a) won't brush it at the back so it is just a huge matted mess at the back and b) won't wash it properly; her hair is very thick but she will only wet the top layer, stick a bit of shampoo on and then won't rinse it out. Her hair is constantly matted, smelly, greasy and with huge chunks of dandruff in it where she won't rinse her hair or wash it properly. If I try to brush it for her or suggest washing it she has a screaming tantrum.

To cap it all off I have just now seen that she has nits too!

I have just told her that I will be washing her hair properly, brushing it and nit treating it and she is again shouting, screaming and crying in her room.

DH is useless and says it's my fault for letting her have long hair!

I'm so fucking cross!

OP posts:
gymbummy · 27/02/2017 19:40

Oh and find some live nits and put them in dh's head. Like a toddler maybe he needs to have consequences...

harderandharder2breathe · 27/02/2017 19:40

Your DH is the problem. He won't discipline or allow you to discipline your child.

RachelRagged · 27/02/2017 19:40

12 ! She should not be dictating to YOU or your DH.

Tantrums ? Is she spoilt OP ? She sound hard work

ChickenVindaloo2 · 27/02/2017 19:40

Sounds vile.

Unfortunately, neither you, nor DH nor a hairdresser can cut your daughter's hair without her consent - that would be assault and extremely distressing for her.

Get a teacher or one of her friends to speak to her. That should shame her into doing something about it.

BillyButtfuck · 27/02/2017 19:40

Your H sounds awful, are you okay?

LesisMiserable · 27/02/2017 19:40

I sympathise - I have a 14 year old hormonal DD with very very long (beautiful) hair - although she looks after it well and is never out of the bath washing it nowadays when she was 12 it was a pain in the bum, truthfully. I think the main angle to go with is that the nits need sorting out non-negotiable and that you need to do it for her to be sure they are gone. If you can do this in a calm way just you and her you might be able to start gentle dealing with the matted part of the hair and move it on from there. Forget you DH for now, he's hopeless - sounds a typical 'anything for a quiet life" type so yes, his input or otherwise is a moot point.

I'd go buy some really beautiful smelling pampering shampoo and hair mask and have a girly night sorting it out to be honest. More carrot, less stick.

RachelRagged · 27/02/2017 19:40

Oh and your DH sounds as much help as a chocolate teapot

user99009960546 · 27/02/2017 19:41

Sound to me you have just a big a problem with your DH as you do with your 12 year old!

He won't let you turn the internet off?? WTAF!!!

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 27/02/2017 19:42

I think it's time to change tac OP.
I'm sure she is aware of her tangled messy hair, and is trying to block it out, obviously that's not working. Go and sit with her, and talk it through. Ask her how she would best like to address the issue, as leaving it, in the state it's in, isn't a viable option. Maybe if, as suggested, you could cut some off, treat it (nits), and then she could make an appointment at the hairdressers, for her first young lady hair style, maybe a bob !
They can be such hard work at this age, half woman, half child. 😄
🍷 for you OP, and tell your DH, to butt out, if he's not prepared to contribute sensibly ! 🙆

Yamadori · 27/02/2017 19:42

With any luck, it won't be long before your DH catches the nits off her. I wonder what he'll think about it then?

For the moment, I'd leave hers but treat your own (and any other dcs) hair, and play a waiting game. When your DH starts scratching, he might change his tune a bit.

lifeas · 27/02/2017 19:42

I don't think it's DDs hair that's the problem here.

Nanna50 · 27/02/2017 19:42

Sounds like you and DH are just blaming each other and DD is stuck in the middle.

PaulineGBCO · 27/02/2017 19:43

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PerspicaciaTick · 27/02/2017 19:43

Could you take a photo/film of the back of her head and show her what it looks like? She might think you are exaggerating and be shocked into agreeing to a cut when she sees the truth.

Fairenuff · 27/02/2017 19:44

I don't think OP is ready to address the problems with her dh. I think she will continue to stand by and do nothing whilst he wilfully neglects his daughter Sad

kalinkafoxtrot45 · 27/02/2017 19:44

What do you mean, DH won't let you switch off the internet? Just do it and hide the cables. Or is he going to have a tantrum too? Your poor DD must feel so itchy and horrible, this needs sorting out.

Patriciathestripper1 · 27/02/2017 19:44

She is 12.
Either take her to hairdressers (obviously post nits ) or cut it yourself.
Tell her she can have it long again when she shows she can manage it. Let her choose a nice style to limit the tantrum.

BillyButtfuck · 27/02/2017 19:44

Pauline that's lovely. I donated just under 3ft of my hair late last year, it's a great thing to do! Flowers

AmserGwin · 27/02/2017 19:44

She needs to let you untangle it or put it in a ponytail and cut it off. One or the other

RumAppleGinger · 27/02/2017 19:45

Ok, I used to have hair like this. I I supposed used to be a bit like her in her attitude because I was massively embarrassed (although I would have denied that and screamed said it was fine ).

Buy her a tangle teaser style hair brush, you can get them in Asda for cheaper than the branded ones. Cover hair dry hair with loads and loads of conditioner, wrap it all up in a towel and leave it for a couple of hours or if possible over night. Comb through with the tangle brush and then wash off the shampoo. Then treat the nit problem.

Your DH sounds like an arse so you have to help your DD. Approach with kindness no matter how exasperated you might be. Tell her she can't return to school until the nit problem has been treated and the nit treatment can't be done until the matted hair is sorted. Tell her you are going help sort it. Take the tantrum on the chin. Then sort your DH problem!

NinonDeLanclos · 27/02/2017 19:45

I think the hair is part of a larger problem, which encompasses abnormal behaviour for a 12 year old, and seriously unhelpful behaviour from a grown man.

Original poster
PixieGrace · 27/02/2017 19:50

Well he's just had a massive go at me for suggesting I wash her hair, and saying he doesn't want to hear my voice as it's too loud! Everything gets turned back onto me!

OP posts:
friendlyflicka · 27/02/2017 19:51

She can't go to school if the nits aren't treated

BillyButtfuck · 27/02/2017 19:52

OP is your DH always like this? Has he been this aggressive with other issues before?

needapaddle · 27/02/2017 19:52

Oh blimey and ^what Krap said^ - analyse what you have said and imagine what you would say if a close friend told you all of this!? Your DH is being a bellend and a shit dad.

Also try the kind chat with DD then go for an ultimatum - let me sort and treat it or otherwise we'll cut it to shoulder length (despite the fact no hairdresser will touch it with nits, no need to dwell on that though!).

Good luck (with all of it..)