To be cross with DD about her hair?

[PixieGrace]

DD (12) is currently going through an awful, rude, snappy phase.

I am getting very cross with her at the moment as she has very long hair and a) won't brush it at the back so it is just a huge matted mess at the back and b) won't wash it properly; her hair is very thick but she will only wet the top layer, stick a bit of shampoo on and then won't rinse it out. Her hair is constantly matted, smelly, greasy and with huge chunks of dandruff in it where she won't rinse her hair or wash it properly. If I try to brush it for her or suggest washing it she has a screaming tantrum.

To cap it all off I have just now seen that she has nits too!

I have just told her that I will be washing her hair properly, brushing it and nit treating it and she is again shouting, screaming and crying in her room.

DH is useless and says it's my fault for letting her have long hair!

I'm so fucking cross!

I was (and still am) not very concerned with my appearance, and at 12 certainly went some days without brushing my hair, but if a 12 year old cannot see that matted hair with lice is a massive problem, I would suspect that she has some issues.

I would usually not be in favour of cutting a child's hair against her will, but she has lice. Give her an ultimatum. The lice must be treated now, and the matted hair combed - if she doesn't get that done in a day, you will cut her hair.

Her right to have disgusting hair ends where your right to not have lice in your house begins.

Your useless "D"H is a problem all of his own.

Haven't read the recent pages of the thread but I have been thinking about this. I'm surprised and quite annoyed that the school aren't getting involved as she is forwarding a horrible epidemic around her class.

I have very thick wavy/curly hair, and actually find that the tangle teasers do not work. The best thing is to put some coconut oil on her hair and leave it overnight. Next, wash with hedrin, add some conditioner, then put some argan oil on when soaking wet, leave it a while then use a wide toothed comb to gradually go through the tangles and matted bits.
Once the nits are under control, the best way to avoid this sort of hair looking like a matted mess is to have lots of layers cut into it, even if she wants to keep the length. One length bobs are the worst for this sort of hair (been there, done that). I personally find my hair unmanagable if it is below my shoulders. I would second going through hair magazines to get some ideas, and make it fun girlie time rather than a punishment. This sort of hair needs a firm hand; mine can go matted at the back within a day!

By the way, when I was that age my mum just cut my hair off herself using the snip off the plait approach. No nits, just that my thick wavy hair was getting on her nerves. I never forgave her for it.

PixieGrace how are things going?