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Original poster

To be cross with DD about her hair?

255 replies

PixieGrace · 27/02/2017 19:13

DD (12) is currently going through an awful, rude, snappy phase.

I am getting very cross with her at the moment as she has very long hair and a) won't brush it at the back so it is just a huge matted mess at the back and b) won't wash it properly; her hair is very thick but she will only wet the top layer, stick a bit of shampoo on and then won't rinse it out. Her hair is constantly matted, smelly, greasy and with huge chunks of dandruff in it where she won't rinse her hair or wash it properly. If I try to brush it for her or suggest washing it she has a screaming tantrum.

To cap it all off I have just now seen that she has nits too!

I have just told her that I will be washing her hair properly, brushing it and nit treating it and she is again shouting, screaming and crying in her room.

DH is useless and says it's my fault for letting her have long hair!

I'm so fucking cross!

OP posts:
Avioleta · 27/02/2017 19:21

She's not able to manage it by herself so it's got to go. It's that simple I'm afraid. Perhaps give her an ultimatum first? Either she does something about it immediately or it gets cut short. Allowing a child to walk around with matted, nit infested hair is neglectful. You need to be the parent here.

Sirzy · 27/02/2017 19:21

No hairdresser will cut it while she has nits anyway.

If there are no other issues though I would insist on treating the nits then leave it to her to decide how she wants it

msgrinch · 27/02/2017 19:21

No did I say that? I said he's right, she cant have long hair. You're both her parents sort it out between you.

debbs77 · 27/02/2017 19:22

Screaming tantrums at 12??

FannyDeFuzz · 27/02/2017 19:22

How on earth is she ok with nits though? most girls her age would be mortified

Trifleorbust · 27/02/2017 19:22

Does she have an older sister, cousin, auntie, nan, who could perhaps take her in hand? Gently wash and condition it for her, but treatment (of course) then take her to the hairdresser to get the worst of the matting cut out without taking all of the length? Obviously this is causing issues between you - it may be better to outsource it and take away the conflict that way.

PurpleDaisies · 27/02/2017 19:22

I'm embarrassed to admit I was like this as a teenager. It was because I was being bullied and I didn't care what I looked like because my self worth was so low. Anything going on at school or with her friends maybe?

I would've cut it off. How are you going to make a twelve year old who doesn't want it cut cut it? Hold her down?

DearMrDilkington · 27/02/2017 19:22

Another thought, she isn't trying to backcomb her hair is she? It's weird she brushes the front but the back is matted.

PurpleDaisies · 27/02/2017 19:22

Sorry that should say "wouldn't cut it off"...not "would've cut it off".

Original poster
PixieGrace · 27/02/2017 19:23

DH won't get involved. He'd rather she had matted hair than have a tantrum!

OP posts:
Fairenuff · 27/02/2017 19:23

Why does she have tantrums at her age?

Original poster
PixieGrace · 27/02/2017 19:23

Debbs yes, screaming tantrums at 12!

OP posts:
heateallthebuns · 27/02/2017 19:23

Well you have to deal with the nits. So she has no choice but to let you! She'll get sent home from school!

GeorgeTheHamster · 27/02/2017 19:24

Have you sent her photos of the back of her hair so she can look at the when you're not with her? I bet she will look, even if she says she won't.

SookiesSocks · 27/02/2017 19:24

Turn off the internet. Remove treats. Take away the ghds.

Either she takes care of her hair or gets it cut. Only then will services be restored.

Original poster
PixieGrace · 27/02/2017 19:24

I have no bloody idea Fairenuff, I wish I knew! I certainly didn't at 12. I think partly it's because DH gets moody with me if I discipline her and so she gets away with a lot and tantrums if she can't have her own way!

OP posts:
TheWitTank · 27/02/2017 19:24

Yuck. Shed loads of conditioner on it and ease through the tangles as best as possible. You may have to cut out the matting. Then de-nit and rewash again with either a hot oil treatment (love those) or a decent conditioning treatment. Once done, plait (will be easier to cope with and won't tangle). Has DD got SN? 12 is quite old for such screaming tantrums over hair and hygiene. I don't know many 12 year olds who would want a head full of nits.

DearMrDilkington · 27/02/2017 19:24

georges idea is good, try that!

Original poster
PixieGrace · 27/02/2017 19:25

DH won't let me turn off the internet.

OP posts:
Getnakedorgohome · 27/02/2017 19:25

Have you got a tangle teezer hairbrush? My much younger dd used to resist getting her hair brushed but this brush is like magic. I use it on my knotty hair too and it really is good at painlessly getting out the tugs.

With regards to washing could it be broached as a girly time with you to help her until she gets the hang of it? Sounds like tricky situation. Or start showing her pictures of celebrities looking fab with short hair/pixie cuts?

harderandharder2breathe · 27/02/2017 19:26

If you'll have a tantrum either way then might as well have one to get it sorted

It sounds grim and I agree with the pp who said embarrassment is probably being the tantrums

The only person who said it's your fault made a point of saying you and DH. No one is blaming you and absolving him

msgrinch · 27/02/2017 19:26

Well you'll have to deal with the tantrum (at 12?!) and de nit her as its vile to let her spread them amongst friends, just because you two won't deal with a stroppy tantrum. Is very irritating for parents to constantly fight of nits due to some parents not dealing with them.

Fairenuff · 27/02/2017 19:26

Your problem is obviously your dh and his lack of parenting skills.

Original poster
PixieGrace · 27/02/2017 19:26

Yes I've shown her photos. She doesn't see the problem!

OP posts:
Trifleorbust · 27/02/2017 19:26

You have a DH problem - perhaps it's a cliche but what the hell.