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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Aibu to be so upset about this?

196 replies

Iwantausername · 26/02/2017 20:44

Hi,
I had a trip away for myself booked, just a cheap trip within europe. I'm supposed to be going with a family member I've not seen properly in a very long time.
I have never held a passport of any kind, So 13 weeks before my trip was booked (My flight leaves 10.04.2017) I wrote up the application and gave 'D'P the money for it so he could post it for me en route to work, as it was on his way anyway. He said he had, then a week later said he'd received a text saying it had been received and would now be processed, I didn't think to question this or ask to see the text etc. Looked online and its normal for them to text you so thought nothing of it. Then 3 weeks later (bringing total application time to around 4 weeks) I started to get a bit worried as my interview letter hadn't arrived. every first adult passport requires an interview apparently, and according to some info I've read it should only be 5 weeks maximum for this.I waited another week and got really worried by this point. So I tried to ring the passport office and couldn't get through, then 'd'p got home from work and I got a bit upset and told him I was very upset it was taking so long and did he think it would all come through ok (just looking for some reassurance really) he then laughed at me and told me he hadn't actually sent it off and I was stupid to believe he had then he threw £85 at me (the money I'd given him to cover the cost of application and everything). He's also lost my birth certificate yeah right so I've applied for that and paid an extra 15 pounds to get that fast tracked. I finally sent off my complete form and certificates a few days ago. I'm so upset as now my passport probably won't be back in time.
AIBU to be so upset he has done this to me? :( he seems to think so as ''I told you in enough time for you to still have 6 weeks between now and april 10th'' (which is the minimum time as dictated by the passport office, that one will wait for their first passport)

OP posts:
Ginkypig · 27/02/2017 12:02

Forget about mum or jobs or flatshares.
Your mum abused you and taught you that behaving like that is ok which is part of the reason why you thought when he did it it was normal, don't go back to her unless you have to it's just jumping into another abisive situation.

Call womens aid tell them you feel unsafe and tell them everything and they will help you make a plan to get out.

Then once you are safe you can look at a longterm plan about getting a job and longterm housing.
Benifits might be a viable option for you for the next wee while so you can get back on your feet that's what the benefit system is for.

Bunniesncats · 27/02/2017 13:32

If this is outing ypu feel free to have my post deleted.
Oh hun you sound so dispondent. I know it seems a huge task but think of the end where you will be able to do all what you want not what you're told you want. Please get yourself a phone and call women's aid rct Call: 01443 400791 they were wonderful when I was ready to leave my abusive husband and offered not only practical help but also counselling. Also I am at the to of the welsh valleys if you want to pm me I am happy to offer you friendship and support. Flowers

Bunniesncats · 27/02/2017 13:35

www.wa-rct.org.uk
You can also access them on the net.

Ginkypig · 27/02/2017 17:37

Hi iwant

I came on here to check on you.

Iv reread my last post and it comes across a bit bossy or pushy and possibly a little unsympathetic so wanted to say sorry if it reads that way! I meant it to sound supportive Blush

Hope your ok

hellsbellsmelons · 27/02/2017 18:17

Good grief - this is all so awful for you.
Please do call Womens Aid 0808 2000 247
The call will not appear on your phone bill.
Get their advice first and see what they can do for you.
You've had so much abuse your whole life you don't know what a relationship should really look like.
Womens Aid and Shelter if you can.
You can do this.
Take back control of your life.
Get away, then work out what to do from there.

Beeziekn33ze · 27/02/2017 18:34

💐You'd be better off in so many ways than with this man.

Domino20 · 28/02/2017 00:33

OP please let us know you're ok?

Italiangreyhound · 28/02/2017 01:25

Ginkypig good advice.

OP I think your mum is not a good option. If you can get away to a refuge or a more distant relative who you can trust this may be better.

Keep talking if it helps.

Iwantausername · 28/02/2017 11:30

Hi, sorry I haven't been on MN for a bit.
I have some PM's to get through so I'll do that now.
Thank you for checking in with me Domino Flowers
Its been quite a horrible day for me so far. P got up and went to the kitchen, he dropped something so I went to check all was alright and I got screamed at and a cup (empty, thankfully) thrown at me. It hit me on the shoulder but I'm alright.
I just wanted to check if he was ok. Dick.
He's in work now though, and won't be back for a few hours. I'll check out the links sent. thank you.

OP posts:
liz70 · 28/02/2017 13:26

Please get away from this man before he kills you. Everybody deserves to live a life free of pain, fear and misery - you included. Please heed PPs' advice here, and take the first steps towards that life. Flowers

Allthewaves · 28/02/2017 13:36

My god. I don't comment on relationship threads aibu but he just horrible

TealStar · 28/02/2017 13:45

I don't know if it's been mentioned as I haven't read the whole thread in detail, but there are lots of threads on here about gas lighting. It sounds as if he may be doing this to you; one of the symptoms is as you describe, feeling as if you don't know your left from right anymore. Have a look and a think. It is classic a abuser technique.

TealStar · 28/02/2017 13:46

Sorry, that wasn't very clear. I mean theee are lots of threads on MN about gas lighting. Others will be better qualified to talk to you about it. Flowers

BettyBaggins · 28/02/2017 17:04

Flowers Cake

I just wanted to post the link again for you of the Welsh Women's Aid website. And this is the direct link for their Specialist Domestic Abuse and Violence Against Women Services in Wales. A friend of mine had to use Women's Aid to escape her violent husband, they gave her a safe place to stay, help with sorting out entitlement to benefits whilst she got herself on her feet and she ended up working for them providing support to others.

Have you managed to get yourself a mobile phone yet? O2 provide a budget service for only £10 a month with loads of call and text time. You can put your phone on silent.

So sorry you had such a crap day and about the thrown cup incident, what a nasty rotter he is. You do not deserve this.

You mentioned your Mum was abusive so not a good stopping point for you. What are the family member/s like you are meant to be going on holiday with? Might you be able to talk to them about the situation?

justilou · 01/03/2017 23:03

Sweetie, has it occurred to you that the relatives who want you to travel with them might want to get you away from this man?

GloGirl · 01/03/2017 23:44

Please call

0808 2000 247

Flowers
Italiangreyhound · 02/03/2017 15:02

op how are you?

Chillyegg · 02/03/2017 16:23

Leave. Hes a cunt and id happily kick him in the nuts for you.

My ex was like yours its drip drip drip slowly getting worse and worse untill it engulfs you. And you barely feel human.
I left with 3 carrier bags and my kid. Went to my mums slept on an air bed for a month bought a bed got a job and my own house. 8 months later lifes fucking brilliant . Hard but great. Its so much better away from the cock womble my love. You can do it!

Italiangreyhound · 04/03/2017 00:20

Iwantausername how is it going? Have you had any more plans to leave.

Please get out before something happens.

Please speak to women's aid.

Madwoman5 · 04/03/2017 02:33

Is he 4?
Playground bully Tactics are not attractive. Whilst you are away, consider your relationship and whether you want to stay with this creep. He is jealous and is acting like a spoiled child.

Madwoman5 · 04/03/2017 02:50

Just read through the rest of the thread.
You are a real person.
You have the right to live without fear
You have the right to live safely
You have the right to be happy and free.
Now go and do it

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