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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was neighbour's reaction out of order?

202 replies

RuledByAToddler · 25/02/2017 20:46

I've name changed because this is quite outing, also sorry for the long post in advance but I want to prevent drip feeding.

Thursday my 13 year old sisters came round in the morning as they were meeting a friend who lives by me and then they were planning to go into town but Doris put a stop to that so they all ended up stuck at mine with no power for hours.
Fast forward a few hours and wind is beginning to ebb away so sister 1 and friend go off to park opposite my flat, 20 minutes later my doorbell rings so sister 2 shouts down the stairs (upstairs flat) that door is open as she thought it was sister 1. Turned out to be neighbour's 19 year old son instead. She told him one moment whilst she got me, I quickly throw some clothes on as I've just got out of shower due to power finally coming back on, when I step out my bedroom and he has already let himself in and come up the stairs so is stood waiting outside my bedroom door.
He then told me how my sister and friend have been playing knock-a-door run on both his doorbell and his bedroom window (he lives in downstairs flat) and he's not taking it. Immediately I apologise, explain I was unaware but now I am I will have them straight in and not to let them back out and I will deal with them both. Neighbour's son repeats himself about what the girls have been doing and his voice is raising to the point he is shouting in my face, I stay calm and repeat that I understand his frustration and I'm sorry for their actions and I will deal with them, he then carries on shouting in my face again how they have been ringing his doorbell and knocking on window then storms down stairs and shouts back that he's calling the HA next time.
By this point I was furious at the way he had barged into my home, spoken to me and then threatened me with HA as he stormed away. I immediately though shout the girls in, tell them off and don't let them back out for the rest of the day. I later get a call from DM after girls have gone home and she sends me a video of girls pissing about earlier, there was also footage from neighbour's son kicking the bin shed gate in on them both when he was coming round to my home.

Today I went around to neighbour's to deal with situation as her and I have always got along very well and I didn't want there to be any issues. I asked that her son come speak to me too, at first he refused but then reluctantly came out. I told them how I was sorry for sister's actions and she had been dealt with accordingly, but I then told them how I wanted an apology for his actions as he was aggressive, threatening and even showed violent behaviour by kicking gate with girls behind it. They did not seem to think he did anything wrong, AIBU by thinking his reaction was very wrong, especially as it was the first time he had come to me about the situation and it's not as though he had already asked me to deal with it and I'd ignored him?
Please do tell me if I am because right now I'm so angry I can't see past my own point of view

OP posts:
Pacha11 · 26/02/2017 16:20

Cut him some slack. I would also be fuming, if some assholes did this to my door. You are wrong, suck it up. But you are also right - you won't fix the relationship with your neighbour - not with that attitude of yours, no.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 26/02/2017 16:22

I think your sister should avoid the area for a while until she can behave appropriately.

Londonsburningahhhh · 26/02/2017 16:33

20 minutes later my doorbell rings so sister 2 shouts down the stairs (upstairs flat) that door is open as she thought it was sister 1. Turned out to be neighbour's 19 year old son instead. She told him one moment whilst she got me,

Where is the invite her sister told him to wait not come in. This is AIBU but some of you on here sound very unreasonable. I remember 1 bloke who tried to barge in my house he ended up in the bush I had to call police. Some of you need to brush up on the law you can't walk in to peoples houses uninvited.

Londonsburningahhhh · 26/02/2017 16:34

Your sister can go where she wants if they threaten or do anything to her call the police.

Londonsburningahhhh · 26/02/2017 16:37

But you are also right - you won't fix the relationship with your neighbour - not with that attitude of yours, no.

They don't sound like the type of people you want to be engaging with anyway Op.

Londonsburningahhhh · 26/02/2017 16:39

*He nearly ended up in the bush. I forgot to include nearly he was a debt collector I had to call the police they told him to leave.

sailorcherries · 26/02/2017 16:42

Again read the full thread. Doors open was changed to please wait here.

glitterazi · 26/02/2017 16:44

Where is the invite her sister told him to wait not come in.

She shouted down the stairs "door's open!" which was a stupid thing to do.

LadyPW · 26/02/2017 16:45

Christ no one actually reads everything.
Probably because extra "facts" keep appearing when the OP needs them Hmm

BoneyBackJefferson · 26/02/2017 16:50

sailorcherries

So he was invited to open the door.

And told to "wait here" which is presumably at the top of the stairs as DSis 1 was stood there as she couldn't be bothered to go down stairs.

Original poster
RuledByAToddler · 26/02/2017 16:52

LadyPW what facts have I added when convenient for me? I have elaborated in more detail on certain things that PP's have queried over, but that's because my original post was long enough anyway that surely to put all full concise details in that would have just meant it ran far too long

OP posts:
MarvelMummy13 · 26/02/2017 16:53

BoneyBackJefferson

Original post not added later not changed Turned out to be neighbour's 19 year old son instead. She told him one moment whilst she got me

Seriously now I don't think you being fair to op at all . How would the DS1 know it was him to say wait there if she didn't go down and see him unless he stood at the bottom of the stairs and she was at the top hence he should've waited at the bottom at the very least She said wait there

kali110 · 26/02/2017 16:54

FeliciaJollygoodfellow wow how sexist are you??Shock no wonder you g men don't seek help for mental health problems Hmm

glitterazi · 26/02/2017 16:55

So he was invited to open the door. And told to "wait here" which is presumably at the top of the stairs as DSis 1 was stood there as she couldn't be bothered to go down stairs.

Exactly. "Wait here" has obviously been interpreted as just that.

BoneyBackJefferson · 26/02/2017 16:59

MarvelMummy13

In your quote it was "wait one moment", no mention of where he was, he may have already been at the top of the stairs.

Then later in the same post you say that Dsis said wait there. you can't have it both ways.

How would the DS1 know it was him to say wait there if she didn't go down and see him

she was stood at the top of the stairs looking down?

kali110 · 26/02/2017 17:05

I don't thin you can do anymore op.
You've apologised for them.
Maybe he will apologise to you for shouting at you when he has calmed down.
I don't think he owes an apology to your sisters though.
you've made them write a letter of apology also so hopefully his mother will see that you don't want this to ruin your relationship.

MarvelMummy13 · 26/02/2017 17:14

ok so now we are assuming the bedroom door is at the top of the stairs am I right ? because thats the only way the child could say wait here and he'd end up outside her bedroom door if we are being that pedantic about what was said

And okay sorry wrong word there but she never said Wait here . she said wait ...meaning stop ...wait

Not even a child would say wait here outside a persons bedroom door and then go inside to get 'said person' to come outside the door. You'd just open the door and say someones here. Logically breaking it down. OP said she told him to wait a moment whilst she got her sister if she was outside the bedroom door at the top of the stairs why would she need to go get her sister ...she was already there at the door so she wouldn't say wait here like you suggested

Its literally like going around in circles. no matter who it is even if it was my family if i shout come in they wouldn't just walk upstairs . You maybe stand at the bottom of the stairs and say hello it's me.

BoneyBackJefferson · 26/02/2017 17:25

MarvelMummy13

I am just responding to the language changes made by other posters making suppositions about whether he was invited in or not

I have no idea as to the lay out of the flat, but I have known flats where the stairs have no standing area at the bottom, I have known flats where the top of the stairs is central to bedroom, bathroom and lounge area.

And yes where I am from "doors open" is an invite to come in and wait one moment would be at the top of the stairs.

As for other questions.
Why would Dsis 2 knock if the door was unlocked? surely she would try it and walk in.

Maybe we should ask the OP for a floorplan on the flat?

MarvelMummy13 · 26/02/2017 17:28

Yes definitely floorplan please and diagrams with little x'S where everyone was stood Wink

No maybe not its simply going to be a split opinion here I am afraid nevertheless excellent debate ha

FeliciaJollygoodfellow · 26/02/2017 17:34

FrancisCrawford - of course it's sexist! And it's social conditioning based on whether you're male or female.

It's not me that tells women to stay away from unlit areas and walk down the middle of the road with their keys bunched like knuckle dusters. It's not me that tells women not to answer the door after dark and to tell unwanted suitors that they have a boyfriend even if it's not true. It's not me that tells women to moderate themselves around men because they're 'passionate' and might get angry.

Anyway, massively off topic there, sorry OP.

Londonsburningahhhh · 26/02/2017 17:36

sister 2 first shouted the door was open? He remained outside the door until she had already asked him to wait and then she had walked off, that it when he took it upon himself to come inside and walk up the stairs,

It doesn't sound different to her original post. Its still the same story nothing has changed.

FrancisCrawford · 26/02/2017 17:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
RuledByAToddler · 26/02/2017 17:45

Boneyback the door was open with lock on the latch but from the outside it looked shut so it could have easily been sister 1 not knowing the latch was keeping the lock open hence why sister 2 shouted down that it was open.
Now let's be pedantic and pretend that a 19 year old didn't fully understand what she meant when she asked him to wait, and he thought that meant to wait at the top of the stairs, surely he would have come straight in as she said wait, but he didn't, he waited the few seconds it took sister 2 to walk down the hall and into my room before he came in, also he didn't wait at the top of the stairs he was stood outside my bedroom door which is the opposite end of the hall and meant he had to walk by the front room, bathroom and DS's room to get to my room, he was so close when I opened door I actually wondered if he was about to enter it, this is what I'm basing my 'came in uninvited' claim on, as surely nobody could get that mixed up from being told 'door is open'

OP posts:
Original poster
RuledByAToddler · 26/02/2017 17:53

Kali I agree there doesn't seem to be much I can do now, at least not in terms of having neighbour's accept his behaviour towards myself was aggressive and unfair when he hadn't got Ben me a chance to deal with the girls yet.
I definitely do not expect an apology towards the girls though, I haven't once said they should be apologised to either because they were completely in the wrong with their actions, I only wanted an acknowledgement that the way he came to me was not the best way to deal with things. I actually find it a worrying thing the more I've thought about it, that they both think his aggressiveness is ok.

OP posts:
BoneyBackJefferson · 26/02/2017 18:00

RuledByAToddler

I actually find it a worrying thing the more I've thought about it, that they both think his aggressiveness is ok.

The silver lining of all of this is that you have found out what type of people they are and you can distance yourself from them.

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