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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Was neighbour's reaction out of order?

202 replies

RuledByAToddler · 25/02/2017 20:46

I've name changed because this is quite outing, also sorry for the long post in advance but I want to prevent drip feeding.

Thursday my 13 year old sisters came round in the morning as they were meeting a friend who lives by me and then they were planning to go into town but Doris put a stop to that so they all ended up stuck at mine with no power for hours.
Fast forward a few hours and wind is beginning to ebb away so sister 1 and friend go off to park opposite my flat, 20 minutes later my doorbell rings so sister 2 shouts down the stairs (upstairs flat) that door is open as she thought it was sister 1. Turned out to be neighbour's 19 year old son instead. She told him one moment whilst she got me, I quickly throw some clothes on as I've just got out of shower due to power finally coming back on, when I step out my bedroom and he has already let himself in and come up the stairs so is stood waiting outside my bedroom door.
He then told me how my sister and friend have been playing knock-a-door run on both his doorbell and his bedroom window (he lives in downstairs flat) and he's not taking it. Immediately I apologise, explain I was unaware but now I am I will have them straight in and not to let them back out and I will deal with them both. Neighbour's son repeats himself about what the girls have been doing and his voice is raising to the point he is shouting in my face, I stay calm and repeat that I understand his frustration and I'm sorry for their actions and I will deal with them, he then carries on shouting in my face again how they have been ringing his doorbell and knocking on window then storms down stairs and shouts back that he's calling the HA next time.
By this point I was furious at the way he had barged into my home, spoken to me and then threatened me with HA as he stormed away. I immediately though shout the girls in, tell them off and don't let them back out for the rest of the day. I later get a call from DM after girls have gone home and she sends me a video of girls pissing about earlier, there was also footage from neighbour's son kicking the bin shed gate in on them both when he was coming round to my home.

Today I went around to neighbour's to deal with situation as her and I have always got along very well and I didn't want there to be any issues. I asked that her son come speak to me too, at first he refused but then reluctantly came out. I told them how I was sorry for sister's actions and she had been dealt with accordingly, but I then told them how I wanted an apology for his actions as he was aggressive, threatening and even showed violent behaviour by kicking gate with girls behind it. They did not seem to think he did anything wrong, AIBU by thinking his reaction was very wrong, especially as it was the first time he had come to me about the situation and it's not as though he had already asked me to deal with it and I'd ignored him?
Please do tell me if I am because right now I'm so angry I can't see past my own point of view

OP posts:
scottishdiem · 25/02/2017 21:17

(I dont quite understand. Had he let himself into the flat or was someone too lazy to go down and check? OP says that its an upstairs flat which to me means there is still a private door to the residence that the neighbour let himself in? If he did then that needs an apology.)

On the whole its hard to demand an apology from someone who has reacted to being the victim of the prank to be honest.

Northend77 · 25/02/2017 21:18

Who took the video OP?

AmysTiara · 25/02/2017 21:21

Surely thirteen year olds are a bit old to be playing knock and run.

Birdsgottaf1y · 25/02/2017 21:22

You shouted him in, he didn't barge in.

A 13 year old fucking about and filming it and the victim would have pissed me off and I've had three teen DDs.

Carry on and your going to end up a nightmare teen.

BarbarianMum · 25/02/2017 21:23

'his violent behaviour towards two young girls' Hmm

RuledByAToddler · 25/02/2017 21:24

FrancisCrawford she was made to apologise, granted I didn't send her round that same day because after his earlier behaviour I wasn't sure how he'd react to her knocking on his door again, she did however write an apology letter and I posted it as sister went home an hour or so later and hasn't been back to my house since.

Those suggesting police, I'm not looking to get them involved as neither girl were hurt (they jumped back from the gate before it caught them) but today he did threaten me with the police if sisters come around again so I'll be honest I threaten him back then by telling him I've the video evidence that he was the only person who became violent and aggressive, he shut up then. I didn't mean it, but by this point he was shouting at me again and I was getting pissed off.

Also to some PPs saying it taught them a lesson, surely for a stupid game of knock a door run the grounding over her birthday weekend is lesson enough and not the violent reaction from an older much bigger and taller male adult. Yes they should know better they are 13, only just 13! this weekend though, but he should definitely know better than to act that way surely

OP posts:
Hercules12 · 25/02/2017 21:26

Did they video it too? I would have been really annoyed.

RuledByAToddler · 25/02/2017 21:26

Also he was not invited in, when sister 2 shouted door is open, he pushed it fully open so she saw it was him at door and not the other girls, she then said one moment I'll get big sister now

OP posts:
FourToTheFloor · 25/02/2017 21:27

Am I reading this right, 10 minutes of knock and run and Patricia is saying be thankful he didn't smack your sisters?! Hmm

Yes it's annoying, and yes they are old enough not to do arsehole things but really, so many posters think it's OK for this man to be aggressive and shouty in the OP's home and towards females?

Speechless.

OurBlanche · 25/02/2017 21:27

MN logic has it that 19 isn't all that old either... so you won't win on that score. You are all old enough to know better!

RuledByAToddler · 25/02/2017 21:28

Yes girls were filming it, that has also been dealt with, as sister has also lost her phone for a month

OP posts:
Hercules12 · 25/02/2017 21:29

What did they think would happen? They don't sound like little snowflakes tbh.

londonrach · 25/02/2017 21:32

This is interesting reading as just thinking back to my childhood (in the 80s) and if id done that to a neighbour id have had either the local policeman or my dad given me a clip on the ear. How times have changed. Feeling old now. I suppose what he should have done is reported their antisocial but petty behaviour to the community support officers to deal with. He certainly needs an apology from the girls. As to his behaviour he didnt force his way into your house as he was invited him. He shouldn't have shouted but maybe you made light of it. Hard to tell as you can say the girls started it so he is the victim. Who film the video?

user1477282676 · 25/02/2017 21:34

He didn't "barge in", he was invited. Have a word with your sister about that. It could have been a total weirdo!

But YABU and he was also unreasonable. He shouldn't have shouted, he should not have kicked anything. I agree your sister should have also been round to apologise.

RuledByAToddler · 25/02/2017 21:34

They're definitely not little snowflakes, they've never been such arseholes and so rude towards strangers before this but in general they have their moments of being irritating little bastards and other times of being quite decent. Basically they are just normal kids being 12/13 most of the time, this time yes one sister took it too far and hadn't thought through how irritating and rude her actions were being, and as I've already pointed out what she did wasn't treated lightly and she's been grounded over her birthday weekend and lost her phone for a month, so definitely not getting away with what she did.

OP posts:
MarvelMummy13 · 25/02/2017 21:37

I am by no means condoning the girls behaviour and I feel you dealt with this in the best possible way especially going to speak to them afterwards. Maybe the only thing which would've been better was for the children to apologise.
However he should not under any circumstances be entering your house let alone coming upstairs who the bloody hell does he think he is. I dont care what they did I would've gone absolutely mental. especially as you said you were getting ready what if you had been naked. Absolutely disgusting behaviour . Very intimidating I would've probably called the police. Never in my life have i heard of anything like that over a game of knock a door run which we know all kids do at some point. You just calmly go and speak to the parents and they deal with it which is what you did its not like they'd come to speak to you before and you'd let the kids do whatever they wanted and let them continuously do it .

GnomeDePlume · 25/02/2017 21:51

Legally he is an adult but.... he is an older teenager, they are younger teenagers so not really so far apart in maturity levels. He's probably feeling an idiot for going off on one. Do the girls recognise just how annoying they were being?

FourToTheFloor · 25/02/2017 21:54

Can we please stop minimising the aggression by saying the girls were annoying! That doesn't fucking make it OK! !! They have apologised, OP spoke to neighbour and son. The fact he was aggressive AGAIN is not being addressed here.

OP you did the right thing standing up for yourself. He has massively overreacted now. He was annoyed and now he's being an arsehole. Don't take it.

Graphista · 25/02/2017 22:02

"sister 2 shouts down the stairs (upstairs flat) that door is open as she thought it was sister 1. " invited in

"20 minutes later my doorbell rings" we're they behaving like this for 10 or 20 mins? Although 10 mins is long enough!

I also agree the girls behaviour was ALSO aggressive.

You should have gone round WITH the sister so she could apologise in person.

kali110 · 25/02/2017 22:02

"Door is open", id take that as an invitation Confused
No sorry op, i think it's taught them a good lesson.
They could have come off a lot worse if they'd done it to the wrong person.
At 13 they should have known better!
Id have done more than stopping the birthday trip.

MammaTJ · 25/02/2017 22:02

You have video of him behaving in this manner, I do not think they have video of your sister misbehaving. I would be inclined to verbally point this out to the mum and suggest she reins her threatening (as opposed to mischievous, as your sister was) in.

13 year olds muck about, they can be annoying, not threatening as the 19 year old grown adult was!

kali110 · 25/02/2017 22:04

mamma mischievous?? No they were acting like little shits!
I've already stated what it's like for people with m/h problems for kids to play this 'game'.
They were both to blame! I'd leave it there.

MarvelMummy13 · 25/02/2017 22:07

Door is open", id take that as an invitation Confused
Okay no ...it's not if someone shouts 'walk in' and I don't know them I do not walk in . Id keep knocking until they came to the door. Or if I had been in the house before I might open the door and say Hello . I wouldn't walk up the bloody stairs and start shouting at someone in THEIR house . The girls were wrong but this is a 19 year old Man ! Teenager if your going to push it but the 19 year old teenagers I meet are often alot bigger than me

FrancisCrawford · 25/02/2017 22:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

kali110 · 25/02/2017 22:09

If i was knocking on a door and someone shouted "door is open" then yes i'd take it as an invite, this guy could well have thought the same.
He was then not told to leave.

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