Was neighbour's reaction out of order?

[RuledByAToddler]

I've name changed because this is quite outing, also sorry for the long post in advance but I want to prevent drip feeding.

Thursday my 13 year old sisters came round in the morning as they were meeting a friend who lives by me and then they were planning to go into town but Doris put a stop to that so they all ended up stuck at mine with no power for hours.
Fast forward a few hours and wind is beginning to ebb away so sister 1 and friend go off to park opposite my flat, 20 minutes later my doorbell rings so sister 2 shouts down the stairs (upstairs flat) that door is open as she thought it was sister 1. Turned out to be neighbour's 19 year old son instead. She told him one moment whilst she got me, I quickly throw some clothes on as I've just got out of shower due to power finally coming back on, when I step out my bedroom and he has already let himself in and come up the stairs so is stood waiting outside my bedroom door.
He then told me how my sister and friend have been playing knock-a-door run on both his doorbell and his bedroom window (he lives in downstairs flat) and he's not taking it. Immediately I apologise, explain I was unaware but now I am I will have them straight in and not to let them back out and I will deal with them both. Neighbour's son repeats himself about what the girls have been doing and his voice is raising to the point he is shouting in my face, I stay calm and repeat that I understand his frustration and I'm sorry for their actions and I will deal with them, he then carries on shouting in my face again how they have been ringing his doorbell and knocking on window then storms down stairs and shouts back that he's calling the HA next time.
By this point I was furious at the way he had barged into my home, spoken to me and then threatened me with HA as he stormed away. I immediately though shout the girls in, tell them off and don't let them back out for the rest of the day. I later get a call from DM after girls have gone home and she sends me a video of girls pissing about earlier, there was also footage from neighbour's son kicking the bin shed gate in on them both when he was coming round to my home.

Today I went around to neighbour's to deal with situation as her and I have always got along very well and I didn't want there to be any issues. I asked that her son come speak to me too, at first he refused but then reluctantly came out. I told them how I was sorry for sister's actions and she had been dealt with accordingly, but I then told them how I wanted an apology for his actions as he was aggressive, threatening and even showed violent behaviour by kicking gate with girls behind it. They did not seem to think he did anything wrong, AIBU by thinking his reaction was very wrong, especially as it was the first time he had come to me about the situation and it's not as though he had already asked me to deal with it and I'd ignored him?
Please do tell me if I am because right now I'm so angry I can't see past my own point of view

What Francis said too

FrancisCrawford oh yes, i've just realised this. Makes it even worse!

kali110
Sister told him to wait there and he didn't clearly he went upstairs . Each to their own about walking into a strangers house when they call out but going upstairs when you've been told to wait is out of order surely.

And the girls have been punished no phones and grounded so I think they've been dealt with accordingly. They were out of order but he should apologise too

The girls were filming it because they film almost everything, even just walking down the road and talking to each other, on the video though it was all caught how they were being little arse holes and there is absolutely no denial of their behaviour. They did not expect any sort of reaction like they got so that is not why they were filming it, they also have the videos of themselves running around the park and doing cartwheels, which is what they were doing for the first 10 minutes of them being out till they decided to leave because all of the trees around the park had lost branches all over.
Also I just want to reiterate that NO he was not invited in, sister 2 shouted door is open down the stairs, when he pushed it open he didn't come in initially but she then said 'oh it's you, thought you were sister 1, I'll go and get big sister' it was after she walked from the stairs and into my room to tell me he was at the door that he then took it upon himself to walk in my home and straight up the stairs so I found him outside my bedroom door by time I walked out; so at no point did she or I tell him to come in.

Knocking the door/window repeatedly and running away is annoying enough, filming it to ridicule and humiliate a 19 year old and probably post on social media for a laugh is even worse.

I'm not surprised he was upset. He obviously doesn't have the skills or the maturity to have dealt with it calmly, to be honest I'd give him a break now, youve made your point. focus on your 13 year old who thinks filming and humiliating someone is acceptable. If it was mine I wouldn't be using the video they made to humiliate and laugh at someone as evidence and they wouldn't be getting a picture or video capable phone back for a very long time.

Filming it all makes it malicious behaviour and you're damned lucky they didn't go to the policed about it. Yeah, the sister has had a mild punishment, but nowhere near what she deserves. Francis is quite right in what she said. At 13, your sister is old enough to know better. I would be too ashamed to talk to the neighbour if I were you, OP. You're reaction to his approaching you the second time was no better than his initial reaction was.

Op I think your post has missed it's point your saying you don't condone their behaviour and they've lost privileges accordingly and they can be absolute terrors but he should apologise for his behaviour towards you . Am I right? If so you have my support completely . No matter what the girls did this was not the way to deal with childs behaviour

LittleCandle Can I ask what punishment she should've been given. Im genuinely asking. She has lost her phone and been grounded including her birthday what more could be done apart from possibly calling the police but due to her age not much would be done

he is an older teenager, they are younger teenagers so not really so far apart in maturity levels.

I can't really accept this as an excuse because there is quite a difference between what is expected maturity wise between someone who has just turned 13 (just yesterday to be exact) and someone who is only 2 months off being 20, in fact there is an almost 7 year age gap between them, but he is only 3 years younger than myself so no excuses really for his immaturity if I could keep it together. Yes I was angry with him, even more so after today, but I've not stooped to the level of aggression he has so I don't see his age as an excuse, especially if people don't think two 13 year olds should be excused for their behaviour - which neither do I so don't think I'm trying to excuse their actions at all, I just also don't think his actions can be

You are making a lot of excuses for your sisters behaviour.

It also very telling that they video "everything" but only videoed his reaction, not them annoying him.

It is perfectly normal although annoying for teens to play knock out ginger!

So yes, Mischievous!

I wonder how many vulnerable people's doors your angelic sister knocks on?

Utterly disgusting behaviour.

If any of my neighbour's kids harrassed me in this way, it would be straight to the police. And I'd be the one doing the filming.

Being shouted at by the neighbour- meh. They got off lightly.

*You are making a lot of excuses for your sisters behaviour.

It also very telling that they video "everything" but only videoed his reaction, not them annoying him.*

No excuses have been made for their behaviour, it was unacceptable and they have been punished, the videos they got was actually of everything they were doing, from the footage it was actually clear they were filming each other and not actually trying to film him, just each other being little shits and running around laughing, but when he came over to where they were hiding to kick the gate at them he was caught in the camera also. This was actually only found when DM took phone off my sister whilst she was grounded, so we did not actually know about the gate kicking until after as sister and friend never mentioned it to us, probably because I was too busy bollocking them for their immature and nuisance behaviour.

Of course they weren't intentionally filming him

MarvelMummy you got exactly what my point is thank you.
I'm not at all condoning the girls behaviour and they have been punished accordingly, I just thought that an apology for his actions was also warranted. TBH not even to the girls, but more myself as I had not been given any chance to deal with the situation before he came into my home and got aggressive with me. I was taking on board his grievances immediately and promised it would be dealt with straight away, but this was not getting through to him as he continued to shout at me and threaten me with HA before I could even act upon what he was telling me.
If I had ignored him first time and the girls had continued then I would completely understand him to react the way he did, but not before he gives me a chance to deal with it. I did take his problems seriously also as I don't condone the behaviour of my sister and her friend and I also would hate to think that I had allowed my sister to treat anyone, but especially neighbour's of whom I've always gotten on so well with, in such a way

Oh on a side note, as far as I'm aware neighbour's son does not have any MH issues either

I don't really have much sympathy for them or you TBH.

It's an important life lesson. Don't start trouble you can't finish.

Stop blaming him. Your sister as completely out of order, and you're shifting responsibility on here. No doubt he kicked the fate as they were sat there giggling or talking some rubbish.

If the relationship is irretrievably damaged, this lies at your door and not theirs. Tbh you all sound frightful neighbours

Are you reading this thread Vintage The OP has said from the start her sisters were little shits. But does no one think it's unacceptable behaviour ALSO from the boy??

They not only banged on his door, but his window as well, legally this could be considered harassment. The filming of it could make it even worse.

This isn't "only a game", it has been used to cause distress to many people and you (OP) don't know how long this may have been going on for, it may well be that this is the first time your sister and her friend have done this (I doubt it) but it may be something that he has suffered with for a long time.

Then if that was the case and they had done it before and been harassing him so badly why did noone say anything until this point . Why not confront the adult of the house in a mature way. The girls were wrong very very wrong but so was he
Can you imagine if op had a partner there do you think he would've reacted the same way... I don't because it would've probably ended alot differently. He lost his temper and tried to intimidate her end of . He was wrong

I can't believe people are excusing an grown man of kicking a gate with a couple of teenage girls behind it as being the same as knock down ginger! One is annoying and the other is frightening. One is kids being twats and the other is a grown adult being aggressive because he's 'passionate'. And presumably has had this behaviour excused by his mother before which is why he's still doing it at nearly 20.

YANBU to expect an apology OP but I think you'll be waiting a long time for it.

What your sister has learned from this incident is that you will not excuse her poor behaviour but that you will stick up for her. She's also learned that sometimes adults can be scary for no good reason. Doubt she'll be doing it again.

Marvelmummy13
Can you imagine if
I can play this game as well
Can you imagine if it had been someone with MH issues?
Can you imagine if it had been a woman with a new born baby?
Can you imagine if it had been someone with a physical disability?
Can you imagine if it had been an OAP?

I am not going to excuse his behaviour, but I am not going to excuse the OPs sister's either.

Never disagreed with that at all. I completely agree with you that's honestly not what ops post was about she didn't say they were right or shouldn't be punished neither did I . I think taking their phones away was a very smart move especially with the video incident. I can completely see how it would affect any one of those people terribly but she did say she give them a damn good telling off and so did their mother and theyre grounded and they've lost their phones . They wrote apology letters and said sorry in person. She just asked if she was ok to be a bit miffed he wouldn't apologise and I agreed . Honestly both sisters and boy /man were very wrong . Op however didn't do anything wrong she dealt with it maturely and properly and deserved an apology which is what her post was about . Does she deserves an apology

FeliciaJollygoodfellow repeatedly knocking a persons window and door is fucking frightening!
Just because this is a 19 y/o lad does not mean he dies not suffer with m/h! I certainly did not look as if i did as a teenager!
I certinly think they filmed this on purpose, not just because!
He kicked the frnce because he was frustrated and i don't blame him!

It appears to me that the majority of posters felt that is someone becomes frustrated and angry that it is ok for them to take out their anger by being physically aggressive and by threatening, intimidating behaviour!
No matter what the provocation the law does not condone this behaviour. Surely most road rage, often resulting in injury fits this category?
The young man who killed an banker with one blow also fits into this category. Many men currently in prison for causing injury or manslaughter did not intend the consequences of their actions but hit out in anger, sometimes injuring or killing a victim who was not the cause of their frustration