Was neighbour's reaction out of order?

[RuledByAToddler]

I've name changed because this is quite outing, also sorry for the long post in advance but I want to prevent drip feeding.

Thursday my 13 year old sisters came round in the morning as they were meeting a friend who lives by me and then they were planning to go into town but Doris put a stop to that so they all ended up stuck at mine with no power for hours.
Fast forward a few hours and wind is beginning to ebb away so sister 1 and friend go off to park opposite my flat, 20 minutes later my doorbell rings so sister 2 shouts down the stairs (upstairs flat) that door is open as she thought it was sister 1. Turned out to be neighbour's 19 year old son instead. She told him one moment whilst she got me, I quickly throw some clothes on as I've just got out of shower due to power finally coming back on, when I step out my bedroom and he has already let himself in and come up the stairs so is stood waiting outside my bedroom door.
He then told me how my sister and friend have been playing knock-a-door run on both his doorbell and his bedroom window (he lives in downstairs flat) and he's not taking it. Immediately I apologise, explain I was unaware but now I am I will have them straight in and not to let them back out and I will deal with them both. Neighbour's son repeats himself about what the girls have been doing and his voice is raising to the point he is shouting in my face, I stay calm and repeat that I understand his frustration and I'm sorry for their actions and I will deal with them, he then carries on shouting in my face again how they have been ringing his doorbell and knocking on window then storms down stairs and shouts back that he's calling the HA next time.
By this point I was furious at the way he had barged into my home, spoken to me and then threatened me with HA as he stormed away. I immediately though shout the girls in, tell them off and don't let them back out for the rest of the day. I later get a call from DM after girls have gone home and she sends me a video of girls pissing about earlier, there was also footage from neighbour's son kicking the bin shed gate in on them both when he was coming round to my home.

Today I went around to neighbour's to deal with situation as her and I have always got along very well and I didn't want there to be any issues. I asked that her son come speak to me too, at first he refused but then reluctantly came out. I told them how I was sorry for sister's actions and she had been dealt with accordingly, but I then told them how I wanted an apology for his actions as he was aggressive, threatening and even showed violent behaviour by kicking gate with girls behind it. They did not seem to think he did anything wrong, AIBU by thinking his reaction was very wrong, especially as it was the first time he had come to me about the situation and it's not as though he had already asked me to deal with it and I'd ignored him?
Please do tell me if I am because right now I'm so angry I can't see past my own point of view

francis yes i feel i'm in a parallel universe
The only thing i slightly agree with is that he shouldn't have yelled at the op, but after having that happen i'd understand! I honestly don't think people realise how bad this game can be.
I've never played it, i was taught from an early age it was not ok.
Now i know why

Hmm.

I got into very serious trouble playing Knock and Run when I was about 9 years old.

And rightly so - I upset an old lady

My parents were not impressed that I'd upset an elderly lady.

I think they'd have taken an even dimmer view if I'd been 13...

Does she deserves an apology

For being shouted at during the initial incident? Yes.

He handled it very badly. Aggression is not justified. He should have called the police.

I feel like many PPs think I'm condoning the behaviour of my sister and her friend, this confuses me because throughout this whole post I haven't once said I thought their behaviour was acceptable, nor of the filming, although I did point out the filming does seem to be of everything in general, this is what they do, they film themselves walking to the shop, on the bus from school, playing out etc. This time they filmed themselves at the park the entire time before they thought it was a good idea to be nuisance little bastards, so all they did was continue to film themselves pissing about; this is also how I know they were knocking for around 10 minutes, because everything was filmed for the whole time they were outside.
Yes the filming was still very wrong of them and why it was wrong has been explained to my sister by DM when she found the videos on her phone.

Also the girls have not done this before, whilst I was confident that was the case because they don't often play out at mine anyway but I did also ask him today if this had been a recurring issue, I thought that may be why he was so aggressive because he's had it plenty of times before, but he told me they've not done it before. This was a first time thing and my sister when asked by DM Thursday night also swore she had never played the game before, not that she is always innocent and sweet but mainly because my DM has very few neighbour's and tbh I think her and her friend were trying too hard to impress each other and make each other laugh the other day and that is probably why they thought it seemed like a good idea at the time.

I'm really struggling to find any sympathy for the 2 girls. They are 13 years old!! They knew exactly what they were doing and where trying desperately to wind him up to get a reaction. They got a reaction. I'd drop it.

If it was my daughter I'd be horrified and try to do anything to rectify the situation which is what op did. I swear she said in a later post the girls went around later and apologised too
However if it was done to me honestly I'd ignore it. It's only happened a few years ago at my old house and once they realised I left it and didn't bother they got bored. However if they didn't stop after maybe the 5th or 6th time I would've probably gone around and talked to their parents. Talked not walked in . Gone upstairs after being told to wait and yelled (by the way he did more than just yelled) at the young lady I'm her bedroom .. just me I guess. But I don't think aggression and violence is the way to solve any problem

"that is someone becomes frustrated and angry that it is ok for them to take out their anger by being physically aggressive and by threatening, intimidating behaviour!"

I don't think it's OK per se, but I do think if you go out of your way to harass or upset people out of nothing but sheer spite, then I don't think you've any right to expect that they'll respond in a decent or proportionate manner. Especially when you don't know them. You have no idea who's gonna laugh it off or who's gonna punch you.

Bit like poking bears with sticks, I s'pose. Just don't do it.

Just to add- if he'd gone after them with a samurai sword and killed them both- then yeah, overkill.

But kicking a gate and shouting at the adult who should have been supervising them? Meh.

I think the reason we're thinking that you're condoning their behaviour is that you keep calling it a game. It isn't. It's antisocial behaviour, in a teenager.

Boneyback that is the only reason I ever wanted an apology; for shouting at me before I even had a chance to deal with the situation that I had been unaware of up until that point.

DontTouch I wasn't expecting any sympathy towards the girls, believe me they have not had any from myself or DM, I did think him kicking the gate at them was out of order but tbh I only asked for an apology for the way he went berserk at myself when I had immediately apologised and promised to deal with the situation

RuledByAToddler

Condoning and excusing are on second thoughts the wrongs words IMO.

minimising their behaviour would be a better term

"I think her and her friend were trying too hard to impress each other and make each other laugh"
"it was actually clear they were filming each other and not actually trying to film him"
"just each other being little shits and running around laughing"
"surely for a stupid game of knock a door run the grounding over her birthday weekend is lesson enough..."
"I just thought that 10 minutes (not hours) of irritating and immature behaviour from 13 year olds did not warrant the reaction..."

Your sister's behaviour was unacceptable and I hope they applogised. I am sure you were very embarrassed at what they did. Perhaps speak to them and explain why they shouldn't do things like this. They sound very immature.

I am sorry you have to live with neighbours that are agressive - can you move?

"" I think her and her friend were trying too hard to impress each other and make each other laugh""

That's the dangerous bit. The Teens aren't realising the damage that they can be inflicting on others.

You see it in shopping centres, on buses, the mindless fucking about and the worry of the elderly around them, who are scared on getting knocked etc.

There's another thread about the 'game' where teens are deliberately slamming into people as they walk past.

I had my windows egged, but I wasn't well enough to clean them, so I had to live with them in that state, it makes you give up.

There's loads of videos on Yputibe that Teens have uploaded, some of them are targeting disabled people, particularly those with LDs.

It makes people fearful, they don't know how far it's going to go, so they over react.

From the opposite POV, a 19 year old isn't going to have the piss taken out of him.

This behaviour is on Eastenders at the moment.

Cherry knocking is irritating and can be intimidating. Approaching in a shouty aggressive manner isn't irritating - but it is intimidating and whilst everyone is talking about vulnerable people and knock down ginger, what about if OP was vulnerable and this "passionate" boy-child acted like this outside her bedroom door? Six of one, half a dozen. The sisters were wrong and have been made to apologise and punished accordingly. The man-child should also. Being invited in means the living room or just inside the front door. Not walking around the house to find someone to shout out.

Agreed she was wrong. But omg we all done it fgs. These people. He came INTO ur home. So its wrong for them to knock.on someones door incase that person has anxiety issues but its ok for him to come and scream and shout in a womans face. What if that woman has anxiety issues? What if she is a victim of abuse? And just by him being in her face her whole body shakes from fear and she passes out. No lets not condider these things because this is the first time ever a child has played knock and run isnt it. Jeez.

MarvelMummy, DD1 was grounded for 3 weeks for cheeking the babysitter. She got to go to school and eat her meals with the family and apart from that, she didn't come out of her room unless it was to go to the toilet. A weekend's grounding, even if it was the 'birthday weekend' is not a serious punishment. And taking the phone away for a month is pretty mild as well.

DD2 learned a salutary lesson from DD1's punishment and remembered it years later, during a row we were having. She changed her tune pretty smartly.

Writing a letter of apology, as has been said on here already, is nothing. Perhaps she might really have learned something by doing some abject apologising.

(Apologies from me for the 'you're' instead of 'your' on my earlier post)

Booshbeesh

Did the "what if" stuff up thread

and No not everyone has done it

notangelina yes I was very embarrassed by their behaviour, I expected much better from kids their age, I especially expected more respect towards me as their big sister as I'd given up my first day off in 11 days to let them and their friend hang at my house due to plans being cancelled from weather. Unfortunately as teens can often do, they let me down and they seriously upset a neighbour, but they have definitely had it explained to them why what they did was much worse than just an irritating little game that they may find funny.
TBH I love where I live and up until now have always had a very good, even friendly relationship with all of my neighbour's, except for this young man, but only because we had never spoken before. Unfortunately I feel like I may have lost a friend in his mother though now because as much as I've tried I still am struggling to see how his aggressive behaviour towards myself was acceptable but she doesn't think he did anything wrong, although I know full well she wouldn't have reacted like that herself if they had done it whilst she was home.

No, i certainly never played it, nor have my younger family members.
I don't know of any friends from school that did either.
Their parents would have gone mad, not worth the risk

All those saying about an apology, I did think I posted earlier but maybe I didn't; I didn't have the nerve to knock on neighbour's door so soon after he had gone mad at me, let alone let sister and her friend knock on without me, maybe that was wrong of me but to be honest I was too intimidated to do so whilst he was probably still so angry. I did make her write an apology note and I explained that when she is next round, probably early this week after school, then she is to go around and apologise personally but the note was because she went home shortly after the incident and wouldn't be back again for a few days at least.
I did bring up today to neighbour and her son that the apology note was only because she wasn't around to do so personally but I will be sending her straight round when she comes next, the son said 'don't fucking bother' they were his exact words.

Also as some have said, how would I or the girls know if he suffers MH issues? That is a true point, I don't condone it no matter a persons MH but they clearly didn't even think about that (again this is not me MINIMiSING their behaviour), however this young man has never gotten to know me or spoke to me to know if I suffer MH issues so the same could have been applied when he came into my home, waited outside my bedroom door for me to come out and then proceeded to yell in my face. What he did know though was that there would be no man in my house, just myself the girls and my 2 yr old DS (who luckily was napping at the time, though that didn't stop him today either when DS was wide awake), he also knows that around 18 months ago my other neighbour stepped in when ex was threatening to beat up on me whilst pinning me up my front door and screaming in my face, yes irrelevant to this situation but not so much when you consider that he was another taller and stronger man also being aggressive in my face when I have clearly had to put with that behaviour in the past.