Was neighbour's reaction out of order?

[RuledByAToddler]

I've name changed because this is quite outing, also sorry for the long post in advance but I want to prevent drip feeding.

Thursday my 13 year old sisters came round in the morning as they were meeting a friend who lives by me and then they were planning to go into town but Doris put a stop to that so they all ended up stuck at mine with no power for hours.
Fast forward a few hours and wind is beginning to ebb away so sister 1 and friend go off to park opposite my flat, 20 minutes later my doorbell rings so sister 2 shouts down the stairs (upstairs flat) that door is open as she thought it was sister 1. Turned out to be neighbour's 19 year old son instead. She told him one moment whilst she got me, I quickly throw some clothes on as I've just got out of shower due to power finally coming back on, when I step out my bedroom and he has already let himself in and come up the stairs so is stood waiting outside my bedroom door.
He then told me how my sister and friend have been playing knock-a-door run on both his doorbell and his bedroom window (he lives in downstairs flat) and he's not taking it. Immediately I apologise, explain I was unaware but now I am I will have them straight in and not to let them back out and I will deal with them both. Neighbour's son repeats himself about what the girls have been doing and his voice is raising to the point he is shouting in my face, I stay calm and repeat that I understand his frustration and I'm sorry for their actions and I will deal with them, he then carries on shouting in my face again how they have been ringing his doorbell and knocking on window then storms down stairs and shouts back that he's calling the HA next time.
By this point I was furious at the way he had barged into my home, spoken to me and then threatened me with HA as he stormed away. I immediately though shout the girls in, tell them off and don't let them back out for the rest of the day. I later get a call from DM after girls have gone home and she sends me a video of girls pissing about earlier, there was also footage from neighbour's son kicking the bin shed gate in on them both when he was coming round to my home.

Today I went around to neighbour's to deal with situation as her and I have always got along very well and I didn't want there to be any issues. I asked that her son come speak to me too, at first he refused but then reluctantly came out. I told them how I was sorry for sister's actions and she had been dealt with accordingly, but I then told them how I wanted an apology for his actions as he was aggressive, threatening and even showed violent behaviour by kicking gate with girls behind it. They did not seem to think he did anything wrong, AIBU by thinking his reaction was very wrong, especially as it was the first time he had come to me about the situation and it's not as though he had already asked me to deal with it and I'd ignored him?
Please do tell me if I am because right now I'm so angry I can't see past my own point of view

Francis - entirely different to what? They're young teens. Acting the arse. It just so happens that teens acting the arse have the facility to record it whereas not that long ago they didn't.

Why on earth would a 19 year old and his mother who's obviously not elderly be frightened by their door being knocked? In the middle of the day? Once ok, gives you a shock. After that it's annoying and yes I'd be angry. Angry enough to go round to a neighbour and tell them their sister was being an arse and to pack it in? Yes. Angry enough to kick something? No.

Thirteen is a bit old to be doing stuff like this, it's primary school behaviour.
Missing her birthday whilst other child has hers is ott too.
How could both be together and only one involved?

Has anyone actually read the thread!?

The OP has repeatedly said that her sister was punished; her sister did write a letter of apology the day of the incident; her sister never diminished what she had done nor try to find the incident etc.

The OP clearly stated that her sister shouted that the door was open but upon seeing the boy told him to wait until she got her sister. At that point he proceeded to come in uninvited and also acted inappropriately and harassingly towards her.
The OP also stated that it was a swinging wooden gate, which the girls were behind. The man purposely went out his way and forcefully kicked it in the direction of the girls and they only avoided injury because they moved in time. Otherwise he would have cause serious damage to them.
Then the OP went to speak to this boy's mother and he was once again intimidating and aggressive towards her, while her 2 year old was present, and his mother excused this behaviour.

OP isn't the mother and it isn't up to her to punish. She did deal with it and then let her mother deal with it.

However this person is a 19 year old adult. He can vote, drive, drink, rent a home, apply for a loan and so on. He is not a child and should be held accountable for his own actions.

Also 10 minutes doesn't mean much. Was it 10 minutes repeatedly or was it 10 minutes with 2 knocks .... very different and very different reactions.

Only one sister was involved, with her friend.

gillybeanz only sister 1 and the friend were the ones outside being arseholes, sister 2 was inside and had nothing to do with it, that's why she was the one who shouted down that the door was open then told him to wait so she could get me when realising it wasn't sister 1 ringing the bell.
Sister 2 therefore got to keep with her arrangements for the weekend with friends to celebrate her birthday, although the friend that was apart of this crap wasn't present this weekend either because her parents have also grounded her and confiscated her phone

Hopefully your sister has learnt a lesson (even though they were probably bored senseless with plans being cancelled and stuck at home etc)

Also, you should keep your door locked especially when you are showering or whatever.

I can't believe that so many people have excuses this mans behaviour. He was just as bad, if not worse, than the teens and definitely should apologise to OP for the way he acted to her.

Sailorcherries it was over the course of ten minutes but they rang the bell twice and knocked on his window twice so making it four times in total, still four times too many but it wasn't repeatedly again and again and again for ten whole minutes

That's what I meant. So many people are sayinf 10 minutes as if it were repeatedly on a loop for 10 solid minutes.
When in actual fact it was a few knocks over a 10 minute period.

I understand people have social anxiety, are elderly, have young children etc and these games are not games. I have never participated in anything, would never condone it and would go through DC like a bulldozer for doing it.

However, he acted the knob and should apologise to you.

Personally I would draw a line under it.

The girls were out of order

He over reacted

Hopefully they'll all learn something from it and neither party will behave like that again.

LittleCandle I hope your DD called your babysitter a "fucking cunt" at the very least. I can't imagine what level of "cheeking" warrants 3 weeks of solitary in own room to be allowed out for meals and school only.

I'm not elderly, APPEAR to be on good health. I'm actually physically disabled and have agoraphobia depression and anxiety. If they'd done it to me I'd have been straight onto warden/HA

And NO it's NOT something all kids do. I've never done it, none of my friends did. Neither did my dd (16) who I've just asked - when I gave their age she went then said 'they'll have known what they were doing would piss neighbours off, that's an awful thing to do to their sister'

Can I ask why everyone is against two 13 year old girls doing this but they are able to excuse an adult entering another's home (after he was uninvited), kicking a wooden gate knowing two children were behind it and could end up hurt, being verbally agressive and then being verball agressive at another point?

Why is one unthinkable and the other okay because he was angry?

Why should OP need to punish her sister further, or OPs mother, but this man's mother is okay in excusing his behaviour as 'passionate'?

YABU. Your sister started this. He had every right to be annoyed. Don't take it any further.

I just thought that 10 minutes (not hours) of irritating and immature behaviour from 13 year olds did not warrant the reaction that came from neighbour's son especially towards myself who hadn't even been given a chance to deal with the situation Well, no, it didn't warrant such abusive behaviour, and would not have justified your sister being hit, as one pp said and he clearly has some issues with his anger....

however, 10 minutes (even if it was ONLY 10 minutes) is a long time if you are trying to study, sleep, enjoy some peace and quite etc. My eldest daughter is 13 and knows that you just do not disturb someone like that! It's not on. The HA will say that he is entitled to enjoy the peace of his home, which he was unable to do that day because of your sister. He did not come into your home uninvited, your sister invited him in (she needs to be a bit more careful with that).

I agree he was aggressive and unreasonable, but again, you do not know what he was doing prior to having two kids (who at 13 should know better) target him for their enjoyment/entertainment. What if they had chosen the home of an elderly person, or someone with SN or whose child has SN?

And the fact that YOU think YOU deserve an apology, yet you or your mum are yet to get your sister and her friend to apologise to HIM, just stinks, to be honest!

OP has already stated that her sister wrote a letter to apologise, as they did not want to speak to neighbours son after his violent outbursts.
OP then told neighbour that the sister would apologise in person when next round which he replied "don't fucking bother".

I wouldn't send my sister round to apologise to a grown man who had threatened me twice, violently kicked a gate at her and then had that attitude.

So the whole filming thing...what were they planning on doing with that? Uploading it to social media and getting their friends to laugh at the neighbour, no doubt? Lovely! They had a premeditated reason for filming it, and it backfired on them.

Doesn't matter if he has MH issues or not, he has the right to not have kids banging on his door and window and running off.

Have also just seen that she did apologise, but via a letter is a bit of a cop out.

Ok, perspective here. I have a 13 year old and a 19, nearly 20 year old. I would really like to think that neither would engage in the behaviours described here - but, hang on a minute - 13 year olds can be immature, even when they should/do know better. I would be angry if the 13 year old was up to that crap, but I would go absolutely ape though if my 19 year old barged into someone's home in that manner!

All he needed to do was to ask for them to stop! I'm afraid he completely lost the moral high ground!

Knock Down Ginger is a really shitty game to play, especially at their age, aren't they a little old to go round harassing the neighbourhood. Being on the receiving end can be very scary. And filming it as well? Wow. If they are behaving like that, this won't be the only confrontation you have with your neighbours.

He shouldn't have shouted but in his position I know a lot of people who would.

And ten minutes is either a lot of houses or the same house many times.

Perhaps stop them coming round until they can behave accordingly?

YANBU. Your sister and her friend behaved very badly, it's a horrid game and can cause much distress. You seem to be well aware of this. Nevertheless the neighbor's behaviour was atrocious.

As the OP has said the girl's were naughty and have been dealt with accordingly.

I think the man was out of line entering the OP's home. Even if I was yelled at to "come in" I would wait in the hallway and not wonder round their home.

He sound's aggressive in his approach and although he must have been annoyed, I don't think 4 knocks really warrants that explosive reaction.

I'm pretty sure that as an adult he should most certainly not be chasing and kicking at thirteen year old children. That's aggressive. Knock down ginger is annoying, but unless you are a particularly fragile individual, it's not provocation for a violent act, and he didn't need to follow them or kick the gate. As for coming into your house and shouting at you, and his DM saying he's "passionate with his anger" he probably needs to get some help with managing that before the next lot of kids piss him off and his inability to manage his anger lands him in prison.

I dont get this modern obsession with formal apologising. It is meaningless and a bit childish. The girls did something stupid, the man did something stupid. Apologising wont change that. The important thing is to learn from this and not do it again.