He forgot

[user1485471386]

So, me and my DP have been having some difficulties in the bedroom recently, however he's now been put on medication and things are going great
So, it was his birthday this week and today I took him to one of his favourite places, payed for VIP treatment etc. Cost me my weeks wages nearly but never mind! Well on the way there we decided (thus being my suggestion by the way) that on our return we would stop by at the local fancy dress shop and pick up some costumes for tonight ;).
Cutting long story short, DP loved his day out and was beaming from ear to ear at the end. So anyway afterwards we get into the car and begin driving home (me feeling all excited about costumes) when DP says to me, "great day babe are we ready to go home?" to which I replied "Oh, isn't there anywhere else we need to go?" the answer, "No, don't think so," and drove us all the way home.
So now I feel really annoyed. I gave my wages and my time for him today doing something I hated just to please him. I didn't want to "remind" him of the shop because I thought if it was important to him he would have remembered, why should I have to keep telling him. I suggested it and he knew how excited I was . Now I feel down and a bit cheated. Aibu? Would you have felt the same?

I presume by "dressing up" you meant sexual activity ?

If a bloke posted that he expected sex because he had wined and dined someone he would get slaughtered.

Why didn't you just say?

Bizarre , if you wanted to go to the shop you should have said so .

I don't think OP expected sex because she took her DH out. I think she is annoyed because she suggested something she thought would excite him in the bedroom and he has basically tried to swerve it (based on the logic that, if he was interested, he would have remembered).

But that doesn't mean he isn't interested at all: he might just be mortified at the idea of shopping for costumes!

YABU - why didn't you just remind him?

1. You should have said if you wanted to go.
2. Birthday treats should not be given with the expectation of or in exchange for sex.

I'd already suggested it and he agreed to it. Guess I wanted it to come back from him to see if it meant as much to him as he did me that's all. Didn't want to nag him about it that's all I meant

Didn't expect sex as part of the birthday treat. Just would have been nice if he'd have thought of me like I did him.

What costumes were you looking forward to buying?

Ha! God I'm so naive. I thought 'well what on earth are they going to wear to the fancy dress party now?!'

Also, it sounds like he forgot because he was full of excitement about his birthday celebrations. Not because he doesn't care. It's not good to see it like that imo.

So you basically cut your nose off to spite your face by not reminding him? Way to go OP

I think it's better to "nag" then get in a huff because he forgot.

Gently, OP I think you are BU.

We all have moments when things slip our minds.

I think you are being a bit immature and PA to not just remind him.

I appreciate that. I accept that I could be being unreasonable. Hence why I haven't gone into a mega rant. Just wanted opinions.

That seems pointless game playing to me tbh - why not just remind him?!?

I'd just assume that he'd had such a good time he genuinely forgot or he doesn't really get off on wearing fancy dress for sex , either of which is fine . Get over it and enjoy your evening .

If you hire outfits they usually need to go back the next day.

So, yes. I would consider that an "expectation"

Couldn't you have sex for his birthday without the costumes?

So you took him out for his birthday and did nice things for him, because it was his birthday.

But because he didn't want to say thank you by having sex with you, in the way you wanted you now begrudge spending money on him for his birthday?

If that's the case YABVU

You don't do nice things for someone to get what you want sexually in return. Apart from anything else i would think that would be a massive turn off, and if he has had medical issues the thought might be quite distressing for him.

Because he forgets things alot and I always have to remind him. I wanted to see if he'd remember. But I appreciate I did something wrong but I did t do it out of spite. We all make mistakes in Relationships right? Please don't slate me. If I'm being unreasonable tell me it's OK, but no need to slaughter. :)

I'll take it though that I have been. I can learn from it. Thank you for your opinions.

Nobody is slaughtering you. I am sorry that communication seems to be an issue in your relationship.

You have been unreasonable but you seem to get that

I'm another one who would have just gently reminded him. Even if it was just a "well... we were going to go to the shop for some fun outfits for later..." and see his response. If he didn't seem keen, then you'd have been able to let it go but at least you'd have known.

Try to rescue the evening instead of sitting on Mumsnet. If you're both in the mood later, you don't need to wear anything!

I don't understand why you didn't just remind him? He had a lovely day and it probably just slipped his mind. It really is not a big deal.

Also why are you now making such a big deal about spending time and money on his birthday? Surely that was the whole point with it being a special treat and wanting to make him happy