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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

He forgot

157 replies

user1485471386 · 25/02/2017 17:09

So, me and my DP have been having some difficulties in the bedroom recently, however he's now been put on medication and things are going great BlushGrin
So, it was his birthday this week and today I took him to one of his favourite places, payed for VIP treatment etc. Cost me my weeks wages nearly but never mind! Well on the way there we decided (thus being my suggestion by the way) that on our return we would stop by at the local fancy dress shop and pick up some costumes for tonight ;).
Cutting long story short, DP loved his day out and was beaming from ear to ear at the end. So anyway afterwards we get into the car and begin driving home (me feeling all excited about costumes) when DP says to me, "great day babe are we ready to go home?" to which I replied "Oh, isn't there anywhere else we need to go?" the answer, "No, don't think so," and drove us all the way home.
So now I feel really annoyed. I gave my wages and my time for him today doing something I hated just to please him. I didn't want to "remind" him of the shop because I thought if it was important to him he would have remembered, why should I have to keep telling him. I suggested it and he knew how excited I was . Now I feel down and a bit cheated. Aibu? Would you have felt the same?

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 25/02/2017 18:32

When you said fancy dress shop you meant "Ann Summers" right ?

I don't know which is worse Smile

Bettercallsaul1 · 25/02/2017 18:35

You obviously need to invest in a stock of costumes so you always have one at hand. Could I suggest a partition at the back of your wardrobe to hang your collection, if you have a cleaner?

MichaelSheensNextDW · 25/02/2017 18:36

This reminded me of those Trigger Happy TV sketches where the two people in giant rabbit costumes start pretending to shag in the bed shop.

Ineedmorelemonpledge · 25/02/2017 18:40

Ha! God I'm so naive. I thought 'well what on earth are they going to wear to the fancy dress party now?!'

GrinGrinGrin

Wick AIBU to want to pat your head and feed you sugar lumps?

ShowMePotatoSalad · 25/02/2017 18:54

OP I think you are being unfair on him. We all make mistakes and obviously he'd had such a good day that he just didn't think about it.

Imagine if a man had posted this thread. He spent all day spending money on his DP but then she forgot she had agreed to go and buy a sexy costume. I mean, come on, MN would literally implode.

At the risk of sounding harsh you've made his birthday all about yourself and if you're now in a mood with him a) that is very unfair and b) you're going to spoil his day.

randomer · 25/02/2017 18:58

you were excited about prancing around in a tacky costume from a fancy dress shop?

MenopausalSpice · 25/02/2017 19:00

Grim.
Who knew people hired fancy dress from regular fancy dress shops for sex????

Indeed. I wasn't going to say anything. I'm glad somebody did.
I can understand how folks might buy cheap saucy stuff off of the internet, but hiring it from a shop seems a bit industrial strength.

As for the AIBU question, I would quietly assume that DHs silence on the matter was a subtle dismissal of the idea (even though the initial reaction was positive, that might have been just to not be impolite.) Given that there had been some problems which have since been sorted, there's really no need for bells and whistles. I wouldn't be bothered and it would be a non-issue. I can take a hint and fortunately so can DH.
What seems like a good idea in the morning can lose its appeal later on.
Over the years, I'm pretty sure I've disappointed DH with a lack of enthusiasm about some of his more bizarre suggestions. I'm not really talking about sex either. Agreeing to driving overland to Florence sounded like a really romantic thing to do, after a glass or two of wine. A quick survey of google maps in the morning soon had me backtracking and hoping he would forget. I want to go to Pontin's and play bingo all weekend. It's not going to happen. Don't sweat the small stuff.
I think yab pretty u , and if he's the one who has had some problems, I would go with the flow that suits him. And I certainly wouldn't get my hired knickers in a twist about it. This is not big awful stuff. I wouldn't be giving it a second thought. He had a big smile on his face because you gave him a happy birthday. That's a good thing.

Desperina · 25/02/2017 19:05

A bit pass agg if you aren't going to remind him. Did he deliberately forget or just forget?

MenopausalSpice · 25/02/2017 19:07

he wanted me to be a maid

I despair. Is it just me?

Crowdblundering · 25/02/2017 19:07

Think it's a bit crap the OP is getting judged about the costume - that's her business.

OP you should have mentioned it - and gaged whether you continued with the plan judging on OH's reaction and whether you thought he was totally into it.

And no you shouldn't expect sex because you spent a lot of money but I get why you are disappointed.

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 25/02/2017 19:11

Sorry Ineedmorelemonpledge but your post has made me thing of the slang for 'feeding the pony'...

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 25/02/2017 19:11

think!*

Bunnyfuller · 25/02/2017 19:12

Omg I don't blame him. How cringed, buying sex clothes in a public shop. You should bought it online and just turned up wearing it this evening at home.

Or does he have to choose HIS outfit?

If he needs meds, it's a medical issue and not a lack of props/costumes. And it sounds super pre planned.

Definitely not sexy, at all.

NavyandWhite · 25/02/2017 19:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 25/02/2017 19:15

MenopausalSpice I'd say more reassuringly vanilla as opposed to him wanting the OP to dress up as something 'niche' like half a pantomime horse - front or back..

MenopausalSpice · 25/02/2017 19:16

Think it's a bit crap the OP is getting judged about the costume - that's her business

But she's posted it on the interweb and asked for opinions.
That's my opinion. Take it or leave it.

I might not agree with you but I will fight to the point of mild inconvenience for your right to say it.

KitKat1985 · 25/02/2017 19:19

After reading this thread I had this weird mental image of two people on full-on clown costumes trying to have sex whilst wearing giant clown shoes.

sonyaya · 25/02/2017 19:20

YANBU. You've been having problems in the bedroom, you've made an effort to try and put things right by going to buy outfits (which btw is perfectly reasonable if that's what you're into - why are people being dicks about it?). The fact he forgot makes you think he's less bothered about improving your sex life. YANBU.

Also, it is demoralising for a woman to put herself out there sexually and have her DP "forget". If he had said he wasn't in the mood or something then ok, but to forget... well I can see why OP was a bit insulted.

atheistmantis · 25/02/2017 19:25

He wanted me to be a maid

Where's your self respect? He wanted you to be a maid???!!!

Ineedmorelemonpledge · 25/02/2017 19:25

KitKat it was my first thought too...

Pasithea · 25/02/2017 19:26

His birthday not hers.

NoArmaniNoPunani · 25/02/2017 19:28

After reading this thread I had this weird mental image of two people on full-on clown costumes trying to have sex whilst wearing giant clown shoes.

Grin
NavyandWhite · 25/02/2017 19:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

dailystuck71 · 25/02/2017 19:38

You should have just said but then again, you know him, we don't.

Th thought of planning sex and shopping for it doesn't appeal to me one bit. Could he be the same?

MenopausalSpice · 25/02/2017 19:38

I'd say more reassuringly vanilla as opposed to him wanting the OP to dress up as something 'niche' like half a pantomime horse - front or back..

My DH wants me to wear an ill fitting man's suit, a ridiculously broad red tie, and a blonde sweepover haircut. Should I worry?

(I take your point ecumenical)