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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

He forgot

157 replies

user1485471386 · 25/02/2017 17:09

So, me and my DP have been having some difficulties in the bedroom recently, however he's now been put on medication and things are going great
So, it was his birthday this week and today I took him to one of his favourite places, payed for VIP treatment etc. Cost me my weeks wages nearly but never mind! Well on the way there we decided (thus being my suggestion by the way) that on our return we would stop by at the local fancy dress shop and pick up some costumes for tonight ;).
Cutting long story short, DP loved his day out and was beaming from ear to ear at the end. So anyway afterwards we get into the car and begin driving home (me feeling all excited about costumes) when DP says to me, "great day babe are we ready to go home?" to which I replied "Oh, isn't there anywhere else we need to go?" the answer, "No, don't think so," and drove us all the way home.
So now I feel really annoyed. I gave my wages and my time for him today doing something I hated just to please him. I didn't want to "remind" him of the shop because I thought if it was important to him he would have remembered, why should I have to keep telling him. I suggested it and he knew how excited I was . Now I feel down and a bit cheated. Aibu? Would you have felt the same?

OP posts:

ArriettyClock1 · 25/02/2017 19:40

he wanted me to be a maid

I despair. Is it just me?

No, me too

Ledkr · 25/02/2017 19:43

God. I'm struggling to be bothered with a world book day costume for dd, it seems a lot of trouble to go to for a shag

Bettercallsaul1 · 25/02/2017 19:45

Why should the kids get all the fun, Ledkr?

sonyaya · 25/02/2017 19:46

arriettyclock

Why on earth do you 'despair' of the harmless sexual preferences of consenting adults?

SaucyJack · 25/02/2017 19:46

Calm your tits!

Maybe just start with a bit of "normal" shagging to get you both back in the swing of it, before working your way up to the 50 shades of Shrek green?

Vegansnake · 25/02/2017 19:49

I've read page 1 and page 5... is this to borrow costumes...where other people have left Nasty bits of excretions in the costume...errr..might be why he forgot..can't be hygienic sharing like that .yuk

mya83 · 25/02/2017 19:51

I know you said you were switching off for the night but wanted to post to say hope you're feeling better about the situation now you've had time to reflect. I think you were just feeling disappointed that he'd forgotten and built it up in your head to something much bigger than it was. I'm sure we've all been there op and you dont need to be slated for it. By the way I think it's really positive that you can have discussions about what you'd like in the bedroom and talk about trying new things. As much as I love my dp I wish we were that open and adventurous. We never discuss it and I often wish we could. Have a nice evening

Vegansnake · 25/02/2017 19:53

Why are people slating the op....jeasus I wish to fuck I had an ounce of her libido 😲

TheNaze73 · 25/02/2017 19:57

I thought most people did this? Can see the expectancy of intercourse being an issue but, the dressing up thing really isn't a big deal is it?

MrTumblesbitch · 25/02/2017 20:06

I am now utterly grossed out by the idea of hiring a fancy dress costume that has been, ahem, previously

ClashCityRocker · 25/02/2017 20:08

Do most people do this? Actually I might have done it once whilst dressed as a pirate. I got home pissed from a hen do. It was my own personal pirate outfit though.

I think it's the juxtaposition of the fancy dress shop, which to my mind brings up images of clown costumes and shrek, and a birthday treat.

nowt wrong with it, if that's your cup of tea.

randomer · 25/02/2017 20:28

where can i buy these meds?

NoArmaniNoPunani · 25/02/2017 20:33

My DH wants me to wear an ill fitting man's suit, a ridiculously broad red tie, and a blonde sweepover haircut. Should I worry?

Does he want you to peg him while he's dressed as America?

MenopausalSpice · 25/02/2017 20:40

Why on earth do you 'despair' of the harmless sexual preferences of consenting adults?

Because it's not harmless.
French maids in a black dress and white lace pinny are just there to titillate and be fucked? Where do you imagine that concept came from?

From real life history of course. Master of the house, or one of his sons fucks the sexy maid and she gets pregnant and then fired because she is an embarrassment and no use any more. And she ends up pregnant and demeaned and shuttled off back to her very poor family, if they are not too embarrassed, or more usually the workhouse. The young maid is ruined as to making a local marriage. She is ruined and will probably only be able to be married off to some ancient old crock to save herself from
begging on the streets for food.

It's not titillating and it's not OK, and it's what I think of when I see women
in sexy maid outfits. I'm just coming up to my 60th birthday, so I've had a lot of time to think about it.

For some, it might seem like a bit of sexy fun. But really, just think about what is in your own head. Is this really what you want men to think about you? It's base and unacceptable. We have to change it.

Women can be very sexy and love sex without being debased and pretending to dress up as maids and be overpowered by the posh blokes upstairs.

OK. I'm and aged feminist. But I stand by my opinions.

Klaphat · 25/02/2017 20:42

I thought most people did this?

According to your mates, or porn? Anyway, no, I don't think 'most' people do this. Most people have probably heard of the concept, and then not done it because they realised how utterly cringe it is, as someone put it upthread.

I loathe the framing of sex as women's performance for male gratification.

LadyPW · 25/02/2017 20:46

he wanted me to be a maid
I despair. Is it just me?
Me too. Totally lacking imagination. I was hoping for cat costumes or something (think an earlyish CSI episode) - lots of nice fur to stroke, some purring, very relaxing. Ah to hell with the sex, let's just adopt a kitten

randomer · 25/02/2017 20:47

what a load of made up garbage....the problems in the bedroom, the meds, the outfits, the stop off ( or not) at a fancy dress shop ...er no

LaSegundaPaloma · 25/02/2017 21:02

I thought most people did this?

Er no. Most DH's buy their wives lingerie from a lingerie shop that they will actually want to wear more than once.

All the stuff in fancy dress shops is tat. They are often called joke shops for a reason.

In any case, nooo to taking stuff back!

OP, I see where you were trying to go with this. You took the fact that he didn't pick up on the idea as a sign of no interest. Maybe it's the naff element he finds a turn off and who can blame him? Send him some links for items you would like and go from there.

Klaphat · 25/02/2017 21:03

I've been rather wondering whether it was meant to be a reversed sex thread, randomer. And then no-one argued that the male partner should have remembered to fulfill the OP's sexual wants just because OP went to all that trouble on his birthday, so the opportunity to do the 'GOTCHA! DOUBLE STANDARDS!' evaporated.

Klaphat · 25/02/2017 21:05

Most DH's buy their wives lingerie from a lingerie shop that they will actually want to wear more than once.

I don't think that is true either, actually.

sonyaya · 25/02/2017 21:08

menopausalspice

I disagree. It's not my thing, but I cannot agree that women's choice to dress as an adult maid in private should be removed from them in the hope it will stop men viewing women as sexual objects. A) It won't work and b) dictating to a willing women who has not been pressurised into it to that she may not engage in such role play is highly problematic.

That's my opinion and I've thought about it too.

Ineedmorelemonpledge · 25/02/2017 21:10

The OP has already stated that it was her intention to BUY the costumes, so please stop on the "hire a costume to shag in" disgust.

We didn't hear his choice yet...there could be an equal exchange in the role play scenario:

Possibly it was the chimney sweep calling on the lady of the manor with his telescopic brush...

The stablehand rubbing down her fetlocks before rolling her in the hay..

The gardener surprising M'lady with his prize shiny marrow...

I could go on.....

Klaphat · 25/02/2017 21:14

I cannot agree that women's choice to dress as an adult maid in private should be removed from them

You appear to be reading MenopausalSpice's post differently to me.

sonyaya · 25/02/2017 21:17

klaphat

Maybe, but I didn't get it was "base", "unacceptable" and "we have to change it but that she was in full support of OP's right to sexual freedom from her post. If that was what she meant, then I disagree it's not harmless but as long as she's not judging OP for it or suggesting she shouldn't do it - fine. I've re-read it though and I still get the same vibe from it that I got first time.

ArriettyClock1 · 25/02/2017 21:17

Women can be very sexy and love sex without being debased and pretending to dress up as maids and be overpowered by the posh blokes upstairs.

This. Exactly.

Plus, it's pathetic.

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