Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask friend to childproof her house

346 replies

Jakarty · 25/02/2017 05:51

Best friend is 30. Never married, no kids ando lives on her own. Her flat is absolutely gorgeous- beautiful furniture, fancy candles, ornaments, lamps.

Problem: I pop over about once a week (she also comes to mine) with 2.5yo DD. DD naturally goes to pick up items out on display. DF never gets annoyed or tells her off but I can feel her tensing whenever DD touches a candle or ornament and I feel constantly on edge in case she breaks something! Plus there is also the choking hazard which I don't think she has considered. Also she had one of those adult colouring books which DD spotted the other day and wanted to use. Friend said no as it's 'for adults ' and DD had a massive tantrum! She can't understand why a colouring book is not for her.

I was thinking that I could ask her if she can just put all these things away if we are coming over so that a) her things don't get ruined and b) DD is safe and happy and I can relax with my coffee. Is that U? It's only for a few hours once a week.
Friend is lovely in other ways, not usually inconsiderate Confused

OP posts:
MiddleClassProblem · 26/02/2017 18:04

Page 7 has a lovely post from OP about how she now knows she is BU. Just saying...

Pinklady1982 · 26/02/2017 18:05

Sorry girls, but whats PFP??

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 26/02/2017 18:07

Do you mean PFB?It means Precious First Born

Although as an adult female I'm not a girl so not sure if i should have replied Confused

Kathdarville · 26/02/2017 18:09

Hahaha. It is her house. Meet elsewhere or don't take your child along. Bit out of order to expect someone to rearramge their house for when you visit.

riceuten · 26/02/2017 18:10

Because there are no kids in my house at present, and because I am a collector of a wide variety of media and printed materials, my house is an absolute death trap were a small child were to visit. To change this now would take a major reorganisation of the house. So, in my case, it would be unreasonable. If, however if your friend could effect this with a small amount of effort, it wouldn't.

I do remember a bit back one of our neighbours comparing my house to the aforementioned "death trap", as she popped round, unbidden, with a 2 year old in tow. Not related to me, you understand, but bitching to another neighbour. Give yourself a clue, love, this is one of the reasons I didn't invite you round with your little 'un, despite your heavy hints (you probably just wanted a nose around, which is fine, but perhaps not accompanied by an inquisitive toddler). I even said "You might want to be careful around those towers of CDs and DVDs. She additionally bitched that I had "given her child nothing to do" when she was there.

My flabber was gasted.

Brighteyes27 · 26/02/2017 18:11

YABVU - meet at yours and or supervise your child properly with other people's things. They need to learn the word no she may go to hotels shops nice places in future you need to learn her how to behave. It's fine and makes life easier and sensible to childproof your own house or ask GP's to have a check round for obvious hazards if your going to stay for awhile but why should your friend have to run round before your visit or be tense and uncomfortable in her own home. So you can relax. She may decide to move things or start making excuses for you not to visit if you can't do this.

Writermom22 · 26/02/2017 18:18

You are being totally unreasonable. It's her house, her way of life. It's up to YOU to teach your child to leave other people's things alone. No child has the right to lay their hands on other people's belongings, regardless of the age of the child.

EmpressOfTheSpartacusOceans · 26/02/2017 18:20

The OP accepted she was being U a few pages back and did it very graciously. RTFT.

Glossolalia · 26/02/2017 18:21

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

valeview · 26/02/2017 18:22

I think where you are going wrong here is not informing your friend that your child is the centre of the universe. Everyone must adapt to you and your child. This will make things SO much easier when your darling child goes to school. In case you hadn't realised, I am, of course, being sarcastic. Why the hell should she move her stuff, and why the hell is your child SO precious that not being allowed to do what it likes causes a tantrum? I cannot STAND mothers who think the whole world should be as indulgent and adoring of their brats as they are. Stick that in your pipe and smoke it. (providing sweetie pie is ok with it)

Glossolalia · 26/02/2017 18:23

[sigh]

MiddleClassProblem · 26/02/2017 18:24

😆🤦🏽‍♀️

BearsDontDigOnDancing · 26/02/2017 18:29

The things is, if I invite my friends round, then I want them to feel comfortable. I have a 8 and 9 year old, they have a 7 year old and a toddler.

So, I do get my kids to move all their Lego upstairs, or toys that have small parts the toddler might choke on etc, I hunt out some of the more toddler friendly stuff we still have around.

I move ornaments out the way, that my kids now are old enough to know not to touch, but their toddler is not. The same way I cook food I know they will like...since I have invited them and they are my guests, hence I want them to feel comfortable.

They are my friends and I want them to have a nice visit and not be constantly on edge and jumping up after their toddler.

Angelil · 26/02/2017 18:37

YABU. Children also have to learn at some point that there are consequences for their actions, e.g. that if they touch things that they are not supposed to, those things may break or they may get hurt.

One of my friends (age 31) has a young niece who is 4 now. She keeps a beautiful home that is always bedecked with candles, flowers etc. I asked her if she would be putting the candles away when her own children arrived (she has twins now) and she said no - she has never shielded her niece from these things and has always pointed out the consequences to her: "Well, you can touch the burning candle if you like, A, but you will get burnt if you do." This seems like very reasonable care for a child to me.

Sarahrellyboo1987 · 26/02/2017 18:45

Yes, you're being unreasonable. What your child and parent her properly

stevie69 · 26/02/2017 18:48

Fancy getting to the advanced age of 30 and never married, the decrepit old shrunken-ovaried hag.

You have no idea how much that made me laugh. However, I'll see your 30 and raise you 20. I'm 50 (all but). I'm still running from commitment and it doesn't seem to be catching me .... Grin

cherrybath · 26/02/2017 19:12

I don't feel that your friend is being inconsiderate, but do fear that you are falling the same trap as many other doting first-time mothers who feel that the world should revolve around your charming DD, just as you do!

As others have said it is her house. EmzDisco's suggestion that you move to the kitchen sounds eminently sensible. My four kids are beyond this stage now, but when we went to houses with lots of breakable bits we did try to sit somewhere relatively safe. As she says, the alternative is to always invite her to your house?

I'm assuming that you do take enough (non-messy) toys with you to keep her busy for the time that you are there? It is not too early for your DD to learn that not everything is for her (i.e. adult colouring book) and that she can't play with everything in the room.

EurusHolmesViolin · 26/02/2017 19:19

One of my friends (age 31) has a young niece who is 4 now. She keeps a beautiful home that is always bedecked with candles, flowers etc. I asked her if she would be putting the candles away when her own children arrived (she has twins now) and she said no - she has never shielded her niece from these things and has always pointed out the consequences to her: "Well, you can touch the burning candle if you like, A, but you will get burnt if you do." This seems like very reasonable care for a child to me.

How old are her twins? Because that sounds like a recipe for a lot of burns for most mobile babies and younger toddlers. My kids were mobile unusually early, admittedly, and one of them is a climber. But they were able to reach things much earlier than they were able to understand the concept of actions and consequences. If I'd have taken that attitude they'd be covered in burn scars.

cherrybath · 26/02/2017 19:21

Sorry jakarty just read page 7 and your nice response...

AnotherDesperateDad · 26/02/2017 19:22

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

topcat2014 · 26/02/2017 19:50

This thread reminds me of a Victoria Wood sketch (probably about stress) about taking a small child to a childless couple who collected early victorian china!

If I remember it was a case of "you touch anything and paddington gets the concrete overcoat treatment" from the parent to the small child in the car before arrival :)

EmpressOfTheSpartacusOceans · 26/02/2017 19:56

Smile I'm just boggling at the number of people who are making themselves look daft, by leaping to give their opinion without reading the full thread.

supermoon100 · 26/02/2017 19:57

Reminds me of my grans house when I were a kid, full of ornaments. Hated going there. She wasn't one of life's warmest people. Never would I want a house full of ornaments. I like real live people better and making my friends and their kids feel welcome

plimsolls · 26/02/2017 19:58

OP's update on Page 7 is brilliant. Lovely work OP Smile

Glossolalia · 26/02/2017 19:59

EmpressOfTheSpartacusOceans

Grin me too.