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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask friend to childproof her house

346 replies

Jakarty · 25/02/2017 05:51

Best friend is 30. Never married, no kids ando lives on her own. Her flat is absolutely gorgeous- beautiful furniture, fancy candles, ornaments, lamps.

Problem: I pop over about once a week (she also comes to mine) with 2.5yo DD. DD naturally goes to pick up items out on display. DF never gets annoyed or tells her off but I can feel her tensing whenever DD touches a candle or ornament and I feel constantly on edge in case she breaks something! Plus there is also the choking hazard which I don't think she has considered. Also she had one of those adult colouring books which DD spotted the other day and wanted to use. Friend said no as it's 'for adults ' and DD had a massive tantrum! She can't understand why a colouring book is not for her.

I was thinking that I could ask her if she can just put all these things away if we are coming over so that a) her things don't get ruined and b) DD is safe and happy and I can relax with my coffee. Is that U? It's only for a few hours once a week.
Friend is lovely in other ways, not usually inconsiderate Confused

OP posts:
Justalittlelemondrizzle · 26/02/2017 17:30

No! Yabu. Supervise your child and take a colouring book with you. Or offer for your friend to come to yours more instead until dd is a bit older.

Brenn864 · 26/02/2017 17:31

Everyone is so quick to attack!! Ouch!
Just tell your friend how you feel and ask if she's comfortable putting things out of reach of your child for a few hours, and if she's not then look at other (child friendly) places to meet...she'll probably be greatful as she's probably wondering on how to broach the subject anyway! She's not a stranger, she's a friend, so I'm sure she'll be fine

PurpleDaisies · 26/02/2017 17:32

This is a really easy way to see who couldn't be bothered to read the op's posts...

IsSpringSprangedYet · 26/02/2017 17:32

I'm sorry but you are being a little U. If I went to a friends, like yours, I would ask friend if I could pop that candle over there (out of the way) and return it when I was to leave. And if I was the friend I wouldn't mind things being moved out of the way.

But it's easy when you have no kids to not have to consider things like this. A proper friend wouldn't mind. And yes to a "busy bag" type of thing.

123yourusername · 26/02/2017 17:33

YABU, just tell your kid no. It's a useful lesson in life.

Astro55 · 26/02/2017 17:33

Just do a lovely suprise bag for this friends house

New puzzle book crayons sweet etc just for her house

My nan had a box of kid friendly toys - just wheeled them out - you could do the same

Mummy2thomasandbump · 26/02/2017 17:34

I think some people are being quite nasty and unfair towards you for asking this... my son is 2.5 and cannot communicate properly and has alot of developmental delay so actually trying to explain to him he can't touch it etc is hard.. also trying to distract him again is hard he gets bored very quickley! he has the biggest meltdowns! yes he needs to learn but it's not nice for you as the parent or even the person your visiting to be in a position to constantly say no. Or worry they make break something. As long as it's just a few ornament to be moved and she isn't rearranging her life for your child I honestly don't not see the issue in asking. And as for everyone saying stay at home you don't need to stay at home.. just because you now have a child doesn't mean you should stop enjoying your life and seeing friends. Look all you can do is ask your friend.. she can only say no.. upto you x

SaorAlbaGuBrath · 26/02/2017 17:38

RTFT people! OP has taken it on board and is actually really lovely. So stop it already!

Sunshine90 · 26/02/2017 17:38

I feel your pain! I would say to friend to just come to mine instead, and if friend insists I would say I can't because DD is in to everything and will be rifling through drawers and grabbing everything in reach ornaments candles etc. We had to explain to childless couple same thing as it's just too much agro, you then spend the whole time on edge watching them! and you can't ask them to child proof the house with safety locks and all that jazz, and even if they did they would probably miss things, as they don't have kids so don't see the hidden dangers everywhere

alibubbles · 26/02/2017 17:40

You are definitely being very, very unreasonable. I am a childminder with 3 under 2 most of the time and don't find it necessary to 'childproof' my house. Teach your child to respect other people's property and your own too.

I have never moved anything or put anything away, all my china, crystal silver frames etc. are out all the time.

I have not had a single breakage in 30 years.

It sounds like your child needs to learn that, no, do not touch is just that, do not touch.

Look with your eyes, not your fingers!( Mine all chant that in the garden centre!

Sunshine90 · 26/02/2017 17:41

LOL at people saying just tell your child no - this is mumsnet - you obviously have never been a mum to a 2.5 year old if you think it's that simple! Or it's been so long that you have forgotten what it's like to have a toddler !

Glossolalia · 26/02/2017 17:41

RTFT alibubbles

MiddleClassProblem · 26/02/2017 17:42

THIS THREAD IS ALREADY RESOLVED! RTFT

LilQueenie · 26/02/2017 17:42

yabu its her house. You need to teach dc they cant always get what they want and to not touch certain things. As a 1yr old I knew to look but not tough ornaments at a grandparents house. You have to be persistent.

sk505 · 26/02/2017 17:44

You are being massively unreasonable!! It's your friends house and her choice. If you don't feel your child is safe there, either meet at yours, in a public place or not at all.

HSMMaCM · 26/02/2017 17:46

Your child is old enough to learn not to touch things. My parents never put away any of their precious items and nor did a good friend of mine (although she has done since having children of her own).

Familyof3or4 · 26/02/2017 17:46

Yavbu

HSMMaCM · 26/02/2017 17:46

Sorry - missed some posts

paranoidmother · 26/02/2017 17:48

My Godparents have never had children and when I took my DC's over we always made sure that we had things for them to do and that they understood that a lot of the items in the house were not for them to touch. Now DC's are 10 & 12 they go over there without us and my Godparents love having them as they respect their things and know boundaries.

TheSnorkMaidenReturns · 26/02/2017 17:54

@Jakarty You can't help being PFB sometimes - you're only human!

It's a good idea to have some special toys/colouring etc that you only have when you are out. I ended up having one special toy that lived in the back of the car that we got out in emergencies, and I also had a few mini books and a small 'special toy' in my changing bag.

I'm very sad to tell you that you are BU to expect to drink your coffee in peace Grin at this stage.

MCamp10 · 26/02/2017 17:55

I'm going to be different from everyone else I'm afraid and say NO, I don't think you are being unreasonable. If we have friends we adjust when necessary to accommodate them, that is called consideration. A toddler cannot be expected to behave like an adult - they are still babies and they are still learning. A real friend understands and accepts this, senses our tension and tries to make things relaxed and easy for us. It's about give and take and adjusting to changed situations. Your situation has changed in that you are no longer on your own but have another little person accompanying you. When I have friends visit with young children I make sure my home is as "child friendly" as possible as I want my friends to feel comfortable and relaxed and I want to be able to relax myself.

trelawney59 · 26/02/2017 18:00

Keep a bag of toys in the car all the time or just packed for such occasions. Works a treat with my daughter (just 3) and has always been the case. She's also been told from v small "that's not for you to touch in" our house and she doesn't fiddle/play with said items. Start as you mean to go on. You have the responsibility as a parent to teach your child how to behave when out and about irrespective of being at a friends house or not. It means when I take her shopping she's not misbehaving either by running riot picking items up etc she then loves getting safe packets etc when asked as she's included in the activity rather than just a no for everything.

Perhaps you could even ask to leave a small plastic box of toys that your child plays with when you're there if taking a small bag each week isn't practical.

LakieLady · 26/02/2017 18:01

I think you're all lovely!

I will not have one set of niece & nephews in the house, because they have have never been taught not to touch stuff. They're 13, 10 & 7 ffs! And the thing they like touching most is the poor bloody dog, who never gets a second's respite from being mauled by them when we're at MiL's (have to take the dog to MiL's, because MiL adores her and misses her when we don't).

Having said that, it's a bit of a result, as it means I don't have to have their dad in the house. He is a racist, sexist, homophobic, neanderthal millionaire, who thinks only stupid people pay tax but still moans about how long he had to wait for his NHS knee op, as well as not making his kids behave.

Lovingit81 · 26/02/2017 18:03

YABVU! Just have her round to yours or meet somewhere else and explain your reasons why. You are responsible for keeping your child safe so totally understand why you are concerned but it's your friends house and there is no reason at all why she has to child period her house. Have a discussion with her x

Lovingit81 · 26/02/2017 18:03

Obvs I meant child proof not child period Grin